R. 2: dead man vs. Razah - (Razah wins)

[Vulgar]

Welcome to Round 2 of the tournament.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks)

Verses Due Tuesday Night. (June 9th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Only one though.)

Voting Ends Thursday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

Have Fun
Peace

dead man Razah


TOPIC:

http://img15.deviantart.net/02ec/i/2015/153/5/7/soba_4_by_boban_savic_geto-d6gvi69.jpg

[dead man]

hey

[Razah]

whattup.

[dead man]

well


it's a feeling i've reminisced
like, peaches and breathminths.
periods of honest sentience, unequaled intelligence
you could, meet me for breakfast and we'd speak for a minute
of something seasonal and theories on the people we mimic
dig deeper for reasons that i've yet to decrypt
how a village folken prosper when their medic is sick
how i'm sentenced to this. sentences for senses, elicit
a bittersweet resentfulness way back to the minute
you realized, like i did, we're a shot in the dark
creating obstacles and clinging onto memoirs of hardship
bleeding hearts reclining in a carcass
4 walls, solid as a rock. a lamp and a carpet
traffic heavy. Jack and Pepsi. make me an offer
we'll make music, slash tsunami waves and chalk it to God
no other option, plaster crackling's so oddly cathartic
it's why i always faced away from the wall.
when nature called i silenced it. hideaway in the lion's den
rifle blade in my diaphragm. contemplating where i began
compensating, where i begin: incubated en utero
they silver-lined my christening.. nickel-plated my funeral
interesting to say the least. rent-a-room out for vacancy
sit and watch the storm arrive. Hurricanrana overdrive
chandeliers in an open sky. socializing, it's you and i
molten metallic pulverized. overwhelmed by a suicide
maybe not, but who's to say? to mortify and mutilate
feel the building breaking. gentle breathing, screaming “bomaye”
weatherwoman wash me out. already tossed my crosses out
the wind cries in solitude. i cry until i'm cotton-mouthed
cotton flower fabric couch. my paperback promises
woodgrain apocalypse. bloodred staining the ottoman
familiar voice a hollow echo blurring anonymous
banshee shrieks like piercing whistles strangle esophagus
i was demolished, like you. but we'll all be discovered
we can speak about it more, next time we talk to each other..





DEADMAN

[Razah]

This is the prison I built, the prison I live in
I felt the regret & the angst the minute I did it
It's crazy of me, I knew I could lose worst
Tried to weather the storm, a tornado hit the room first
Imagine my pain, left alone to wither & die
Got a glimpse of the sky that brought a sliver of life
Brought hope to my heart but I've been living a lie
These aren't tears, I promise, I blame the wind in my eye
Is this all in my head, I can't tell, but it's usually real
Forgive me for being rude, welcome, to the house that lunacy built
This is my temple of torture, my palace of pain
Where the picture is perfect but it's lacking the frame
Where my back's to the rope, I wonder if I'll actually cope
When the lights are out, the sun brings in a shadow of hope
Just one day at a time, life used to be amazingly bright
Life's amazing but I been debating on why
The thought stays on my mind, all this rage in my life
I can't escape, feels like.. I was made for the strife

As my thoughts echo, I wish was deaf now
I wish I was able to say that I'm stressed out
I'm pass that, every day I lust for what's better
Outside is beautiful but to me it's as ugly as ever
What's beautiful though.
This anger I feel, the rage in my veins
The pain in my soul, the tears on my face
The blood that'll drip, that's beautiful so..
This prison I built is not a prison at all
I took a leap of faith & no one can mimic the fall
It's like a crucifixion, but this isn't a cross
I wish that it was, cuz I feel like my spirit is lost
Trapped with the feelings I harbor but I'm far from the sea
If I was to keep my eyes shut I promise that's not darker than me
Truth is I'm stronger than ever, I guess pain is a gift
I built this prison myself, for me. My emotions, just to be able to live.

[Vulgar]

Up for votes.

[Geno]

Fire battle.
Reserved for initital vote

Just left the lars veritas thread.. was the best up until this so far.

Deadman.. you brought that swag you always bring. Rapid rlfire syllable usage that perhaps no one appreciates more than i in a persons writing. I have to complain content wise though this week brother.. i felt like you may have been writing this with other things on your mind and didnt quite capture it how you would have liked to? Perhaps.. anyway.
Started really strong verybtypical of a black verse and then somewhere in the middle i lost interest for some reason.. it just seamed to rakble off topic and lose me.. and then suddenly.. it hopped righg back on track. ended strong and was dope as hell fromthe chsndeliers in open sky on down.. but it strayed and thats gonna hurt

Razah..
Your up ahainst probably the best person technically that i know.
Yet.. you told a dope tale and had very decent syllable usage and smooth reading tobthe point that i honestly believe you edged black this week. Its a rare daybthat i bet against him.. and i honestly expected a blowout. But you suprised me here.. well done. You didnt close as strong as i would have liked and seemed to get a bit draoned conceptually.. but it held me and ibthought it was a bit more solid than blackbthis week.

