THE ROAST OF ULLR AKA BARON X OF RAP ROYALTY

[~RustyGunZ~]

After submitting his essay I had to enforce our policies and get more info on this newcomer

Here's how it went down

http://i.imgur.com/Em2PUfR.png
http://i.imgur.com/mTxNu0r.png

And here ladies and NCGs is Ullr.....


http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img540/1448/9aAE4w.jpg

[Diode]

I HAVE A BOARD MEETING WITH THE METTS BROTHERS TOMORROW

SLAYED

[Allen Knight]

Lookin like troy mcclure got captured by isis forced to shave niggas pubes w a razor in his mouth an super glue on his chin then released.

[Allen Knight]

Lookin like mick foley as a ring announcer.

[El Muffin]

This nigga went to Supercuts n asked for his beard styled "James Harden vs Edward Scissorhands Celebrity Death Match"

[El Muffin]

This nigga look like Knucklehead and Andre the Giant did a fusion dance

I'm dead bros

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like his spirit animal is a sloth undergoing chemotherapy

Lookin like he skipped prom to fight the local wizard

The guy that fucked Veritas fat wife when he was a cuckold

Writes editorials for npr aabout organic tomatoes that never get oublished

The muzzles step brother, the fuzzle

[El Muffin]

THIS NIGGA DONALD TRUMPS , TRUMPS DONALD TRUMPS


I'M DONE

[El Muffin]

Forehead look like a game of snakes circa 99

[El Muffin]

oh pimp juice OOO U WANT A PUT YA FEET ON MA RUG , fine leather face lookin ass nigga

[~RustyGunZ~]

@muff is that a suit??

Ole renaissance fair fry cook lookin boy

Aesop rock after a 3 year meth bender

For hire road janitor

[Hush]

Legit look like cricket from its always sunny

[Batty]

At first I was like "Naw, this can't be real"... then I'm like "I still think I was right, I still think this can't be real". But I can't take that chance so...

This wigga lookin like ***tus Jack joined The Horsemen in the middle ages.

Lookin like he drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon with a crazy straw in an all goblin folk band.


Lookin like Elf on a Shelf as a Century 21 agent.


Beard lookin like Kathy Griffin's pussy.

Old Medieval Festival Beard ass nigga. Lookin like Detour had a twin bro that took a detour down the wrong fallopian.


Lookin like head toy maker elf at the north pole turned sex offender


Pedobear issued a BOLO on this nigga


System of a Down Syndrome


Lookin like he makes Nerf battle axes for LOTR cosplayers twice a year


Lookin like Sami Zayn from NXT with Ginger Sickle Cell

[Allen Knight]

Lookin like tettris quit rap an became a sourthen Baptist preacher

[~RustyGunZ~]

Sells hand sewn gloves made from a combination of his cheek hair and Norwegian goat fur on Craigslist

Grows underground hydroponic herbs for his dyi alchemy kit line

[Batty]

Lookin like he eats Prairie Belt Vienna Sausages with gargoyles.

Went to barber shop, saw the list and went with: 1970's Funeral Home Assistant Director.

Lookin like Screech and the girl from the Wendy's logo did a mash-up.


This nigga got corn-rowed eyebrows and shit.


Lookin like She-Ra's court jester


lookin like he smells like Old Spice and shattered hopes.


looking like he plays Dungeons and Dragons with real dragons in a real dungeon

Lookin like he collected every Nintendo handheld ever made.

hair lookin like a tranquilized basket of baby chipmunks

lookin like he got cut from the Knight's Watch in Westerous and became a lube jockey at Littlefinger's brothel.

High School Annual his senior year named him: Most Likely to impale his heart with one of his own ribs while trying to give himself head thus ending his own life in an embarrassing manner.

Formed a Rush cover band called "Geddy Up" with 3 other kids from his Pokémon Battle League.

Climbs garden gates with grappling hooks he made out of shoestrings and boat motor parts.

[Vulgar]

looool

Isaac Ass-imov

[Inno]

Legit look like cricket from its always sunny

Holy shit. Lol

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like he sells life insurance to the wives of Saurons army

Plays banjo on the boardwalk for tips but only accepts bitcoins

Steals mobile home roofing in the dead of the night for blacksmithing projects

Made a remix of started from the bottom about building a castle in minecraft

[Batty]

Lookin like a Vietnam vet from a Call of Duty tournament.

Webmaster of a website devoted entirely to fan fiction porn between Lobot from Empire Strikes Back and Sam from iCarly.


lookin like an orange falcon teaching sunday school.

Saved up his allowance money to go to Gingercon and got an autograph from the kid that said "O'Doyle Rules".


Saves farts in mason jars in his freezer.

lookin like a background character in a made-for-tv movie about Steve Jobs founding Apple.

lookin like he bleached his chest with liquid plumber


lookin like he parted his eyebrows with a lice comb


He was once a failed backyard wrestler named Dreamcicle Danny

Reprograms Roombas to simulate war games with roaches.

[Batty]

Made a remix of started from the bottom about building a castle in minecraft

fuckin gone.

[El Muffin]

this nigga look like jeepers creepers if he was condemned to stealing body parts from Chewbacca

[Ghost1]

Wow. Man.

Wow.


Boarding is on an upswing. Lol.

[uh-oh]

THIS NIGGA LOOK LIKE HE REALLY GOOD AT TEXT BATTLES

[Inno]

Yo why he gotta "ive never had a hard stool" face?

Papa smurf ass nigga

[El Muffin]

This shit look like the Caveman From gEicos congratulatpry photo after winning time trial tournament in Sega Genesis' Road Rage

[El Muffin]

Have I seen you sum where Jeevesy looking ass nigga

[veritas]

This nigga looking like an unused NPC for Skyrim and shit.

