WK10: AOWL CONTENDER MATCH: Pent uP (3-1) vs. CopyPat (7-2) [Pent uP wins, 6-0.]

[King Ra.]

AOWL Season IV, Week 10


OFFICIAL RULES:

Verses are due Sunday, December 14th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Wednesday, December 17th, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: Nas- "Hip Hop Is Dead"



Good luck. Pent uP CopyPat

[Pent uP]

The Dead Don't Bicker

He said "All you need's a photo printer and some donor stickers."
Before they blow the whistle, you better blow your pistol.
There's a market where organs are the golden ticket -
and souls are viscous when their money knows no limits.
You'll never see them coming or smashing your lenses.
They're ghastly in presence, them and their faculty henchmen.
Stopped and waiting, the Solid Snake snatchings are endless,
until you're a picture that only daddy remembers.
Bad in December - with shopping clusters and all -
everyone wants to kill every other fuck at the mall.
Shopping carts lodged and charged on the cusp of a brawl
and no one notices, in the commotion if a slut is dissolved.

Busts in their bras to busted eyeballs
we're accident prone and don't take much to absolve.
We're damned if we choke on food laughing at home.
There's a chance that we'll croak just standing alone -
Embolisms while televisions randomly joke,
auditory epilepsy listening to a new jam that you own.
Candid or known - a pathologist can be put on the take -
He just has to leave your face good for the wake.
Operation complications and misdiagnosis -
There's always a chance your kids life was chosen.
I know it's barbaric, but don't think like I'm Conan -
You all want to be rich, and the rich might endorse it.

It's time to focus - our unity's tried -
We're too loose to divide demigods from the human divine.
Money fuels the described as it pumps Zeus on his shrine.
Those we can't get on land? Find the cruises are prime.
This is our piece of the matrix and peace is forsaken.
The steam of our slave ships mirage a dreaming oasis -
We can't describe the loss, but know the screams are contagious.
So, we go and fake it by streaming their faces.
The only truth in death is that life was trial and error.
We think humanity will improve and our place in the sky is better,
but our only times of hope are our life's endeavors -
because in this society "bodies in the morgue lie together

All together now" - Nas

[CopyPat]

lol @ the checkin votes, hahaha


I wrote my verse to the Beat of "Hip hop is dead" which is a sample of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (In the Garden of Eden) by Iron Butterfly

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A86.JyK_gY5UsFwAtbMPxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTBsOX B2YTRjBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2dxMQR2dGlkAw--?p=innagadadavida&tnr=21&vid=BC1E05D9218CAB3F2985BC1E05D9218CAB3F2985&l=1023&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DUN.6 07986336629457916%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DUI Ve-rZBcm4&sigr=11afnjljf&tt=b&tit=IRON+BUTTERFLY+-+IN+A+GADDA+DA+VIDA+-+1968+%28ORIGINAL+FULL+...&sigt=11t5b5sq8&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch %3Fp%3Dinnagodadavida%26ei%3DUTF-8%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla&sigb=12q42h68k&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001


"In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
In a gadda da vida, baby
Don't you know that I'll always be true"


In the Garden of Eden, baby
Sinning started and Eve went crazy
God created Adam from dust
Lived in Paradise, hammin’ it up
A strong soldier with handsome features
He watched over the plants and creatures
And with his bones made Eve from his rib
They lived alone with leaves on their bits
Forbidden to eat from the Tree of Knowledge
Just living the dream in this peaceful garden
Told by God to copulate for birth
They boned a lot to populate the earth
The sacred story of how they started humanity
With naked orgies and we all in the family
And then one day came the slithery serpent
Who’s peddling fruit of the prohibited version
A mischievous son.. of a bitch this asshole
And with a twist of his tongue, she bit the apple
Trickery done, their fate was sealed
The slippery one just snaked their deal
Defied God and were banished from Eden
Then formed this world where there’s anguish and evil
Adam and Eve were the first man and woman
The original sinners with the first bad decision
They had Cain and Abel and other descendants
Which makes us related and that’s fuckin offensive
Stuck in the trenches and the drudgery of life
Sometimes I wonder what it musta been like
Temptations are funny, which I appreciate here
Since I’m wasting my money on a pizza and beer
A couple a rounds of pints later, I’m properly teetered
And stutter about the time they were in a gadda da vida

[Arid]

Pent uP, ghastly. You managed to give me chills around "you're a picture that only daddy remembers". I like how you were able to spread that chill over some humor. Wording was just a little stretched to fit, but the rhyme was worth it. Solid flow.

