so this other bish I just started talkin to...well...I made brief mention of her before...

[Ghost1]

Ayo. Yo. But look.


So.

She the one who's fiance got cancer in his shoulder joints er what have u. I am nearly positive he is still fighting the good fight because she said she couldn't go get her dildo atm in a text cuz he was in there sleep. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So this bitch look like she 14 but she got sum green hair highlights an tattoos an a nose ring. So she texts me talm bout wat hobbies do u have etc. So of course I'm like...I'm an ncg. I fagot harder then all the fagots. I'm bout that lime life. An I told her I be lifting. She knows. CUZ I'm fuckin chiseled but I told her anyways so it didn't seem like my only hobby is calling peaple fagot an nigger on the Internet. She's like oh well...I do cosplay an I play card games. An I'm like....bitch u wot? wat is a cosplay like u shop at Costco er wat manner of fuckery r u whining bout!? an cards...like...poker!? She like nah....I watch japo gook cartoons about chinks pulling rickshaws full of rice thru Tokyo in robot costumes with guns that are larger then the actual character......... then ....I dress up like these people like it's Halloween an go to comicon events an they judge me. So....ant this point I'm losing interest....she won't send any pics an my once hard dick has become flaccid and impatient. (I posted her pic w me on Halloween if u member she was Alice in wonderland.) So then I'm like cool. Wat cards do u play....an she's like magic the gathering....an talm bout people play in flyer decks with lifesteal an I'm like....when he is this happening. Then she like......I also like getting fucked with a buttplug jammed in my asshole. U you waaaaaaaat!? She's like yea u can hit me an choke me an throw me around. I like chick's I like to eat PUSSY an this erotic confessional of absurd sexual activities just comes spurting out of this tiny nerd an I'm shocked. Intimidated even. She said she been with over 50 guys!? She weighs 90lbs an I'm terrified of her. Obv I made her tell me more while I jerked off to her Alice pic from Halloween but bros....should I enter tbis tiny see demons ravaged cooler bug!? What if she does something I never seen before or.wants me to do something I don't know how to do? Buttplugs!? Idk if I'm ready for this life bros. Do I just pop the plug into her butthole an just leave it there....what does it look like? A bottle binky!? How hard does she want me to choke her!? Didn't David Caradine die like that!?!? An he was a kung fu master. This bitch just slut with a pension for manga and intricate sexual exploration. She ain't shit. Sure to die. Or what if her fiance dies of cancer while we r fuckin an she gets the call after we get done? Can u say awkward? She prolly like a 6 tho.

Discus?

[dead man]

Do it

No question. Push her perverted anal gaping limits

This is an opportunity. Many of us quest unsuccessfully for an adventurous whore of this magnitude. Unless she is super hideous, do it.

Obviously she's a major cunt of a human being but that's even better reason to inflict as much pain as possible on her while you're fisting her piss hole with brass knuckles. Do it

[Ghost1]

Lol my dude.

Where is it acceptable to hit her u think?

Is donkey punching still a thing...U think I can t off on the back of her dome? Looool

[PancakeBrah]

pension slayed me.

Idk. Go for it?

[Mr. J]

Forget the plug...

use your arm..
become a ventriloquist..
profit...

[Strikta]

This slut sounds like pure trash.

I wouldn't hit her.. but I'd do alotta choking & slapping.

I bet she got that pony buttplug.. the tail jawn.. they vicious too when hitting it from the back.

I'd cum in her butt & make her fart it out on a plate then rail it w/ a 5 dollar bill.. then chop her in the neck when she swallows the drip.

Lol do her xtra dirty yo. Don't be intimidated, fuck that shit.

[Ghost1]

Lmaoooooo


reppppppped

[Witty]

She sounds delightful.

[Allen Knight]

give her a jelly donut.

[Mike Wrecka]

skinny nerd chicks are the freakiest



you are about to embark on a most excellent adventure


condoms lots of condoms. u gonna rip through that three pack and just raw dog it. choking her out and forget to pull out. then shes preggo


at that point you will embark on a bogus journey


gl

[Wise Wiggles]

Go there in like a costume or some shit. Like a giant pikachu. And then cut a hole to put your wang thru. Bust in there. With boxing gloves & meth and give her hell. You have our blessing. Don't kill her though. Keep this one alive.

