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View Full Version : WK8: NYCSPITZ (5-2) vs. zygote (3-1) [zygote wins, 7-2.]


King Ra.
11-19-2014, 04:40 AM
AOWL Season IV, Week 8


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Sunday, November 23rd, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Wednesday, November 26th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: Click here. (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=107238)


Good luck. NYCSPITZ zygote

zygote
11-20-2014, 11:26 PM
http://i.imgur.com/XmOz1RI.jpg


The Sisyphean Saunter up Metaphysical Mountain.

A wandering sheik – two eyes turned upwards locked in a gaze
…as the monolith quakes, pulsating. Oscillating in place
Pungent aromas of dead fish and phosphorous waft from the lake
He stands up, watching – awake… but what is his name?
The townspeople call him; sorcerer, conjurer, a watcher of fate
the grass seems to sway. sunlight vibrates with a fanciful symmetry
He extends an arm to the heavens as if conducting a classical symphony
Wind ripples and quivers. dew drops split into two with a mitosis design
Methuselah hums with synchronicity - he closes his eyes and thus opens his mind…
Methuselah sees the present and the future, his cerebellum expands
Divulging its secrets. sunbeams beckon him, the wave spectrum commands
He merely obeys, feet trudging forwards so enlightened yet humble
The Gyroscope creaks. Dazzling yet fragile like a firefly in a bubble
Methuselah calls his horse over (named Equinox). Minds-bonded - symbiotically linked
Telepathically melded. Equinox neighs in agreement as they both stop to think
A notion is stirred as the wizard grabs from his bag a sacred papyrus,
Note this, he thinks – remember this moment and the landscape behind us
Winding roads wind and slowly turn like the arms on a clock
The wind cries out with a crack as the air snaps from a hard aftershock
Is it.. happening?
Critters scuttle and knees buckle from the plate tectonics’ hardened pressure
Methuselah enters the mountain town and admires its Platonic architecture
He basks in the wonder of the Gyroscope. It’s looming, imposing, so impossibly large
The Gyroscope’s entrance is guarded by a pool of Cerberus dogs crossed with sharks
Methuselah speaks the words inscribed on his arm, ‘Yosohoep lesyosuca’
A small golden box near the entrance of the Gyroscope opens and exposes its wonder
Releasing Venkateswara and Thor, Jarilo and Zalmoxis, Dionysus and Bastet
Sanskrit shapes illuminate – Sumerian Greek, ancient Abyssinian text
White ravens drift down from the clouds, and clothe Methuselah in gruesome attire
The spirits demands a sacrifice, and so Equinox is offered up into a funeral pyre
Outside his mind…
A passer-by passes by and spots Methuselah (the mans name is Enwaisee Issafool)
The man witnesses Methuselah levitating during his telekinetic and effortless ritual
Inside Methuselahs mind…
Horseflesh is roasting, sinews burning as alms, sharing their pain together as one
A green pearl is discharged from the ash. It starts reflecting the sun
The entrance to the Gyroscope clicks. Its door starts to gradually lift
Methuselah watches the gateway turn into a window with a swift paradigm shift
He hears a thousand years of creaking, he sees the magical arms coil –
As the Gyroscope finally unfurls to reveal 24 gynandrous gargoyles
They speak; “Methuselah, be not afraid… “Harmonizing their essence
They float in a circle and lure Methuselah inside. So calming. Their presence.
He steps forward. He steps forward. He steps forward a mile…
because every step is his first. He’s born again as a child
Foreseeing all fate, determining destiny while generating all outcomes
Methuselah sees his own death…
It’s stimulating his synapses with an amazing astoundment -
Methuselah turns around on the road and walks away from the mountain




.