Is actually a time traveling gypsy named Garrett the Fondler.

Looking like he bathes in crab meat.

The exact intersection point of the 1994 Stanford Standard Hipster/Meth Graph.

[veritas]

ole bootleg ginger shaggy ass wigga got them stunt double dragon wing on game of thrones ass eyebrows. damn.

[El Muffin]

Jonesy from Dreamcatcher spliced w/ Brendan Fraser from Encino Man

[Witty]

This nigga looking like an unused NPC for Skyrim and shit.

LMFAO

nailed it.

also, you on hollandaise?????

[Batty]

Lookin like he soaks his feet in pudding mix.

This nigga look like got 70 different allergies. Like he got a double barrel pump action inhaler with a charging station.

His goatee looks like Carrot Top's armpits

This nigga does stunt work in after school specials about pc viruses

Lookin like he got hawk wings for bangs

He stays selling leveled up World of Warcraft characters on ebay to pay for leveled up Diablo characters from other ebayers.

Lookin like he smokes potpourri from an ocarina

Saving cash to get a Celtic tribal tat on his taint meat.

OG in the trench coat mafia from Columbine, was out with chicken pox the day of the shooting.

[veritas]

Saving cash to get a Celtic tribal tat on his taint meat.

.

[veritas]

ya boi failed his bachelors in barista school training only to go on to get a double major in gym sock fapping and dildo biking.

[wasim]

Dude looks like his real name is Ulrich Amiulusus, Baron of Rap Royals, Protector of the Web, First of His Name.

[Batty]

This nigga took a night course in witchcraft at the jc.

Paid for rent in his parents basement with duplicate stamps from his stamp collection.

Lookin like he snorkels in virginity whilst gargling self doubt.

This nigga bought a pet owl from a necromancer named Shashawn.

[...the Nagger]

you look like a young Heisenberg on his way to the prom

[...the Nagger]

You look like u sell buyers insurance at the local pawn shop

[veritas]

pokemon card game weekend warrior.

aspiring magician, only kind of knows 3 tricks

looks like my uncle micheal

[Batty]

Codename: Keith the Warlock

Beats his dick to the movie The Sandlot

Aspires to own a van one day for molestation on the go.

Lookin like Jim Henson with Korean War flashbacks

Uses sea urchin skeet for beard oil

Has a 22 year old body with a 56 year old head.

[Hush]

THIS NIGGA LOOK LIKE HE REALLY GOOD AT TEXT BATTLES

Lol
I been using that classic for yrs

Repped

[Hush]

Fuck looking like Jim Henson nigga look like Jim Henson made him out of Wookie fur and faggot dust

[Hush]

Looking like pjk all sobered up

[Ullr]

Who cares tbh, I wanted to battle without having a name preceding me. Why is this an issue?

[uh-oh]

Who cares tbh, I wanted to battle without having a name preceding me. Why is this an issue?

its not. we roast everyone who's new

[El Muffin]

This nigga look like a tour guide at Stonehenge if there were a tour guide at stonehenge

[Ullr]

Well that defeats the whole purpose of my being here and battling here - if I had wanted to announce who I was in the first place I would have done it. I only registered on this site because I wanted to try being something else - I am naturally kind and helpful and in terms of battling that limits me greatly. I wanted to play a character and not be so coddling and this bullshit absolutely slaughters that. All I wanted was a venue to improve because you know what? You guys are absolutely right, my battling is still trash tier and I am sorry for wanting to change that through battling in a new style. Rap-Royalty is the best site on the internet and the competition there is fantastic but I wanted to try a new style IN PEACE without having shit like this. What the fuck can be said about a site with an Administrator who would blow up a PM conversation like this? Seriously. I don't really care but seriously, no decorum, no respect whatsoever. Really sad.

[Ullr]

And further, what the fuck are some of the votes that get posted up here? The standard is so much lower than I'd EVER see fly on R-R - like, let me go get a quote of one example from my battle last night.

[El Muffin]

Who r u tho


Are u Francis ford Coppola n Zach Galifianakis demon child

Speak


Demon

[Ullr]

vote aero
other dude was mad awful
4 years punch was hilarious
wutang member was funny
really he just had to do barely anything to win against that horribad verse so that's what he did

v/aero out of bags


Are you kidding me? This type of vote would NEVER fly on Rap-Royalty. He literally gave me NOTHING to work on, no suggestions on where to improve or learn just a completely one sided vote that on R-R would be thrown out for obvious dickriding. You can't just neglect one person because you know and like the other person because that absolutely destroys the integrity of the whole battling scene. Even if it sucks, you STILL try to help because that's what battling is supposed to be about - GETTING BETTER AT IT.

That's all. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones.

[El Muffin]

Dude destroyer been a faggot but lOl his opinion still valid tho

[Ullr]

Okay, valid and I don't disagree with the verdict but HOLY SHIT can you vote worse? Like honestly - there is literally no standard here. I battle to LEARN not to get a shiny win or a loss, man. Understand, all I want is tips on how to get better in the form of feedback for the bars I came up with. You can't just say "bruh dat shyte horribad u suc otha guy win cuz I no him" and be done with it. You need some substance. Even the stuff in Bags' favor needed more detail - tell the participant WHAT you liked about his bar.

[El Muffin]

Okay, valid and I don't disagree with the verdict but HOLY SHIT can you vote worse? Like honestly - there is literally no standard here. I battle to LEARN not to get a shiny win or a loss, man. Understand, all I want is tips on how to get better in the form of feedback for the bars I came up with. You can't just say "bruh dat shyte horribad u suc otha guy win cuz I no him" and be done with it. You need some substance. Even the stuff in Bags' favor needed more detail - tell the participant WHAT you liked about his bar.

