WK9: CopyPat (6-2) vs. Mr. J (5-3) [CopyPat wins, 4-3.]

[King Ra.]

AOWL Season IV, Week 9


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Saturday, December 6th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Tuesday, December 9th, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce. - Karl Marx.





Good luck. CopyPat Mr. J

[Mr. J]

There's fear in their eyes, pain in their hearts, a hidden disguise
take a moment to reflect, and understand how you admitted your guise
the advice given is wise, and will guide you if you witness demise...
the falling of walls, the breaking of barriers & the splitting of sides
the laughter, the giddiness of pride, snapping the most civil of minds
what frail, little designs, look how they dance, only riddled by life
good, bad, chivalrous types, the confused look in their face..ridiculous right?
look how they only understand the 'norm' and keep to a minimum stride
question everything but never putting a stop to this continuous crime
accepting everything because 'this is how we are from the beginning of time'
we are animals, and we are effected by the monster that's hidden inside
the beast who sleeps, rests beneath our self inflicted depiction of 'right'
it sickens the mind, rots away as the past does...then its given reprise
its the same old, same old with the twist of the knife..we didn't survive
we just took the hit & SURPRISE! we didn't realize those protecting us...
given the time would soon be infecting us with these limits in life...
placing law on us, rejecting us because of the struggle of living this life
We should of seen it coming when they rode their ships here with.glimmer in their eyes
new land, new freedoms, & the genocide of any who oppose this vision divine.
who are the true savages...who are the animals...why did we slip intothe lies
we thought evolution would change us, make us more than underdeveloped strangers
but in our blood boils anger, meaning danger for whoever enraged us
Maybe its a cleansing...maybe its in our hearts to continue the route our ancestry made us
til a new world is born again....we won't get it right won't somebody save us??
Its the routine of all life...the strongest will always be in favor with the stronger to replace us
the basis of all living things, that's life & some would say that its only human nature
to have some sort of compassion, some sort of hope in a world that's endangered
its sick, its inhumane, but that's how we continue the cycle..

[CopyPat]

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.


This seriously sucks, I’m paying the price
I clearly give up, I’m waiting to die
The beers and the drunk and the ladies were nice
But now my spirit is crushed, and I’m hating my life
Just cheersing and suds, had the craziest night
Now queasy and hung are replacing my high
I’ve basically died… or on the verge at least
I’m anxious and tired. My world is bleak
My pancreas fried, I’m hurling deep
Just languishing, trying to earn some sleep
I’m nervous, peaked, concerned and weak
And every burp to me is an emergency
Hurts to even think of a thought
And this urge to pee is pissing me off
Liquor and shots ruined my day
I’ve written it off… threw it away
Dude, this is gay. Am I fucked in the head?
I said that I wouldn’t, but I’ve done it again
One hundred percent disaster: Me
When I suffer regret? Catastrophe
That’s the steez, morning after a night of the drink
Tragedy, mourning, sadness and I’m right on the brink
Why did I think that this time would be different?
Nothing changes as I sit by looking distant
Skip time to the present and I’m swallowing brews
It’s fine..we just revel in the holiday mood
But I’m already screwed before Christmas trees
Family callin me Scrouge cause I’m pissed this eve
This repeats constantly like I live waiting to croak
Been hung over so many times that at this stage it’s a joke.

[UnbornBuddha]

Mr J. This is by far my favorite verse I read from you. This seems to pinpoint a specific segmented timeline of those conquered, though they extended their arms in peace, yet this decision proved to be folly. Coincidentally, the breed now begins to see the world through boiling eyes of rage. The world and its inhabitants become a sick place. Evolution did not guarantee the ancestral safeguarding of lineage retention.

Copycat: I enjoyed the flow of this, very smooth. It also had this festive cheer to it. Well, perhaps not cheer, but inspired. It seems like a personal tale woven from introspective reflections on emotions brought on by society, and the substances we turn to deal with this pent up angst. It was short, and to the point.