NYCSPITZ
11-27-2014, 02:34 AM
http://i.imgur.com/XmOz1RI.jpg

The Protocols of the Elder of Zion

Nov 19th, 1903...4:12 a.m.- the regal Alchemist stops, calming harrowing vertigo; descending spiraled steps greedily to the scrolls in his catacomb
his emotions are animal, face crazed as wicked flames spit and shadow his battered home
The Elder finds a papyrus sheet inscribed EMETH (truth) over the picture of a looming and shattered stone
jumping madly to his feet, his wild ***kle crescendos to thunderous cries...
The goldmine of Cabalistic Alchemy; Bastion of the Homunculi
the great truth cloud, dharma-mega sits in his Prague basement,
he scribbles infiltration plans to the monastery in God's Station
packing pewter cauldrons, carbon powder, blood in tonics for bottling...
heading for horse and staff - and some cabalistic, masonic theosophy

November 26th, 1903. Zwakh looks at the floorside corpse covered with magic flowers
this Golem's made in his image - so close to animation in proximity with the Bastion's power.
silhouettes of a ghost - these walls hold the weight of a menacing vow...
he scribbles METH (death)... stirring the Golem, painting henna on its brow
a bald monk enters like a priest with the calming compunction of Zen
smiling at volatile letters, he asks: "what's the nature of this homonculus, friend?"
-"my good monk...give my doppleganger three days of silent, sumptuous rest...

November 30th, 1903: 7:11 p.m. - a fruitful day for the Elder of Zion under these glacial facades
having decided in the grasslands - his Golem's purpose when they're stationed in Prague
- entering his room under eerie twilight, the Alchemist sees his patient is gone
a wry smile accompanies the race of his thought; something he couldn't shirk or fathom
...the Elder of Zion had underestimated the power of this Homunculis' circle bastion
stepping out to the hall, he sees dead monks sprawled over the lacquered floor
walking with an indifferent gaze, he's scanning the splattered gore
in minutes - the Golem's fully matured. holding an alabastor hilt attached to several battling swords
skin wax yellow. Its eyes spaced slightly wider than normal, stare a fiery portal,
with deceptive agility, it breaks the silence with a drawling chortle -
playing with time's fluidity, forcing events to crawl to a standstill...
it has to break its masters' magical hold - gain freedom in this brawl with a grand kill
- the man easily parries, extending his orb tipped, furious alchemist staff
causing its tip to glow gold as it springs an unrelenting, savage attack
a youthful twirl to his robes, the Alchemist shoots psychic beams to quell shit
the homonculus staggers forward - only to topple instantly to the spell's kick
the monk returns, serene in the wake of these astounding events
"you must use an EMETH seal. Control this beast before it lays waste to thousands of men"
The Elder thinks in harmony with the bastion's dual capacity and well-rounded intent
"...my good monk. All decent art is simply an imitation of life -
from warm-hearted deliverance to vagrance and strife
this is who I've become. All is one and one is all in the force
morality aside - you and I both found the other drawn to the source
with respect, monk, I'm already moving strong on my course."
the monk bows with weakened conviction, sensing truth in the Alchemist's words
he strikes with a whirlwind of kicks centered in a surprisingly animal surge
but the Alchemist dodges, anticipating the monk's boulderous arms
releasing the spell, he massacres him with a smouldering charge...

December 1st, 1903. 2:17 p.m. - His soul transferred to its new vessel; less yellow by the day, moving slow and assured
he takes horse and cart, buggying out of town in adamant rage -
Zion the Elder's soul swapped with his Golem's at the valor less gate.


.

Arid
11-27-2014, 03:58 PM
gotta remember to use my computer for these votes, phone lost my first breakdown...

Zygote, trippy. I loved the metaphysics. The character was solid and I got a sense of Merlin/Gandalf/Elminster epic wisdom and wry humor in him. A bit tongue in cheek with the disses. What strikes me on second read through is the imagery, and how the plot thickened in the right places.

NYCSPITZ, epic. Dark. I liked this for how you worded lines. There were awesome choices made in some very unique places, and the story was mysterious enough to help me over look the awkward phrasing here and there. Imagery and plot progression were great up til the end, where it felt like the potential consequences of an en-souled golem with a multi-sword attachment should have been explored. Abrupt ending.

