AOWL Contender Match: [7]Dominate (3-0) vs. [6]dead man (4-2) [dead man wins, 7-1.]

[King Ra.]

AOWL Season IV, Week 7


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Friday, November 14th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Sunday, November 16th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: Click here. (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=105432)


Good luck. Dominate dead man

[Dominate]

Topic #8 - "A hero can be anyone..."



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v348/Im_Pissed/avengers-1.png

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY: IRONPERSON

Looking for an exciting job? That 9-5 won’t seem to do?
Then the action-packed role of Ironperson could be for you!

ABOUT US

S.H.E.I.L.D. is a world leader in global surveillance & crisis response.
Our dynamic force of agents is highly trained, and fights for results.
‘The Avengers’ is our specialized taskforce whose power is unassailable
& due to an excess of white male privilege the role of Ironperson has become available.

THE ROLE

This is an on-call position; each mission will come when it’s relevant.
It is expected after thumbing a précis you will accept with a grudging benevolence.
You will work in a team of four, reporting to a captain & a S.H.E.I.L.D. associate.
Your efforts will be rewarded with a solemn nod when it feels appropriate.

Duties include:
- Insertion into combat zones via spacecraft, plane or ship
- Neutralize hostile entities with lasers and a scathing wit
- At all times, act with integrity to promote justice & natural liberty
- Liaise with key stakeholders to facilitate maximum synergy
- Delay flatulence when wearing suit to avoid reducing vision
- Establish sassy rapport with anthropomorphic computer system

TO SUCCEED IN THIS ROLE YOU WILL REQUIRE…

- Formal qualification in engineering or mechatronics
- Excellent knowledge of power systems, both arc-based & electronic
- Demonstrated ability in repairing and servicing armor
- Vendetta against crime born of tragedy/personal trauma
- Competence and accuracy with an assortment of powerful weapons
- Microsoft Office 2007

If this sounds like you and you’re ready to stretch your goals,
please don’t hesitate to send your resume care of the address below.

NOTE:

S.H.E.I.L.D. is a committed equal opportunity organisation.
Hiring in all our vocations is based solely on individual qualifications.
We don’t discriminate on the basis of age, race, sexual orientation,
disability, sex or gender, domestic partnership status,
biological normalcy, exposure to chemical concentrations,
or any factor protected by law in any realm of our operations.

[dead man]

LOOK


motion picture, broken image solving sensory proofs
metaphysical rooted in solipsistic pursuit
this moment is a stone inside a temporal loop
revolving incessantly til you're ready to puke
set it free. put the needle to the record, regroup
so quickly, one can never quite remember the truth
magnolia bloom. rain droplets on the window at noon
there's more beauty in perception than in bending a spoon
more medicine in movement than in blazing a pack
and more echo in the void than a creationist rant
not yet brains in a vat. more like a chain of reactions
shaken awake. give me destiny. vocation or passion
choose one: birth a consequence mistaken for chance
dendritic dance. reaching outward like the maplewood branch
we had in the yard. it can't be only static and charge
all rational thought encased in theoretical jars
Being here is simple, but duality's hard
faulty logic. bipolarity. Aladdin / Jafar
think tank fallacy. close your eyes and tease it apart
freedom is to operate machines in the dark
wake up in a room, no recollection at all
of you who are. only letters on a fleshy collage
are you anything at all? except a memory, flawed
by retroactive bias and a sense of withdrawal
remember who you are. theres no foundation or floor
storybook interpretation, no relation, no source
no allegorical caves where shadows dance on the walls
what Plato and Descartes and even Heidegger saw
phenomenon, reduction towards a central facade
way beyond the safety of molecular bonds
let it fall away. reduce yourself to a thought
bring to fruition, everything. and thats where we start:


SEE





"I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different."

[UnbornBuddha]

Beautiful entries...

