Week 4 - Word vs VERITAS - DRAWN

[Mike Wrecka]

Memo week 4.
Greetings competitors, we move to a fairly standard challenge this week, in response to the number of no-shows and the fact that some people claimed to have struggled with the last challenge. LEGAL LATIN WEEK, you are required to write in response to the short phrase you are given. The Latin thing is just to make it slightly more interesting than a regular phrase. You can treat this writing exercise the same way you would treat writing to a quote topic etc if you want to. Find below your match-ups and specific tasks.

Specific Task - Ultra vires

Due date - Wednesday 23:59 PST
Voting Period Ends - Sunday 23:59 PST

Good Luck Word VERITAS

[Word]

Alrighty then

Good Luck Mr. Veritas

Ultra Vires... good phrase

[veritas]

Fa sho. Gonna start writing. Gluck to u 2 word.

[veritas]

Note: ultra vires translates roughly into “beyond the powers” used in corporate law to make a corporate contract null and void if the corporation contracts for a service beyond it’s scope of power. This term can also apply to the court itself. Or even a person bringing suit against an entity. In other words, a clear overstepping of boundaries? Got that lol?




“Ultra Vires! Verdict for the plaintiff!” the judge said as storm clouds formed in his eyes……..



Like a whore in church: their corporate suit and ties which fed the stupid lies,

Felt worse than despised as they gasped in surprise.



Thinking back…


They had told me before I started:

“you will have unlimited power of which your whim will be enacted”

“And their masses are putty in your hands, whether added or subtracted,

and we make the laws, and we choose the classes.

Supply their vices and hazards

while we stab their backs with daggers,

and fill their packs with cancers

with double-speak for answers”.

Join us and you will have the newest and nicest

The truest, the flyest,

The coolest devices….”



I had asked what did I have to do to join?



They replied:

“Now take us serious, as we are the seat of earthly wealth and fame,

The seed of enlightentment, doth course thru the vein

And if you pledge your allegiance on the line, you will have the same."



At the time it sounded good, and yeah I sure did it.

But after a few years, all I had was a psych ward visit

My thoughts were discord, addictions, I couldn't kick it

My family had died, my breaths were winded

My money was gone, my women departed

My fame erased, no longer regarded.

It was then that I knew I had been deceived

I started studying the law, for I would be reprieved.



One year later





When the judge said Ultra Vires and made his ruling it sent chills through my body

And this is my tale of how I won my soul back after I sued the Illuminati.

[Word]

We've been denied our right to do as we please
by the government elected to keep us free
we get regulations "to make us all safe"
but these regulations take our rights away
and somehow today we seem to have no say
as to how we live, work, love or play
even when our choice has no consequence
to any living soul in the populace
somehow the government is our conciousness
telling us what's best, keep us from our sins
who are they to say what we think is best?
life,liberty... the pursuit of happiness
has been stripped from us by the powers that be
that "elected" government supposedly
has our best interest in mind... but why
is it any of their business how I live or die?
if I want to get high, as long as I don't drive
as long as nobody's harmed, how can I be denied
but yet I hear the lie that it's just not my right
I say it's not THEIR right to get involved in my life
it's MY life and I'll be damned if I'll be controlled
by the same damn system that's supposed to hold
to the constitution dedicatated to keeping us free
why have we let them take away our life and liberty?
I don't believe they have the power, yet it seems
they can do anything and say it's for society
but it's time that we stopped being blind and see
that the government's overstepped it's boundaries
and has no authority to make laws that impune
upon our human right to pursue the truth
it's up to me and you, we must take back our lives
take back our society, we must expose their lies
repeal the unfounded laws in lieu of Ultra Vires

[Spoken]

Word- nice mechanics and very simple approach but no flare and real deep creativity just straight like you wrote the tips off the book nah mean. you stuck with the scripture of simple placing of plot climax and ending ya know.... you gotta switch shit around take a angle than none has seen or none has pulled off and do it. ya know RISK... anyways the emotion was the highlight of the whole verse.... everything else i couldnt really dig and get into... but you got great potential man...

