FINALS: Clutterbuck vs. Mr. J - (Clutterbuck wins! A martyr is crowned!)

[Vulgar]

WELCOME TO THE END OF THE LINE. ENSURE YOUR SLOT IN MARTYRDOM BY DECIMATING YOUR ENEMY. MOST OF ALL, ENJOY YOURSELF. REAP THE REWARDS OF YOUR CONQUESTS.

There is no line limit.
VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks!)

Verses Due Sunday Night. (July 5th)
Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
(24 hour extensions are allowed. Just one.)

Voting Ends Tuesday Night
12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK.
Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied

Have Fun
Peace

Clutterbuck Mr. J


Topic:

http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_640x430/public/3067896.jpg

[sral]

LETS GO!

Wanna try and get this up early for maximum votes?

Lemme know Mr. J

[Mr. J]

I will give it a whirl, my schedule looks slow...

but we will see sraL

[Vulgar]

Due Sunday, fellas.

[Mr. J]

Gather what you can, this is the last they will see of it...
it was my decision to pass by without actual grievances
but all of this is quite intriguing, an exquisite collection of work
do you understand the amount that this 'ending' is worth?
I extend my hand to a friend, as he takes another step divert...
this proves that you cannot bury it in pockets, nor cents in the dirt
anything you treasure can be passed on, the lessons to learn
it's unfair to withhold pleasure, that's when obsession occurs
the traits of the nefarious, when they make their exit it's worst.
unbeknown to the misses, who looks about kisses & smirks
who only understands how to be a widow, living with perks
if she hid anything deeper in those lines, her ignorance would emerge..
that old fool, if he held his head any higher his ego would glisten from Earth.
the only thing they could 'pass' on now, is when there ass is hittin' the dirt
its a wonder how the whole picture came together to coexist on terms...
conditions & rules...when all along they knew the marriage didn't work

...I understand, it was also brought to my attention your occupational interests
Your urge for higher education, & how that route has suddenly ended...
it's not in my nature to discuss such things..so please..don't be offended...
the relationship between you & your father is something I haven't fully comprehended
the man may have gone senile in his demise, but understand the interest he extended
in fact he taught you to search beyond your perception, this thought had left an impression
my questions arise & here you are...he had left one last possession & etched in the side...
it seems he had left the inscription 'see the world' on the edge of this picture..so I deduced, I tried...
& I am unsure of what he means...so I wanted to ask you in person...
how does he see the world in this picture, how is one so observant?

http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_640x430/public/3067896.jpg

*sigh...*

Such trivial dialogue, I've never seen such a horrid approach to such questions
regardless, if you are truly to understand the message, you attack the essence
in his metaphorical aspect that would be the representation of Adam & Eve...
as they view with admiration, the beauty of art is fully grasping the piece...
we will always be coaxed into another moment, then swept without notice
there is always someone pulling the strings making the other obtain focus
as humans we will always be boxed in, we were once rich, then fell from paradise
in the moment that is captured here, we could easily exchange opinions & share a mind
the power of observation is a dangerous weapon once you give it a chance...
to 'see' the world, one only needs to understand what he is looking for...
in this case...he wanted me to talk to someone who wouldn't ignore...
the incessant rambling of someone caught up in his own mind...
well that's it! the tutorial is over, make your way to the exit, one step at a time









our story has come to an end........and it's time to go...

























Thank you & it's been an honor

































Mr. Holmes

[sral]

"Thick As Thieves"

http://images.mentalfloss.com/sites/default/files/styles/article_640x430/public/3067896.jpg

They had a routine with both playing a part
one would stand a few feet away from the mark.
The other came up and started blithering nonsense
making way for his partner to pick at their pockets!
The quick-fingered accomplice relieved the owners items
lifting the wallets he commandeered in total silence.
The thieves were both reliant on the other for success
but keep the coast in mind, as the punishment is death!
If they were rumbled the offenders would make light on their feet
and run to their Dickensian den to hide from the police.
It was here they tried out techniques and the items were opened
refining their deceitful ruse as they'd divide what was stolen.
There were tie pins and broaches, tobacco cases and tins,
all acquired in the hope of them one day making it rich.
The places they picked in and plundered for pence
were laden with riches, and more money than sense!
Blue-bloods were the best you could hope to pocket in
because of them revelling in their own incompetence.
Once they'd chose an obvious stooge who's wage looked decent
- a knowing nod and wink was exchanged between them...