[PancakeBrah]

What if her husband dies and she latches onto you emotionally and tries to marry you? Like, you guys are fucking and her phone goes off. She reaches for the phone as you're aggravated assaulting her with your fists. It's a text. "Hey your husband died." She puts the phone down. Looks at you. Calls you 'new husband'. Via anime, she thinks you absorbed her husbands soul because she was cheating on him with you when he died. Like a samurai. She stalks you for the rest of your days. You fend off her advances for years, knowing she's crazy. But eventually, long after Netcees.org is a dead website, you find yourself sitting alone in your apartment. The years have taken their toll on you. You never made it like you thought you would. Life's okay, but kind of pointless. Aimless. The beard is more gray than colored now. There's a bald spot. Maybe you're a few Maker's Marks in. You get one of her dozen daily texts. You had blocked her number, but a few weeks ago you secretly unblocked her. Don't know why. Bored, needed something. Not quite sure what. You find that she's still texting, despite being blocked. Your previous weariness of her insanity is still there, but it's mixed. What's that? Intrigue? I mean, it has been awhile. Maybe it won't be so bad, to have someone who's obsessed with you and thinks you absorbed her dead husband's soul. It can't be worse then the nightly loneliness and hidden but oh so real case of adult onset alcoholism. So, again, you get the text. Your wrinkled thumb hovers over the hologram keypad of the iPhone 25. Not really sure what to say. You open up the Makers, already half empty at this point, and take a long pull. Her text reads "BAGS SAN; pls reply. Miss husbands soul xoxo p.s. new buttplug". You can't help but grin. Still up to her old tricks, the psycho bitch. Fuck it. You reply "Want to come over?". Jokes on you, she's been waiting outside. She comes in. Calls you husband. You're not sure if serious, but it's okay. Someone's here. Anyone's here. There's no time for flirtation. You guys get right back to your old ways. Sex that's considered felonious in most states. During post-coitus you reflect on your shame and wonder at what exact point everything went so wrong. But there's no longer any time for that. You look over and she's not in the bed? "Hey where are you?" No response. You get out of bed, still drunk. You walk out to the kitchen of the apartment you've lived in for the past 10 years. She's dressed as a character from Cowboy Bebop and doing a rain dance over a dead rat chanting her ex-husbands last name. You think you should tell her to leave but it's mesmerizing. She stops. Silence hangs in the air. She lets out a primal shriek, grabs the bottle of Makers and breaks it over the counter, holding it aggressively towards you. You think you should run. But the alcohol is mixing with the deep regret and long faded embers of your youthful rage. You sit down and light a cigarette and sigh. "Get it over with." She stabs your jugular while screaming "Pikachu!" then shits on you and leaves, muttering that she "got the soul back." As you lie dying, you realize it's not so bad after all.

[Ghost1]

A simple lol with several o's would simply not do that post justice.

I lold multiple times.


Strong everythinh.
big baby

[oats]

when I was 22, I was fucking a 37 year old. anyone who has seen my movie The Newest Pledge may recognize her as the woman who played my mother. Big ol fake titties. it was intimidating, but exciting. she learned me real quick. chicks like that are def worth the exploration for the old pump and dump. anyway I digress, she introduced me to the plug game, and it's weird but cool, just there to prep the butthole while you do other shit. first time I used toys on a person, too. pushed the limits of my freak ceiling, stuck fingers and shit in my butt, but I went with it.

in short, I say go with it, get away with as much as you can, just remember that most chicks aren't like that. after a few weeks with the aforementioned chick, I did some gnarly shit to other girls (stuck my toes in their vagina while they were doming me, punched them in the ribs and shit), and they generally were not pleased with my behavior.

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

smh nigga just pipe the bitch and stick ya finger in her ass while you give her those baby strokes, faggot.

the fuck you all nervous for?

lame nigga.

[Objective]

Do it, you know you want to.

