WK10: NYCSPITZ (6-3) vs. Arid (1-1) [Arid wins, 6-5.]

[King Ra.]

AOWL Season IV, Week 10


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Sunday, December 14th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Wednesday, December 17th, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: Nas- "Black Republican"




Good luck. NYCSPITZ Arid

[Arid]

That Beat Tho...

Yo,
I'm that master craftsman billed as a classic has been
Last gasp of a faction fraught with Media Assassins
Phantasm since back when Fracture was TRE two~tilde,
and steppin to Mr. Clark could surely get yer whole crew killed
Butler was beatin em black n blue, buildin a brutal battle record
We were kids ditchin school thru the web, just to rap together
Writing,
Reading
Replying
Pleading
Defying the poets pining their dreaming is dying
Dining on feasts of invective, vying for fleeting respect
Signing our names to the title and meaning of VET
Demeaning the rest? If anything I'm in awe,
that the scene is still thriving and teeming and tall
I used to grieve for the fall of an age where I postured
Tossed your flaws in your face, raged like a monster
Now I know the cost is the loss of faith love and honor
Lodged in my adam's apple, this apology rots, wormy
So I'll just practice against ya'll for the coming RHYME Tourney....

Feel like a, Black Republican
Shadowy Sacred Government
Cashin in on policies of capitalist punishment
Old enough to be over it, but too young to love again

[NYCSPITZ]

ayo,

He's playing marco polo in a minefield...
designing life according to the archetypes that his mind fields
smothered by mother love; she's seaside now, estranged on a coast
-how could you ever function normal when you're chained to a ghost?
Ice grillin', anima blocked in any portrait or smiles
fucking dysfunctional women with some happy ending whores on the dial
but none of it seems to quell that nagging sense of defeat
...his own feminine side - blocked by mom's eminent steez
- she wrote elegant powerful prose like Joan Didion did
The word inherited...he holds it in this glittering pen
He's fifteen. Meditating by the river's eastern breath
writing another sixteen while wishing mom a peaceful rest
a silent homage - but how's he gonna get it all together now?
in sorrow, reverence and gratitude. but he's feeling so tethered down
a dream recurs - it's plain enough yet crass and humbling
angels smile from the balcony, but these facts befuddle him -
curtains drawn: he transforms to a black republican...
- he wakes up lazily, he's smoking doobies again
gears grinding, deciphering the dreams' luminous ken
"you're limitless, and healed now: get to moving this pen"
Memorabilia scattered everywhere, this nigga's frozen in time
Clone of a gift. Clone of a spirit, the clone of a mind
but life's treasures come after walking those desolate yards
guided perhaps, but only his will can crest to the stars
He's not even black - but this dream keeps coming with looming intent
Sitting alone in his room justifying shit, perusing his zen
he hears it from the depths:
you're limitless and healed now - get to moving this pen



.

[Mr. J]

This was ok....


Arid felt like he just wanted to write a random freestyled verse
which is cool if you were going to make it into a little mixtape track
but when it came together here it seemed a bit forced for topic's sake
I felt if he didn't just use the beat as the stronger piece of his verse it would be smooth

NYC, this verse is something that I would have expected from you
a very nice flow with a grasp on your topic, I felt that you eased through this one
you kind of took the easy route out expecting your opponent to do less than you
either way it was a nice enough piece to win..

v/NYC, he had a stronger grasp on his topic
Arid did good, just not league worthy material this time around

[Pent uP]

Arid -- nostalgic, short lived. I loved it - flow, diction, the rawness of it - you just stared at the league and vibed to the beat..its perfect in its own right. Some interesting rhyme transitions, and youre in the rhyme which is interesting (to me). Theres nothing to say about this piece really, its standalone and the only people that dont get it simply werent there.

Nyc -- doooope. Man that line in the beginning about being chained to a ghost...MAN. there were was a piece where i mistakingly thought there was a tone change for a second so I has to reread it. I love the (seemingly) reflective nature of the verse, and it seems earnest in its attempt, which ties the tone and subject together. Love it.