The square that day was heaving so they quicken their great strides
while lying in wait to fleece him, hidden in plain sight!
They switch up and change sides, desperate to lay low,
yet inching their way right toward the depths of his waist coat.
Edging a stage closer and with all eyes on the job
there's not a second to waste so they strike on the spot!
Their timings like clockwork - their movement sudden and swift -
and as synchronised as the watch they were looking to lift!
They fluster the stiff just enough to distract him
- one bumping deliberately into him as the other’s distracting.
It’s shoved in his jacket and The Dip leaves unannounced
with his crooked companion left to deal with the crowd…

The easy-touch bounded and raised up an arm
climbing to his feet as he's shouting “Stay where you are!”
The Distraction, playing it calm, did as he said
hesitating to scarper to ensure The Dip was ahead.
“You pitiful wretch, you’ve stolen the watch!”
the victim exemplified as his mouth openly frothed.
“Show me your pockets!”
The distraction had nothing.
but that alone, if they got him, would show he had an accomplice.
“It’s one of His Majesty’s watches!” then pled the deceived
but realising it’s value and profit, The Distraction fled from the scene!
The gentry and regals try to keep up with him
as he heads for his secret bolt-hole to meet with The Dip.
The screams of these rich nobles follow him all of the way
down every street he'd commit to as he sought an escape.
As he nears the corner of Main Street he quickens his sprint -
climbing through the smallest of spaces to give them the slip!
The Distraction signalled The Dip, knocking on the stairs in repeat,
but was instantly distraught when he was nowhere to be seen…

The Distraction tears their retreat up, “I’ll kill him!” he pledged
as the heart he’d wear on his sleeve sinks in his chest.
He thinks for a second as he acknowledges this
- I bet The Dip had heard mention the watch was the King’s!
The dodgy delinquent had dishonoured their code
to prosper by pilfering from one of his own!
He'd took off with the golden watch upon hearing it’s worth
- what d'ya know, you can’t take a thief at his word!
The Distraction’s feelings were hurt as this imposture had cut deep
but he had got what he deserved, there’s no honour amongst thieves!

[Strikta]

I'll return w/ my full vote.. but Lars murdered here tbh.

[Vulgar]

Mr. J - I don't know if you were talking about Sherlock... hmmm. Maybe the origins of his life of fighting crime. The story goes that a man is being willed a collection of art, and this is one of the pieces, deemed special by a dealer. Adam and Eve are depicted as pickpockets, reaching into a man's pants and fully "grasping a piece" which is metaphorical for understanding an article of fine art, or literature. It was a pretty cool idea, executed somewhat awkwardly in terms of the wording and how it was organized. The dialogue between the two characters might've benefited from shorter sentences, and not just paragraphs from each of them before the other could get a word in. More compact/long variations creates a more natural sounding conversation, IMO. Overall, decent showing for the finals and cool take on the topic.

Clutterbuck... I mean sraL - Dope story, and sharp rhyming. The full package of the new "Lars" persona.

If they were rumbled the offenders would make light on their feet
and run to their Dickensian den to hide from the police.
It was here they tried out techniques and the items were opened
refining their deceitful ruse as they'd divide what was stolen.
There were tie pins and broaches, tobacco cases and tins,
all acquired in the hope of them one day making it rich.
The places they picked in and plundered for pence
were laden with riches, and more money than sense!


This part was siiiick.

You fashioned a winning verse here, hitting the topic dead-center and showing off your rhyming and storytelling skills. Great job, Lars.

Vote - Clutterbuck

[Adonis]

Great battle. I must say while both of you had a strong grasp and tight strain on powerful language one out shined the other. MJ had less raw talent in the rhyming department. Lars was not only as consistent as Jordan, but was also releasing a high level of exact functionality and meaning on a concise plateau. While I feel you both executed at this most extensive of levels, I regretfully must say one was better by a margin.

V/ clutter buck

Mr. Mister had the most solid of flow and verse on a most chronological patern. However he was out done



Cheers.