Toughest choice so far. Hmm...

Zygote really captured my imagination and evoked nostalgia. The humor seemed more distracting than helpful. NYC had this old century charm, all his imagery sepia toned and scratchy. It was like watching a 60's horror adventure movie mixed with Cliff Hanger by Blackaliscious....

are draw's allowed?

UGH! ok, I'm gonna edge this one on a technical, to Zygote. It was the way he fleshed out the picture, stuck to the topic and elaborated for us the events it portrayed. NYC's verse wasn't inferior, it just maybe didn't make the best use of the pic.

Thank you both.

Mr. J
11-29-2014, 01:06 PM
Interesting...I enjoyed

Zyg, you brought your usual flair to the battle and its great
you portray such a crisp view on the image that you use
and the technical aspect of how you 'write' adds more wit
I feel like you shine great when the topic plays to your advantage
the best part is you kept a consistent lock on your style & it makes the topic.shine
nice work my dude

NYC, You also used the same pic as Zyg which edges this close
because what Zyg does with words you add more imagery
I feel your piece really showcases the extremes of your style
it adds an element that pushes your verse beyond most others
and that really adds that 'extra' seasoning a verse usually needs
either way you did a great job here

V/ I'm kind of hung up on this battle both writers are great
there were hardly any flaws in the flow of their pieces
and they both made the vibe so consistent its ridiculous
alas there can only be one...and I'm going to have to go with...
NYC...something about his verse just sticks out for me...
I'm not saying Zyg had a bad verse hell they were evenly matched here
and I feel like who did it best this time is NYC the vibe is slick
the storytelling is nice


great battle

Spoken
11-29-2014, 05:00 PM
Sorry fellas I am on mobile so I have to make this vote clean quick and short.
zygote i loved the inagery u sent me on and also the way u presented it with ur crisp wording. NYC bruh loved that u chose the same topic cause it really compared well of who actually wrote better which I think is a draw lol. It comes down to personal preference so in all honesty I am going with..........zygote. he had a cleaner fleshing of the topic and his wording. Nyc had a fucking great verse and I say BOTW but at the end of the day I liked zygotes a little more

Vulgar
11-29-2014, 09:43 PM
Zygote - This was neat stuff, I liked how you flipped NYC's own style on him, lol. I was feeling the descriptions and the small areas you tweak that make the verse function at a higher level. This was a championship level verse because you took the picture, made it your own and added a dragon hoard of personal spin to everything about it. Why write a verse when you can write a compact novel? came to mind.

NYCSPITZ - Very tightly written, and it was tight as well. Your rhyming was better than Zyg's but I thought his was smoother, overall. The beginning of the first stanza was a bit weaker than the rest of the verse which was fuckin' nice. I think you rushed the wording a little somewhat before you got your groove going. I'd have to say that's the difference of the battle: I liked both verses but I enjoyed all of Zyg's.

This battle was fire. No real loser here, this could've easily been a collab. Thanks for the read guys.

Vote - Zygote

Frank
11-29-2014, 11:38 PM
BOTW.(didn't read black/certain yet)

Zygote, the master himself, of flattery, once again impersonates a great writer to a astonishing T- duplicating his opponents style almost, so uncannily its scary. I feel NYC did just enough to fend off the personal attack. Otherwise the battle is a split hair decision. All NYC really had to do was write to his level, therefore, voiding Zygotes attempt.

Chess match. Dope battle. Vote/NYC

UnbornBuddha
11-30-2014, 11:50 PM
This was an honor to witness.

I really enjoyed both. I did not realize Zygote was mimicking NYC, until I read other's comments. If anything, I thought it was the opposite when I first read both. Reason being, is because NYC evoked some of the same language, and even chose the same words. Now, it could be a coincidence, but due to the rarity of some of those words I think not.
Zygote's piece is a lot cleaner, and more refined. Not to say NYC isn't. NYC emitted a more alchemical tone to it, for a lack of a better word. NYC had more details, but also quite longer. Some of the lines felt a bit drawn out, however I very much enjoyed it.