Des like 60


When u 60 yrs old u just grumble at shit

I'm telling u I kno it all everything omnipotent

[Ullr]

I still can't fucking believe this shit and that an ADMINISTRATOR would do this. It's like this is Lord of the Flies and you've got some fucking crackhead with a conch calling the shots who has literally no respect for people on the site.

If I didn't have an already agreed upon and pending battle I would probably leave this site for this garbage but as a man of my word and NOT a scumbag like what I have seen ON ALL SIDES on this site. I will write for my battle and respect the votes it receives for I am a man of integrity. Much more than can be said for Knucklehead. Just sad, man.

[Destroyer]

lmao
bro ok do you want me to critique your entire verse
I gladly will
but you'd probably be better served by reading the winner's verses and seeing what does well around here

[Ullr]

I appreciate it Muffin and can understand it but age doesn't mean you get a pass to be lazy as fuck - you at least need to try. Hire a kid to press keys on a keyboard for you and tell him "type yo shit sucks, work on this element and this element, this bar in particular was really shitty, maybe it would have worked if you had done X or Y."

It's literally gradeschool peer review, it's not a tough thing.

[uh-oh]

Are you kidding me? This type of vote would NEVER fly on Rap-Royalty. He literally gave me NOTHING to work on, no suggestions on where to improve or learn just a completely one sided vote that on R-R would be thrown out for obvious dickriding. You can't just neglect one person because you know and like the other person because that absolutely destroys the integrity of the whole battling scene. Even if it sucks, you STILL try to help because that's what battling is supposed to be about - GETTING BETTER AT IT.

That's all. I'm going to watch Game of Thrones.

bro it boils down to the fact that no one really cares about text honestly. i mean people here still like PARTICIPATING in text, and writing, but they've all done it for years and trying to critique someone to get better in a form of writing that is useless, is well, useless.

topicals can be different. you can get good feed on those i'm sure.

but either way my advice is don't take internet text rap so serious.

i signed up at rap royalty awhile back. i don't text tho, i just make beats here and there. i posted a tape there, left honest feedback and some dude closed my thread because i didnt leave "good enough" feedback.

my posts were short, but they were to the point. the mods basically wanted me to post multiple sentences saying the same thing i could say in one sentence. after editing my posts to a longer length. my thread stayed closed

basically i wasted time out of my life giving honest feedback on things and seeing nothing in return.

such is life.

i think the point of this post is to say, dont take things so seriously. this site is pretty cool with aliases which i think is corny but oh well. im not sure how your pm's went with knuck, if he contacted you to find out who you are, or what. but just know he's an admitted jew. never trust him.

my advice would be to register a new alias a week from now if you want to text battle in secrecy

godspeed

[Ullr]

Yes, that would be much appreciated - I did look over some of the winning verses and thought my bars were already heading in that direction. You gave me nothing to work with and nothing to learn from. If it were Rap-Royalty your vote would have been thrown out on the spot unless you improved it substantially because on R-R we care about people learning, not just who wins and who loses and riding the winner's dick all the way to the finish.

[Destroyer]

This cunt legit is gon' die, battle's bout'a be bloodier than a "Bag of used tampons" with a shiv through his thigh!
He's "stuck up" on an internet high, not even "dope on the board" when ya circuit surfin', you worthless virgin!!

a bag of used tampons doesn't have a thigh so this doesn't make sense
also it just rhymes, there's really no punch

You'd only see a tit if it's an African bird plus you're bars are wack + trash and absurd!
Bags would only be "the shit" n' "on a throne" if he was passin' a turd!!

would only be the shit if he was passing a turd is played bro. like been done. a lot. and I may have never even seen it, but I know. that's how played it is

I bring the action in verbs, I'll pop a bag while I'm collapsin' this nerd!
I'm Ullr, bitch! All I need's an Axe and my word to hack you to pieces and put you back to the dirt!!

again no punch, just you talking up yourself. which is great in a swag verse, but this is a battle.

This fucker's trash, literally, a tyke with no skill! If Aero goes hard off the handle it's on a bike with no wheels!!
He ain't close to as hard with sharpened bars as I am - I'll bring an Aero to his knees like a Guard in Skyrim!

this was your most ok bar but aero to his knees? you mean you'll bring a guard to his knees with an arrow? it's just worded awkward and therefore doesn't work.

I'll drop ya team with a Wesson, Catch n' put his ass to sleep, call it dream interception - I'll put Bags in a Bag like a scene from Inception!!
This Bag faggot only hits dope in intravenous injections - this dick would only be "ill" with a penis infection!!!

this was like 4 lines in two, it's just too damn wordy. and bags-related punches are ALL played.

[Ullr]

bro it boils down to the fact that no one really cares about text honestly. i mean people here still like PARTICIPATING in text, and writing, but they've all done it for years and trying to critique someone to get better in a form of writing that is useless, is well, useless.

topicals can be different. you can get good feed on those i'm sure.

but either way my advice is don't take internet text rap so serious.

i signed up at rap royalty awhile back. i don't text tho, i just make beats here and there. i posted a tape there, left honest feedback and some dude closed my thread because i didnt leave "good enough" feedback.

my posts were short, but they were to the point. the mods basically wanted me to post multiple sentences saying the same thing i could say in one sentence. after editing my posts to a longer length. my thread stayed closed

basically i wasted time out of my life giving honest feedback on things and seeing nothing in return.

such is life.

i think the point of this post is to say, dont take things so seriously. this site is pretty cool with aliases which i think is corny but oh well. im not sure how your pm's went with knuck, if he contacted you to find out who you are, or what. but just know he's an admitted jew. never trust him.

my advice would be to register a new alias a week from now if you want to text battle in secrecy

godspeed


Nah, it's whatever, I don't care that much to go through all that. I'm really sorry to hear about that - I'm assuming the Mod who removed it was Kel Il in Audio Drops? You can PM him and tell him you fixed your links and he'd more than likely restore the thread. It's easy to forget sometimes and without a reminder it's unlikely to go back and check if anything has indeed changed.