Dominate: I will first blatantly state that your approach was in my eyes more creative than Dead's. Even though I've actually seen this employer format be used before, this was a bit more imaginative due to the superhero connotations in it. While Dead had a central theme, your approach had less allusion and in a way had more of a building pace to it. The bullet points added to the stylistic engorgement you were aiming for. It literally read like an employment ad, in which one will submit their cover letter and what not. The requirements of the Microsoft word was indeed a humorous addition. The rhyming was not as poignant as some of your other of your entries. For example, you did not continue a scheme for too long. But that doesn't really matter because here you decided to deliver an objective, which you did. Although with such a direct hero approach it became a bit trite as I read on. Partly because there was no real climax, or suspense just bullet points highlighting the requirements for employment into S..H.I.E.L.D. Thus, halfway through the verse it became blatant there was to be no twist, or surprise factor. Not to say I did not like it. It was a direct approach, but with such comes about sacrificing some element or another.

Deadman: I thoroughly enjoyed this composite. A lot of times your pieces are like jigsaw puzzles not because their puzzling. But more because each line presents an image, and at the end you have to piece it together to form a central theme. Although each line of yours establishes an axis that hints at the connectivity of it all. This piece I felt had less of the usual plethora of randomness that chaotically swirl about until it forms some kind of order/ format. This creation although philosophical in its approach had a very obviousness to it. Nowhere was there a mistaking in identification between what was the finger and the moon. A Chan metaphor to depict the clarity of being able to use the endowed mind to perceive reality clearly, without the destructive conundrums with an inherent distracting nature. You put together a piece essentially about the singularity and self existent nature of the mind/ self. Although it had more philosophical implications to it, rather than a theological. For it did not carry any transient or trans human factors like that found in Indian thought, for example. It was more a depiction of how phenomena and the mind interact, but any interaction is solely based on the singularity of the self, and the experiential nature of its inner workings. Thus, in recollecting this "by reducing yourself to a thought" one can then start to perceive not just phenomena, but oneself with the light of awareness. Although, you also at points ranted essentially about nihilistic implications. Denouncing dependent creation, and emphasizing that "birth a consequence mistaken for chance" Proceeded by "more echo in the void than a creationist rant, not yet brains in a vat. more like a chain of reactions". Chains of reactions= causality and effect. Anyways, instead of continuing extrapolating and examining the verse. I shall vote.

I felt I connected more with Dead's. Dominate while yours at first glance caught my attention more due to its comical input. Though, ultimately Deadman's piece was more true to my heart. It fostered much reflection, evoking a great deal of understanding mental processes.

Vote: Deadman

[NYCSPITZ]

wonderful battle. Dominate I thoroughly enjoyed your entry. Rife with wit and creativity, I liked the humorous aspect to it and loled several times. Deadman just out wrote you here though. From the solipsism line, to the echo in the void line, to that aladdin and jafar shit, I was completely fucking with that shit. Nasty as fuck and captured the essence of your quote perfectly on some next level imagery and philosophical mindfuck shit. Fav verse from deadman this season.

V/ deadman

[Spoken]

Great battle.. dom u really surprised me with this take. I've seen it done many times before but u kept it str8 and to the point with creative jive and nice cohesion of idea and topic. U had some hhiccups and bumps in the flow but all in all its a great verse. Deadman same old style same old u same old... dead but always on a brilliant plan for his topic u kept it nice and flowed steadily. The content was surprisingly advent with ur style as of late really.... u used somewhat of a different approach than usual but kept it you brotha but nice tack.

Mvgt: Deadman for a more fluent read... I agree sometimes it reads as just random wording and rambles but at the end it all unfolds.... dominate for u brotha u a force that these guys gotta watch out for tbr

[zygote]

The problem that I feel when reading Dominates submission here is that the central premise for the joke was not funny to me. There were some individually humorous lines like the Microsoft office, the sassy rapport and the scathing wit ones, but all together I do not understand the purpose of the satire. The joke seems to be that comic book heroes have specific characteristics and these in-themselves are funny. You have described the comic book heroes in a funny way and described their common actions in a funny way, but your satire here lacks any bite or edge, it just kind of exists by itself. It makes sense why you did it in terms of the topic quote, but still maybe you could have worked in something more substantial. Nonetheless, the multiple rhyming was extremely good. E.g., "thumbing a précis" + "grudging benevolence." There were so many other good examples to choose from as well. Overall, great writing, amazing rhyming, good concept, humorous one-liners but perhaps lacked some sort of overall edge to the main premise of the joke. This will seem like a cop-out but there wasn't much to separate either competitor on in terms of writing, and rhyme schemes and things like that. My entire vote comes down to basically a great couplet: "no allegorical caves where shadows dance on the walls
what Plato and Descartes and even Heidegger saw" - I think that this couplet exactly captures the premise of the quote that dead man chose. Here, Dominate was more consistent overall in terms of writing from start to finish, while dead man started a bit too scattered for my liking but really hit the nail on the head near the end. Dead man was more ambitious in approach, even though Dominate was more entertaining at a glance. Voting for dead man.