[Ghost1]

when I was 22, I was fucking a 37 year old. anyone who has seen my movie The Newest Pledge may recognize her as the woman who played my mother. Big ol fake titties. it was intimidating, but exciting. she learned me real quick. chicks like that are def worth the exploration for the old pump and dump. anyway I digress, she introduced me to the plug game, and it's weird but cool, just there to prep the butthole while you do other shit. first time I used toys on a person, too. pushed the limits of my freak ceiling, stuck fingers and shit in my butt, but I went with it.

in short, I say go with it, get away with as much as you can, just remember that most chicks aren't like that. after a few weeks with the aforementioned chick, I did some gnarly shit to other girls (stuck my toes in their vagina while they were doming me, punched them in the ribs and shit), and they generally were not pleased with my behavior.

fuckin GON at rib shots hahaha.

[oats]

I reached an unprecedented level of SoCal bro shitheadedness in my college years.

[Split Eight]

do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster

[Split Eight]

Bagsworth Bentley

[Split Eight]

Sharp happens to be my boy in Shamokin

[Wise Wiggles]

do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster

Most mystical and heavenly post I have had the pleasure of laying eyes on.

I can not thank you enough my good sir.

All reps go to labrodildo.

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

This nigga said Kung pow spin kick.

I couldn't read anymore lmao

[Ghost1]

do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster

Fucking weeping in the stairwell at work right now. Lmfao. Dead.dead.dead

So many quotables.

This should be the response to every inquiry about a woman hence forth until the sun burns out.


rep.

[Sharp]

Sharp happens to be my boy in Shamokin

what the fuck is shamokin lol



also I want to sit down and read this megapost when I get home.... good god I'm terrified lol


EDIT: holy shit. Welcome back split

[PancakeBrah]

Bags' initial post was high level boarding.

My post was high level boarding, if I can so say so myself.

That Split Eight post was something else entirely.

We used to have threads with this quality of posting all the time :(

R.I.P. .com & .co

[Neighbor]

Pics

[Vulgar]

lol

[Certain]

Dr Dog just destroyed my brain at a far-too-early hour. I was going to quote "an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage" but it kept getting better.

[El Muffin]

Hahaha

Dead @ desu desu coffee hehe translating to epic MacGyver rape

+1

[~RustyGunZ~]

This thread is the rebirth of hlb

keep it up

[Shank]

holy sweeet fuck at some of the posts in this thread

kudos sirs, ku fuccking dos.

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

Dr dog post disco HOF worthy tbh.

[Ghost1]

I have updates for this thread.

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

You didn't fuck the whore.




We already know. You were to pussy, you fat faggot.

[Ghost1]

Even a pathetic loser like u couldn't drag this thread down. Feel free to post in it 10 more times tho. We all value ur input immensely.

[Destroyer]

I know I do!

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

Lmao

Your such a loser bro

Like seReallyously.

You can't pull bitches above scum dirt. Why? Your ugly and fat. And your probably stink like hisitic musty Jews on a hot we day bundled up in their top hats and trench coats.

Your trailer trash son.

[Ghost1]

I wish I could pretend that u were the first person I shit on an then had follow me around for a year......but ur not....an I don't care....Ur not cool....Ur not funny in anyway....ur a liar....ur run a loser ...Ur a cornball...every1 on the site has told u this in one way or the other.....an u always have sum lame reason why they r the loser an not u

At some point it's just u bro

But please

People will want to read this thread for enjoyment.....not to read multiple butthurt rants from sum lonely spic w a deep routed bags obsession....so don't do it for me....do it for them....go away



Will be back with more details soon.

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

Delusional my man.

I'll let you shine tho. I know you excited about pulling hoes that resemble uh oh.

Fat fuck.

[Ghost1]

Pics

https://i.imgflip.com/k3g5z.jpg

Fuckin done@her gook shirt ...just noticed that lol


https://i.imgflip.com/k3g91.jpg

[Neighbor]

Have you jizzed on her face yet?

[Sharp]

Tell me you gave her that desu desu coffee~~ work exactly as split described

[Ghost1]

Still building my seadad300 actually. U wouldn't know it from Dr dogs incredibly detailed instructions but the assembly is a nightmare.


An nah NEIGH

She comin over tuesday nite tho at which point I will deconstruct her.

I think she gon be the one to let me pee on her too.

Gonna ask on that after we fuck like twice.

[El Muffin]

She kinda cute in that nerd Anime cosplay type of way

Word up

Obliterate that ass n let us know what went down

[Ghost1]

Fuck u muff. Get the fuck out of my thread.

