Playoffs! Round 1: 7. Mr. J vs. 10. Dr Dog \\ Dr Dog wins 6-0

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/xQXiuie.gif

Round 1


The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=96884).

Check-ins are required by Wednesday, March 18, at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses are due Sunday, March 22, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Extensions of up to 24 hours are available upon request.

Votes are due Wednesday, March 25, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Each competitor must vote on three battles, with a penalty of one vote for every missed vote.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Topic


Cities


Good luck, Mr. J and Dr Dog.

[Split Eight]

Cities

well, the mess i'd left of the Central Artery
is exactly why i'm no architect.
the severed ends were once a part of me,
a city built round 30 years of hard-earned wrecks.
everyone pauses to marvel at the eyesore-
truth be told i've never harbored bad intent,
i'd much rather the ships go by. cargo, drier when
moored to the dock- than starboard, high as storms
would've tossed- but nothing more I'd explore of the cost.
as if journey's begin and then end with in vitro
abortion of thought. niacin. driving in, the mornings
I had off. it's why they come as they please.
the glimpses of sky. whisps of goodbye.
these drugs in release are not like drips from an eye
colder hands on a shivering shoulder
over wintry lands in a thinning enclosure,
cement barricades as you quickly approach her,
cylindrical prison eclipsing all but the tick of the motor
and you coast without ships-
the only Big Dig.

https://reshmillpreserve.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/grave-2.jpg

[Mr. J]

It was a long season, time flies especially on the road...
Then..it didn't matter if they lost, they want to go.
an impossible oath, shared between two opposite pro's
both mocking their home, same town, awkward, I know..
Pockets are lined, watches are shown, challenges fought
improbable hope..with so many advantages lost.
tempers controlled and the arguments managed to stop
word around town, spreading into the cities..
'There's a new team around! And they are winning'
Lets state the obvious, news columnists aren't that witty..
The team summoned Jiminy, playing cricket & kicking

[Soulstice]

That dog is a doctor - An ode to driving in Boston, Dante's seventh circle. I haven't infilitrated what you meant with the middle parts about 'ships go by' but the thematic continuation of them to parts where I did understand was good, as well as nods to the road systems - central artery/big dig. Very dope. I suppose a drugged up driver ended up killing a woman during a morning drive. Subtle character exposition and imagery was good (people stopping and staring, concrete enclosures, etc. lots of dimensions to a small scene.)

Mr J - uhh. A tale of two professional circket players that wasn't hugely developed. I didn't really get it. I guess the story was framed by a newspaper column or article, and one of the players was named jiminy, and the owners of the teams were rich. overall, this didnt do a ton for me. I guess it was a cutesy exposition but overall it didn't take me anywhere.

v- that dog is a doctor

[Adonis]

Longer version in mag

Not much longer though. WTF guys? Either of you have the potential to destroy the other verse if given 30 minutes to write, I am very disappointing. Dog had a confusing verse in a sense, but it had the makings of a complete body of work. Meanwhile Jay's was straight forward and seemed to end mid sentence. WTF?????


V/ Dog

While I enjoyed each verse for what they are, the Doc simply had a completeness while the ending in the beginning of Jay just irked me.

[Zen]

Dog: I noticed something about this as I was reading it that stuck out to me. Whenever you end a line mid-sentence, it's always good. "drier when" "vitro" "drips from an eye" Each of those were great. They set up the next line perfectly each time EXCEPT for the "cylindrical prison eclipsing" line. I felt that was a little too much, too soon on that one, but the rest was great. Cool verse.

Mr. J: The rhymes were cool as fuck in the first half of the verse but then you just seemed like you said fuck it. You could've had something if you would've kept going, man.

V/Dog, M.D.

[NYCSPITZ]

lmao @ this battle. You both can do 10000000x better

Mr. J, why did you write like 4 lines bro? Recognize when split fucks up and smash him. Split had some decent lines but was sloppy w/ shit like "journey's" and "whisps". Some throwaway lines like

i'd much rather the ships go by. cargo, drier when
moored to the dock- than starboard, high as storms

I mean, come on bro. I'm glad you stopped impersonating deadman to a T but you can do better. Mr. J you outdid split only in your lack of motivation.

v/ split

[UnbornBuddha]

Dr. Dog depicted a hit and run, with fleeting images to accompany the moment and its consequential effects, the barricades and public attention that it sets as the scene is enveloped by investigation and whatnot. Albeit short, it had closure, and the picture that depicts "here lies so and so" was the true ending in my opinion. But, I have seen you pen better admittingly.

Mr J. I believe you could have taken this if you had pushed yourself a bit more, I mean not to sound brash, but I've seen more elegant open mic cypher verses from you! I read it and did not find fault in it, but did not strike me as something you obviously put much heart into, thus while Split's reads a bit quickly written as well, I still resonated with his more.

Vote: Dr Dog.

[CopyPat]

fuck this battle. split i found ur verse typically confusing until buddha explained it for me, lol. i hate having to read shit twice or more, thats just gay.

mrj wtf. you keyed this in 2 minutes. shitty cause u prob coulda taken split this time. but I do get it... theres some topics where u Just CANNOT think of anything or give a fuck about. must have been the case. i've been there 2 or 3 times this season. sucks man.

i think its obvious that split took this, but it wasn't much of a battle.

VOTE: DMJ

thats not MRJ though... its a secret code for those who know