13. Genocide vs. Pent Up - (Pent Up wins)

[Vulgar]

You've been enlisted for an abstract cause.

NO LINE LIMIT
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks)

Verses Due Sunday Morning.
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(Extensions only granted if opponent accepts, anything else is unaccepted.)

Voting Ends Monday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied
Remember The Earlier The Verses In The Sooner The Votes
Have Fun
Peace


Topic:

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/264/b/9/pride_by_maruhana_bachi-d5ffoqn.jpg

Genocide Pent uP

[Pent uP]

Im going camping. Had no idea this was due this weekend. Lets see if i get reception lol

[Geno]

Here

[Pent uP]

Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game
Expansion Character
KRAKOOT
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/264/b/9/pride_by_maruhana_bachi-d5ffoqn.jpg

Background:
A spawn of THE COLLECTOR'S creation. A hell of a day when
he was so blind drunk you could say a specter had made it.
Intelligent, brazen, and powerful without any elegant basis.
KRAKEN genes spliced into the shell of his favorite
GROOT. To boot he threw in a FAUN he found peddling hatred
that he would've kept at his place if he had shelves or a space.
When asked "what stemmed the formation" he had to spell out the logistics.

"The KRAKEN is important in two parts - The desire that's found in its spirit
to destroy anything around it that instance and watch it drown - unforgiving.
The second is how steadfast it is to being housed or imprisoned.
Astounding resilience - the perfect root for GROOT'S immobility."

"The tree's regeneration was not an unproven ability,
and played dearly in deciding him as the host. The skin was a hoax
used in the building tree to add to human conspiracy.
His thinking's the most important trait assumed in the villainy
when fused with the sickening fear and trickery of the FAUN.
I didn't need to put him on, but couldn't resist so he was put in the mix.
No food and those drinks and I fell working late
under a spell, compelled - urging fate to be the sick
helper creating this Petri dish of self-serving hate.
And ever since I've controlled him my net worth is great."

Biography:
KRAKOOT
is THE COLLECTOR'S henchman and THE DEVIL'S best friend.
He's leveled temples and lead THE AVENGERS to endless dead ends.
A selfish menace's intents masked as existential penance
are nestled in his sentences. His essence wrestled DEATHS grip
as he wept the vestige of their settlements. Never has
a temptress intersected him and left him breathless.
On the edge of excellence - he fears the oppressive pestilence
of the pestering peasant: the benevolent tether
between humanity, doom and the scene him and THE COLLECTOR revel.
Carapaces are shown on his face and his dome
that resemble Sceptre's able to hold Tesseract shapes and their stones.
Evasive and cold, he's a slave that considers space as him home.


Most Recent Location:
Unknown,
but he did just kill GENOCIDE by presentation alone.

[Geno]

The Elephant in the Room.

obnoxious, attention deficit, the elephant in the room
holding you hostage, with nonsense, maleficence is in bloom
you've shown him hospice, he profits, his kind never repays
or understands common courtesy, whenever he stays
left to revel and bask, gasp, curious of this menaces past
where he grew, of his senior, of which has rendered him mad
endless, the tracks he's left, where he's grazed and has fed
the stench amazes, questions raised, weather he's bathed and has cleansed
such an offensive mannerism, surely, a matter of jest
one would perceive, as bodily functions put that matter to rest
comments of "my god", faces cringe, "whats wrong with you, man?"
if looks could kill, there'd be a slaughter here, on all of our hands
you know the type, dropped out, without a single degree
asks you to spell the dumbest words, like simple, and tree
derelict, ignorant, free, until he needs a place he can crash
you go to sleep, he raids the fridge, leaves dirty plates and his trash
he's gone before you wake, you still smell the lingering fumes
your burning candles, go to eat, he didn't leave any food
these sort of people are to abundant, poignant, pungent, the scum
theres one in every room, family tree, black sheep, swept under the rug
too many under the sun, probably under the influence of drugs
a nuisance, a bug, the hardest person in the room to shut up
his side of the story isn't that amusing to us, bad luck..
short end of the stick, victim, never passed him the buck
the class act, who's class is absent, who's absence is adored
Hard to ignore, has to have the last laugh, adament to the core
you know the history, statistically, dysfunction comes of divorce
bad parenting, transparency, cumbersome when hes bored
told to play in traffic, go away, theres things more important
Your pissing me off, find your friends, you know where the door is
this dormant exchange of interactions, the typical cause
that drives a kid who craves attention, off to prison, its wrong
he sings a miserable song, out of sync and to out of tune..
but the elephant in the room, has no excuse to be rude

[Woke]

Pent, you had a change of tense somewhere along the line. "he had to spell out the logistics" Then "I didn't need to put him on". Although the the rhyme scheme as smooth as I've read in recent memory, I must say it's a mission, the first stanza. It's chopped, not the flow, again, butter, but from a pure readers point of view ignoring rhymes the sentencing is just a bit fumbled. Still a dope opener context wise as clearly set a very solid foundation for what is to come. I love what you did with the topic, the concept was witty, this background/biography. There was no real action, just background knowledge on what this creature is. Fitting considering this tournaments moniker. The ending was a very nice touch too. This verse with just a few more bars had all the potential in the world to grow stale quick, but the final lines brought light to the subject matter while poking fun at your opponent.

Gen, "bathed and has cleansed" doesn't sound right to me?? This verse was extremely comical to me on a very personal level. A year ago a close cousin got out of prison, hadn't seen him in 5 years or so, let him stay with me for a month to help him on his feet. You painted him well, he's since been in and out of jail, real shitty and annoying person that guy. The picture you gave me was him in a nutshell, completely oblivious to all other, awkward as shit because he's a annoying but doesn't even realize and wouldn't much care if he did I suspect. This verse, aside from what I quoted earlier, was just a breeze to read. The bars were paced with smooth transition in regards to flow, and the inner sentences helped you build heads of steam while destryoing some huge schemes. Although I will edge Pent for executing a higher degree of difficulty as far as flow, yours was a bit more smooth, both were a joy to read start to end.