[El Muffin]

Still. Let us know

I'll be back for update

Quality thread

Be ez kid

[Neighbor]

She looks like she'd take all kinds of nonsense

Immortalize her

[Split Eight]

She's a bit Joker in the face, but she'll do, Bags. She'll do

[oats]

prominent chin, ripe for beard-ifying. she's a blank canvas to do all sorts of disrespectful shit on. MAKE YOUR MASTERPIECE

[Witty]

Scum.

Scum everywhere.

[Ghost1]

https://i.imgflip.com/k6kur.jpg


So this is a card game she plays.
anime_boners to name that game?


She came over an sucked my weiner till I jazzed in her hair last nite


She canceled on me tonite tho.....guess her fiance cancer flaring up er something. She said she be back over in a few days tho.


Then I will immortalize her


Lmfao. Gone@immortalize.

[Hush]

well done sir


She got the white chyyinspiracy jaw going but I'd slam

[Ghost1]

Lol no doubt she do got that jigsaw doll chyiinnn.

[big baby]

https://i.imgflip.com/k3g91.jpg

wut da fuq? bb confews

http://i.imgur.com/FqWj4Ox.png

[Ghost1]

Way gone.


I seen her pits in that pic an was disgusted as well.

Bravo bb. Bravo.

She's also a psycho

But I'll get to that later.

[Sharp]

She's also a psycho

But I'll get to that later.

fuck you mean later

you set this whole thing up from cancer-ridden fiance to naruto shittake fetish to fucking Uno: anime bonerz edition

we know she's a rabid psycho and check this thread to hear the specifics and you DANGLE them just out of our reach???


shame on you bags







put your dick in that bellybutton while youre at it why dont you

[Allen Knight]

wut da fuq? bb confews

http://i.imgur.com/FqWj4Ox.png

HAHAHAH


but Bagsworth Bentley its tuesday, did u beat or nah.

[Ghost1]

Read the goddammn thread allen


Dead@sharp. Soon.

[Allen Knight]

damn gotta read thru all this bull an catch up.

but loll word, its time to bend her over an show her the 50 states

[Ghost1]

Lol I'm gonna try to punch her.

[anime_boners]

https://i.imgflip.com/k6kur.jpg


So this is a card game she plays.
anime_boners to name that game?


She came over an sucked my weiner till I jazzed in her hair last nite


She canceled on me tonite tho.....guess her fiance cancer flaring up er something. She said she be back over in a few days tho.


Then I will immortalize her


Lmfao. Gone@immortalize.

HOW DID A WEISS PLAYER INFILTRATE THE LIFE A NORMIE SCUM LIKE YOU


EDIT: ALSO - POWERFUL IRONY IN THAT YOUR TREATMENT OF WOMEN, AT LEAST FROM THE LENS OF YOUR POSTS HERE, IS GENERALLY ABUSIVE. YET WHEN FACED WITH A WOMAN WHO IS INTO ABUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

PASS HER MY WAY. I AM SEASONED IN DEALING WITH ANIME NERD GIRL CLOSET FREAKS. (THAT'S MOSTLY ALL OF THEM BTW)


edit2 : how have you been. I missed u

[Amen.]

Chiseled part leaned me

Too who bro?

Too who?

[Ghost1]

HOW DID A WEISS PLAYER INFILTRATE THE LIFE A NORMIE SCUM LIKE YOU


EDIT: ALSO - POWERFUL IRONY IN THAT YOUR TREATMENT OF WOMEN, AT LEAST FROM THE LENS OF YOUR POSTS HERE, IS GENERALLY ABUSIVE. YET WHEN FACED WITH A WOMAN WHO IS INTO ABUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

PASS HER MY WAY. I AM SEASONED IN DEALING WITH ANIME NERD GIRL CLOSET FREAKS. (THAT'S MOSTLY ALL OF THEM BTW)


edit2 : how have you been. I missed u


Hahahaha

Yo

I peed on this chick since uve been gone

Dead@u knew the game tho hahahaha

Been decent ... wats good bro bro?

[Amen.]

Lol I'm gonna try to punch her.