My thoughts? That type of person should not be an Administrator. It's a bad look on the entire site.

[Ullr]

Thank you, Destroyer. I didn't know what was an wasn't played because I only just joined and the only reason I went with the Ullr line is because I had just registered the account and I had never played around with the concept.

Also, apologies about the bar length issues - this was my first battle and it didn't look tooo over the top so I ran with it.

I appreciate the feed in any case. Thank you.

[El Muffin]

Read my shit. I'm tge best indicator of what's accepted here B3cause my names lil muffin and I you don't have a name like that on a site like this if you are not the greatest rapper alive

Js

[Destroyer]

yeah, don't do that...

[El Muffin]

u remember I told u he's old

He's SufferIng dementia

[Destroyer]

what's ur rec against me muffy?

[Razah]

So this is way too many posts and whoever ya'll clowning, I checked that website out- That topical masters shit is pretty dope. I mean, the idea of it.

Anybody hear actually record shit they write?

[El Muffin]

what's ur rec against me muffy?


0-0

Noone counts 1-2 sry

I beat ur daddy /undefeated against ur idols

U can't beat me now

[Destroyer]

muff, stop drinking
you're not even a challenge

[El Muffin]

Lmfao

WatcH.

I'm god tier u midtier

[Sharp]

I smell nbl matchups

[El Muffin]

I smell I got bars for whoever.

If it's deis it's dies

[Destroyer]

oh u got bars
you're just also the only one who likes em

[El Muffin]

Give me des

I already wrote 8 since u said sum thin

Lol ur fkd

hahN


Let's go 18

[Destroyer]

I'm scared a lot. I may have to retire from text to avoid the slaughter
lmao

[Destroyer]

you can have me if you go pics
pussy

[El Muffin]

you can have me if you go pics
pussy


U better back away

I would 2

[Destroyer]

you would back away? smart move
but we can go pics any day bro

[Vulgar]

Looking like a laconic neuroscientist with a squirrel poop fetish.

Looking like Rasputin got shipped to Crouton Island and got crunched by the harbor rocks.

Looking like an Irish paprika peddler with a vermin infestation.

Looking like Ernest Codswallop the Third.

Looking like a protagonist to a John Carpenter movie called "The Thing That's Ginger, The Thing That's Revolting to Women".

Looking like a professional puissant emigrated to Chechnya on a boat made out of red lotuses stuck together with old urine and liquid mescaline.

Looking like a rapist from Roger Rabbit's marketing office.

Looking like a scientist from the Manhattan Project gave up nuclear physics and started an earthworm sex ring.

Looking like Garfield's shrink.

[El Muffin]

you would back away? smart move
but we can go pics any day bro

Reg and ur casket is prepped.
jyst say it...I dare u

Lol

I dare u


Say

Muff

Reg

Sure

Doit

I.just wrote this bar that is so grimy n made m3 spill my cup

[Vulgar]

Looking like Aesop Rock's publicist.

Looking like he lives solely off of Arthur C. Clarke novels, peach schnapps and blintz recipes from the feminist version of the anarchist cookbook.

Looking like a chairman on the board of the Mario Turtles for Justice Committee.

Looking like he juggles tangerines for fun, 17 hours per day.

Looking like a knight in whining armor.

Looking like his name was Pulitzer Prize.

Looking like a constipated Swiss aeronautical engineer.

Looking like he stuffs Mars Bars up his ass and sends chain-mail about Elon Musk's secret sex life.

[Hush]

Cup of fairy jizz u whimsical bitxh

[Vulgar]

Rupert Stinewine.

Bodgy Hodgecrinkleton.

Freston Calumbo, Ph.D

[Vulgar]

Looking like why the Euro is failing.

[El Muffin]

Cup of fairy jizz u whimsical bitxh


Get ur barbs in fgt


But know thiS...


My strange ass will hem a nigga the fuck uP


Now 4 the sake of respecting you as an individual I'm not gone say 5hat coukd be you lil nigga but ay

if the shoe fits ..

[Hush]

Get ur barbs in fgt


But know thiS...


My strange ass will hem a nigga the fuck uP


Now 4 the sake of respecting you as an individual I'm not gone say 5hat coukd be you lil nigga but ay

if the shoe fits

If the shoe is fit on u its a ballerina slipper u creamsicle hearted pussy
Nigga u losing a fight every night with dignity and malt liquor

[PancakeBrah]

Thanks for ruining a perfectly fine roast, Muff.

If you could contain your existential faggotry/rampant loneliness manifest as faux confidence vis a vis text glory to one thread that would be great for the board, thanks.

[El Muffin]

Save that shit for when u supposedlh drop a wack ass verse with lines like u couldn't have a viral video if u had ebola mixed q/ aids

[Ghost1]

Ullr

Tbis isn't something u can learn

Go away

This shit not for u.

I mean look at u for fuck sake. Smh.

[El Muffin]

Thanks for ruining a perfectly fine roast, Muff.

If you could contain your existential faggotry/rampant loneliness manifest as faux confidence vis a vis text glory to one thread that would be great for the board, thanks.


