weathervane

[dead man]

left to my devices. my debacle, debauchery
staring at the ground. what did you want from me? honestly
i found myself on Webster walking past the ravine
threw a pebble in the stream. plus a penny for your dreams
Egyptian cotton candy near the juniper trees
brassy fountainhead gleam. tar-stained glass mezzanine
translucent as cream, milky cheekbone skeletal snap
caged like a rat. another specimen you happened to trap
dusty crack the whip on wormwood if they've got it on tap
i'm the genuine draft. riding high life towards eventual collapse
suffer like succotash. puff tobacco winds the color of ash
hangnail bleed the draining sinkhole that we started from scratch
artistry lacking but all creators the same
cemetery weathervane exhaling life into a dead man's grave

thanks

[Hush]

brassy fountainhead gleam. tar-stained glass mezzanine
translucent as cream, milky cheekbone skeletal snap
caged like a rat. another specimen you happened to trap
dusty crack the whip on wormwood if they've got it on tap

could of quoted the last 5 or 6 too

nice
I really liked that it was short too, cuz it left me wanting instead of trudging thru

[Pharaohs Army]

very impressive word choice and flow

[Witty]

Hey one of these days you are going to let me pick your brain, I would like to know how your writing process goes.

Ok?

Ok. This was dope, a little toned down from what I usually expect, but it worked, you seemed to keep it more simple than most pieces you write, but it didn't bring down the quality, which was there by the bucketful. The words you use are incredible, and they MAKE SENSE, which is what I think some people don't get...no point using these big impressive words if you are only using them because they are big and impressive lol you fit them in to the piece in a way that makes it so any other word just wouldn't have been sufficient. The last line was my favourite because I was wondering when the weather vane was going to make an appearance, leaving it until the last line really summed things up well and rounded the piece off perfectly. You're good at judging the length a piece should be, and you judged this perfectly again. Good job.

[Witty]

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119340

Hit this if you get a chance bro.

[Inno]

very impressive word choice and flow

Basically what i got out of it.

In the middle it felt a little swag ang flowish.
Was this suppose to have a plot? Or you just went off?
Either way dig the succotash line lol. Nice little flip.

Thanks for the read

[Mr. J]

I thought this was cute, the rhymes flowed together nicely
I always liked using 'mezzanine' it's just an interesting word
other then that, it sounds like trouble in paradise to me...

artistry lacking but all creators the same

^^^
that's the stand out for me, although it needs something.
the way it was written and just flowed to the end was nice though
I just felt thrown off by this line..but it works

[dead man]

Thanks Mr. J

[Vulgar]

Very animated-like, demonstrative... like Del the Funky Homosapien's cadence, with dead man's style of sensory (yet not overbearing) overload. Pleasurable to the senses, rhyming well. Not sure what a weathervane is.

Keep doing you

[Witty]

Very animated-like, demonstrative... like Del the Funky Homosapien's cadence, with dead man's style of sensory (yet not overbearing) overload. Pleasurable to the senses, rhyming well. Not sure what a weathervane is.

Keep doing you

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c4/Weathervane_in_Dayton%2C_Indiana.png/480px-Weathervane_in_Dayton%2C_Indiana.png