Wk5: AOWL Championship: Certain (4-0) vs. Witty (3-0) -- Certain 7-6

[Adonis]

AOWL Season IV, Week 3

OFFICIAL RULES:
Verses are due Thursday Oct 30th, extenstion to ALL, Halloween the 31st., 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Sunday, November 2nd, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.
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Topic:http://i.imgur.com/ZDl68tt.jpg

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Beatles

Certain Witty

Either or Topic

[Certain]

Shaggy-haired sons of bitches. Iconic iconoclasts.
Dystopic in sonic blasts, with pop logic grasped.
Welcome to 1963. Welcome to 1970.
Welcome to white, weed, ecstasy.
One day in the life of let it be.
George Harrison's guitar blisters its cries,
off the living reprise of a rhythm in time.
Some form of misgiving in that instant defined
the concept of short-term existence,
because though the candle burned quickest,
the summer of love flickers still, living in minds.
They evolved with the era. Then with it, they died.

[Witty]

I remember the day we met, the look of his eyes
The knowledge that as a team we could shoot for the skies
Small and insignificant, but together we quadrupled in size
Seeing past the bullshit and lies of music's lucrative guise
Connecting the soul to the art, and the heart to the stage
Unlocking this living hell to depart from the cage
The freeing of minds, the mental releasing of binds
Finding peace of a kind inside each of the lines
His words were my solace, my vibrations his muse
But the world in which we lived was like a flame to his fuse
He hated the news, he complained it gave him the blues
He became a recluse, his focus turned to killing the pain
Filling his veins with poison and sniffing the 'caine
Paranoia gripping his brain, I knew he'd never lift me again
My tears consumed my time, as I saw him deteriorate
My exterior gathering dust as my interior breaks
A corrosive blend of depression and a social trend
He tightened the rope, high as he approached his end
While I sat in the corner crying goodbye to my closest friend.

[Greed]

Certain that verse was effortless, a short verse that said a lot. Nice

Witty I thought you were a female I didnt realize you were the guitar till about halfway through which made the ending hit harder for me. Pretty sick.

Cant vote. Just wanted to comment.

[timeless]

Certain typed up one of the best, if not the best short verse I've ever read. I wish I could give him my vote, but the fox just came just a tad more polished. I really did want to vote for certain, but after another couple reads, wittys motivation and story gets him the win.

V. Witty

[zygote]

Certain began with a good technical device 'Iconic iconoclasts' - my favorite variations on this device are 'bystanders standing by' and 'passers by passing by.' Don't actually know what that device is called but it's very cool. Good beginning. A key for a short submission. The start was pretty good. It captured the change in the Beatles from pop-band into hippy-band. This line was jarring: "the concept of short-term existence," - wrong tone compared to the rest.

Witty, not sure if you intentionally used the same rhyme scheme as your opponent's closing lines but it was really awesome nonetheless. I think you erred here with language choice. It's simple and consistently straightforward which is good because it meshes well with the style of first person narration. The problem arises because it doesn't compare favorably against Certain's submission. Especially when both were so short, this contrast in the language was more pronounced. Not that it's a bad thing to write simply and directly, but it seemed less impressive in comparison. For example, compare "Filling his veins with poison and sniffing the 'caine" with "Welcome to white, weed, ecstasy." - same subject matter, even similar use of direct language, but where Certain used more accurate and mature language you used a much more conversational tone. The same is true throughout. I realize it was an intentional choice, but still, it didn't compare well. Voting for Certain.

[Vulgar]

Certain - Spiffy. You got your point across. It had an old rock feel, partially.

Witty - Not a bad verse, Wit, but I didn't get inspired by it from reading it. Solid writing technique though.

My vote goes to Certain.

[Mike Wrecka]

It almost seems to me that certain was In a generous mood and decided to give witty his first title on NCs. Served it up on a silver platter tbh. His eight lines were cool but wittys verse was just so damn dope. Really good take on the topic and sick use of multis and rhyme scheme.

Even of I put wittys first eight lines against certs verse witty still gets the win here. And that's excluding the really awesome twist witty used.



