Playoffs Round 2: 3. UnbornBuddha vs. 11. Adonis \\ UnbornBuddha wins 4-0

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/ve4aXeF.gif

Round 2


The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=96884).

Verses are due Monday, April 6, at 11:59 p.m. PT. There will be no extensions.

Votes are due Wednesday, April 8, at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Topic


"The future belongs to those who prepare for it." — Malcolm X


Good luck, Adonis and UnbornBuddha.

[Adonis]

Expanding belly; as a father to be, infuriated
An unbreakable bond that's sincerely ancient
A love molded beyond physical placement
Search for a similar couple, become an uncivilized vagrant
Most lustful pagans fornicate with a blink of an eye
But they...
Waited
Even after their hands were unified
Think of a life, groomed by the brightest beaming of light
Brought along and taught the wrong in need of reprise
Yet –
Despite the womb, the seed was planted when ripe
A hymen intact through the births consequent act
His eloquent tact; A youth wise beyond his maturing path
capturing wrath, transforming and releasing it's mass
Dissolving despise down to a glowing incite
A love unknowingly changing our lives

I digress...

Imagine your wife emitting a glow
Sprightly beaming a light whose purpose is known
A virgin at night whom sleeps all alone
Yet awakes, pregnant, in the dewiest morn
You claw your scalp, confused, delirious and torn
Heart broken yet curious with cause for concern
Both angry and grateful, rolled into one
Still not a father but “blessed” with raising their son
Hating life, since his birth, the abrasion begun
You're a man with a good soul being shaved down to crumbs
Feeling feet on your head, a paving stone to the throne
A single rung on the ladder washing brains to the bone
Creating devotees. Worshipers, then cleansing the clones


YOU

Just a man. The simplest kind
Ordinarily passing the time
A pair of sandals laced with the thinnest of twine
Marching the sandiest peaks by design
A gentle soul taught to walk down the line
A blood sequenced and raised by your kind
Half human half more and enshrined
But, you're just a man
And He's, just better than you
Your child is that which you can't rebuke
Your pure soul shown a shackle and noose
Devoured and bruised
Over shadowed by your godlike festering root
God, bless it. The child prodigy that they appointed to you

[UnbornBuddha]

"Demonic absolution"

Up in his godly podium the preacher remarked
His message to the nearby seekers who starve
For validation of the symbol they love.
The parishioners listen attentively to the demon like thoughts
Hypnotized by what’s disguised as the ether of God.
In the hope of salvation, the divine liquor is drunk
It’s depressing when molestation becomes spiritual touch
And it’s even sadder when your own image is lost
Replaced by the creed of a dystopian wizard of Oz
A minister delivering sinister talks about bathing in rivers of blood
Which, you go do for the sake of rebirth, like the phoenix has done
The difference is we limit our tongue to tasting only the bitterest drugs.
So, instead of healing you end up covered with shingles and pox
Resembling the very sinners you shunned. Thus,
Our orifices corrupt as we sensitize to the alchemical elixir of frauds
Cinnabar cups that make our facial features turn gaunt
The valves in our heart were the first thing Edward Scissorhands cut,
The emissary for the infernal crucifixion we sought.

