Playoffs Round 2: 5. NYCSPITZ vs. 4. CopyPat \\ NYCSPITZ wins 4-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/ve4aXeF.gif

Round 2


The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=96884).

Verses are due Monday, April 6, at 11:59 p.m. PT. There will be no extensions.

Votes are due Wednesday, April 8, at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Topic


"The secret of life is to have no fear." — Stokely Carmichael


Good luck, CopyPat and NYCSPITZ.

[CopyPat]

There’s over 300 million of us taking this journey
Suddenly we’re thrust in to this race and we’re squirming
Competing for position, just inching along
While the mediocre swimmers keep dwindling off
It’s officially on now: survival of the fittest
An intimidating job, but my mind is on the finish
We’re fighting in the trenches cause we’re slimy little wigglers
With dangerous defenses all conspiring against us
Trying with a vengeance to keep us in check
And so the dying is tremendous the deeper we get
Because there’s peril at every turn, it’s just a part of the summit
And the inherent smell of urine makes it harder to stomach
It’s dark and its pungent, the surroundings are strange
And all you can hear are the sounds of the waves
Pounding away, but we’re traveling blind
Moving on instinct… battling time
Progress is slow on this treacherous voyage
Half my comrades have croaked, and the rest are exploring
The pressure’s enormous as we soldier through the gauntlet
Because to get to the core is like snow in June or August
But I’m devoted to the cause, just because it’s in my nature
Overthrew the odds, only a dozen or two that made it
Rushing to the egg is an excursion truly rife with terror
And once we’re through the maze then we burrow through the final layer
Hurried too and by a prayer made it safe inside
You see fear is just a primal stage that paves the way for life.

[NYCSPITZ]

yo -

arrows pierce the warrior's skin a thousand times plus one
as cicada cries engulf the samurai in a nonplussed hum
retreating from mind's eye he sits still, steady drinking the breeze
- a life in the balance, he'd never even think of retreat
the forest road winds - peopled by all manner of spirits and rogues
but his gait's strong, indelibly set by a villainous code.
Militant stroll. Even evil spirits shy away from his life force orb
with just the flick of a wrist - hovering over his light short sword
when two assassins jump out of bushes with arrows of steel
the Ronin rushes them without thinking to narrow the field
a single cut in the still wind - death rises to silence
the deed small for his hard earned sizable violence.
A temple rises in the distance, sloped roof painted majestically red
inhabited by a Shinto god and the rest of his dead
walking in, ogres surround a tied woman nearly troubled by vagaries
her disconsolate, piercing scream - "get the FUCK away from me!"
he smiles at the beleaguered spirits - lowly bumbling bucks
one step, a swift slash - and they crumble to dust.
...but out of the brief silence a low laugh grows in rumbling puffs
an unseen force fills the room, and hastens the coming of dusk
"Brave Nomad, your future lies on an impossible cusp
leave now! Or your worst fear will be conjured at once."
roots grow from earthen floor - transformed to his clone, crying and terrified
he smiles, waving his hand nonchalantly to banish the terra sprite
she rushes into his arms, now he's lifting her shoulderside
the slightly psychopathic and coarse, Darwinian noble type



.

[Split Eight]

Really good battle. NYCSPITZ's ending confused me, until I realized that the samurai's greatest fear was to have fear. Thus, when he banished the shapeshifting demon, it was in the shame of himself in a wimpering mess. Copypat's verse was fluid and attentive to detail., encapsulating his theme well and not stumbling over diction or direction. NYCSPITZ's verse was not as smooth in composition, some of the lines made me stop to scratch my head. However, I felt more engrossed in his story and language after some initial confusion. I thought his take on this topic was clever, almost like a Frank verse.

Have to vote for NYCSPITZ for overall enjoyment and a nice little ending.

[Zen]

Pat: Beast mode. I know what you're talking about, but I won't say because that'd ruin the fun for the other dudes to figure it out. It was groovy. Rhymes for days, man. The little hints throughout were funny, too. Cool beans.

nycspitz: First off let me say that I hated "life force orb", but that's the one thing I hated. The rest was cool. Very well written and went along with no real hiccups. Good story about a samurai, and actually the first line of this started out almost the exact same of something I wrote a long time ago lol. Anyway, this was cool.

V/Patrick because his verse was deep huehuehue. But seriously.