Lol, when you giving her back shots

give her a nice hook/jab to the ribs bro

then prepare yourself

bitches pussy will rain moisture as well as lock up

Kind of fell madddddd wet then you will feel her kegal muscles tighten to no end

hopefully you have stamina

cause that feelin make you want to nutt instantly

[Swerve]

I'd cum in her butt & make her fart it out on a plate then rail it w/ a 5 dollar bill.. then chop her in the neck when she swallows the drip.

I got up to here and I could read no more.

Slayed.

[anime_boners]

Hahahaha

Yo

I peed on this chick since uve been gone

Dead@u knew the game tho hahahaha

Been decent ... wats good bro bro?

wowzers @ peed on her. these anime girls are freaks man I'm telling you. just a lot of them have more emotional baggage than is worth dealing with. and I don't have in my heart to hurt them :c

I know the game, but even weeaboo trash like me look down upon weiss players like nerds so that tells you something. also if you took that pic, and were in the house while they played you are one of us now. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

me I've been waaaaay up then it all crashed and now life is shitty and w/e but I'm turning it around. not sure what part of crawling back to this place is "turning it around" but ya know. whatever.

[Ghost1]

Loooool YO she sent me that pic I was not in the vicinity of that game...

An yea she legit down for anything

Mad annoying tho. Personality is dog shit. She plays sum online game all nite too...I'll have to ask her wat it's called lol

An word man....I hear ya....doin a bit of rebuilding myself

[anime_boners]

pissing on weiss players is not rebuilding

unless this is the destroy in the destroy and rebuild process.

[Ghost1]

Lmaoooooo

U rite

[anime_boners]

i dont judge tho. I could use a nerd girl that drinks piss in my life.

they need like.. a e-dating app thats exclusive to the freaks and geeks. like tinder cool n all but it's all normies and shit i lose interest in very quickly.


like if tinder were parallel to twitter.. I need the tumblr equivalent. chicks who cat ears and fox tail ass plugs and have their anime boyfriend on a wall scroll n shit.

[Ghost1]

I was never ready for this world .....but now I'm intrigued an considering going to the next anime convention to bag up some more weirdos

[anime_boners]

I was never ready for this world .....but now I'm intrigued an considering going to the next anime convention to bag up some more weirdos

I don't think this works. tho, I never went to a con actually

but from what I know via ones that have


- a lot of underage girls go, so usually the outsiders who go there are looked at like perverts and they usually are

- if you don't know anything you'll be ostracized. you'd be on our turf. you'd be like the anime club showed up to the normie bar to hit on chicks in full cosplay.

- anime girls have enough trouble trying to enjoy a con while socially inept nerds try to hit on them, they don't need any extra grief in what should be a safe zone. especially when you consider how some have like social anxiety issues and stuff. be nice

[Ghost1]

Ok so....Wat ur saying is I need a costume

[anime_boners]

no nigga what I'm saying is stay away.

you'd be an infidel on sacred grounds.

you'd start a war. we are more powerful than you believe us to be.

[~RustyGunZ~]

you'd need more than a costume

you'd need to do indepth research on at least a handful of different manga/anime/fantasy/scifi projects

you'd be at an event dedicated to those things, no matter which victim you choose to pray on, they'll want to talk about something involving those things and will sniff you out when you say Inuyasha was a great batter for the yankees

[Ghost1]

Man I find it hard to believe I can't just pick up a chick that's of lower aesthetics then me based purely on looks.....like any other place in life

Although she did get type heated wen I called her online game world of war craft

I'm like BITCH it's the same thing

Ud of thought I raped her mother

[Split Eight]

do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster

anime_boners

[Ghost1]

Lol my fav post of nc ever

[anime_boners]

Man I find it hard to believe I can't just pick up a chick that's of lower aesthetics then me based purely on looks.....like any other place in life

Although she did get type heated wen I called her online game world of war craft

I'm like BITCH it's the same thing

Ud of thought I raped her mother

if you are a normie dude and you show interest in anime girls on neutral ground - it's unexpected and can be appreciated, that the type of person expected to shun them is giving them attn (assuming they want it)

when you enter in to NERD TERRITORY it becomes too blatantly predatory, and the girls there that would normally be down will be turned off.

if you know your shit, you can move seamlessly between worlds (like me). but an up and down normie like you would not be accepted.


lol @ getting tight over calling it WoW. it HAS to be FF14.