I didn't start 5his shit!

Fk u fgt

[El Muffin]

*actually goes to look*


I did start it tho..oh shit

:(

Ok

*logs off*

[Ullr]

Thanks Aero - appreciate the kind words.

Regardless, once I finish the Topical battle to which I had already agreed I'll go ahead and stop giving this sad waste of a website extra activity and traffic.

Hope all is well, gents.

[Ullr]

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- Legendary Scripts II - NBL Cypher
- BA Tournament II
- Fight Night LXI
- Fight Night XLIV
- Fight Night XL
- Fight Night XXXIX
- Netcees Battle League
- Gimmick Battle League
- Battle Arena
- BA Picture
- 1-2 Punch League (2x)
- BA Tag Team
- Tag Team Tournament II
- Netcees Writers League
- Fight Night LXXXII


Actual Accomplishments:

Morbid Obesity
Diabetes
Welfare Recipient

[Hush]

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- Legendary Scripts II - NBL Cypher
- BA Tournament II
- Fight Night LXI
- Fight Night XLIV
- Fight Night XL
- Fight Night XXXIX
- Netcees Battle League
- Gimmick Battle League
- Battle Arena
- BA Picture
- 1-2 Punch League (2x)
- BA Tag Team
- Tag Team Tournament II
- Netcees Writers League
- Fight Night LXXXII


Actual Accomplishments:

Morbid Obesity
Diabetes
Welfare Recipient

Lmaooooo

[big baby]

Thanks for ruining a perfectly fine roast, Muff.

If you could contain your existential faggotry/rampant loneliness manifest as faux confidence vis a vis text glory to one thread that would be great for the board, thanks.

legit had this typed word 4 wer'd

[Batty]

That's all. I'm going to go be in Game of Thrones.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Muff if you post one more thing in this or any other roast thread that isn't actually related to the roast again you'll be permabanned and I'll convince gow to ban you on rb

Don't make me take all you have left

With that being said Ullr lookin like he scrap books with pieces of left over chicken skins and sadness

[Destroyer]

did someone already say Gimli post gastric bypass surgery?

[Batty]

Vulgar going straight on in tbc. Way leaned bro.


This nigga looking like he got an entire bookshelf in his underground alchemy lab dedicated to DIY marsupial gynecology.

Can play the theme music to Bridge to Tarabithia on a pan flute he whittled out of a raccoon dick bone.

Lookin like he got a lollipop guild face with ewok pubes hot glued on.

Lookin like he combed his eyebrows and hair with a fish bone Heathcliff discarded.

Makes his own fireworks part time plus he's a cpa for a local gay and lesbian Spiderwick Chronicles cosplay organization.

Lookin like he is a stage hand for a local theater that only does dramatic recreations of the Chronicles on Narnia on rollerblades.

[big baby]

he look like in closet lumbajack who feels tree pain every time he swing gay pinkichio axe cus he gay lmao "oh no" he think as he swing his gay axe lmao "it ok tree I sorry I do this for money" LM so hahaha FUCKA idiyote cut beard wtf!

[Xquisite]

THIS NIGGA LOOK LIKE HE REALLY GOOD AT TEXT BATTLES

dead

[Batty]

Face looking like a Norman Rockwell painting of Santa Claus and shit.

Looking like he's dressed up for funeral buffet for the second in command at a computedr repair shop in Jersey.

Lookin weaker than kitten poots in bubble bath water... Lookin like he can't punch his way out of a daydream.

Lookin like he was born with an uncle face condition.

[Vulgar]

Racoon dick bone flute cracked me up Batty

Looking like a Branch Davidian soup cook.

Looking like a crouch snorkeler from the Netherlands.

Looking like a Kubrick screenplay got crossbreeded with grasshopper nostril hairs and Dutch fabric softener.

Looking like an accountant from the Die Hard franchise.

Looking like a pseudointellectual hare rabbit-punched its way into the human genome.

Looking like you patented flak jackets, porpoise sunscreen, and the movie Inner Space.

Looking like a narrator for the seven-part National Geographic series "The Crestfallen Panthers of Istanbul Park"

Looking like a Finnish grenadier had the body of a cuticle scissors salesman.

Looking like he answers every question by saying "Posh. Too posh, Mr. Trum."

[~RustyGunZ~]

Many reps to batty and Vulgar when I get to a cpu

Lookin like he cross breeds forest animals in old oil barrels

Lookin like he can't sleep without the fable 2 soundtrack looping on his stereo

Also can't sleep before reciting the recipe for Manga degeneration potion

Sacrificed his half sister on behalf of his clan

[Vulgar]

Looking like he ate Amelia Earhart's actual heart.

Looking like a janitor at the Norwegian Beekeeper's Association retreat.

Looking like he doesn't know his p's and q's even though his scientific journal is peer-reviewed.

Looking like his name is Archibald Systems.

Looking like a serial komodo dragon molester.

Looking like he clearly needs a hand carrying buckets of orangutan piss to his hidden vault in the Andes.

Looking like a Bond villain named Humdrum Panopticon.

[Vulgar]

Looking like a philandering artificial intelligence expert.

Looking like Steven Spielberg's worst assistant ever.

Looking like Peppermint Patty's ex-boyfriend.

Dude looks like he wears chloroform for cologne and calls his apartment his "Space Balls pad".

Looking like an extra for Robin Hood: Men in Tights suffering from quantum computing mid-life crisis. I don't know what that is either, but he has it.

Looking like the physical manifestation of a sand worm from Dune merging with a scrawny tiger's sperm cell.

Looking like a stunt man from Cowboy Sheetrock.

Looking like the guy who wants to give everyone handshakes at the squeegee factory.

