Round 3 - Quarterfinals: MMLP vs. Razah - (Razah wins)

[Vulgar]

Welcome to Round 3 of the tournament. Congrats on making it this far.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks!)

Verses Due Friday Night. (June 19th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Just one.)

Voting Ends Monday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

Have Fun
Peace

MMLP Razah

Topic:

https://cdn.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/000/596/135/smaller_square/dave-melvin-organicmech.jpg?1427982042

[MMLP]

interesting choice

best of luck Razah

[Razah]

word.

[MMLP]

The terms were accepted as war was declared,
To serve as directed with roars in the air
The ordnance we shared was state of the art,
At the forefront of the regiment with paint on their arms,
Our alien army had rounded in hundreds
Their gates were bombarded, with a bounty on Hudson,
Scouting in numbers as we crossed the divide
We countered their punches approaching in strides
With open defiance our legion would storm
Our moulded alliance laid siege to their spawn
Our plans ceased with some force With a thunderous bang,
Seething and scorned I'd erupt, "Its a trap"
Were "Under attack" I had to intrude,
With the front of the craft was shattered and doomed
So I gathered the troops under a barrage of bullets
We began to diffuse knowing the cargo's coming
The sergeants gunning and flaming the place,
They starting running, paving the way
To create an escape as we crept through the smoke
Raising the stakes as the vessels approached
Through the entrance below, we headed beneath
"The second its blown. Their defence has been breached"
But it entered our fleet and forward we sped
I bled at the scene and the brown warrior was dead
There was call for a end has his shell had stiffened
The corpse was then left, unhelped and stricken
As the bell was ringing the laughter would stop
The yelling signalled time to put the toys back in the box.

[Razah]

What's it like to be free, I wonder at times
If I could see my future, I would lust to be blind
I crave for the freedom, to really be me
Being trapped in myself is the most silly of things
I wish the canvass was blank, what if it happens to break
When I actually paint & happen to capture the pain
I'm viewed as a monster, it's expected of me
But the mirror I use doesn't reflect what I see
Still...
I can feel it creeping by, there's an evil deep inside
Then I wonder, if it leaves, is it leaving me to die
It's what's keeping me alive, it's the twinkle in my eye
Is it passion is it anger, either way, it gleams just like the sky
As it screams inside my mind, why do I seek what I can't find
It's been feeding me these lies, I've been grieving all the time
I've been reaching for the sky, but I can't...

The sorrow, the bliss - The scene that I paint
The right & the wrong, it's the ying to my yang
The anger, the joy - You envision a beast
The combination of both makes the picture complete
My pride & my shame - It wasn't the same
I hate what I love yet I love what I hate
What's a brush with no paint, that used to be me
But I'm not the same person I would usually be
I've learned to adapt, accept me for me
It turns out I'm everything I'm expected to be
I used to think, I had my back against the wall
Who knew I would seek, freedom, when I had it all along

I'm me.

[big baby]

so we're just gonna pretend mmlp doesnt mismatch syllables anymore and lars who is good at matching simple syllables who is also his friend who just happens to be active isnt ghostwriting or atleast helping?

aiight i mean we already pretended sn00p's verse was good lol but okay

tbh i don't like the storytelling wage that lars/mmlp take. it's a bit boring like they're telling a scary ghoststory at a camp fire. it's cool and it takes a bit of skill, yeah but it's just like bleh. I feel like im reading a childrens book. not based on the intri***y of writing, but just how it develops. it's just snoozey and unintriguing to a reader that wnts more captivating writing.

razah didnt impress much either, but his writing grasps. a lot of similarity to dull boy where he doesn't spend much time using words that don't really encase his identity. mirror his feelings. a lot of me, be, you, and literary phrasing. it edged mmlp out a bit.

v/raza

[Mr. J]

Hmmm this was an interesting battle...LOL bb is a little hellcat lately

anyway...


MMLP, I felt like you sacrificed a lot to be more technical
but I will admit you dropped some decent lines that I enjoyed
and for the most part you did stick to what you were writing
which made it feel concise at most points...but lacking with the topic at hand

Our plans ceased with some force With a thunderous bang,
Seething and scorned I'd erupt, "Its a trap"
Were "Under attack" I had to intrude,
With the front of the craft was shattered and doomed
So I gathered the troops under a barrage of bullets
We began to diffuse knowing the cargo's coming

this section felt awkward to me...and was a put off
anyway you delivered a decently written verse...nice work

Razah, you came with the stronger verse today
I enjoyed a majority of your verse and felt you were spot on
the most enjoyable part for me is the 'reflection' section
see what I did there...anyway this was some nice work buddy
I don't really have much to say here...


v/Razah, due to his verse relating to the topic slightly more than his opponents
both came with some dope work though, Razah being the one to edge it out here...
nice work fella's

[UnbornBuddha]

Such an intriguing picture, very catchy.

MMLP: I think if you take the war approach, one has to add something that is captivating. The whole scenery of the battle was a bit insipid and didn't cause a neurological excitement within myself as a reader. I mean its war, its supposed to be ferocious, and grasping. But, then I get to the end and it was a child playing toys. I'm a sap for tales of innocence and childlike things, which includes stories. While, I did like the end I felt the rest of the battle, which was most of the verse lacked the imagination that a child would have. I mean speaking from myself, as a child when I played toys I would create this great epic adventures with heroes, and villains, it was truly visionary, in my opinion. I was most creative and imaginative as a kid, and you didn't capture this vivid imagination that a child possesses. Nevertheless, a decent verse that I liked the ending, and the approach more than your opponent. But, could have been pulled off with more power.

Razah: I felt you took a similar route to last week's. Yes, the message is somewhat dissimilar, but the approach and the way you attempt to draw the reader in was almost the same. While, I greatly enjoy reflective pieces, there always is this metaphorical tools that are available and can make the literary approach more varied. That said, because of the smooth delivery, and flow this still draws the reader in. It's very emotional and deconstructive in its questions, pointing to you and then me, and all this words bring a connection. But, it's a connection that is built on the foundation of resonance. While, this is an important aspect, I do like to see other literacy tools being utilized, more imagery, and progressive narrative. In fact, I felt you tried to capture the essence of the emotion portrayed, but did not really address any detail of the picture. There's a giant dragon-like leviathan behemoth that is there, and could have added more a narrative sense, instead of just playing to the emotional sense. I mean you mention monster and beat, but it was broad and only served to complement what you were already doing. I mean it's an abstract tournament, but still...

Vote: Razah for a more resonant approach, and a better delivery.