I met a girl on Tinder. Used her hair to choke her.

[something]

The deeper the concepts get. The more enriched my spectrum becomes. Widen the scope of perception until nothing is easily grasped. I set my eyes on the edges of everything. I can sense a sense. A veil peeling back from some reality I know but can't perceive. I stop sometimes and wonder... am I crazy? Is there a question like a hole the psyche can fall into? Obsession. An idea I can't think. A bug crawling around inside my head. The cold hard facts of life. Eat or be eaten. Sex. Survival bred greed. The gathering. Of status. Of security. Everything else is distraction. I will kill you, because you will kill me, because I will kill you. It's in our nature to hesitate. In our nature to recognize the other will hesitate, and it's in our nature to come to the conclusion that the hesitation is our chance to strike a moment before the other realizes that the hesitation is their opportunity to kill. This is survival. Civilized. Wilderness paved with concrete. Nature paved with law. This observation is made by many. Ignored by most, but it's there in the backs of our minds. We lose ourselves in holidays. Sports. TV drama. Relationships. Plug me back into the matrix and let me live this lie. Fantasy is forever clashing with what I know. I met a girl tonight from Tinder. She approved of my physical appearance and I made parallels to our lives while both complimenting and teasing her. These rituals I've perfected, and engage in as a means to an end. I operate under the fantasy that this means something to me. A lie I even believe for myself on some level. Is this real to her? What stage of life is she in? No matter what, my goal is to win. If she falls in love with me then I've won. A feat that always seems too easy. So easy that I've learned to have no real emotional response to feeling their bodies and minds being tangled around the idea of me. I am sincerity warped by an over saturation of awareness. I am a killer who's never killed. Seemingly made for what I have no intention or desire for. Lives are offered to me on silver platters with dots drawn across the necks of my would be victims. She wanted to cuddle, she said. All it took was a minimal amount of small talk and a few well placed stares. Danger mixed with timidness. Kindness blended with control. At one point she bit my finger so hard that I had to slap her for release. During a ten minute period of choking the breath from her lungs, rolling her clit between my fingers and squeezing her nipple with my teeth I became bored. The violence seems typical. Do I put off this vibe, or is every girl secretly craving to be taken? Her passion was undeniable. Lustful. Intense. Part of me questioned how easily this intensity could bleed its way into other parts of her emotional spectrum. Fatal attraction. I studied her eyes and she asked me, 'what?' She told me I looked at her as though I was searching for something inside of her eyes. I smirked. That kind of transparency makes me uncomfortable, so I grabbed her by her hair and exposed her neck where she told me not to leave any marks. I don't think even think I enjoyed myself tonight. I only do it to see if I can. I live with a girl who gives the best head I've ever received. It's as if she makes love to my dick with her mouth and tongue. She isn't enough. The things I've shared with her about myself leave my truth exposed, but the lie I live is so much more exciting. Reality is so dull. Kill or be killed. We play games to enrich our lives. Obsessed with destruction. The girl I met tonight means nothing to me, yet. I wonder if I mean anything to her. She'll undoubtedly text me tomorrow with terms of endearment. Is this her furthering her projection of me as something meaningful? Or is she that naive?

[Diablo]

this doesnt even rhyme?

wack

[Objective]

I can't say whether is good or wack because I couldn't even get past the fifth or sixth sentence before I decided to stop reading. To me this kind of style with no structure usually means a shitload of multis and/or defining what dope rhymeschemes should be. But there were no rhymes at all, just a lot of uninteresting sentences (yeah, I scoped through the text to see if there was anything more but couldn't really find any).

Had there been some sort of structure the way its written and some rhymes it would be a lot better (if it's freeverse poetry you're attempting it's just not good altogether, it's actually wack af), some mediocre story alone won't do shit no matter what you tried to do. For the time being I don't really have any more constructive criticism to give you as this seems to be what you really need to focus on first and foremost.

[UnbornBuddha]

You write very similar to another persona here, I won't say who, just because I don't want to pervade any baseless accusations. Anyways, I don't necessarily think this was wack. What gives it that illusion is that first there is this clunky paragraph format that is just unappealing, along with the fact that it doesn't rhyme. So just off the bat, your asking a lot of the reader around here to bypass, in order to get through the material. I know you probably don't want to conform to norm, but consider reformatting it because it looks disastrous.

Now, the material itself has an intelligent voice behind it, that is quite unique. However, a gripe about it is that there is this questioning that does not lead to anywhere. Now, while this does tell me about the way your mind works, entrenched in pensiveness, it offers no substance, but just a filling of empty space. Now, while the questioning of your own thoughts and their origins, and their existential definitions is important, one must also balance it with something more concrete, so as to exemplify practicality. I mean I think you do write quite good, but the pieces of late have been kind of emotionally empty, which might be what your going for considering your name is "something". In fact, this is how your verse feels, like "something", but nothing too specific, only vaguely resembling existence and the correlative moods and shades of emotions that go along with it. This reads very self-conscious as well, in a way it kinds of portrays a gothic persona, who is unsure about their place in the world, and so they observe it from a third-person perspective, even examining themselves in this lens, thus only fortifying detachment that is not rooted in transcendence practices, but of mental turbidity and lack of self-confidence.

Again, I'm not saying this are your characteristics, but this what I'm deriving as I read this. I derived a lot more, but I think that's enough.

Thank you, keep writing.

[Victor.]

this some lip ring homo shit

[Dope girl]

I'm not feeling it, you need more work

[dull boy]

lol

[big baby]

lol

[8===D~~~~(}:]

I'm not feeling it, you need more work

Dead

[emcee squared]

...but nothing too specific, only vaguely resembling existence and the correlative moods and shades of emotions that go along with it...

[Pharaohs Army]

writers

[Pharaohs Army]

instrumental

[Mr. J]

This seemed very short story esque & beyond what most people aim for when writing
once you get past the opening lines you delve more deeper into the mindset of practically anyone
you draw on the inspirations around you and use it to your advantage, it's slick but some of it doesn't stick for me
I normally enjoy a well thought out piece, and at first this seemed like a jumble that needed to be pieced together
it's dope but at the same time there is some editing that needs to be involved..
compared to your other work this was decently done but that opening sequence is a misfire to what it led up to..
still dope regardless

[dull boy]

Infamy.

[PancakeBrah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46-WNPlCYsg

I like that version more. More succinct. But yours had some cool parts too.

[Pharaohs Army]

something christian bale

[Pharaohs Army]

T exists now

[Pharaohs Army]

writers etc

[emcee squared]

Lars when you get to this level you can fuckin' speak on your legendary text dominance

UPPED. for HOF nom

[emcee squared]

UP FOR THE GREATEST PROSEYTYPE THING IN HISTORY FAGGTS GET THIS IN HOF Geno THINGS GETTIN CLEARER?