[Vulgar]

Lookin like Elf on a Shelf as a Century 21 agent.



dead

[Chyeahhh!!!]

Captain save a Bookworm

Dances With Wolves extra

despises the term "Peacoat" but much rather it be referred to as a coat of peas

first in his dungeons and dragons group to recommend the laminating of the cards

only eats the butts of bread

was bestowed the highest honor in his cubscouts group which is the "Ned Flanders badge"

has his World of Warcraft clan tag tattooed on his back

[Vulgar]

despises the term "Peacoat" but much rather it be referred to as a coat of peas


lmao

Looking like he can reconstruct DNA sequences using a ball of yarn and panda bear semen.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like he starred in his local theatres last piece as depression

Lookin like he sells bagged lunches outside of schools for "extremely competitive prices"

Lookin like the only member of a woodland neighborhood watch

Lookin like he ran for mayor of pancakes hometown under the false identity Gareth Dunlop, promising he'd raise the yield of cornmeal for years to come and that pistachio shells would play a major role

Mixes zoo animal cries on the tape recorder from 50 cents childhood in get rich or die trying to sooth his rape victims

Lookin like the geico cavemen had a butt baby that grew up to be a faggot

[Chyeahhh!!!]

stop taking "rape face" selfies

looking like you splash yourself with Brute and go out chess clubbing

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like he writes true blood fanfiction that disassociates vampires and focuses solely on sooki steaming craw fish

All wool everything

Novice bowling pin collector on an unpaid internship

Lookin like he combs his hair and beard with a wishbone he found in a canned chicken

Lookin like he host tournaments for Flaccid the Gathering on weeknights

[sral]

lmao this nigga PjewK post-that loss to Diz

[Bodey]

probly smells as if he gets regularly buttfucked by garbage trucks

[El Muffin]

Lookin like he writes true blood fanfiction that disassociates vampires and focuses solely on sooki steaming craw fish

All wool everything

Novice bowling pin collector on an unpaid internship

Lookin like he combs his hair and beard with a wishbone he found in a canned chicken

Lookin like he host tournaments for Flaccid the Gathering on weeknights


lord my soul dnt take It too early

[El Muffin]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5vKevEVHEiI

Jesus tge production on this opening track

Jesus


Mario 64 legend of 7 stars ...clouds

[Split Eight]

Well that defeats the whole purpose of my being here and battling here - if I had wanted to announce who I was in the first place I would have done it. I only registered on this site because I wanted to try being something else - I am naturally kind and helpful and in terms of battling that limits me greatly. I wanted to play a character and not be so coddling and this bullshit absolutely slaughters that. All I wanted was a venue to improve because you know what? You guys are absolutely right, my battling is still trash tier and I am sorry for wanting to change that through battling in a new style. Rap-Royalty is the best site on the internet and the competition there is fantastic but I wanted to try a new style IN PEACE without having shit like this. What the fuck can be said about a site with an Administrator who would blow up a PM conversation like this? Seriously. I don't really care but seriously, no decorum, no respect whatsoever. Really sad.

The thing about this site is nobody cares about who you are elsewhere, what you have done elsewhere, and honestly no one knows enough to care in the first place. Those that frequent other places and come here figure out that mentality too

This thread is literally "time for jokes on the new guy" not an attack on what you wanna do in terms of writig. People here respect the craft but keep work and play separate

The discussion forum is its own beast, I really wouldn't judge the sites worth by discussion alone. The topical league (run by Certain, not Knuck), the Open Mic (run by me, not Knuck), and the Battle League (run by Sharp and Allen, not Knuck) are all active and seeing improvements all the time


That said. I will be back to roast you in a few

[veritas]

This ginge wigster got the nose of a 60 year alcoholic.


Looking like seth green had a gay love baby with Dustin diamond

THIS lame looking straight like the problem child grew up and got his picture taken in the middle of an operation to turn him into a "flippant mole cricket".

dude's face looking like it wants to expand straight off of his skull.

duke has the look of having an easter bunny porn fetish.

[Geno]

Lol. Baron fell victim? Say it aint so

[Batty]

Lookin like he can't sleep without the fable 2 soundtrack looping on his stereo

deadddddd.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like ramsay Bolton took his pride and now he eats dick for a living

Eyebrows on reek

[Diode]

I still can't fucking believe this shit and that an ADMINISTRATOR would do this. It's like this is Lord of the Flies and you've got some fucking crackhead with a conch calling the shots who has literally no respect for people on the site.

If I didn't have an already agreed upon and pending battle I would probably leave this site for this garbage but as a man of my word and NOT a scumbag like what I have seen ON ALL SIDES on this site. I will write for my battle and respect the votes it receives for I am a man of integrity. Much more than can be said for Knucklehead. Just sad, man.

... muzzl3? have you returned to us? how is terri?

[Diode]

Lmaooooo

#fatbags

[Diode]

Lookin like ramsay Bolton took his pride and now he eats dick for a living

Eyebrows on reek

shouldve saved that for a battle bc lollllllllllll

[El Muffin]

shouldve saved that for a battle bc lollllllllllll

Jesus knuck creativity flexing

This is lookin good 4 his battles tbh

[Batty]

This nigga got furniture made out of Little Caesar's boxes and masking tape.

Looking like Tingle from Legend of Zelda with Hep C.


Looking like squires for Monty Python characters


Looking like he made Cloud Strife's sword out of a bumper from an 87 Dodge Ram.

Looking like he freebases funnel cake batter with the stepdad from The Santa Clause.