[Certain]

CopyPat: This was a really creative take on the topic. I didn't think the execution was as strong as it could've been. You weren't very funny about it, and the rhymes weren't as clean as I expect, though they had all the complexity. The ending seemed rushed. Your obsession with penis is weird. But I like this verse.

NYCSPITZ: Man, you both wrote exactly to type here. This was such an NYCSPITZ verse in every way. What I really liked were the theme's literal topic interpretation and the fight sequence, which was very visual. I wish you had dug deeper on motivations, but your execution topped your opponent's.

Vote: NYCSPITZ

[UnbornBuddha]

This is a difficult battle for me to decide on.
Copy wrote an exposition detailing the journey of birth, and of ensuring of survival afterwards. As an avid admirer of the habitat at large, not too long ago, I saw a type of documentary detailing in exact scenery what you tried to convey here. Yet, even the shores don't represent safety for this type of crustacean/anthropod, or amphibian creature.ie. "slimy little wigglers". I can't remember the type of animal that goes through this struggle. Humans have it much different, we are born into sterile environment, at the whim of man and woman with white gloves ready to take us into examination, if we come out in a state of injury or trauma. But I digressed. The fear here is primal as you said. I enjoyed it, some of the detailing became littered with human emotion, and it became more of a human entry, almost that of a soldier, and the struggles for survival felt less primal but more contrived. Less instinctual, and more situational is how it began to emblematically manifest.

NYC: I have read similar tales from you, tales of fantastical lore from the feudal era, especially concerning samurai. Ironically enough, before reading the verse I was seeing one of my favorite samurai battle scene, where a blind samurai fights another law bidden orderly samurai, a good scene indeed. The fear here is the voice in the samurai's head that manifests outwardly, conquering it is crucial because a samurai must have no fear, or must surpass fear as to live by his code.

This is difficult for me because I quite like both approaches. I felt NYC topic was less creative, and he definitely has done a version of this tale. Copy approach was smooth and had a nice vantage point. But, at the end of the day NYC detailing of the scenery took this. He managed to imprint into my mind's eye the scene at hand. If Copypat had been more expansive in his unfolding of the process, which might require some research, I feel he would have took this easily because his topical starting point was stronger.

Vote: NYC

[Soulstice]

CopyPat - I literally read four words and instantly thought you were going to write about sperm. Aaaand I was right. I liked the connection to the topic a lot. It stuck out to my most, actually, the way that even at it's most nascent stages the driving forces of life are evidenced to be fear and sex. Mostly fear, in the case of the sperms. This was a fun piece with dope flow.

Nyc - dope imagery. sometimes I get lost in your pieces because of all the obscure words and the sometimes over-developed scenery that a reader might focus on, forgetting about the action. That's the most difficult part of your style, i think - striking a balance between imagery and action, and since it is so based on being fantastical and detailed, you sometimes oversaturate your piece. Here, you struck that balance. The samurai seemed too powerful and I wish he was in for more of a fight, but the imagery was perfect and I could see the earthen clone battle, the ogres, and the temple and ogres and stuff. Dope.

v - nycspitz for nailing his style a little bit more

[dead man]

copypat - i had skimmed this a few times before but never really taken a sharper look at it and when i caught the true nature of your verse i was almost taken aback at how long it took me to realize it. very clever take on the topic, simple and streamlined, accessible and well executed, this was copypat in full effect. really great. im having trouble finding a weakness other than a lack of overwhelming strength. if that makes sense. sometimes you're almost like mario in smash brothers. very reliable and balanced, straight forward as can be. on the flip side, no very outstanding element to your combat style to trump the particular strengths of others. at least not all the time. your rhyming ability is certainly head and shoulders above most everybody on here. so theres that. idk. but i really liked this verse.

NYC - verses like this bring me back to 2007. i used to love writing these samurai westerns as you may know. this was a very image-heavy amazonian afrojack sort of vibe. i love reading this type of verse still. it's cinematic and visceral and the most entertaining when done right. and i think you know how to do it right. there is one huge downside to this type of verse, however, and its that they require some real length to do their own weight any justice. that is to say, the effort spent creating this beautiful scenery can fold in on itself if you don't supply the verbiage to support it. this is more or less a blink into the damsel in distress category, and what was here was great, but my main issue was how hungry i left after it was over. without getting too long-winded and not saying much: i don't think you wrote enough to support your own brand of story telling this week. maybe you felt obliged to match pat's length, which is honorable, but did not cater to the type of verse you chose to compete with.

for satiation alone, i must go with COPYPAT.

thanks to both contenders.

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