Week 5: Sn00p vs. Vulgar (Tie 3-3)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 5

Sn00p


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

Good luck.

[Vulgar]

Checkliness.

[Sn00p]

hey friend. check. good luck.

[Vulgar]

http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2008/0804/grenade_rubinger.jpg

Returning gifts (it's only a formality)

I love how kinky you are
when you commit war crimes

The way you can aptly spray my house dress
with blood in one fell swoop

I never knew you to be a liar
a fool, yes, but when you told me
it was a "war to end all wars"
I went ahead and believed your
mad prophetic slurs

meanwhile
countryside mutilation continued
by an early morning blitzkrieg
(best time to be a politician)
the barrage took a huge chunk
out of an appetite for farm work

this unjust world...
it throws us all for a loop
it dislodges us from the heap of peace

Here.
I'd like for you to have this grenade
as a token of my fierce approbation

I forgot to leave the pin inside

[Sn00p]

http://pre12.deviantart.net/53aa/th/pre/i/2015/203/e/c/puddles_pity_party_by_izzymedrano-d92d0kr.jpg



it seems to me that all that's left
is glitter on my face
and red from veins and other rests
of people thrown away

we've come so far to end it now
and look at us ablaze
another dance between the clouds
the way home leads astray

i've smoked a dozen chimney tops
and chewed through more than meat
got married at the parking lot
with candles on the street

o brother please believe me now
i vowed eternal praise
how can we say we're down and out
with glory on the way

they held their hands to coronate
my humble mighty self
i bowed before an empty stage
does heaven taste like hell

[Woke]

Vulgar - Sounded like a love letter to me bro so I enjoyed the concept. Not as heavy handed with the scheme and placement as I've grown acustomed of you, but as a whole, the verse was enjoyed. I feel like this lacked many fine points however. You breezed over many potential details with swiftness. As I said, it was enjoyed, just not the same Vulgar



Snoop - I took this as a man going to hell. You explained a few bits of burning and why one could end up in hell early on, then changed up to the marriage. Which I can not connect to my hell theory so I assume I'm wrong. Nope, it was about demons from hell taking over Earth. That's what I got anyways. Not sure how I feel about the rhymes. The structure was cool and you executed nicely, that abab pattern. However the writers voice just came off as week. I can compare you to Ludacris here. So talented and spot on that it just comes off as cheap, but in reality he just knows what he's doing and executes

This is a tough vote although to me, one was better given pure content alone. While Vulgar dropped something to be enjoyed, deciphering a verse is half the fun for me. So while I took V's at face value I enjoyed picking through snoop's verse over and over again picking up tidbits toward my final conclusion or interpretation of his verse.

V/Snoop

Dope battle

[Woke]

Vulgar - Sounded like a love letter to me bro so I enjoyed the concept. Not as heavy handed with the scheme and placement as I've grown acustomed of you, but as a whole, the verse was enjoyed. I feel like this lacked many fine points however. You breezed over many potential details with swiftness. As I said, it was enjoyed, just not the same Vulgar



Snoop - I took this as a man going to hell. You explained a few bits of burning and why one could end up in hell early on, then changed up to the marriage. Which I can not connect to my hell theory so I assume I'm wrong. Nope, it was about demons from hell taking over Earth. That's what I got anyways. Not sure how I feel about the rhymes. The structure was cool and you executed nicely, that abab pattern. However the writers voice just came off as week. I can compare you to Ludacris here. So talented and spot on that it just comes off as cheap, but in reality he just knows what he's doing and executes

This is a tough vote although to me, one was better given pure content alone. While Vulgar dropped something to be enjoyed, deciphering a verse is half the fun for me. So while I took V's at face value I enjoyed picking through snoop's verse over and over again picking up tidbits toward my final conclusion or interpretation of his verse.

V/Snoop

Dope battle

[2tripple0]

For me I felt vulgar a verse more enjoyed the tie in at the end also felt the build up and his verse just seemed more thought out. .I didn't really understand where snoop was going with his story I think it seemed a bit all over the place it didn't stick to the topic and just fell off in general .no hate though you both tried hard and I've just gotta make an opinion out of a couple reads er whatever but aye I've got vulgar taking this...just from what I know about both writers

Vote vulgar

[Objective]

Vulgar - Free form and great use of the topic you chose. Deep, morbid and powerful, love the closure.

Snoop - ABAB CDCD rhymescheme, I like that a lot. Felt you managed to paint a pretty vivid, sad and dark story out of the picture chosen. The verse is complete beside the fact the poem is void of punctuation, hah, but great nonetheless.

Vote - Snoop. I enjoyed his approach, story and structure more. Vulgar had a great showing as well but I don't think it tops Snoop's submission.

[Destroyer]

these were pretty even to me, fellas, so unfortunately my vote won't help, but I'm gonna throw a little feed in anyway.
liked both pieces
vulgar - very nice contrast between love and war, good imagery, maybe too specific in some which almost takes away from it for me, mention of the Blitzkreig for example, the politician comment. it's almost another voice that says those things, your own intellect, and not the subject of the piece, if that makes any sense to you.

snoop, dug the rhyme schemes and word usage for sure, but I just couldn't get to where you were going with it. it seemed like I'd just like to see it fleshed out more, but I just didn't know if you were talking about clowns, or war, or just a guy who got married and was unhappy, I don't know, I want you to steer me more, I guess.

anyway, both were cool, neither stood out as a winner to me though.

so, vote
tie

[UnbornBuddha]

Very different verses.

Vulgar: I thought your rendition of love within war and of war within the confines of love was done well. It would have been nice, if you added a few grammatical punctuations here and there, it makes it look less sloppy in presentation. I'm sure it was your intention to convey it in way, but I'm a stickler for some types of pause. Yes, I know how some poets try to break free from the confines of language by trying to forsake it, with their anarchist type of idealism, but their rebellion really just comes off as immature. Nevertheless, to get back to the verse. Like I said I thought it was finely crafted, albeit the beginning felt kind of off. But, you quickly picked up speed, and ended it with a BANG.

Snoop: I thought your presentation was better than Vulgar's. In fact, I think your presentation is better than this whole league's. Your poetry comes off as poetry, and while there are dozens of styles and ways of writting poetry, nevertheless when I immediately see yours, I instantly recognize it as poetry. I also loved the rhythm of this, it was very melodic, and unlike Rak I don't believe you are talking about demons. I believe you are talking about this clowns, which could be a metaphor, but this clowns are seeking some redemption before their last hitch, which ultimately was one that did not come through, hence the empty stage, and only the memories of their endeavors remain, and sadness prevails.

Vote: I got to give it to Vulgar, contemplating them both I enjoyed more his content.