Looking like he's a background character in a live action theatrical version of Disney Pixar's Monsters University.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Jesus knuck creativity flexing

This is lookin good 4 his battles tbh

I'm always good in battles

Ask nyvillian and d. Omen bout 07 knuck

Ask karp and cashius bout 14 knuck

I been top 10 no other option

[El Muffin]

I'm always good in battles

Ask nyvillian and d. Omen bout 07 knuck

Ask karp and cashius bout 14 knuck

I been top 10 no other option

Well u ain't number one or number 2 coz I'm stuntin like My dAddy

YOUNG STUNNNNNNAAAA?

[veritas]

This nigga got furniture made out of Little Caesar's boxes and masking tape.

Looking like Tingle from Legend of Zelda with Hep C.


Looking like squires for Monty Python characters


Looking like he made Cloud Strife's sword out of a bumper from an 87 Dodge Ram.

Looking like he freebases funnel cake batter with the stepdad from The Santa Clause.

Looking like he's a background character in a live action theatrical version of Disney Pixar's Monsters University.

Funnel cake...jeeez

[Vulgar]

Looking like squires for Monty Python characters



/thread

[Hush]

nigga look like a claymation statue for the robot chicken special of "aaah real monsters"

[Batty]

nigga look like a claymation statue for the robot chicken special of "aaah real monsters"


way way leaned.


Lookin like the true life story that The Waterboy was based off of.


Lookin like Master Splinter with a Luke Duke fade.


Lookin like he runs a website dedicated to decoding hidden sexual messages in Good Luck Charlie.


Lookin like he had a childhood injury with a trampoline spring that cost him a testicle.


Lookin like he wacks off into worm farms


looking like a test pilot for RC Gundam planes


lookin like part of his house is built entirely out of Legos.

Lookin like he got stage 3 faggot-asthma that requires a penis shaped menthol inhalor

Lookin like he works in a lab where he trains roaches to wash and wax Hot Wheels.

[Vulgar]

http://combatpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/RickelsMillsSherdog.jpg

[Vulgar]

Looking like a gnomish dollmaker.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Lookin like a model plane mechanic from Indiana

Lookin like he really bad at txt battles

Lookin like he tapes cutouts of his face on minor characters from The Antman comics

Lookin like he owns a long haired cat or 7

[Vulgar]

lookin like he eats graham crackers w/ salamander sauce

[Wise Wiggles]

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img540/1448/9aAE4w.jpg

Looking like he smokes potato bugs out of a pencil sharpener and trips out on his grandmother's wallpaper

This nigga has a fetish for elderly midgets

looking like this guy laced his mother's garden with Lord of the Ring figurines in battle sequences and blows his fucking wad if anyone fucks with them

Looking like he goes to karaoke bars puts in requests for lutheran hymns that were bbeing sung in the bacjgroubd while he was raped with a lit prayer candle

[Wise Wiggles]

Looking like he gave the vagrant on the corner a rim job and hamstring massage for that sports jacket

[Batty]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_EBVu9ShWDgA/TQVJlrY92sI/AAAAAAAAAq8/UTsLQhuAUBQ/s1600/ChristmasElf.jpg

[Vulgar]

Lol

Lookin like a Narnian pressure washer got the weekend off but spent it in a David Cronenberg film convention

[Hush]

Nigga look like beaker from the muppets moved to sunny dale trailer park

[Wise Wiggles]

This nigga look like Charles Manson infused himself with a Mr. Roger's Neighborhood faggot serum

[Vulgar]

He look like King Arthur's pen pal.

[Split Eight]

This fucker's trash, literally, a tyke with no skill! If Aero goes hard off the handle it's on a bike with no wheels!!
He ain't close to as hard with sharpened bars as I am - I'll bring an Aero to his knees like a Guard in Skyrim!


this fuckin bar gave me cancer lmao

[Split Eight]

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img540/1448/9aAE4w.jpg

lfmaofmaomfoaoaooooooo nooooooooo

[El Muffin]

lfmaofmaomfoaoaooooooo nooooooooo




oh ladies n magentlemen shirt looking ass nigga

[Split Eight]

dudes got a drinkers nose and a doormat goatee

[~RustyGunZ~]

Kind of looks like he could be split nines not so distant relative tbc

[Split Eight]

if Mr Roger's puppet got a pube graft

[Split Eight]

http://blog.rifftrax.com/wp-content/photos/LadyElaine.jpg

[Split Eight]

2D prints twill suits at Kinko's

[Split Eight]

facial hair can be detached and used as a welder's mask

[Batty]

Lookin like somebody in a lab somewhere successfully spliced the DNA from a ferret with Conan O'Brien and then he joined ISIS.

Lookin like he ran a Sarsaparilla stand in A Million Ways to Die in the West.

Lookin like he rolls a 20 sided dice to decide which hand to jack off with but ultimately just rubs meat water from a leftover Lunchables package onto his wang and lets his Jack Russell Terrier go to town on it.



http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wSt_AyGcHgM/TN8Q5YhabwI/AAAAAAAABDw/DPheoDziv5U/s1600/ron_burgundy.jpg
I'm shirt Burgundy?

Lookin like he rides around in a rusted out '86 Astro van.... white with aqua graphics... just watching playgrounds. Drinking melted Milky Way bars.


http://www.costumeshopper.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/62388-elf-hat.jpg


his hobbies include: making homemade air conditioning and ukulele

Looking like a sports caster from The Hunger Games.

Looking like the original master splinter prop from the old Ninja Turtles movie that has been in storage and some of the hair has fallen off.


Lookin like Gargamel's vegan nephew who doesn't understand his uncle's struggle.

http://media-***he-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ac/81/d4/ac81d4190f84c41644f72f9005077d41.jpg



http://media-***he-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/00/2e/4f/002e4f674173864141bd1dd4be44ed60.jpg

Lookin like he drinks Boones from an old ski boot with the entire cast of Attack of the Show.