[~RustyGunZ~]

top 3 without a doubt

[anime_boners]

anime_boners

that post crosses the line into "it would take actual effort to read"

and I donno you're posting acumen unless you're someone I knew with a new name so I'm not gonna bother.

[~RustyGunZ~]

he's split 8

[Ghost1]

that post crosses the line into "it would take actual effort to read"

and I donno you're posting acumen unless you're someone I knew with a new name so I'm not gonna bother.

I promise u its worth the read

[anime_boners]

I caved and read it anyway

I wanted to see if I could guess who it was. would guess batty or big baby. been gone too long I guess. lol'ed pretty hard regardless

also, the thing about reminding her of her disproving father is super, super real

way gone tho because there's too many references in that post to legit sadlife anime shit that you wouldn't know if you didn't have at least 1 foot in this world.

[Amen.]

lmao just read that shit

this nigga said collapsible stock of the blunderness w/e hahaha

maybe this dr dog faggot is funny lol

[Diode]

bags post current pic of piss broad

[Ghost1]

Lol k...later...she's gross :(

[Amen.]

lol @ she's gross

[anime_boners]

sometimes you just gotta get with a 5 solely because she's down for some outrageous shit

[Split Eight]

wow do I have a story for you guys about banging a 5

[YDK]

I've been gone. Did bags finally pull off the golden shower on some pathetic whore? I need the story if so

[Saint]

Bags, I think you should get a costume and go to a con..


Ur best bet is to walk in on hentai fest or yaoi theater ir w/e the fuck it is nowadays..

[Ghost1]

I will ask her if u are giving me good advice tonite

[anime_boners]

yaoi theater ir w/e the fuck it is nowadays..

not sure if you're trying to troll him

or trolling yourself by using words you don't know the meaning to.


also a lot of cons end with a giant nerd rave, if anything you'd be best off there if you really wanted to fuck a nerd chick. but like I said man, you're not gonna get very far if you get exposed as an outsider.

[Saint]

Last time I been to a con was a decade ago, I dont watch much anime anymore, but one of my boys was into it big time. I went for the showroom and j pop concerts, I got an autograph from koda kumi iirc.


anyway, i remember after midnight they set a big theater room for hentai and the girls were goin crazy in it. son of the weirdest hentai I ever seen too, only stayed briefly.

[anime_boners]

>koda kumi autograph

son.

son.

SON

did she speak to you?? did you survive? I feel like if I made eye contact with her my heart would pump more blood to my dick than my body has available. what did she smell like?

ahem. sorry.


anyway. yaoi = boys love. the yaoi girls are a level beyond the repressed nerd freaks. you want to steer clear of that.

[Ghost1]

Dis shit getting weird..lolllll.

[anime_boners]

you the one that wants in the life, nigga


YOU STILL THINK YOU BOUT IT

YOU READY FOR THEM FUJOSHI MY NIGGA?!

[Ghost1]

No. I'm not ready. Lol. I just want cute easy freaks. This may not he the correct venue.

[anime_boners]

yeah man. going to cons at your current level is basically like trynna swim across the hudson the day you learned how to doggy paddle.

try to meet her weirdo friends and ease in.

[Ghost1]

Ahhhh I hate them tho

Its weird to me tho cuz


Idk....it's just different....it's love rap....obv....but I don't force it on other people....or really even talk about it w u unless u say something that let's me know ur knowledgeable

I cringe wen people say things like

Oh ur like rap....like eminem an 2pac?

I just laugh it off tho





This anime scene is dif tho


Ud think kf ALL people nerds wenould be more accepting of people that are different

WTF

Now it's just wenould an to fit in on principle lol

But then I fear in doing so I may go in 2 deep

Like j reid

Yea....J reid from that punch in many our battle.....thought for sure people knew him that movie dope the fuck?

I digress tho

[anime_boners]

I'm not gonna lie

that post made

ZERO SENSE

but I think I gleaned the important info

basically, her friends try to make you like anime and other forms of nerd shit??

yeah I hate that too. I usually chalk it up to two things.