Excellent match gents. You have both displayed a knack for the intangibles. I cant explain what makes these verses as good as they are, I just enjoyed them for different reasons.

Vote arid

[CopyPat]

fuck politics, glad you guys didn't write about them. interesting that u both kinda had the same idea??

arid this was refreshing from u, short, sweet and a lot more focused. i def enjoyed.

nyc this was nycish...not my style, lol. i hate voting on ur battles because i always feel like i'm not fully understanding your verses or giving them enough credit or something. ur shits just sooooooo serious..
"this nigga's frozen in time" "he's not even black" - that was weird

overall i think this was close? Arid wrote about being an internet rap boarder which was obviously very relate-able haha. it was an easy read with some cool nostalgia.

NYC you wrote about a 15 year old wigger with mommy issues who fucks dysfunctional whores then gets inspired to write when she dies??? i seriously don't get it, i'm sorry

voting: Arid purely on my own taste and enjoyment/understanding of the verse. also the actual writing was very close anyways. i dont feel like NYC blew arid outta the water from a technical or lyrical standpoint so that made this easier for me to vote for him too

[Vulgar]

Arid - Fly verse here, if it was twice as long you really would've captured me in the fullest way possible. I liked the oldschool rap board references - we all really did strive to be vets. It was a lot of fun pursuing the pinnacle of texteedom back in those days. Now it's more of a hobby in its closing stages. Nice work here. Strategically, it's unique - I don't know why short verses are taboo in my mind, so I'll shrug off whatever I was planning on saying.

NYCSPITZ - I wasn't feeling the insertion of the topic here. I understand it's a limiting topic - for sure. Alternative routes could've been chosen though? It was well written and also personal for a change. I was listening to Nas' "One Love" in the car the other day, and it really brought back feelings from older times. The theme this week might've provoked it in you too.

My vote goes to Arid. He hit his target with greater accuracy.

[Zen]

Arid: I really liked the transitions from rhyme to rhyme in the first few lines. It was great. The alliteration carried the flow along nicely. Really isn't much else to say, it was a well written verse. Record it.

Nyc: This started off slow in my opinion, but at around the middle of it it started to pick up. Your rhyming wasn't as impressive as arid's, but it did resonate with me better. For that, I'd say you had the better verse.

V/Nyc

[big baby]

cool battle but arid obliterated his opponent with a brilliant take on what he wrote compared to his lackluster counterpart.

nyc has pretty bad connectivity and is pretty boring on most parts, arid was just outstanding and can't wait to see more of him, lines like these

Yo,
I'm that master craftsman billed as a classic has been
Last gasp of a faction fraught with Media Assassins
Phantasm since back when Fracture was TRE two~tilde,
and steppin to Mr. Clark could surely get yer whole crew killed
Butler was beatin em black n blue, buildin a brutal battle record
We were kids ditchin school thru the web, just to rap together
Writing,
Reading
Replying
Pleading
Defying the poets pining their dreaming is dying
Dining on feasts of invective, vying for fleeting respect
Signing our names to the title and meaning of VET
Demeaning the rest? If anything I'm in awe,
that the scene is still thriving and teeming and tall
I used to grieve for the fall of an age where I postured
Tossed your flaws in your face, raged like a monster
Now I know the cost is the loss of faith love and honor
Lodged in my adam's apple, this apology rots, wormy
So I'll just practice against ya'll for the coming RHYME Tourney....

Feel like a, Black Republican
Shadowy Sacred Government
Cashin in on policies of capitalist punishment
Old enough to be over it, but too young to love again

were awesome.

wait that was the whole verse? lol, dope.

nyc probably took the corniest route possible and it's lines like these that killed his already awkward and nonrelatable style

nigga's frozen


VOTE/ ARID.

[NYCSPITZ]

Lmfao

[UnbornBuddha]

Arid wrote a tale of reminisce that was well crafted. Although, I can't say I relate to much since I wasn't part of the scene way back when. Arid, your tale points to your experience, and begins to configure the puzzle in place of the enigma you play. I jest of course. A good verse, yet it's not as nostalgic to me as others, so I have to take it more for face value, and try to interpret it in its literary light.