Lookin like he's been swimming in Dinty Moore Beef Stew and regret.

[Split Eight]

Lookin like he rides around in a rusted out '86 Astro van.... white with aqua graphics... just watching playgrounds. Drinking melted Milky Way bars.


Holy fuckkkkkkk hahahahahha

[Wise Wiggles]

Jesus. Batty been slaying the fuck outta Emile Hursche's uncle

This fool has taxidermy sleepovers

Nigga docks his peen with opossums

Looking like he sticks his peen in Chia Pets

Nigga rolls around in a wagon constructed solely out of old record player parts

This nigga has a sheet fort teepee with fog rolling out in his apartment car port

[Split Eight]

lookin like Tim Allen if he received direct facial radiation exposure

[veritas]

hey gay-wad: 1997 David Spade called, he wants his hair cut back.

[Batty]

All of this niggas facial hair looks like pubes fried in crispy catfish batter.

Lookin like he smokes Christmas ***tus petals out of a golf cart muffler.

lookin like he builds sand castles with cat turds in them

20% Egon 30% Carrot Top 50% lonely

lookin like a online professor for a masturbation college

Lookin like Theon Greyjoy's squire

lookin like admins a message board about building Wookie Armor

lubed up a Goku figure for cave spelunking in his bathtub escapades

Eyebrow game on 'squatch


Lookin like a special needs Opie from Sons of Anarchy

He got paralyzed at age 12 in a wakeboarding fiasco and he lost total feeling in his neck and sexual prowess.


Played "Butty the Elf" in the gay porn version of Elf. He ate maple syrup lubed candy corn out of Santa's butthole in one scene.


Lookin like God put out a giant Newport on his face.

[Vulgar]

20% Egon 30% Carrot Top 50% lonely

lookin like a online professor for a masturbation college




lololol

Lookin like a Futurama soundtrack operator

Lookin like he can control artificially intelligent organisms with the bridge of his nose

Lookin like a chia pet and a pyramid of fly carcasses got crosshatched with a satellite beam

Lookin like a chestnut dwarf was a backgammon champion

[Batty]

Dead at chestnut dwarf.

[Wise Wiggles]

Looking like Woody Allen infused with a Brady Bunch boy

Homie looks like his name is Hansel Garfunkel III

Home boy looking like Big Foot's DICK except has a -4 inch inward peen

My nigga wears hooved furry boots and frolics in local parks playing one of of those staircase flutes

Jimmy Neutron started a cult, went bald then coined the goatee comb over

Fool goes to nursing homes to slay vag

[Batty]

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img540/1448/9aAE4w.jpg
The Legend of Masterbation Elf

On the small distant island of Virginos in the great land of Dickbeatia,
there lives a small tribe of fair-skinned redheaded man-smurfs known
as Gingersmoots. Hansel Garfunkel III was a Gingersmoot with big dreams,
perhaps too big for the small island he inhabitated and far too big for the
small minds of its people. He was disowned and cast out for his "blasphemous" ways.
He was caught sitting on his hand until it went numb and wacking off other Gingersmoots
for various cash prizes, acorns and more often-than-not: just for fun.
This practice later become known as the modern day PERFECT STRANGER ON THE ROCKS.
He was also commonly criticized for his techniques of jackin other elves off into gym sucks
and then wearing the socks all day, this also became most commonly known as: SKEET-HIKING.


He now lives a desolate life on the outskirts of a small island
due east of Virginos known only to locals as Brokelonelyfaggotopia.
He resides there with his wife: his own hand.

the motherfucking end.



The picture taken above is actually from day 1 of his trial where he was
feeling slightly confident that he would get off (pause).
He is seen above wearing his great great grandfather's second best funeral suit.

[sral]

I still can't fucking believe this shit and that an ADMINISTRATOR would do this. It's like this is Lord of the Flies and you've got some fucking crackhead with a conch calling the shots who has literally no respect for people on the site.

If I didn't have an already agreed upon and pending battle I would probably leave this site for this garbage but as a man of my word and NOT a scumbag like what I have seen ON ALL SIDES on this site. I will write for my battle and respect the votes it receives for I am a man of integrity. Much more than can be said for Knucklehead. Just sad, man.

lmaoaoaoaoaoa

good work bros

will rep everyone in thread

[Vulgar]

http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img540/1448/9aAE4w.jpg
The Legend of Masterbation Elf

On the small distant island of Virginos in the great land of Dickbeatia,
there lives a small tribe of fair-skinned redheaded man-smurfs known
as Gingersmoots. Hansel Garfunkel III was a Gingersmoot with big dreams,
perhaps too big for the small island he inhabitated and far too big for the
small minds of its people. He was disowned and cast out for his "blasphemous" ways.
He was caught sitting on his hand until it went numb and wacking off other Gingersmoots
for various cash prizes, acorns and more often-than-not: just for fun.
This practice later become known as the modern day PERFECT STRANGER ON THE ROCKS.
He was also commonly criticized for his techniques of jackin other elves off into gym sucks
and then wearing the socks all day, this also became most commonly known as: SKEET-HIKING.


He now lives a desolate life on the outskirts of a small island
due east of Virginos known only to locals as Brokelonelyfaggotopia.
He resides there with his wife: his own hand.

the motherfucking end.



The picture taken above is actually from day 1 of his trial where he was
feeling slightly confident that he would get off (pause).
He is seen above wearing his great great grandfather's second best funeral suit.


Repped.

Why did I imagine the George of the Jungle narrator saying this?