[Systemic Infection]

Creativity & easy concepts from Dominate. Metaphorical & fluent rhythm from deadman.

I'm taking deadman due to the fact that his content was digested in a more tasteful manner.
Dominate had a stellar take on the topic at hand & went outside the box compared to the normal entry but it didn't have the depth of deadman's.

MVGT: Deadman

[Mr. J]

Both writers really brought a special something to this battle
I really enjoy reading both of you which makes this a tough decision

Dom, your verse was amazing to say the least, the way it plays out was smooth
I feel like you did a great job on using your topic and made it work to your advantage
and after scrolling down to see where you hold up, I see the bets are against you
which makes me sad because you really had a great idea for a topic and made it work
you did a great job portraying your piece as you did, nice work my dude

dead, I feel like you had a great verse as well, there is no telling where your verses will take me
and I feel like you really had a chance to shine as far as how your writing goes...
your lyrical acrobats really shine when it's time too, nice work my dude

v/Dead, he had a quick verse but at the same time a smooth classic in a compact verse
both great writers and really a great battle all together...if anything I feel like this should go in Dom's favor
but at the same time you have to pick the one that is most fluent in writing form
hence...black

[Pent uP]

Dominate -- Kind of a weird verse here...some contradictions internally - you state you want a white man at the beginning and at the end you mention that its non-discriminatory. the 2-line scheme made for kind of a boring read. Microsoft 2007 was lols. Problem with this verse is that none of it was a refreshing angle and the subject was stale.

Deadman -- Dope take on the topic - fits your style very well. I think magnolia bloom is where it popped off for me. "birth a consequence mistaken for chance" - shit like that is amazing when it comes to breaking down the way we view events and their happenstance. I think this was less "movie-film-reel" than your stuff usually (was), but no qualms.

Just realized how shitty I am at voting. Long story short dominates verse did not do much for me; not calling the verse bad - just felt stale to me....Deadman's verse had some sick lines to it and entertained me for a minute

vote -- deadman

[Certain]

Dominate: I had such a hard time getting past the misspelling of S.H.I.E.L.D. OK, now that I've breathed into a paper bag for a few minutes, this verse otherwise was excellent. It felt very relevant to the world right now. There were the jokes about sexism and white male privilege, the on-call aspect, the "solemn nod when it feels appropriate," the note at the bottom. Then there was the humor, which was toned down a bit and restrained in the right ways to work as a parody. I've read a lot of job requirement forms, and your parody was spot-on. Moreover I think the entire verse spoke as a criticism of the sexism of comic-book culture, which again is a very timely and topical commentary on society. I don't think this verse quite hit the laugh-out-loud perfection of the very best comedy and parody topical verses, but it had a demanding stylistic format to adhere to as well. Given your (assumed) lack of experience with this style of writing, it was particularly impressive.

dead man: Man, you've brought it lately, basically since you lost to me. Your words are so damn smooth. Nobody matches you in that sense. You make "solipsistic" seem fluid and natural. That's a big edge in any battle, essentially giving you a pass toward personal introspection whenever you want because you know you will write it better than your opponent. You hit this topic out of the park, better than I did, and I'm egotistical and liked my verse. You began and ended better, though maybe your thesis statement wasn't as clearly outlayed. You often avoid centering your verses on a single prismatic idea, which I think can make things feel like they're floating in the ether. Here, you let the topic serve as a unifying force, but as a result, the verse didn't connect quite perfectly without the topic. Dominate wrote about the topic but wrote independent of the topic. This was a great battle, even better than your battle with NYCSPITZ that I previously called battle of the season. I am going to lean toward the conceptual and specific take, but not for those reasons. The thing that struck me about Dominate was his social critique, more than his creativity and sense of humor. His message was more poignant and relevant while also subtle. Great battle, and dead man has done more than enough to earn the win through a more accessible verse. But I don't often lean on accessibility in my reading.

Vote: Dominate