WEEK 7 CHAMPIONSHIP: Rakontur vs. Sn00p - (Rak defends championship via NS)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 7

Rakontur the champ. Sn00p the challenger.


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Specific narrator week: Write from the perspective of a child.

Good luck.

[Woke]

Born into prison where harmony is ornery
Consciously trained to maintain potency
Vocal notes fine tuned physically
Lessons learned, groomed civilly
Taught brute force prefects a cord
First and foremost, never neglect a chorus
Youth is a progressive thing
Melodic movement is never made excessively
So when the ball is dropped...I wince,
Respectfully
After all, black eyes grow character
Lifes tempo is up beat, it unfairly works
Beat up until pitch made is bearable
Each psalm is a qualm – pained parable
Trained 123's and ABC's
Taught to find rhythm encasing me
“May I have a glass of water sir”
A soulless stare of disgust, shock and hurt
A piercing smirk is more then words
But a piercing jab will secure my worth

…

I wish I remembered the time spent at a park
Instead of a pretty young thing crimped and then marred
Clipped wings, caged inside heartbreak hotel
The way you make me feel creates hate toward myself
Human nature tells me that I'm innocent youth
The problem with the man in the mirror... he's aged and confused
Ritalin and Vicodin, don't stop til you get enough
Loss of melanin made my moves less abrupt
It's fine though, I'm still the corner of the sky
A moon walking solar flare blazing the night
A smooth criminal chasing what's right
A childhood is in reach, it's tracing my mind
Black and White thoughts composing my views
A bad butterfly whose wings are eroding and bruised
I'm a man at heart, true
But with childlike inhibition excreting right through
So never say never,
Especially when your brain remained youth and yet severed.







~Neverland~

[Sn00p]

i'm here

[Woke]

i'm here

If you need extension feel free brotha man

[Sn00p]

aite, thanks man. got fam visiting and i rly haven't found the time cuz of that.

[Sn00p]

uh Fuck. I'm at the club atm anet I ain't. GoT, shit. take three. ns wIn And sign. me out

[Inno]

Good storytelling here. Rak at first i thought you where eluding to boy soldiers
In those war riddled regions of the world. Though your second stanza focuses on
Michael jackson? Is that your main characters in the second stanza. I feel like you
Wrote that in his perspective. Detailing his rise and fall to the top. I might be way off
But i loved it lol. Good stuff man to bad you got bo showed i was looking forward to
This battle

[Vulgar]

Rakontur - What I feel you're good at is developing momentum. You have a wand where you create this sense of gait and it encases the verse or poem you're writing in its entirety. I thought your word choice became a little overcrowded here, in places like the first line where I was anticipating a smooth, friction-less entry into the world of your poem. It just felt like it was congested, and I was absorbing the currents of words, descriptions and scenarios right off of the bat.

Notes of Oliver Twist in the first stanza. Man who acts like a boy in the second, with as Inno said, signs of Michael Jackson. A very interesting write, but it lacked cohesion to me, some tangible set of strands holding it together.