Veritas- your verse wasnt the shit or the bomb but you did enough to set a standard and deliver with that accord and approach. you handled the topic well im just glad that you got to pull it with a different direction and took it for the story route which is the same thing i did and such but content was ok..... and delivery needs some work though....

anyways MVGT: Veritas

[Pinot Grij]

Ver, I hate the shit you do with your fonts, but I'll try to not let that seep into my verse.

Join us and you will have the newest and nicest
The truest, the flyest,
The coolest devices….”
This was a dope little scheme here.

Bottom line for me with this verse is that it was a cool topic, and a nice little whirlwind ride, but it lacked too much depth for me. It moved from being disillusioned to suing the illuminati... like, it just jumped and ended there and left me disappointed. Would've liked to see a bit more... in a regular font.

Word, fairly familiar topic matter here. I was a little disappointed that you couldn't take it a step further or show your theme through some other type of lens. Taken for what it is, though, I think you exposited some poignant if not basic thoughts on the hypocrisy of freedom in America. Rhymes were also kind of basic and choppy. But you know what, I liked what you did with the verse - especially the call to arms at the end... expect I think you should know its pronounced "VY-rees"

I think I'm kinda stuck... Ver had the start of a strong verse that fell apart due to brevity of content... while Word had a fully-formed verse that suffered from being unoriginal with some quirky mechanics. At the end, I gotta go with something that gave me some sense of fulfillment though and took me for a ride.

I gotta go with Word.

[Certain]

VERITAS: Given the bluster of your font size, the intri***y of the first section and your well-earned reputation as a very smart writer, I was stunned by how shallow this verse was. The content simply didn't go anywhere. It felt like major chunks of the verse were removed. The rhymes were really strong at points, and what you did post was good overall. But it really needed to be more fleshed out. I need to know more about what happened to cause our narrator to do ... well ... everything. I felt like I read the beginning of a massive piece that's going to return me to those courtroom proceedings after giving me more detail on everything. Also, I didn't think it was a good idea this week to use the courtroom approach. That was just too simple. I'm sure at least one person has done it well (as I've only read six verses), but it was the obvious choice.

Word: In my head, KRS-One is rapping this verse circa 1987. And while I like Boogie Down Productions, that's not really the greatest thing for a text verse. This was a bit too simplistic in its style and diction and topic. You went head on but didn't really have anything to add to the conversation. The rhymes were mixed, but generally you would do well to use multiple-word rhymes pretty much always. They really will strengthen your flow quite a bit and give the readers who demand lyricism something to look at. Content-wise, you could have been a lot more specific, and you will need to be to survive in this league. There are a lot of government freedom issues, and picking them apart one by one would have been a really effective approach instead of generalizing throughout. Still, I did appreciate the old-school feel to this. And your points were right.

Vote: Word

Note: I deleted my original vote but didn't change a word of it to repost. I just thought this battle should be at the top because it clearly needs more votes while several other battles are pretty much done deals.

[patrown]

/v veritas - well. i don't get it. the coolest devices? a judge? what?.. rereading..
So. you're basically saying that american corporations are overstepping their boundaries. and that money and power isn't theirs to take. or something.
okay, i can vibe with that. you really said it in a strange, hard to comprehend way.
and i'm fairly drunk. but i still got it. so, i give you props for that. i agree with your message. you were a bit simplistic at times. if the font wasn't so goddamn huge, well. you could have fit more in lines. write in complete thoughts. it will take you farther. still, nice drop.

word - i agree with your message. you just failed. here's why.

I say it's not THEIR right to get involved in my life
it's MY life and I'll be damned if I'll be controlled
by the same damn system that's supposed to hold

capitalizing words to emphasize them is not acceptable in a grade school essay.
please, rely on tools like.. imagery. or, rhyming off something you want to be looked at.
to put emphasis on things. also, ill be damned, damn system? -- damn lazy. really. be more creative with how you put your ideas forward. it's not that you don't know what you're doing.. but if you're making a point about 'merica.. don't be so self centered. unless it's an autobiography. and you're really a cool ass dude 'merican with a few statues dedicated to your great 'merican deeds.. no offense. i'm just being real. honestly, you made some good points here. that's just my honest opinion in the form of advice. nice drop either way. you were real about it but needed to spice up the delivery a bit.

