Round 3 - Quarterfinals: UnbornBuddha vs. Genocide - (UnbornBuddha wins)

[Vulgar]

Welcome to Round 3 of the tournament. Congrats on making it this far.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks!)

Verses Due Friday Night. (June 19th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Just one.)

Voting Ends Monday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

Have Fun
Peace

UnbornBuddha Genocide


Topic:

http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/make-way-for-the-bad-guys-ylli-haruni.jpg

[Geno]

Mmmmmm.. so in

[UnbornBuddha]

Cool, good luck Genocide

[Geno]

Gonna need ext my good man. Been too busy making moves lately. I will show if granted

[UnbornBuddha]

Yeah for sure, extension granted. Saturday it is.

[Geno]

Didnt need the extension.. just found time. Thanks unborn-GL


Marlon Brando -Don Corleone
Robert Dniro -Vito Corleone
Joe Pesci -Tommy Devito
Ray Liotta -Henry Hill
Al Pacino -Tony Montana

The American Gangster Auction.

and there i sat, a fly on the pulpit
not really, just a guy who got caught, dealing with tony montana at auctions
a lot of big bosses came to bid on these lands
I held the pictures up, they wagered at the flick of their hands
a distinguished bid caller, auctioneer, is my respectable title
staring down the barrels of automatics, techs, 50 calibre weapons and rifles
The scent of cigarettes, cigars, liquer and breath, swept through the bunch
As the Montana Estate went for bid, the Corleones went especially nuts
Don loved the fountain, red steps, and damn near put the treasury up
Tommy and Henry went to bid, but didnt have the pennies to clutch
I felt a sense of disgust, growing, as Corleones crony comes up
Tony put a freight train up his nose, i only hope he adjusts
holding his little buddy, face covered in cocaine like its blush
Its likely nothing, but you can never tell by the looks Vito gives
Weather or not, the atmospheres about to become as crooked as him
"Going once, going twice", Corleone just purchased a crib
As the smurk on Tommys face, transformed into a merciless hit
as quick as i yelled "sold", Don Corleone had a hole in his ribs
And Devito was holding the gun, that he opened him with
I dove in the distance, quick, cause a thug -im certainly not..
Never religious, but witnessing hell breaking lose just turned me to god
next thing i knew, Tony opened away..
And i knew it was him, because his buddy has a mode for grenades
ten or so minutes later, silence fell on my ears
i peeked over the bench, Tony standing over his peers
He said, "auctioneer, you want a job?", i said "certainly, Tony"..
Get the deed to my house, lets go, before the feds corner me homie..
when we get to the house, we can talk business my friend
and me and Tony walked away yall, this is the END.

-Geno..

[UnbornBuddha]

The greatest gangster of them all

The crime scene was littered with dead bodies
Victims’ fingers everywhere, the scene smelled bloody.
And amidst the massacre affair the darkness and despair
One gangster remained there, spreading laughter in the air
Unmoving, just maniacally ***kling, he was captured impaired.
It was up to Detective Ignatius to investigate this business
By interrogating this sadistic sicko, the only remaining witness.
Everyone else was dead, there were even assassinated children
But what happened to the conglomerate of villains?
Did this one man exterminate the most venerated Sicilians?

After hours of silence the unnamed criminal spoke:
“The Don told me about you cops and your sinister role
Always portraying humanity in a cynical tone
I won’t snitch or rat, that’s my syndicate’s code.
Ignatius stated: who is your Don? Is it Corleone?
Explain your horror story and its twisted morals for me
Say it and I’ll promise the charges will be minimal
Even if you did tarnish the city’s soul,
Carving a malevolent carnage that ripped its bones.
A day later: “Very well” said the inconsiderate rogue
"Since you guessed my Don, let it be known"

Our tale begins in Scarface’s wrinkles
Like prison tattoos, they’re an arcane symbol
Stigmata for martyrs that harnessed evil, unfathomed equals
Who see murder, prostitution and gambling as legal.
Cartel figures selling for the highest bidder your daughter’s nipples
Do you want a nibble detective?
Ignatius: "Stop fooling around with your deceptive riddle incentives
Just continue telling your story schmuck, even if it’s a little depressive".

Well, the last supper before the messiah’s execution
Parallels this night, due to the final resolution
Turf war is a viral hellish fusion, bodies’ pile by the units
Fire bending users fighting for their empires evolution.
Peace between the families is one of the most childish illusions
So I schemed to wipe out all humans, including my own Don
So when the families gathered, I occluded my Don’s tongue
I even separately polluted the Don’s son
And then, I released poisonous fumes into the vents
Killing everyone, while I excused myself to the room of the gents
It was then I came to admire my ego’s proportions
The Don died with his facial features contorted. What a feeble person!
I decided to eat my pasta, dialed the department, and await your arrival
While, I was waiting I skinned, hacked, and defaced my rivals
I don’t want power, women, or money. I’ll just like to create a title
A psycho sending the universe a message through car bomb ripples
An archetypal serial killer indulging in launching missiles,
The type to burn alive an arson’s pit bull, an ironic death for an iconic pet
You see detective, my name is Pesci, a psychotic mess.
Everyone thought I was a subpar fool, and now they’re in hypnotic trek
To hell, just like this police department, because I planned on being here
And I orchestrated fumes to seep and kill everyone breathing here
But, not me, I’ve made myself immune to this lymphatic poisons!
Pesci laughed as he said this all in a taunting and haunting manner, joyously.
It was then detective Ignatius heard all the dead gangster’s voices
A vortex of screams that sounded like the victims the Nazi’s boiled.
He knew then, he was outsmarted by a mastermind he thought was foiled
He should have stayed home instead, and read Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle.

