Week 6 Contenders: Vulgar vs. Sn00p (Sn00p wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 6

Sn00p

Rematch since we tied last week.


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

Good luck.

[Vulgar]

yer0

[Sn00p]

Let's do it again. Good luck.

[Vulgar]

http://pre11.deviantart.net/ab3a/th/pre/f/2015/187/a/e/ae69a67800eff3d5035f98b770d6e981-d90613a.jpg

"I wish I could create a phrase like 'whippersnapper'
and introduce it to the teachers of all ages," proclaimed the boy

"You are a whippersnapper
plodding like the poindexter you are"
replied the gravestone
scratching its engravings as if it were relieving an itch
almost winking in the gloaming twilight

"the three helmsmen who approach
guillotined Krishna-lites
come and go like the fitting ends of some great religion
their billowing feet interlace with the patchless flatland
a stone's throw to the last man"

The gravestone monitored
the intersection of youth and antiquarianism
concluding
that the only way to get a response
from a pack of soul weavers
was to greet them with the quiver of faith
- not with the barren breadth of arrowheads

[Sn00p]

http://pre11.deviantart.net/ab3a/th/pre/f/2015/187/a/e/ae69a67800eff3d5035f98b770d6e981-d90613a.jpg



oh, i remember wonder well
and taste it on my tongue:
the breathless breeze, its heavy smell
that lingered long and hung.

i used to live with eyes too big
for normal days unchanged;
i wandered into wonder's mist
and way beyond the sane.

and shapes and forms would come to life
to live with me for days.
i never knew where they would fly
and never did i chase.

of course, i was not lonely then:
all creatures by my side.
and yet remained my only friend
old zephyr in the skies.

you ask me now how i can cling
to earth and dirt alike?
the secret is: i still do sing,
and sometimes, i might fly.

so little boy, be not afraid
of me or my two friends!
i felt like you for many days:
the days that will not end.

[Adonis]

Vulgar wrote of a graveyard keeper almost, having a chat with a young boy. The only issue I have with this verse is I'm not sure of why this story took place. I see in the end you talking about faith instead of murder with a bow and arrow analogy, but I still can't connect the entire story to a grand finale if you will. Solid writing though, extremely descriptive which I enjoyed, very detailed.

Snoop i took this conversation as a dead man, the soul rather, remeniscing almost of the days when he was alive. He begins to explain why he remains on earth, I wish you expanded on these thoughts specifically because there is enough potential concept there for a verse in of itself. Either way, again with the ABAB pattern which did not falter beyond you not utilizing complexity trickled in here and there as far as inners and shit. Enjoyed the verse brother


v/Snoop

I felt his overall concept and execution to each by a hair more captivating then V's. Dope battle though, both were enjoyed, sound writing.

[Inno]

Dope that both of you wrote to the same topic. V i was digging the it from
The second stanza on. Thought you hit a stride there. Whippersnappers sounds
Weird lol. I dug the the ending alot ans felt like you should kept writing. Snoop
This was dope as fuck, the imagery and flow was dam near flawless but yo that
Cadence you had goong was butter. Great writing man foreal. Loved how u managed
To write a complete and detail story with such a short line format. Dope stuff man

Ama go with snoop on this one

[UnbornBuddha]

This was my favorite battle of the week, apart from mine of course, I jest.

It's also cool that you two wrote with the same topic. Anyways, this one is a hard for me, I enjoyed both takes on the topic equally.

Vulgar is unmatched when it comes to the precision of his language while Snoop is more precise with his format. His flow and cadence are very well rounded. However, I did enjoy Vulgar's take more, to me it was more mystical and fantastical, a feature that picture seems to evoke in me.

Vote: Vulgar