NYC, your writing to me while this week was not the most revelatory to the hitherto unknown of whatever coding you choose to transmit. The course of the meal was not as palatable as to what you usually cook up. Nevertheless, the flavors and the spices were there. The elements still concatenated together until I gulped it all down, and even though it was not as appetizing. I still felt nourished, though some essential nutrients were missing.

Vote: NYC

[Certain]

I have to vote quickly but read each verse three times earlier. Either way, y'all had a great topic (and by far the best song on the album) and basically avoided it.

Arid: This was good and nostalgic and all that. The rhymes were strong. You didn't move past the baseline concept well enough to make it something more. You also didn't do much to relate to the topic.

NYCSPITZ: Your writing here, with the juxtaposed voices and such, was really great. But the topical correlation was really weak to me, even weaker than Arid's. But I think your writing allowed you to rise past him.

Vote: NYCSPITZ

[Frank]

Yo definitely a decent battle. Gravitated more towards the first verse because of its AOL chat room style. With respect to the topic, Arid got it

[Arid]

Double-U the fuck. Is this a tie now?

Awesome battle NY.

[NYCSPITZ]

Word always cool to have a close one...all my other battles I won or lost by a landslide

[PancakeBrah]

I want to be on Pent uP's good side so I'm going to vote on this battle!

ARID-

Cool little ode to text battling/text in general. You luh dis stuff. The rhyming was pretty good. The 'defying' line was oddly worded. I think I could've done without the last line of main body of your verse. But it's fine. The relation to the topic was tangential but there, maybe? Okay verse man bro.

HANDBALL GUY-

Cool little verse about some faggot poet who misses his mom and dreams about being black. You often mix your more flowery language with slang. I think it's purposeful and makes your pieces interesting. I think you wrote well enough here. Tangential relation to the topic. Smooth flow and rhymes as always.

Close one here, dude guys. I think NYC was a bit more refined/better. But both were good!

v/nyc

[timeless]

arids was pretty dope in its own right, all of us here can relate to this verse, most of us anyhow, the way you played it out with the song/beat was cool I guess. particularly dug the first few bars.

nyc came with his usual array of multis concepts, however the overall read kind of lacked something. Mostly kept reaching as the verse went on.

I got more out of Arid's verse here tbh. Cool battle tho

v. Arid

[Adonis]

This was a very nice battle, although I liked them both for vairous reasons...I can say I wasn't fond of the smoking and writing coinciding in NYC verse. Where on the other hand, reading the names and story of Arid struck a main cord because I actually know what he's talking about even if I wasn't a part of the battle scene, I was there.

Voting Arid

Drew a much stronger personal connection to the god known as I

[Arid]

by my count, minus bb and frank, it's 5-5.

[big baby]

don't uncount my vote, or else

[theMuzzl3]

Both of these were okay. Both of them started out a bit weak and ended a bit strong.

NYCSPITZ responded in a way that made me think his verse was written independently of reading Arid's, which has some good things going for it. He had many lines about "him" or "his", which in some ways may have referred to his opponent without actually being about his opponent. This was a good approach to a battling state of mind in AOWL. However, NYCSCRPTZ had 4 more lines than Arid did (total, and counting Arid's one word lines as lines).

Arid's verse started out talking about himself. Not a good approach in AOWL, IMO. His last 14 lines were decent. Some of them were not great, such as "Defying the poets pining their dreaming is dying". An English teacher may have faiedl that, and a rap expert would put up with it as long as it rhymed the next line; but it didn't.

NYCS had good spots, but also lack of rhyming… no real grammatical errors that I can bitch about… but some lack of rhyming.

Both of them had good content towards the end of the verses. I would have hoped for better build ups. In NYCS verse, he talked about "he" and "his", perhaps too much. In Arid's verses, he would have had a better build up without referring to himself.

Both, over all, decent verses but nothing too special.

I'm basing my vote on NYCS having written more lines as a response, given he could have deleted several lines from the first chunk.

Going with what is more easy to read, and with what felt better as a reader (comparing the later half of each verse).

/V Arid