Vote - witty

[Dominate]

Certain - really good. This read like a rhyming obituary, but one of those really good ones that capture the essence of the life/lives of the deceased in a short space through beautiful and semi-poetic writing. The tone was perfect IMO. Good to see you write in a different style to the third person perspective storytelling which I've seen in abundance from you this season. I loved the opening line in particular.

Witty - loved your concept. The subtlety you employed - allowing the reader to realise the narrator was a guitar through hinting rather than telling, and only after a relationship had been established - was extremely well done. The vibrations his muse/flames to a fuse bar was great.

Uhh. At first I was going to say Witty got it easily for having the better fleshed out verse. But maybe that's not fair. Certain's verse felt complete, and the writing in it, too, was top notch. So I actually think it's kinda close in that sense. I'm still going to vote for Witty though. Mostly because I think his concept was better/more interesting/more unique. Thanks for the read fellas.

V/ Witty

[dead man]

this one really comes down to style preference. not necessarily writing style, but expression style. certain wrote something easy to overlook due to its brevity but packed with great descriptive and conceptual allusion to the "summer of love" - it was not anything that required sequence or story. it was a wider scope than that. i am personally fond of this approach and thought certain spoke effectively. maybe a bit too "minimal" for my taste. i think your simplification has its beauty in moments and it almost feels lazy in others.

witty never has this particular problem. he adheres to a pretty strict format as far as writing goes and has a trademark traditionality that is almost comforting.

obviously "i gave you power" popped into my head reading this. very cool, very well executed and very concise. maybe a bit obvious but this goes back to your traditional sensibilities. it felt a bit safe but not in a wholly negative sense.

both are beyond mechanical criticism and possess the skill to play around with their sword style rather than practice it. although were always getting better in one way or another.

my vote goes to certain. great matchup.

thanks

[UnbornBuddha]

As others have mentioned this was a brief encounter.

Certain displayed a very concise summary of an era. His language was very precise, and sophisticated. Although choosing to partake in the comfortability of his knowing without the experimental avante-garde. However, this does not take away from the flurry of mature wording he utilized. It was almost like reading an advertisement, very short and to the point. Its wording having the sole purpose of captivating the reader, in order to transmit a message that will home itself into the neuro passages/ network of the brain. A literary surging of information infiltrating the synaptic cleft.
In there it will solidify a familiarity that will make the reader feel comfortable, as did the writer when writing it. Being comfortable at times makes it an easy choice for the reader to choose due to inclination by one's brain. Which controls the perception that leads to aversion and or fondness, mainly the frontal, temporal, parietal, and occipital lobes with its visual cortex.
Thus, I only bring this simplified physiological reference in order to explain how my psyche and emotional center felt as I took on this information, which bombarded me with deep imagery of the flower era, and all its connotations.
A period of confusion, the very epitome of chaos. Well perhaps not so extreme, but it was an era where many felt lost and chose to revolt against it through this elusive concept of love and peace. That while very attractive, it usually ended up adding to the internal and external tumult since chemical substances were usually part of the equation. Now I was not born in this era, I am a product of a much later episode. However, the little I have learned of it, you elicited quite a good capturing of this mental images, shaping them into a short form. Although, I do feel you went with the comfortable approach, albeit fully developed through enveloping it through professional touch. Also for such a short verse it felt very complete, something I myself have to to take into consideration in my own lengthy work.
Witty, yours was a more a straightforward direction. The rhythm was very nice, and though not as short as Certain's, nevertheless a short read. What it encompasses is an obvious anthromorphizing of the guitar. An object turned sentient being who watched its beloved partner in crime slip from its fingers, or better yet vice versa. I do have to say that this midway twist was not very surprising. I kind of expected it to be honest. However, this does not deter the enjoyability I arrived at as I consumed the product at hand. I do feel Certain's writting exemplified a more sophisticated approach. Another commentator compared a similar meaning line between both to contrast the maturity in language.
And I have to say Certain's is untouchable there. However, Witty the traditional muse you went on still had a far bearing effect on my palate.

Thus, my vote goes to Witty.
Thank you both.

