Shut The Door You Idiot...It's Cold Out There

[Mr. J]

Get your sense knocked out, a door & a fence brought out
run free & get the flock out..comic effects are like PAAADOOAWWW
I have these flaps to keep the mud out, your flaps are run down..
a perfect umbrella when the suns out, yea I said it..what now??
I'm a performance expert, I flex whenever I'm near the 'text' word
the anomaly under pressure, probably due to the idiots & censors
probably not but it get's worse..I deliver the carpet & pull rug textures..
meaning you'll be meeting the ground..pussy, I eat it then pound
you like to kiss when genital diseases around, I eat 'fresh' no yeast, no doubt..
I go beast & I bounce, you get close, you smoke, fall asleep in her house
you call her 'wife' I call her 'later', if she a Barbie Girl she rides the Aqua elevator
getting wet downtown, splash another 3, take a shot from a pocketed container
get lit, Prometheus of these geniuses, cavemen go 'ugh' hop on each others penises'
I say 'yeuch' you say it's a 'New Year' but I'm in it for a slice of the pie
people think it's time to blow up, I burn your block down since gas prices aren't high...
I am, in fact I'm flying...and it feels like I might have Snoop Dogg driving..
check out this Soul plane...where there's so man dead heads that are thriving
it's ridiculous...but come right in...

[Objective]

Enjoyed the content, but didn't like the first four lines at all. ''Out'' was way too repetitive even though you're doing the ''but the word before it rhymes!!!'', it's a personal thing though since I got beef with that trend. And that PAAADOOAWWW would have worked better if I had managed to make it work properly with something, as a reader I didn't get the desired effect I guess. After the first four lines however it gets better in that department and I enjoyed what you were putting forth. Decent written with some funny wordplay and references here and there like the Barbie/Aqua thing. It was pretty cool, but not among the better things you've written imo.

[El Muffin]

that was the worst onnamommaigottapeeuh I ever seen im my life

but I enjoyed the read

your one of my favorites..but for a different reason than why I like dead man and certains stuff

"Prometheus of these geniuses, cavemen go 'ugh' hop on each others penises' "

gone.

hahahahaaaaaaa

[holocene]

hello Mr. J, nice writing here. The word choice was atypical of others in a good way. I think the writing was more seamed together and traditional than many writings here, it was more speaking to people than a dramatized soliloquy. One could imagine this being recited on a street corner, that is the style of delivery. It was a good length, not drawn out but satisfying.