[sral]

Dope battle fellas, my fav topic of the round!

Geno: Great verse, your flow is always a plus point and you play to that strength to help carry the topic as it unfolds which is used to good effect. Unusually for you there was a couple spots where the rhyming was like a syllable out or so and not matched perfectly, which isn't a huge thing for me, but I think at this stage in the competition those small things should be ironed out completely. This couplet really shows what I mean by that:


Tony put a freight train up his nose, i only hope he adjusts
holding his little buddy, face covered in cocaine like its blush

The end rhymes are mismatched and it just seemed a little rushed or sloppy to me, almost like it was wrote quick without being proofread. As I said, it's a minor thing usually, but with the level of competition invoked at this point those things come into play.

All in all the verse was solid, maybe not the approach or execution if have gone for with this, but a solid showing and one of your better verses of recent.

UnbornBuddah: Whoa, this is probably the best verse I've read from you since your stint over at PR in the rhyme. You've really improved and it showed here, this read like you putting your marker down to claim why you should win this entire thing! Your writing was superb and showed a real writers voice coming to the fire with some brilliant descriptive literary techniques thrown in! I loved little bits like this one:

Our tale begins in Scarface’s wrinkles

I just think that you tied every little thing into the story well and it helps create a rich tapestry and you wove all the elements together through out. There was some welcomed humour as well to what could have been quite a violent and dark topic, lines like this one helped break that up:

The Don died with his facial features contorted. What a feeble person!

Again, it's just so well tastefully done it's hard to look past that.

Both writers did extremely well here, this is probably my vote for battle of the week and UB as verse of the week to be honest. You set the bar really high here with this one, and I was glad to see both writers kill what was my favourite topic this round. Great job guys!

I've got UnbornBuddah winning here.

[Mr. J]

I should have had this topic :/

Geno, Dope shit breh, I love how you stepped out the box with this one
well 'plot' wise you stepped out of what you were trying to pull off
I really enjoyed the way that you formulated all the aspects of this piece
using the auction as a setting and slowly unraveling the story...
this little section right here was pretty cool I felt...

"Going once, going twice", Corleone just purchased a crib
As the smurk on Tommys face, transformed into a merciless hit
as quick as i yelled "sold", Don Corleone had a hole in his ribs
And Devito was holding the gun, that he opened him with
I dove in the distance, quick, cause a thug -im certainly not..
Never religious, but witnessing hell breaking lose just turned me to god

some parts just caught me off guard the way they were written though
normally you are really dope with the flow and this saddens me
but you still put in some decent work here..this section was ehhh tough to read

I felt a sense of disgust, growing, as Corleones crony comes up
Tony put a freight train up his nose, i only hope he adjusts
holding his little buddy, face covered in cocaine like its blush
Its likely nothing, but you can never tell by the looks Vito gives

crony just seems like an odd word to use here...member of the family, associate, etc.
I felt those might have worked, but the imagery of the story was pretty dope, nice work

Unborn, this may be my favorite verse from you. it's different & works so well
this was definitely a step in a different direction from you, & you made it work
you still stick to your style but you focus on a different approach and it just flows nice
I really enjoyed the section after the opening...

After hours of silence the unnamed criminal spoke:
“The Don told me about you cops and your sinister role
Always portraying humanity in a cynical tone
I won’t snitch or rat, that’s my syndicate’s code.

I think the quotations ended after syndicate..but it threw me off
you just went into the next section and I was waiting for the voice to stop
it's easily avoidable once you get in the swing of how your verse works
but it just caught me off guard.

Don's tongue/Don's son really didn't work for me but I let it slide
otherwise the imagery of the piece is the strong point here & you make it work well
I enjoyed the flow & consistency of the story as it unfolded...
I see you with that ending shout out, glad you enjoy watching me work
either way nice job my friend


v/I'm going to have to give this to Unborn, his verse stuck with me more
had Geno taken the time out to write & stopped messing around in discussion this would have been a well balanced battle
in the end Unborn came through with a piece that seemed very well written
nice battle fella's keep those pen's moving

[Vulgar]

Genocide - Pretty aggressively told, and a fun telling. The wording - somewhat awkward at times. The multis really propelled it forward and you pulled off the approach well enough. Great concept with the auction. I just wish you took more time with it in weaving together original references to all of the films and characters. It seemed like a "pick and choose" process with a random gunfight in the end to wrap it all up, concluding with a "the end."

UnbornBuddha - Neat work here, I liked the ending where Pesci is the mastermind behind the gassing, lol. Vintage UnbornBuddha flow used in this one, the beginning stanza being the one I liked most. The first four lines had a GZA rhythm that I could vibe with. Conceptually, there were enough surprises and plot twists to keep me engaged as the reader. The Sicilians line was solid and crucial to the build up. Detective Ignatius was an interesting sounding name and added atmosphere. The mention of Sir Arthur at the end was a humorous touch. Overall I can say I was satisfied with what you wrote here.

Vote - UnbornBuddha