10. Frank vs. fraze - (fraze wins by NS)

[Vulgar]

You've been enlisted for an abstract cause.

NO LINE LIMIT
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Verses Due Sunday Morning.
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(Extensions only granted if opponent accepts, anything else is unaccepted.)

Voting Ends Monday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied
Remember The Earlier The Verses In The Sooner The Votes
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Peace


Topic:

http://th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/344/4/b/legacy_ii_by_wahay-d5nouvp.jpg

Junto fraze

[fraze]

I accept

[fraze]

I have a verse to post. If he's still posting an EXT is fine with me.

[fraze]

I have a verse to post. If he's still posting an EXT is fine with me.

[Clutbuck]

Frank i think you've been subbed in?

[fraze]

in life’s race even if you hasten the paste,
fleet footed fate follows, there no place to escape,
not even danger is safe from fortunes final embrace,
in a stoned faced death mask encircled with snakes,
sensing slaughter the olympic vultures circle en wait,
of this daughter of forgotten gods poseidon had raped,
...but what he trident involve oceans or lakes,
just silent streams from cold pools of poisonous hate,
deep enough that no man could look in her face,
without her wish granite… and his life abandoned…

from the temple of Athena where the crime had took place,
a champion came claiming he’d avenge the disgrace,
with eyes on mirrored shield gifted him by gods,
fly in hermes kicks with the wings on the sides,
invisible with helm Hades won while at war,
swinging diamond edged sword Hephaestus had forged,
won female head estate, no hillary, ya feeling me?
he claimed crown, qing... dynasty of flying guillotine…
raising high severed head while from gorgon was born,
a winged horse which flew from her neck fully formed

fleeing scene on his steed, rain a red color fell
droplets trace cross the Red Sea a blood coral trail,
and in earth, burrowed deep in dirt as those seeds,
grew to form evils roots as they fed from man’s greed

[Woke]

I enjoyed the lore rout, especially liked the use of metaphor i.e trident/granite. I didn't like the finale though, you just tossed in the bit about man's greed like it was an after thought. It was just out of place and not connected, it was missing some sort of explanation. The flow was good, didn't really stutter much but some lines came off as too easy, but I can't fault you for that because I too do this. In any case, good solid verse. I have read almost every one now and this was one of my favorite in the 5-6 range.

[Geno]

thought the approach and the GODs theme was cool. shame frank didnt show.. sorry to say -i believe he would have taken this easily. but since he didnt -congrats on making it to rnd two

had some dope vocab and good mechanics. looking forward to seeing more from you

[Vulgar]

invisible with helm Hades won while at war,
swinging diamond edged sword Hephaestus had forged,
won female head estate, no hillary, ya feeling me?
he claimed crown, qing... dynasty of flying guillotine…

You released some of your swagger pheromones here.

This was written in a dense, grouped together fashion, with a karate chop sort of flow, where you gave some cool concepts on the picture room to display themselves. It took a leaf out of mythological folklore and a used a "life wisdom" narrative tone.

droplets trace cross the Red Sea a blood coral trail,

I thought the imagery was sick there.

Overall, it was a decent one. Thanks for showing!