~Adon

[UnbornBuddha]

Voting later today.

[Hush]

Edit in vote shortly.

[Pinot Grij]

I gotta say the big difference here for me was cogency. Lars' verse had an easy-to-follow storyline, with a great meter.. the thing with a period piece is to nail the terminology and you did that with ease. That really sold the piece. The story was not very complex but it didn't need to be. The characters were clearly defined. It was a really cool read and just very solidly written through and through.

Mr. J, on the other hand, lacked cogency. I felt like I had to decipher your verse both in terms of meaning and diction. I don't mind that generally, but it goes a lot smoother if there is a lot of high impact lines/rhymes/couplets involved that keep me engaged and impressed. Some of the lines were awkwardly worded: "another step divert..." "his ego would glisten from Earth." This verse just didn't pack that oomph for me. And I didn't feel like I got to know your characters. Overall, it just felt unclear for me and paired with the very accessible and lighthearted verse from Lars, my vote became obvious.

Vote --> Lars

[Hush]

Mr. J

anything you treasure can be passed on, the lessons to learn
it's unfair to withhold pleasure, that's when obsession occurs

aight so that was dope. Really dug that.
Heres what I didnt like.. when u switched to italics and went into all the -ED rhymes. so cookie cutter, so boring, the scheme so simple. I could have forgave the multies but U wasnt saying anything that resonated either, so I really felt the peice hit a lull here, a major one.. ugh. it was a chore to get through for me. the sherlock holmes tie in made no sense to me as well. it just felt forced and disjarring


Baron

They had a routine with both playing a part
one would stand a few feet away from the mark.
The other came up and started blithering nonsense
making way for his partner to pick at their pockets

less abstract aprouch
simple yet effective
very enjoyable

but man if u didnt nail it 4 lines in

The square that day was heaving so they quicken their great strides
while lying in wait to fleece him, hidden in plain sight!
They switch up and change sides, desperate to lay low,
yet inching their way right toward the depths of his waist coat.

saying the same yet difference and just as eloquent


clutter did his thing here
very enjoyable

u should sell these

v/baron

[Sn00p]

uhm so yea. i suck at topical voting. which is why i generally dont do it. but apparently yall reeeeally need some votes here. so let's see. technically, i gotta give it to lars. he had nice rhyme schemes that were clean as fuck and often inner rhymes and shit as well. (not actual inner rhymes, but like two rhymes per line... w/e.) mr j had things like "looking for/wouldn't ignore" which rly throws me off cuz the syllables dont match perfectly. hate that tbh; it's a pet peeve of mine. conceptually, i kinda liked the idea of a dialogue w/ sherlock holmes about observation and shit. but i feel like it could'a been cleaner. if u're gonna make it about sherlock holmes, throw some clues in, so that when i come to the end, i'm like "oohhhh, that's why he said dr james earlier" or smth. the way u did it, it felt kinda random. but then, maybe that randomness/surprise is exactly what u were going for, and i just dont know shit about topicals. which is rly plausible. so yea. i'm not tryna lecture u or be condescending or anything. just how i felt reading that verse u know. lars, that shit was cool i guess. like, u had many facets of ur topic in there, and the thieve getting stolen from was a cool twist i guess, but it was nothing wowing. and i suppose that's not what u were going for, focusing more on the technical aspects. but yea, the story was cool. so in the end, it comes down to which verse i enjoyed more, and that was lars. mainly because he was better technically, but he also had a solid story. execution was on point tho.
rereading mr j's verse, i have to admit, the conceptual approach is nicer than i gave it credit for earlier. like hinting subtly at the fact that it's a dialogue, and like the insecurity of the speaker in italics when addressing sherlock was well done. dope. but what i said still stands, the sherlock part felt kiiinda random.
but yea, i enjoyed reading this. someone who knows more about topicals should really look into these verses and analyze them. hmm..... thinking about it, topical votes are a lot like literature analysis, so i could probably do that too... oh well. good verses from both, rly nice read overall. props to both.
v/lars

[Vulgar]

Lars wins 6-0.

Knucklehead

Can you please move this forum to the archives?

[Razah]

im gonna have to vote for Mr. J

Lol