Week 6 Championship: Rakontur vs. UnbornBuddha - (Rak defends championship)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 6

Rakontur UnbornBuddha


Check ins: Wednesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

Good luck.

[Woke]

My friend, let's make this a tough vote

[UnbornBuddha]

For sure, let's write in the spirit of good showmanship.

[Woke]

http://pre00.deviantart.net/b402/th/pre/i/2015/210/2/8/under_a_painted_sky_5060_by_waynebenedet-d93d6qr.jpg


Can you hear that?
There's no sirens breaking down peace
No screeching tires tagging up streets
No savage police brandishing heat
Flexing a bulletproof chest screaming out
“freeze!!!!”
No babies dying, slowly aging away
No “childish” thoughts being guided astray
No drones marching a flock as a crisis display
Blind leading the weak minded and frayed
Listen close, you can hear death licking his chops
Devouring apathetic cowering mobs
A soulless buffet, this premise is bought
Paid for by sponsors in their derelict yachts
Floating abode, using hope as control
Gusty winds causing humanity to choke and then fold
Polluted head winds sail down the coast of each soul
What once was so verdant is now covered in glow
Picture absolute darkness spanning our globe
The only light is poked holes... Stars unopposed
Suddenly, seed de-fueled the hunger to hunt
Mind control+alt+shifted to backs slumbered and hunched
What's eye contact without face timing til dusk
Screen shooting is loved, double clicking her bust
Now imagine a land as lush as can be
I know what you're taught, nothings for free
But wake up alarm's birds chirping in glee
Flitting wings without fear of a bullet in breeze
Nourishment provided by a land that ain’t owned
Understand I'm a man and this cabins my home
Each step is a creak my hands crafted alone
Not king, just a human perched from his throne
Catching the breeze with a smirk and no plan
Cause this life is worth a slow death by two hands
Tree chopping for a bypass to run through
I'm just a man with a home, but tell me...
exactly what is it you've come to?

[UnbornBuddha]

http://http://orig07.deviantart.net/73da/f/2015/206/c/4/c42020a70799c44328645c7f490524c3-d92px06.jpg (http://orig07.deviantart.net/73da/f/2015/206/c/4/c42020a70799c44328645c7f490524c3-d92px06.jpg)
At first I felt a little heartburn
But, cooled with some medicine cabinets herbs.
Then my journey took a dark turn;
The stars and universe started to curse all of Earth.
I emerged alive, but in the process burned alive.
Aside, from that I'm good.
With no ears to hear, the universe is mute.
Yet, cosmic symphonies play,
while meteors dance our way.
For your sake,
I hope you and I advance the same.
I'm done, with this human charade.
Translate my name as the Transcendent,
Burned alive by my own ill-fated senses.

http://pre11.deviantart.net/ab3a/th/pre/f/2015/187/a/e/ae69a67800eff3d5035f98b770d6e981-d90613a.jpg
The journey of a young traveler,
Whose journey is purely magical,
Imagine having a soul, with happiness sown.
Yet, ghosts still attack as if spoken to bad
But, with one strike of his staff their emotions collapse.
Protected by a talisman created by some savages,
But, its powers are marvelous. With it-
An orphan can survive his fatherless apocalypse.

As, for sacred geometry reflecting consciousness,
That's just deceit used to mentally soften us.
I hope you've enjoyed discussing with us,
How you went from being child into taking them for hostages.

[2tripple0]

okay this was a dope battle I think easily could be botw at times I had trouble understanding what yall were trying to portray but in a sense I was able to find some meaning to your pieces.. I think that rank took his verse a bit to abstract for me considering what the topic was about and then unbornbuddha tried to use two topics and the way they tied together just wasn't feeling it really.... at times I was confused by your writing and just felt like ugh I cant finish this and the rank kept repeating some of his lines in the beginning it was just a bit strange for what the topic was that you were writing about I just didn't understand and on the other hand unbornbuddha came with two short verses to try and combat your opponent... so I think that rankotur took this for having one solid verse against two solid verses just the way I thought... I hope I haven't offended anyone and good luck with the rest of the season....

vote.....rank

[Ullr]

I felt you both had interesting verses - I wasn't totally a fan of Buddha's 2-topic approach as it makes the verse seemed scattered especially when the verses didn't feel like they acted in unison. It'd have been cool something like:

Dude gets burned alive
Dude rises into spirit realm or something
some great revelation

That would have been very cool to read and would have justified the topic switch but this just felt disjointed as is.

Rak, parts of this verse (albeit small) felt a bit repetitious, you would do well to just read over your verse and ensure that every new line is establishing something new and interesting because the small imperfections do knock the verse down a bit - I felt the diction and storytelling was solid, it was an interesting perspective and much of the "voice" sounded similar to how I might approach a similar piece. The main comment I'd make is to stay more consistent.

You both did a solid job but I felt Rak's (slightly longer) verse had more substance and depth - it carried more weight and had more unusual and interesting pieces which as an equivalent "sacred geometry" was one such example of an interesting idea in Buddha's verse I just felt that your opponent's verse was more laden with them and thus was the more refreshing read, this made the two topic issue only more of a hindrance.

Still, solid verses to both your gents.

v: Rakontur

[Vulgar]

Rakontur - Living isolated in the countryside in touch with nature vs. living in a mega city where our rights are trampled and we've lost our grip on where we are in the general spectrum of the natural world. It's a crazy thought because I love the outdoors, but I'm not outside nearly enough. This verse was written in an exciting way, I liked how you kept the content fresh and unpredictable. The mind control+alt part was witty and original. Good job on this verse right hea.

UnbornBuddha - Cool interpretations of the topics, I preferred the first one over the second one because I felt the example selection and language were a little more solid. Writing to two pictures was a risky move, though you showed respectably. Decent submission.

My vote goes to Rakontur. He had the POTW.

[Inno]

Vote rak

Loved the subtle poetic voice he had in his piece. Very calm and smooth.
Though i feel like at points it kind fell off but you did an excellent job bringing
It back. Dope angle tbh. Creative with imagery.

Buddha i feel like the 2 topic thing sorta hurt u a bit more than it should of
Considering your level of writing. Or maybe you got the last minute bug lol
I dont know. Either way i feel like you u got lost a bit. But dam you had
Some dope writing going on in there. On the brink of something brilliant.
Dope ish though foreal.

Rak got this i feel like buddhas stumble was enough to give rak the win.

Dope battle