Excellent battle
I hev to vote against my favorite to win this event..
And go with..
V/razah.. to my surprise.

Respect to both

[Mr. J]

This was a dope battle, both of you really brought the A to game

Dead, As I always say, your verses are slicker than a banana bro
from the jump I could already tell that your verse handled though..
the way you carry out the rhythm of your piece so effortlessly is dope
and with sections like this

how i'm sentenced to this. sentences for senses, elicit
a bittersweet resentfulness way back to the minute
you realized, like i did, we're a shot in the dark
creating obstacles and clinging onto memoirs of hardship
bleeding hearts reclining in a carcass
4 walls, solid as a rock. a lamp and a carpet
traffic heavy. Jack and Pepsi. make me an offer

You are never to far off to keep a reader well fed & happy
I felt like you really shined & had a firm grasp on the subject
the ending was really amazing due to the works build up
I really enjoyed your verse

Razah, There's a lot to say about your verse..
it seems to be masterfully crafted from the start of the piece
I really enjoyed the first section just a little after the first 4 lines
although I really did enjoy the tornado hitting the room first
your piece focuses more on the visual aspect of the topic at hand
and you really know how to add characteristics to the piece
this whole section is a stand out for me..

Imagine my pain, left alone to wither & die
Got a glimpse of the sky that brought a sliver of life
Brought hope to my heart but I've been living a lie
These aren't tears, I promise, I blame the wind in my eye
Is this all in my head, I can't tell, but it's usually real
Forgive me for being rude, welcome, to the house that lunacy built
This is my temple of torture, my palace of pain
Where the picture is perfect but it's lacking the frame

really making your piece worth the read..very smooth work
I enjoyed your piece due to your ability to paint such a vivid image in my head
thank you...


V/Well this vote will be a tough one due to the enjoyment of both verses
I really enjoyed the idea that both writers ran with for this picture
they seem evenly matched for the most part, making this battle my BOTW
I can't really tell who to choose based on the technicality aspect of both writers
Dead came with a perfectly structured verse & Razah wrote a beautifully vivid piece
my enjoyment really came from Razah's verse though
it just seemed like something I really haven't read before..nice work fella's
this was a battle that's worth reading, so I'm going with Razah



v/Razah

[UnbornBuddha]

Interesting battle, to say the least.

Deadman; The flow in this is like a rapid current stream, that carries life, but delivers it a swift manner that implants a series of images until they coalesce into something different all together. In other words, one of the reasons why you could write about the same things over and over, and still keep a sense of freshness, is because at the end every line becomes reborn, and though the meaning might still have some of the same transparency, it still looks like a different facet of the truth or of emotion to the reader. I will say that this piece felt a bit more tangential than usual, which made it at times feel uninteresting, especially the middle section.

Razah: This was more simple compared to Deadman. Deadman's pieces have this intelligence that are very unique, in terms of his wording. This is my first reading you, mind you. But, yours felt much more redolent and graphic. The take was one of imprisonment stemming from the narrator's own mind, and while he acknowledges his entrapment, there is still a sense of needing it to be, because it has become part of him. This lines I felt were particularly powerful:
"If I was to keep my eyes shut I promise that's not darker than me
Truth is I'm stronger than ever, I guess pain is a gift
I built this prison myself, for me. My emotions, just to be able to live."
Thought those images were very moving. Good job, its not very often Deadman gets outdone.

Vote: Razah

[sral]

Razah been doing this since LyricalWar days, he isn't new to this and I'm not surprised to see him have made it this far at all. He was always more a text battler than a topical head I guess, but he has always been solid all round.

Deadman came with fire this round, his usual heady substance spiced with a turn of phrase that could kill a man. This couplet especially stood out for me:

no other option, plaster crackling's so oddly cathartic
it's why i always faced away from the wall.

That was too real. Very dope penmanship. This line caught me too, def deserves more recognition IMO:

compensating, where i begin: incubated en utero
they silver-lined my christening.. nickel-plated my funeral

Illy for real!


Razah is no slouch either though, like I say, dude has been at this years even if it was more on the battle side than topical. Him and Label always been nice with it, I'm fully aware of his skill, maybe people will stop sleeping after this showing from him haha! Tight little verse, think you were the underdog coming into this but a win over deadman is no fluke! I think this is closer than the votes maybe seem, but I've got Razah edging this in a close one. Probably the closest contest this round in all honesty, both competitors brought it though and whoever wins deserves their spot in the quarters. Great battle!