Week 4 Championship: Innovator vs. Witty (Innovator wins by NS)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 4

Innovator Witty

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

[Inno]

Ahhhhh man Witty you better come with it broseph

[Witty]

I plan to my friend.

[Inno]

Paper bags.

Clones among the copies, we hide the facts
and bury the truth, digging for answers
along the rips of our dirt filled paper mask's.
clawing out the under tones, searching
for the subtle.
the small things reverberate while we
drown in Olympic size pools filled
with inches of salvation.
over zealous, never satisfied, this is common,
even among the thiefs they find comfort.
leeches to societies vein; leaders.
shining against the shadows, trying to avoid
darkness.
designer feelings lead to hand made atrocities
stitching togther individuals with
the finger tips of many.
poor for the poor, rich for the wealthy;
hamsters on an "on sale" wheel.
rats to there own race
chasing an american dream.

reflecting insecurities to a broken mirror
seeing themselves as something else,
never looking past their own reflections.
commercial day dreams advertising false
diety's, they pray to a copper god.
hoping to change silver into gold,
retailers tailoring reality to fit there mold.

Plastic smiles rehearse
faiths will, while non beleivers
choke in the layers.
Broken whim among
the winds sailing in the air;
a sea of false souls.

In an ocean of lives, they deem themselves waves.
above all.

[UnbornBuddha]

Shame this match didn't come through, I mean it's the championship, for heaven's sake. Anyways, Innovator, here are my thoughts. I liked the writing and the beginning was really extravagant. But, when your brush strokes started to become less subtle, it began to feel less special. The junction you did this was when you started juxtaposing the rich and the poor, and then it just became this tale of dualistic mirroring that reflected and compared the poor and the well-off. Then, you basically did a diatribe on those whose minds are lives spent worshipping the material basis of wealth, currency.

But, then you reverted back to the subtle touch that greatly helped the implantation of the material onto the reader, thus enhancing its relatability and a greater systemic effect on this vessel of my soul. It was nice, but like I said, it would have been nice if you did not change direction so abruptly, because even though you were delivering the same intention, the overall vibration of the piece was less impactful, and more pontifical and priggish, which is exactly the opposite of what you were trying to render.

Anyways, thanks for the read champ!