Week 5: ribbit vs. Destroyer (Destroyer wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 5

ribbit Destroyer


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

Good luck.

[2tripple0]

Here I am

[Woke]

Wtf? I thought you were the same?

[2tripple0]

Lol your right I am the same as ribbit

[Destroyer]

lol
if that's true, I'll show

[Vulgar]

Say it ain't so...

[2tripple0]

Lol sorry but aye it's true

Voted on three battles besides contenders

[Sharp]

Fucking gone

[Woke]

Vulgar da God

[2tripple0]

The clown picture...

There were times things seemed much clearer to me.
Words felt well rounded and easier to read.
I tried my best no matter how long it takes.
It's difficult when finishing touches mutilate.
as much as you can tolerate.
Things can be difficult at points to regulate.
But as long as the thought connects it's bound to penetrate.
It's perfect in my illustration. You might want to snap a kodak.
Embellish this jab. Fake imitation like humpbacks
engaging with a stone age but unable to infiltrate contacts.
The drugs are relating to the thought of a scatter brain.
Indigo Saturn pays homage to the north stars paint.
The lifestyle was laid out and mostly meaningless.
It's costly and this homily is proceeding to steam its shingles.

I followed my own lead. A youngin' crying tears of joy.
Couldn't remember how to define life. Until he hears his mother's voice.
He wants to define his life. But nothing unusual to write this time.
Again he became argumentative and forgot most of his life.
His memories ruined. So many fond ways of poking fun at the past.
He started singing a lullaby as his mother corrected him. He made a mistake and gasped.
But it didn't make sense. Why ask such a stupid question.
You might be wrong. I mean it's remarkable to leave a lasting impression.
His mother told him that in a dream she become overwhelmed by her son.
She then left the room and others began commenting until everyone disappeared and the boy was left alone.
He tried to understand his past and how he'd been treated in the proceedings.
He kept reading and started believing what he was seeing.
Why he had grown. He started to lick his chops. He knew he'd follied up again.
Wouldn't crack a smile he was anything but a jolly ol postman
Aye maybe a clown has a different style to me.
But inside if i think it's trash. Then i would rather tell my boy the truth instead of filling the child with lies.

[Destroyer]

http://orig10.deviantart.net/c008/f/2007/351/0/9/0926e2305ca617bf.jpg

I watched him tune his sitar daily
fingers moving like a weaver's
and he never sighed or wavered
and the strings would creak and gleam
as he began to play, his dreams
would appear in a mist surrounding
all of those who dared to listen
and float just far enough away
to almost disappear
but then stay, as in a whisper
at just the edges of the ear
and if unchecked would rise into a scream
or grow into an industry of despair
where the rich were brazen
and lived in an uncomfortable luxury
of marbled beds and chairs
and sometimes, I'd forget to remember
and just sit there and stare
until a still hot ember of an echo
would float down into my hair
reminding me that I too had a place where I belonged
and one who missed me there.

[Woke]

Trips - IDK man, this wasn't awful but it didn't stretch my imagination or blow me away conceptually or scheme wise. This verse lacked polish from tense changes to simple typos that could be fixed with a close eye on proof reading. Not one of your better verses I must say, but the ever expansion on improvement is evident. Keep doing you, again though, maybe shy away from the gloomy/personal persona more often then not.


Dez - Nice imagery on musical sounds on a more visual level then rhythmic. Nice flip to the usual, never really thought of an instrument producing images, but to each there own. Decent grasp on execution, nothing eye popping but nothing negative either

V/ Dez - Better overall content for me personally

[Vulgar]

2tripple0 - It's pleasurable reading your work because you fully design the architecture of your pieces. You see to it that each level is constructed and steady on its own foundation, and overall it has a durability to it. Unfortunately, there isn't much drawing power because the tone remains sort of bland. There's telling a story like it is, and telling a story with some ounces of cleverness added in, a few devices to spice up the meal. I think you need to direct your attention to bringing some jalapeno peppers into your style - taking more risks, giving memorability the time to simmer in the pan. You're a cool writer.

Destroyer - Intriguing use of the senses, sound especially. The voice was slick, and you patiently let this one trickle down. It struck me as being about a boy's feeling of security and self assurance with being middle-class. There are more interpretations too, but that one stood out in my head. This one was written with more care than your last ones.. Nice showing.

My vote goes to Destroyer.