1 the average nerd doesn't know how to interact with people very well.
2 they are desperate for friends due to #1, but, because of #1, they don't know how to make friends. so rather than try to bond on what you do have in common, they try to thrust upon you something they like (which they assume to mean EVERYONE WILL LIKE IT IF THEY TRY IT), in order to create a reason you can be friends.

it's why I never been to a con, and why I don't really hang with anime ppl much besides the ones that are like me. just ya know.. like.. level 1 anime nerds, who are still functional humans.. not like the full blown turbonerds

[Ghost1]

Yea.....I'd be lying if I told I ever hung out w her outside of my bedroom

I think she is the worst of all her friends tho from how she describes it


She said she be throwin fits an screaming on people over them card games lol....


Watever. She disgusts me. The tru love of my life was married an i stole a year away from her life. We are thru now tho. 3 week's STRONG.

[Victor.]

just bodied with best tag ever.

[Split Eight]

do nothing for exactly a week and a day. no contact, don't speak to her.

tell her you're into cosplay, too, and bdsm/ masochism. tell her that the intimation of sex and violence has always appealed to you, but you never had an outlet. and that you had to take a week off of work because after sampling episode one of the ultra rare manga Kensho Rugi Kyo Byugen you've become hopelessly addicted to anime.

after the realization that you missed years and years and years of *not* being consumed by the plots of foreign hand drawings for angsty manchilds, half-assedly learning kanji from DeviantArt pages, taking care of your body nutritionally and trying to build a business selleng hand-painted Wargundam 2K, you slipped into a deep masturbatory coma fueled by self-loathing and a two week subscription to Kink

The next part will be more difficult. Tell her that you want to take her to an underground Naruto convention in your friend's dad's garage, but FIRST you want to experience a sexual reawakening and expand the horizons of her deflated crapsnatch. Get her address. Tell her you'll pick her up at her hovel of an apartment exactly 1 week from the day you send her this text, and obviously, this convention didnt exist and will never exist. You need that time to purchase and assemble the ultimate weapon of sexual gratification

I want you to go on the McMasterr Carr website and purchase the following materials:

16" x 24" Polycarbonate Sheet
1/8" x 1 ft rectangular Aluminum rod
8 x Jenson industrial strength 12,000 ft-lb steel machine springs
2 feet of cylindrical heat shrink
1 tub of hog grease
2x 30 pc tubs of Boy Scout grade electric push buttons
13x M20 bolts and washers
a spool of electrician grade copper wiring
1x Nerf Decimator aiming reticule
1 pack of razorwire dental floss
Swervington Inc. lumbar strut
1x Ovaltine coffee can
a welding mask
3 gallons of lead paint, color Kyoto Sickly White
OSHA-approved fire-retardant bowtie, non-clip
13 Casio fx-115es pocket calculators for you to rip the little solar panels off of
a wallet-sized picture of Hope Solo's mutant asscheeks & Scotch tape

from eBay:
-a shipping box of the uber-rare Bleach giant sword thingy (Any giant faggot anime sword shipping box)
-freshman year keycahin lanyard
-earplugs
- 2x Remington bandoliers
-flea market neckbeard overcoat


finally, one bottle of Wild Turkey 101


and finally, I need you to call 1-872-21-BULKDILDO, ask for Rhonda, and order a bastard's ream of their Delrin-ribbed Error 404 Father-Figure model, if she asks for the girth ID either LaQuan or Mdebe will do. Your choice. Tell them Mrs. James Murphy sent you, and that she specified that she won't be receiving the shipment in either of the usual down south locations. Give your address, no PO boxes, because 81 military grade molybdenum-tooled vag-smashers aren't gonna sign for themselves while trying to convince their husband they missed a decimal on their knitting needle shipment.

After the perpetually returning customer discount, your total for parts & fine American made dildos should come to around $180.65, a price that will pay itself back, I swear to you.

Using my US Dept of Energy security clearance, upon receiving of the necessary parts I will forward you the schematics for the assembly of the Navy issue SEADAD3480 "Trichamber Akimbo-wielded Twennnyfo' caliber Pump Action Self-reciprocating Dildo Blunderbuss". This baby's rated to 6K meters and was designed in collaboration with those LOTR geeks that make 1:69 scale medieval trebuchets. It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.