How can a man dream of the future when the earth is destined to die?
Its core will explode, letting light enter those already second guessing their life
This thing we call the future is but a second of life that hasn’t entered our sight
Yet, we center our mind on the darkness of its endless nights. A senseless plight.
The future’s uncertainty is a demented design; its very nature meant to have died
I say lies!!! But, astrologers state the future can be readily read if you try
All you have to do is find a link to the past and look at the reflection that it shines
But, what exactly are they looking at, a pulsing vessel of some kind?
Were they a special child with indigo eyes whose only expression was fright?
Delightfully, I wonder if the end will have any dimensional signs
Like some type of signal or warning from an extraterrestrial tribe.
Yet, some will survive because they will choose the route of a cryogenic device
They’ll be frozen in time, & sent in space pods to float in the ocean like sky.
The future belongs to those who have the means to grow up just fine
But, for the rest of us in the hellhole, we are hoping to rise
Hopefully this charismatic preacher, Satan, opens the gates
Yet, it is not this enclosed gateway that is holding us caged
It is the carcinogens in our DNA that hold us in this plane. All the opiates craved.
Fleeting moments are clones, created by a linear chromosome phase
The future arises when the present moment has decayed
We all crave to be immortalized, like crystallized stones in a cave
But, turn batty as the future shows us poetic pain, heroic fate.
Caught in the past’s flow when our favorite ghosts go insane
At the point in time,
We’re no longer soothed by root beer floats in the day. Instead,
We await the result of purging our veins, as we atone for your pain
That you blame on us, without the slightest sanctimonious shame
Have mercy, I already wake up every day with the most metallic unholy taste.
Those who prepared for the subsequent are gloating in our face
For while they lounge in paradise, us omens go down the drain.
`

[NYCSPITZ]

Adonis, your suffixes really threw me off at times especially in the first half of the verse. Some tense changes were inconsistent and didn't make sense. Overall it was iight but you can do better homie. Add to this the fact that it's a "Jesus is God's Son" verse and I just can't give it props. Don't mean to disrespect in any form, I respect people's spirituality but it's just not something I in particular feel as a topic, esp. for a topical.

Unborn you've improved quite a bit. Cut loose a lot of rambling and became far more to the point and laconic (for you) with the word choice. Your rhymes came off smooth and unimpeded, I enjoyed the verse as a whole. A lot of reaching for various pseudo-spiritual material, but it was all contained within a singular globular mass and I was able to follow the shade of your thoughts. I'd give it a B if there were grades given to topicals.

Vote: UB

[Split Eight]

I really, really loved UnbornBuddha's verse. It was the best I've read of him. His approach was almost like a thesis, where a point is given and then supported with various types of supporting details. It makes for a strong, if dry verse when properly structured- and the enjoyment depends on the quality of writing/ presentation and rhetorical basis, a difficult best to tame.

Adonis's verse was about the birth of a prophet and the burden placed on the father who played no true role in the immaculate conception. It was a fantastic portrayal of each character's viewpoint: the father, God, the prophet- however a satisfying conclusion that enveloped the established thematic connections never came around. Also didn't like howmthe characters were developed so thoroughly, while the mother was left an empty vessel. Highly advise you to finish this with a strong ending pertaining directly to the topic, as it's the most balanced and thorough piece of writing you have on file until this point.


V/ Buddha

[Zen]

Adonis: Ay, that flow was going pretty damn good in the beginning, but towards the middle you started to drift away from it. The story was cool. Child worship is always a plus in my book. I would have liked a little more emotions in this verse though instead of so many physical details. Like instead of describing his sandals, tell me what that nigga feels, dig? It was rad though. I dig it, especially the first half.

UnbornBuddha: Half the time I read your work I think maybe you're trying to do too much, but you have moments where you do just enough and you a drop a few moments of brilliance. You were pretty brilliant here. Now if you can find a way to condense this much content into the length of your cypher verses, you'd be tough to beat any day. Cool, man. Very cool.

V/Buddha because he came with that zygote shit.

[Certain]

Adonis: Jesus verses are always polarizing, and even before reading UnbornBuddha's verse I thought this was a bad strategic choice. The ending was a bit abrasive and too direct. I'm not even sure if this was a Jesus verse or some bizarre elaborate misdirection, but I wasn't a fan. The writing was OK, aside from occasional phrasing issues. But I just didn't think you brought something that could open up my thinking.

UnbornBuddha: "How can a man dream of the future when the earth is destined to die?" Best verse you've written here. Your words were approachable and intellectual, while you offered strong thoughts. And the flow was good. Keep it up.

Vote: UnbornBuddha