Sunday

[Zen]

Take me back to Sunday
running through the trees,
and talking to them each.
Like they were you or me.

I liked how it used to be.
Young and too naïve.
It all was new to me.
Calming, truth-fully.

Somewhere along the way,
how we got lost, I don’t know.
Even on the coldest days
we had an island with no coast.

How I miss those moments. Hey,
the time it sure has flown.
Take me back to Sunday
for the silence that was our own.

Maybe I can’t see the sunshine
look as sweet as it once did,
or those leaves with butterflies
sweep within the wind.

But maybe in another life
I’ll be able to see them again.
Like they’re old friends.
Wake me when it begins.

[Pharaohs Army]

Nice1. smooth.

i thought the "island with no coast" was the coolest part, mostly from a rhyme perspective , but also the imagery/metaphor

[dead man]

you made me think of all the games i used to play in the summertime with my friends in our neighborhoods. hide and go seek tag. throwing rocks and snowballs at cabs. climbing onto rooftops just to see if we would fall.

these are all very dear memories to me. you excavate them and make me ponder on their relation to my self.

the sunshine does not look as sweet as it once did. neither does friendship or much else. herein lies my problem.

your ability to bring out these associations in others is what made me really like this, and what i generally love about your work. its image association, deeply personal and universal all in one.

thank you

[Truth Iscariot]

Zen! What's up amigo?!


I liked this, it had a brisk pace to it and some nice imagery. It ended on a bittersweet note and all in all felt like one cohesive thought even though it was broken into short stanzas there are reoccurring themes of longing past happiness. I once wrote something to the effect of this about my childhood. I think you hit the nail on the head with your sunshine stanza and all the subsequent Lines, that summed up exactly how I feel reminiscing long gone summers with friends that are too busy to spend time, maybe we'll spend time together in another life.

Good shit here Zen, besides a few repeating words I didn't like (maybe, how) this was nicely presented and written imo. Stirred up some memories

[PancakeBrah]

This was good. Not much to dissect. Just imparts a feeling everyone can relate to. You use your own nostalgia markers, but they're broad enough the people can relate. A nice little piece of emotion. A dollop, some would say! Also, I read your short story before you deleted it. Very neo-noir. Don't delete your pieces, Zen. That's for losers.

Thanks for the read!