My vote goes to Mr J. I felt his was more far reaching, and gave the topic more implications.

[Arid]

Mr. J, repetitive. I liked how you explored this moral dilemma, the nature of man to repeat mistakes and refuse to learn. You held the piece together well, but eventually the rhyme scheme went stale. The repetition of some words oversimplified the impact of the later lines. I can set that aside for the moment, because altogether this verse expounded on the topic well, feeling complete at the end.

CopyPat, smooth. Your flow was perfect. The rhymes and word choice moved this along at a satisfying pace. Your topic interpretation was amusing and even tragic, but hard to connect to for a non-drinker like myself. I really enjoyed your rhyme and word selection though, it kept surprising me and seemed very well thought out.

Tough call, i liked both pieces for different reasons.

Vote-CopyPat. I give this to him for his technical execution. J just lost my interest in spots where his rhymes seemed tacked on.

[zygote]

Mr J had a repetitive quality, the use of 'we' and 'the' a lot gave made the whole thing like a collection of statements. The extended rhyme scheme was quite solid and good choice, it fit well with the repetition/statements mentioned before. Only criticism is that the content was a little too ambiguous it didn't compare favorably against CopyPat's straightforward and humorous approach. I enjoyed the contrast between this humorous approach and the serious quote. The quote is talking about a concept called dialectical change, I like the idea of writing about being hungover instead of Marxism. Good multiple rhyming also. Voting for CopyPat.

[Zen]

Votes gonna be quick because I'm running out of time and I have adware EVERYWHERE. Anyway, you two are two of my faves here. J, your piece was cool, but as with any usual battle involving Pat, he makes the other one look ridiculous. Not saying his writing was better than yours, but when one person takes a serious approach to a topic and then his opponent drops something lighthearted, it makes the other seem ridiculous. It's a strategic move really, but PAT is that dude with the rhymes too. If his verse was funny, but not as well written as J's my vote might go the other way. But Pat in this instance came correct in both content and writing ability, so I've gotta give it to PATRICK.

[Pent uP]

MistaJ -- nice attempt at the rhyme scheme thing. I think the smoothest parts were where there were internal switch ups...those broke up the mundane-inity (copyrighted) of a singular scheme. The problem with your scheme was there were a lot of redundant rhymes. From the start guise/guise is questionable and then there are words that (I think) are reused (I didnt go back to double check because why?). The topic itself was left broad and I wish it wasn't. I think its just my preference in relation to where I am now in my writing and that is broad is an easy scapegoat. I have been (and will be) guilty of this same angle, but I think for such a broad topic the challenge is to really delve into it.

Copy -- why omit the word 'over' from hungover? It wouldnt really fuck the flow up..just speed it up a tad? Idk. Rhyme scheme opener was bananas, and the switch was clean. Problem with the verse was it was one dimensional and ran thin on originality fast. As per usual the comedy mark was refreshing, would expect a one night story kind of thing like u were doing the first few weeks to work a little better.

Vote copy

[timeless]

so hard to vote on this one, read it a few times throughout the week mainly because I enjoyed both. mister jaywalker came pretty dope with such a bland backdrop to run with. copy came with my ideal type of writing and humor so I'm auto biased to vote for him yet his lyricism wasn't onpoint as hes shown before/ I feel J came really confident with his words this week, will be a shame to see him lose this to such a bland verse.

v. J

[Certain]

Mr. J: This was a very emotional and well-written verse. You sometimes lose me with your stream of consciousness but didn't here. The grip kept tightening, and I liked the overall ride this took me on. The approach was pretty straight-forward but appreciated for its earnestness and relevance.

CopyPat: I hate when your rhyme scheme devolves into that A-rhyme pause B-rhyme thing that you started with. It makes even unforced rhymes seemed forced. But you got away from it in the middle and started getting a bit more natural, which was good. The flow is better when the rhymes feel natural, and the only point of rhyming is for the flow. The content here was pretty dull compared to your better work. There wasn't much humor and wasn't much purpose.

Vote: Mr. J