[PiE]

Veritas, interesting idea to display here. I liked the idea, but your details lacked on telling the story I think. there's nut much character development. but I can understand that fire the element pod suspense. I think this needed more details of the place with the illuminati. that's s pretty huge concept to not expand on. the format you used ess weird. but once I got passed that. the flow and story went smoother, but still lacking in details. I did like the ending tho... great idea.. I like your use of the topic

Word, your verse was okay. but pretty typical idea. it's a very common idea so it would be difficult to get creative with an idea that isn't creative. the good point of it is that we all relate to what you're saying because I definitely feel where you're coming from with the government ruling poverty it's people. just needed more originality I think with more wit or s more personal take on the topic add our personally relates to you, your life or someone you know.

vote veritas

[Inno]

V

great rhyming m dude..great story aswell. it had some suspense and little bit of thrills
in nature lol..it was cool to feel that while I read your words. thought the progression of the story was dope and to be honest I didn't espect the ending..it was cool nice little surprise the end for me...good writing...one thing tho..felt like the ending lacked more detail...good story building up to it...taking nothing away, just pointing out something I saw. good shit man.


Word

I like the picture you painted...thought the story was broken down into some dope sections..like at he beginning you talk about whats holding us back and what there doing to hold us back..you paint a picture of lost hope and despair..and then you start wrting about how we need to take our lives back and fight back for whats right....and with that the piece goes from dark to light...a new hope is born type of stuff...great writing.


got Word on this I thought his piece captured my attention more. V wrote a dope piece as well just felt Word gave me more to chew on...great battle fellas.

[TYSON]

Veritas- I hate u man real talk.

Word- I liked it. Could have been more creative and not so straight forward. Like the bitch u up against did with the story. And it ain't that it had to be a story but needed metaphors and some wordplay to make it more interesting cause it was kinda bland, no offense. Again good points tho..

Vote lex Luther....his story was compelling and juiced the topic up more then Word. Even tho I don't see how u can sue a organization that doesn't "exist".

[Red glare]

truth.
I suspected it was those damn Illuminanti. Write up was a poster for the Quaker Oats box. You know the patriot dude? Cream of wheat farina box? Pretty sure it's the quaker oats guy. You rhymed this in a wigged out fashion, so I will not scrutinize your nursery style. The line 'At the time it sounded good' was a clear contrast from patriot to pedestrian writers voice, giving you some much needed depth. Short verse ended rather abruptly for me but your usage of font/spacing created a bigger body of work. ''Less is more'' but ultimately you fell short of complete tyrany

Word.

Simple verse in terms of the entire spectrum verses are judged on; lyricism, imagery, flow, emotion content etc etc etc.etc. Once about halfway through I had to adapt a Eminem delivery style flow to the verse from the song 'run rabbit run' to get through the rather simple stanza. When I did this it helped me coast through a otherwise underwhelming write up. You have a knack for smooth transitions - from line to line, it was very poetic. good message all in all.

overall. Intriguingly enough, I have altered my vote. The general vagueness and star spangled simplicity of Word's write up was on some Pac shit.

vote - WORD

[Nigma]

Gat damn

veritas loved your opener and your rhymescheme throughtout for the most part. Enjoyed the back and forth with the time line always makes things interestinger. Messaging on my phone so if it looks like im making up words its because I dont feel like backspacing. Overall solid verse and more technically sound then I you've been. Thug life

word sup word. Liked your perspective on this and how you had a u unique spin to an otherwise generic topic. Some nice one liners and solid flow throughout. No big complaints but nothing stood out tremendously.

Both verses had there strong points. Two good conceptual pieces. However I feel this is incredibly close and since ties have been incorporated in this league I will vote in that direction, the winner is the readers.

+1 Nigma