CopyPat, hard to take seriously. For real, both of you took a shallow approach to deep subjects. This is fine if you can achieve the right amount of depth to make the humor into a strong counterpoint. I liked your rhyme scheme, but I felt your treatment of the story was pretty bland.

Vote, Pent uP. I felt you successfully conveyed levity, blending humor and death can be tricky, but you managed to be flippant without seeming numb to the emotional reality.

[Mr. J]

This was an interesting battle to say the least...

Pent, I really enjoy your verses when you have something going for you
you really grasp on and write some of the best work I seen from you in awhile
even though I feel that you barely took out any time to write this...
it seems like you threw this together in a short amount of time and just rode it out
I feel like your skill has come unmatched to say the least, you shine breh

Copy, I feel like you are stuck in your old ways which is cool...
but this time around you have been outmatched and really let go of the wheel
either way you seem to know what you are doing but it has gotten old to me
I feel with a little more versatility you would have taken this
either way...nice job making it as far as you have

v/Pent...a very well crafted verse, and a smooth piece all around
nice battle my dudes

[NYCSPITZ]

Copy was cool i liked this couplet in particular

A mischievous son.. of a bitch this asshole
And with a twist of his tongue, she bit the apple

hahaha sick...the rest of the tone was a dece whimsy, a light touch to it.

Pent Up can get more advanced than this but I thought he did enough to win. Slightly better mechanics and more depth.

V/ pent up

[Vulgar]

Pent Up - My first breakdown got deleted. I thought this was a good way of describing how the music industry is foul. I had cool parallels to explain how I thought you used them, but tbh, I hate when I lose my original breakdowns. Very good verse.

Copypat - Your rhyming can be extremely impressive. What worries me is that when someone strips you of the rhythm of any certain thing - what writing methods will you be left to show/exercise? If you'd show more of your writing skills vs. your rhyming swagger at all times, the diversity you exemplify would carry you to more victories in this arena. Your format for this was cool, different than I'm used to seeing. It was enjoyable, but overall, I didn't reap anything significant from having read it.

My vote goes to Pent Up. He gave me the food for thought I was craving in response to the topic. Copy didn't slouch here though.

[Certain]

Pent uP: This verse showed a level of creativity outside of the topic but failed to grasp me in its approach to the topic. That's not exactly unexpected. The rhyming was strong as always and mostly felt unforced, give or take. The last stanza was a challenge. I was more interested in the concept of the first two and would have liked actual storytelling on that tip. It felt like you were pushing toward an unnatural conclusion. Still, this was a strong verse.

CopyPat: This reminds me so much of something Lars would write. The rhyming was the focus, and the story was cleanly told but totally by-the-book and without insight beyond what is already in the Bible. I have very little interest in straight-forward retelling, though I liked the little humor at the end.

Vote: Pent uP

[UnbornBuddha]

Both have good rhythm, Copypat has more of a nick for eliciting a certain type of confidence that portrays a swayback attitude on life. You also write with more scrutiny toward the parameters that define the rhythmic poetry so ingrained in our beloved hearts. Pent's on the other hand, is more prone to reside in inclinations that fuel him to construct a written life form, an ode to not just hip hop, but to writing itself. He likes to test the banks of the river by not swimming in the same stream, but soak in what the French refer to as the "source", the fontaine. Testing its clear or muddy waters by experimentation, even if he drowns himself in polluted adulterants sullying the life source.

What I'm trying to say is that while Copypat obviously can rhyme, he limits himself with what he is comfortable with. Not that this is bad, but Pent chooses to constantly test his writing boundaries with as many scripts as he can muster. Thus, the results is a more evocative approach by Pent. While, Copypat rules satire, the jokes you wield tend to revolve around the same stimulants, and state of mind, yet you weave other elements like ancient folklore to the basis of what you are most snug in.

Vote: Pent uP

[Frank]

MVGT: Pent Up

Self explanatory