[Mr. J]

This was a nice battle a very worthy contender
and a more than worthy champion both verses were great
Certains verse was quick and as an added pun "witty"
I feel had the extension not been pushed back his verse would have been amazing
and then Witty, I felt for a moment that you wouldn't show
But be that as it may you had made quite the splash herr
which makes for a great battle

V/I feel like this battle was close but...
the way Certain weaved his verse and topic together
it really made the piece flow smoothly
Wittys verse had the same aspect but Certain had a haymaker
the ability to squeeze his topic in such a small verse
its just amazing nice battle felllas!

V/Certain

[Eŋg]

certain's was pithy - an exuberant twelve lines. witty's cadence lent itself to predictability, as did the concept though the twist (at first turn) is always a good one. it's weird. this battle, and the votes i've skimmed, sort of exemplify some (or a lot) of my problem with the paradigm of writing here. i'm leaning heavily toward one writer, if you couldn't tell already, so i might be guilty of bias. while witty wrote a very solid, sound and respectable verse it was distinctly unremarkable to me; feeling much like something i'd read before. that, apparently, is favoured by some -- the idea of re-treading ground as if their grey matter seeks solace in a sense of familiarity, a concept which offers my mind no pull. while certain's writing was neo-nostalgic. i'm not sure if that even makes sense but the phrase just popped into my head. the writing was fresh, but it exhumed a salient era in music. i think witty's writing was very typical of him, while certain showcased some of his diversity, playfully, which i found infinitely more interesting. must weigh the density of each line without considering length. certain's was very smooth, witty's was a bit choppy -- each owing to the rhyme-smith, though the mechanics in each were solid. witty's verse felt more like a netcee had written it, while certain's read more like a poet with a penchant for rhythm. and a netcee typically is a rhyme-centric (pseudo-)poet, so i'm being a bit retardundant semantically, but i mean something by it. this was a curious battle for its dichotomy. i thought it was taken rather easily, though.

v/certain

[CopyPat]

Woah! sick verse witty

certain wtf?? like really wtf? i know i hate long verses but why did u write SOOO short???? seemed honestly like u didn't even try?? for what it was it was good but yeah just strange, there just wasn't really much here to take someone on, one on one...weird

Witty i really liked this man. SO nice to see shorter verses being posted this week. seriously. makes a HUGE difference in wanting to read and vote. just way more enjoyable. so props to all!! oh yeah witty. really really really solid smooth writing here. ur story was familiar without being boring. u hit the topic straight on and produced a very good verse. a curious move by certain here. if he was on his game this woulda been a lot closer but i got witty this time


just quickly skimming and surprised to see curty getting votes actually. maybe i missed something.. reading again...

read again. its a good verse curt. but i just really wanted more. i know probly sounds contradictory but i can see why ur getting votes, this is a close battle. re-reading witty

yeah, still like it. glad i read twice though cause now it seems much closer but i think witty just gave me more. although predictable story it was well written and smooth.

VOTING: FOX

[asylum]

certain - wow dude. you really did a lot with so few lines. love this bar,
George Harrison's guitar blisters its cries,
off the living reprise of a rhythm in time.
and you finished off so strong. amazing writing, packed in such a small husk. very nice drop certain. very nice indeed. i must say, i admire your approach at a champ match. did so much, with so little. gonna be hard to beat.
witty - oooh shit. you are the geetar. niice. i really like this actually. first read, nope. second, yes. i'm not really sure who hung himself, really. but you really, really hit the topic. so well.
/v Certain - in my humble and honest opinion, Certain did so much, with so little.. that I could not vote against him. His eloquent wording far surpassed witty's longer approach at the topic. i fucking love the beatles, and Certain did capitalize off that. witty wrote an amazing verse. this was a really hard call but after reading witty's a few times and going back, Certain actually did beat him. and that's hard for me to believe, given his brevity. amazing battle guys. very good champ match. inspirational as fuck.

[Defiant]

When I first saw certain verse I thought he didn't try but after reading it, it was effortless
First 8 lines were awesome,

I liked wittys 2, I dunno it probably just comes down to personal preference and I gotta go with certain, glad u both dropped short made it a lot more enjoyable



Vote certain

[kannon]

certain. okay. i found this to be a little vague, but i think that was maybe the point. to make it more relatable to any of the influential musicians of that era.

witt. i feel this shit more. i like that you personified the actual guitar. mechanics were on point.

vote is shitty, but vote is for witty