Week 4: Ullr vs. Innovator - (Ullr wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 4

Ullr Sharp


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

[Ullr]

http://nhadev.ensocms.com/uploaded-files/carousels/TRIPS/Yellowstone-Winter-Photo/US-National-Parks-Yellowstone-Winter-Photo-3-photographer.jpg

Camera flashing, I stand amid strands of silky green
Perhaps the hands of the planet in a filthy stream
Blackened tar - its cancerous canvas an unnatural scar.
My fingertips gripped 'round a plastic jar,
its innocence dipped in a viscous chasm so dark.
Waves ripples as it displaces the water,
exchanging its space, traded as barter.
I lift the can, its cap twisted,
faithfully contains a liquid, woven, that'd collapsed its mistress.
Left is nothing but death when covered in cess -
a poisonous addiction, O' our mother has wept
she cries out, O' Gaia! In the thunder that crept...

The storm encroaches upon enormous roaches
borne in oceans she transforms emotion
in the form of "frozen"; glacial erasure.
To mourn is hopeless for she is greater than nations
Our Mother, earth;
Our savior, our maiden.
She hath been scorned with smoke
she awakens of hatred to her core evoked
with razors so bladed, how they gore and poke.

No man is safe on our planet's surface
unless we hold hands embraced and demand resurgence
'fore the cold hands of fate see our lands reverted -
'tis her home and her face and she can't be purchased.

[Inno]

Searching

With soot filled eyes, bright wide
sifting through the clouds for the sky
I sit amongst the ripples of each wave
boasting a wild heart and untamed gaze
seeking the unseen, withered within the seen
Im a gazer by nature and a theif by means
stealing a single moment in time,
I am time travel in the purest of senses, im....
gate keeper to the earth, holding tbe keys
with each shutter, picturing beauty to its knees
each peddle each seed, each flower each tree
nothing escape my lens, nothing is free

The cold captures like an encapsulates
Clogging the mind until it reverberates
The same thought over and over again
Death is an option but what would i gain
Nothing but blood against the ice
That just brings nothing but stains
Call me a martyr call me what you will
But keep a secrete, hey! Keep it. Secrete.

Tell the heavens i died in its name
Searching for a change but always staying the same
So i breach the winds and swim with the currents
Dive with roots and eat with the lions
Sleep with the puny and walk with fhe giants

Dying between the negatives im happy with
Killing life to capture life seems like a good switch
Digging my own grave
Searching for a moment to save.

Hold that thought.....i got a picture to take.

[Gina]

This one was really hard both were exceptional. Ullr gets the vote, I enjoyed the mother nature view.

[Inno]

Gina

one line votes are not excepted. Could you elaborate a bit more on
Your votw please. Thanks.

[2tripple0]

Hmm this was close y'all were both dope for what it was but there were points in both verses that I thought your pieces could have been clearer to me...I didn't enjoy the gaia line in ullr verse but he felt well rounded other than that I enjoyed the length of both pieces but somehow when reading innos verse I had trouble finishing reading his verse and didn't enjoy the again/gain bar towards the end although I enjoyed your finisher he best of all it was like stop pose and flash which was s really cool idea..It was like you built a story up and then was like wait now say cheese...enjoyed that and it was just enough to give you my vote. ..

Vote//inno

[Woke]

Ullr wrote a story about mother earth and a new ice age I believe. This was again, some very veteran writing, nearly zero errors..."waves ripples" didn't jell, but other than that, this verse was spot on. Great imagery and explanation behind the end of mankind.

Inno had some errors here... IT encapsulates. As well as a few typos such as misspelling THE. the metaphors were dope though. The time traveler and dying with negatives. So the talent is evident, and these are my two overall favorite verses of the week easily, fitting you two met.

While ullr had the superior verse in terms of everything aesthetic, flow, transitions imagery, even story it self, inno had some great metaphors tucked inside. Unfortunately he coupled them with 4 simple errors, thus giving his opponent the edge. When you have two great verses, as a voter I'm forced to nit pick. Thus


Ullr.

[Vulgar]

Ullr - The ending was effective. There were two blips in terms of wording, i.e. the 'waves ripples' and 'awakens of hatred' parts. Nice wording otherwise the whole way through. I liked the idea of the central theme being Gaia, or Earth, taking so much abuse by humans, and pointing out that there is a limit to what she can take. It echoes the photograph by using smoke, and relentless pressure by resource-hungry mavericks who seldom stop to think about the effect they have on the world at large.

Innovator - If I understood this correctly you were saying that a photographer is essentially "killing" something when it takes a picture of it, simultaneously encapsulating it in a timeless moment, even as it becomes devoid of life and warmth. Thievery, murder, and a little personal psychology of the main character was used here. I liked the main idea. The "writer's voice" in the beginning was so good - "with soot filled eyes - bright wide" strikes me as the best first-line I've seen in your work so far to date. In the second stanza, you jumped around a bit much.

Technically, Ullr was stronger this week. Innovator had the more innovative concept in my eyes, and it was executed well enough to get the nod.

Vote - Innovator

[Split Eight]

I had Ullr. I think Innovator had a very good verse, but played more into constantly revisited tropes of photography. Ullr focused on the arctic aspect, and did a great job of conveying the aloofness and the disenchantment with which we treat the Earth. Inno had a good verse but didn't tread as much ground, I felt like his verse displayed some creative ingenuity but it wasn't as impressive or as novel as Ullr's writing.