My boy out in Shamokin can assemble it for you, I've talked to him and barring a particularly good weekend of building nerd electrical shit and not talking to women, he should have it done exactly on the eve of our YuGiOh convention or whatever this bitch believes.

Now, text her on the morning of. say "hello kawaii X3 ~~~ desu desu coffee seppuru minutes hehe" which I understand to mean you'll be there in a bit for the fucking of her lifetime.

Do not dress like an anime nerd fuckboy. Instead, I need you to dress exactly like her disapproving father, just super starched and weirdly old-fashioned for your age. Basically, daily Bagsworth attire. On top of the yellowing oxford shirt, strap in the two bandoliers with 56 dildos slotted in the shell-holders.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

Upon answering her answering the door, she sees you dressed strangely- not a problem considering the hordes of weirdos she lets slide into her iron-deficient pink. As soon as she undoes the door chain, you drop the shoulder into her bird chest, then Kung Pow spinkick that bitch right in the bridge of her misfitting glasses, simultaneously letting loose a guttural roar and a piss drunk/gym squat torrent of angry shart. Barging into the room, you rip on that fucking lanyard, shredding the decoy Japanfag Collectible box as the Rubber Cock Cannon is fully unsheathed and primed. Start rifling loose huge black rubber cocks at into everything she knows and loves at 2100 fps, starting with the Sword Art Online 1ed comics, moving to the diecast Samurai Champloo models, then switch to full auto as you take aim at her extensive Dreamcast and Japan-regioned Wii U game shelf.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.



At this point, her life will be essentially ruined and she will have a sobbing orgasm, the most potent of her life as nostalgia & repressed memories of being marginally unhappy in White Middle Class america come tumbling down in a heavily lubed slurry.

because it takes some serious fucking daddy issues to create that cretin of a cumdumpster

upping for posterity

[Sharp]

Any sense of how long it took to write all that out? Cause it was worth it.

[Blue Bayou]

Holy mind fuck this thread delivers

[bleak]

It can launch a US39 Cervixpuncher at Mach 3 & autoadjust aim to within three radial pussy hairs, and that's factory stock.

Fold the collapsible stock of the Dildo Blunderbus into the sword box, preloaded with a full clip of hog-greased dildos. Tie one end of the lanyard to your belt buckle. Start drinking in the car, you need to be in your final PlumpBags form by zero hour. Put in the earplugs.

By now, she's curled on the floor sobbing. As you pause to snag another clip of glistening schlongs, start yelling at her incoherently in broad Asian racial slurs, interspersing words like "McDonalds", "disappointment", "Poke-mans", and "dyke bitch". Pull the release on the stock, and when the dickrifle locks into the doublestack position, get prone on the floor and start double-tapping double-barreled pink/stink fury on this massive whores undercarriage. No need to aim, the sophisticated Casio IC circuitry should autoadapt the timings and trajectories once a skank is detected by the Nerf's viewfinder.

/quote

[Geno]

Wow

[~RustyGunZ~]

"and that's factory stock" is literary gold

[Split Eight]

also way way gone @ young Oats sneaking toes into girls pussies

[josh s]

Print this into a pamphlet and mail it to all

[Ghost1]

for any present day boarders who want to pretend boarding has remained the same quality throughout the years


this thread is clear proof that the caliber of old was out of this modern generations stratosphere.

[Ghost1]

fucking crying at PISSING ON WEISS PLAYERS IS NOT REBUILDING

anime_boners come home

[veritas]

We have failed ourselves....

[veritas]

No. I take that back. Perhaps we have sacrificed the lolzords for gains.

[Amen]

Yea. I was going to say rib shots. Especially if timed just right while their cumming. Their pussy locks up like a vice grip and showers your peen with pussy slime.

Lol @ bottle binky. It’s triangular in shape and it just sits in her ass while you digging her pussy walls and cervix our from in her. Gives them a more intense pussy/asshole orgasm at the same time.

[Blue Bayou]

"and that's factory stock" is literary gold

Don't even get him started on the upgraded model

[Split Eight]

I am 100% sure that if I dig thru my college laptop, I could find the actual schematics I made for the SEADAD-3480


I miss Certain, cake, & anime_boners