This battle was a great one. I honestly don't have much to complain about aside from having to pick one winner. By the end of this round I fully expect these to each be a pair of the best 10 verses overall, which is both a damn shame but also a great way to kick this joyride off.

I read each verse 4 times at least, and with each read I was able to nit pick more from genocide and found myself enjoying Pent ups slightly more each time

Pent up

[Witty]

Just upping above the extensions and no shows, will get to this asap.

[Mr. J]

This was an amazing battle, bravo to the both of you...

Geno, I'll start with you because I think you know how this ends...
but i don't want you to beat yourself up man, I feel you have hit your stride
you crafted a much better verse then what you had dropped in the OM

the stench amazes, questions raised, weather he's bathed and has cleansed
such an offensive mannerism, surely, a matter of jest
one would perceive, as bodily functions put that matter to rest

you put enough emphasis on the qualities of the person you are describing
and it draws the reader in because you capture enough imagery to enjoy
the mere fact you focus on this area shows you are different from most
and carry your own swagger with lines that go...

you know the type, dropped out, without a single degree
asks you to spell the dumbest words, like simple, and tree
derelict, ignorant, free, until he needs a place he can crash
you go to sleep, he raids the fridge, leaves dirty plates and his trash

to draw this from your topic sets you apart from most...I have to say it again
nice work my dude...

Pent...

Your penmanship never ceases to amaze

A spawn of THE COLLECTOR'S creation. A hell of a day when
he was so blind drunk you could say a specter had made it.
Intelligent, brazen, and powerful without any elegant basis.

These opening lines are enough to show you took time to work on this
in fact the whole verse is so well crafted its amazing you fit this into your schedule
I feel as though when you add such well known ideas and concepts to a verse it draws the reader in more often
you really make any of your battles worth reading due to your ability to write something like

Evasive and cold, he's a slave that considers space as him home.


Most Recent Location:
Unknown,
but he did just kill GENOCIDE by presentation alone.

shows your ability to twist your own subject and bring some humor to it
nice work man...nice work..


v/Pent Up

[sral]

yo reserving my spot til after work

dope shit Genocide Pent uP

[Clutbuck]

Pent uP:

Good to see you're still at this, one of the truly elite level writers of any period. This was wholly different in approach from what I'm used to reading by you, even if you haven't lost a step on the mechanics side of the verse. I've always been a fan of Magic The Gathering and a bit of a comics geek so the verse being set out like an expansion pack card with the strengths etc was right up my street haha! The other truly great thing about this piece was the comedic take at the end with a jab thrown at Genocide. I think it was tastefully done and not meant to belittle at all, I don't really like calling it a 'twist' per se as it honestly wasn't that, but it brought the piece to a light hearted conclusion and a somewhat unexpected one, which I guess is the general idea with this more abstract tournament. It certainly wasn't your usual comfort zone, far from it, but the writing was still of a high enough standard to be worthy of a highlight reel in the round one mag. Insanely good work. Very impressive!

Genocide: The thing I've always loved about your style is your flow and how natural your verses read. You're not a textcee and don't write like one. There's always a real fluidity and that comes from the balance you strike up between mechanics and flow - it's really hard to juggle the two, often meaning people sacrifice one slightly over the other. You don't really tend to do that, always finding a middle ground between the two and that probably goes overlooked by a lot of 'writers' who tend to be more mechanics based or structure based or imagery laden - but it's something I've long thought really shone in your drops ever since that trilogy of pieces you put together. I felt like you were describing me all through this, loved the bad parenting/transparency internal rhyme. The closer was solid too. The decider, for me, in this battle was that the tournaments idea was to execute something you usually wouldn't - removed from your usual pieces. And for my money, Pent exceeded expectations here where Geno has a verse I guess wouldn't look out of place with his portfolio of work? It was a good match up but Pent had the more originality and creativity behind his idea, and it's execution for me. My vote goes to Pent uP.

[UnbornBuddha]

Pent: Let's first get into the things that weren't my favorite. I'm not a particular fan of having one idea or clause streamline itself onto the next line, and consistently being used as a technique. As a reader, sometimes it makes the reading itself more opaque. Sometimes, it is a necessary technique to utilize, and when executed more strategically then it comes out more refined. That being said, I did enjoy the concept. However, even though it obviously is a work created through the extent of the imagination, I did not think it was the most expansive in terms of this. I think you could have been more visionary, simply because one can allocate any monster looking thing into the world of comic strips and playing cards. That being said, the approach was well executed and I did enjoy it was a whole. Especially the last stanza, and I also was a very keen on the rhyme schemes. Good work.

Genocide: Your very good at maintaining a very reader-friendly style. In some regards, this means that it enters the mental vessel of the reader more readily. It had a more smooth, and fluid maneuver than Pent's. It was a good read, but there some typo's that could have been easily corrected. Now, I don't really usually care for such pedantic shortcomings and minutiae. However, it does speak on the lack of an editing process, which obviously comes to allude to the time spent as a whole. Now, of course, the time spent does not equate to a better verse than one's opponent, especially if their a skilled one. But, it does bring a correlation in the patterns of your writing habits. That said, I did enjoy it, and the smoothness of your craft is something to be admired.

Vote: Pent Up

[Geno]

5-0
I do believe i was beaten.
Good shit pent. Your ability to stretch yourself out of the box was greater than mine.
I guess everyone is right.. i just dont go past a certain point when it comes to being creative.

Good man. 1