Week 5 - Mr.J vs Boredom - Mr. J WINS

[Mike Wrecka]

Memo week 5.
Greetings competitors, we return to the style of the week 1 challenge. CONSTRAINED WRITING TASK WEEK, you are required to complete one of a series of difficult constrained writing challenges. Your specific task will be phrased in the negative as an instruction requiring some omission of a common writing aspect. You only need to meet your requirement, otherwise you can write about anything you like. Find below your match-ups and specific tasks.

Specific Task - No variations of “to be.” E.g., No – be, being, been, am, is, isn't, are, aren't, was, wasn't, were, weren't.

Verses Due - Wednesday 23:59 PST
Voting Period Ends - Sunday 23:59 PST

Good Luck Mr. J Boredom

[Boredom]

check

[Mr. J]

Last train to the middle of nowhere, visitation minimal
eyes of the sentinel advising the wisest to remain trivial
admitting such a thing is not common for a crazed individual
raised & permitted to execute when deemed admissible
stuck, in the middle with you, debating over a civil suit
living with the ridicule of social lies and hidden truths
more than you could understand, depending on what you listen to
what you pay attention to, add a line, take extension to
another collection due, due to losses you'll need the extension too
remaining respectable head high, the outcast in the elevator
if only they could broadcast that instead of all that skittish behavior
give in to fantasia, break down sweeps week in the equator
without what I needed to say, further existence is another youth in asia

[Boredom]

..the simplest instruction can be over shadowed and forgotten if set in the dark for to long...
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i don't understand the task at hand
conceived a master plan, passed a clan
savage lands, decapitated by lack of plans
after man, death was blessed. treble clef
security in music, violins play. the devils left
annihilate the pressure stressed
take swords, insert them in the reddest chest
watch blood take a second step, and seep to dirt
stain the earth red, the relief won't work
a decent word, disturbed by what fact was told
earth's the one that's now after souls
impact's been sold, attempt to attack the mold
compact an abacus to count facts packed in holes
only ones left after know. so no one does
holy love, left in the dark to control the sons
light beams down in a folded crutch
if dignity is worth money, god sold the bluff
holding tough, yet still denying the truth
spoon fed insolence supplied the youth
it's trying, true, denied, abused
tyrants have turned into how giants grew
you can try to find the used
but the sad fact is it has been lost in thought
controlled by deviants who have lost a lot
often sought, but the ball has dropped
never to be picked up, so talk has stopped.
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..if you continue to live in the past tense, you will never find the future..

[Adonis]

Where the fuck are your voters???? Damn that's harsh. I'll go first though.

Two short verses both of which I had a tough time deciphering. As I'm running out of time in my day I shall cast a vote and explain why

V/Boredum

I think both verses were keyed, both had little direction and simply went where the pen took you. Which has nothing wrong at all, but I guess I enjoy something more well thought out over something not. Mr. J as always comes correct with flow, nice start to a verse with the train headed no where. But as the verse proceeded it felt like it was staggering, meaning it was progressively dulling. Where Boredum on the other hand started at a decent rate, but built steam, eventually winning me over with a better closer opposed to better opener.

[Boredom]

1-0 upppppppp

[Vulgar]

Mr. J, chill verse. Normalized itself well with the theme, and no real noticeable bumps. I thought the flip on extensions was nice. You used 'is' one time but it looked unintentional.

Boredom, a bit hollowed out in terms of meaning, like it flowed good but most of your statements were padded jabs without making any consistent, significant impact. Might've been due to the challenge limitations.

Cool work both. My vote goes to Boredom.

[Inno]

this was cool battle..

Mr J
I liked the skill shown. very crisp with your words and the flow. it felt natural as I read each line..i like these abstract type of pieces...feels like home to me lol so when reading this I related..good shit man. not to much imagery chalk that up to not enough content? maybe you meant that..either way this was fire.

boredom
ok so I liked the topic and the direction you too kyour writing in...you def showed some dope skills..but I gotta be honest man the beginning lines don't do it for me..i dunno the can plan clans...I felt like it was over done...but still this was solid piece that carried nicely as it devolped...beginning just bugs me lol..personal preference really.


overall
I got Mr J on this I felt like his piece was much more polished. I found myself nodding at a couple lines like dam that was coo. Bore droped some heat as well but that beginning just turned off from his piece...so yeah ama go with MR j...good battle folk

[Boredom]

..

[Objective]

Mr.J: Cool verse, decent flow and you executed the task well imo. Enjoyed the subject matter, along with great opening lines your piece kept me interested throughout alltho' I was focused on the task as well. Think it's the first time I've read a verse without a single period, that's a minus for me tbh. Beside of that shit was cool, keep it up.

Boredom: Interesting opening and closing lines. However, the piece itself flowed well but I had some issues here and there, perhaps the piece went over my head and for that I apologize.. but I've read the piece a couple of times now and I struggle to completely grasp what you mean by shit like this:

''a decent word, disturbed by what fact was told
earth's the one that's now after souls''

^ Ye, but how's the earth after souls though? Just didn't make sense to me tbh. You did the task you was given, but it was rather hard to understand what you were going at at times which kinda sucks, cuz it seems like you have some ideas/concepts here that's dope but doesn't really come out that clear.. At least it didn't do that to me. I don't know man, feel free to slap me a PM and explain if you think I'm in the wrong cuz I might be. But ye, that's the impression I'm left with after reading it.

Vote: Both did the task so pats on the back to both for that, it's challenging as fuck. However, overall I think Mr.J got this.

To clarify; my vote goes to Mr.J.

[Certain]

Mr. J: Your style is pretty distinct, and it seems like you could churn verses like this out all day. That played into your hand this week because you essentially were able to write the same type of verse you post regularly in Open Mic. This was a bit more streamlined, though, even in its abstractions. I still think you could do a better job connecting your thoughts by polishing transitions, but the vein of the idea of basically running late (which was a nice twist on this late-ass battle) was kept together. The progression would be to add a stronger commentary on the situation through the verse. I also think abstractions work best with strong reference points or more witticisms. In other words, for an abstract verse, this was a bit straightforward. There were a few polishing issues that would have strengthened various things, but I thought it was evident you wrote this quickly.

Boredom: You used conjunctions to hide quite a few uses of "to be" conjugations, so I have to vote against you. The idea wasn't simply to avoid using those words, in which case I could let you slide, but to not use "to be" verbs at all. Anyway, I thought you focused way too much on rhymes. This felt like an experimental flex to me, and you had a lot of potential interesting lines that were hurt by one or more forced rhymes. I respect that need to rhyme, but it's not an ideal approach for competition because your words simply don't hold up as well as your opponent's. I've read better by you for sure, and I would like to see you apply yourself fully because it's obvious you have talent.

Vote: Mr. J