Yet, ZYgote piece is more epic. Though, both narratives have a mythos to them, NYC's even has a time frame to his. Zygote accomplishes a more climactic thrill. Although, I will blatantly state that NYC had some of the better couplets. I still felt more enticed by Zygote's approach, and the way he chosen to draw his canvass. I also think Zygote had a more closer to the picture approach, even describing some of the wizard, and the horse and such. NYC incorporated the theme, but Zygote went a little further.

An amazing bout. Vote: Zygote

Thank you both for the inspiration.

King Ra.
12-02-2014, 12:28 AM
This was hands down BOTW. I don't think I've read a match this season that had this high of a level of writing between two competitors & that's saying much from both of you because you're two of the best in this league. zygote, when you do this mimic thing of your opponents, you somehow seem to write some of the best verses & usually you come out with a victory. I automatically knew you were incorporating NYC's style from the jump, but I like the fact you were able to still display your abilities, especially technically. One thing NYC does so well is portray imagery & this was one of the more image-driven verses that I've seen you write. In comparison, when I read NYC's verse he did manage to edge it out in that department here though. NYC your imagery was insane. You have a high level of detail & this is usually always the case. I'd also have to say you were better scheme wise here as well. You both are pretty much even in concepts, I thoroughly enjoyed both of your approaches this week. I think what won my vote in this match here was that zygote's piece had an overall more complete feel on a grand scale. And that is probably because of the advantage he took in not emulating only NYC's style a bit, but dropping very early. He took a bit of the flair from NYC by the time he dropped. Overall, insane drops by both of you.


MVGT: zygote. Good job by both competitors.

Pent uP
12-02-2014, 01:40 AM
Zyg -- wonderful descriptions and perfect character choice. I dont have much to say about your writing..its poignant and enjoyable, but I feel as though it is always missing something (and I dont know what it is). The verse read faster than it looked like it would at first glance and was a fantastic journey.

Nyc -- things I hate. Things I love. I loved the ending and opening 2 stanzas. Hated the "action sequence." The battle didnt feel like a kung fu movie, rather a b-clip 3 muskateer caliber scene where the camera changed with every connect. The other thing I disliked was how long it took me to get into the characters - i feel like the beginning (while being my second favorite part of the verse) didnt characterize them enough to connect. The other problem I had with the beginning was there were too many repeated words/names, which made the read feel tiresome. The ending was magnificent - it brought it all together and piqued my interest - it was poetic in a way.

Vote -- Zygote for having less faults

Good battle

Certain
12-02-2014, 01:51 AM
zygote: You're a jerk with your damn style-copying thing whenever you face anyone good whose style you're familiar with. Still this was really good. There were degrees in which it was a clear-cut NYCSPITZ style aping, but I appreciate the level of difficulty in that undertaking and also feel compelled to judge each verse in a given battle on its own. Also, there were hints of your own style (the repeating of key words and names is a zygote hallmark, for instance) and breaks in the mimicry for the sake of a better story. I appreciated this story because of the intensity with which it built. The ending had an emotional heft that some of your more allegorical work lacks. This was an outstanding work, one of the best of the season.

NYCSPITZ: There are times when you bury great storytelling underneath overpacked vocabulary. It makes writing like this much more demanding than it has to be and also cuts into the natural lyricism that you more effortlessly show when you write about less askew topics. When I pulled back the veil here, the story was pretty energetic and interesting. The long Nov. 30 entry was by far the best, with its action-filled descriptions bringing to life this weird world you created or at least operated in. I don't think you set the setting well enough, though, and the complexity of the narrative needed a bit more breathing room. Your verse would have beaten just about anyone else this week (probably not dead man), but zygote's verse took a similar tilt with a more accessible and agreeable story and less overwrought storytelling.

Vote: zygote