Week 8: Godcomplex vs. Ullr - (Godcomplex wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 8

Godcomplex Ullr


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Choose your topic from the topic thread.

Good luck.

[UnbornBuddha]

I'll try to make it, but might not. I am very busy this week, but I'll try to produce something tomorrow. We'll see. Good luck.

[UnbornBuddha]

http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/143/590x/secondary/120892.jpg

”The day I discovered hell"

Perusing the stars through the Hubble telescope
When something unknown caught my eye,
A zone quite unlike any other nebulous life form.
In it I saw my father's and mother’s souls;
Their celestial screams for help confirmed the worst
And just when I try to note its coordinates, it explodes-
Into a spatial pattern resembling beautiful rose quarts.
But, just as quickly as it was created it becomes a blur
Its source of origin becoming impossible to discern,
Obscure like a frequency that lies at the heart of megahertz.
Absurd! That is until we empirically observe its outskirts.

See, I couldn’t believe it until I saw it for myself
The netherworld continuously deconstructs itself
And then like all things is born again, somewhere else.
I had seen with my very eyes its presence
Who would have thought- it’s in heaven!

Afterwards,
I couldn’t sleep knowing my parents were there
Then again, their lives were shrouded in despair
Sometimes they dreamt of an inexplicable nightmare.
Yet, like a good son I searched for years for another glimpse
I saw many beautiful things, but nothing quite like it again.

At the end of my life, I come to this conclusion:
Matter and gravity are just a scientific illusion.
The cosmological breath expands and contracts
But, we’re unaware on how it really interacts
With the greater map that extends beyond our google maps.
Our satellites grasp only a glimpse of all mass. Technological lapse.
But, I’ve come to understand that death breathes life;
The yin within yang and yang within yin design.
Yet, armed with our post-Cartesian thoughts we draw a divide
In the hopes, that there really is something materially divine;
The organizing principle behind all things is essenceless,
A mixture of hot and cold that far surpasses a miraculous intelligence
And all other Aristotelian embellishments I deem a deep embarrassment.
Frankly, the evidence toward why phenomena became is irrelevant,
All that matters is that I join my father and mother in their hellish trek.
As I finally get to sleep, albeit eternally
The light of my world bends into 6th-dimensional fragments
Simultaneously touching hell and heaven’s shores,
Quantum mechanics can explain this passage
Better than this simple man can.
But, at the moment I understood…
My makers were screaming at me in joy!
My parents were in both hell and heaven at the same time
And since both places are continually being destroyed
Darkness and light are just part of a subtler void.
Imagine creation like a distorted universal noise,
A vortex that contains only part of your voice.

[Inno]

Ullr

[Ullr]

I saw the EXT on the thread yesterday, I planned accordingly to finish today. I'll be posting relatively soon.

[Ullr]

http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/143/590x/secondary/120892.jpg


The galaxies swirl spilling Supernova Stardust
a gathering pearl that consumes the olden carcass
A maelstrom twisting, its fists interlocked
grips upon ships as they drift from their docks
Starboard to Star Port but all is contained
in the singing of silence as though a ball and a chain
In the sprawl'd spitting flames and sintering sirens.
Swinging the iris, sight seizing all in the plane
such Syzygal vibrance in Universal Alignment
and too the Earth and Environment
that grew from dirt in its timelessness.
and Hissing Miasma at Galactic Center
a prismatic vacuum e'er collapsing the aether
greater than groves and pastures of nectar
and stages of growth in natural selection.

We war for quarries supporting morbid stories
Gory sordid deeds for our immortal glories
But all that's attained is vain, a coffin accost of the greed in our veins
from bombing 'pon plains toward our hedonist gains
we feed on the brains of those that bleed on our chains
we lash with whips and a master's grip for our needs so insane
but when one simply glaces toward the sky at night
and overcomes illusions of a tyrant's might?
One will see we're less than ants upon a giant's mites.

There we are, in a sea of our stars
yet we're less than an atom and its mesonic charge
less than its quarks, so much less thank a planck -
yet we're set on a course without a vestige of thanks
so in Singularity of thought fear not death, let's advance!
Eons and infinity taut but we've been blessed with a chance
to live out our lives and do the best that we can
so instead of chasing a car and creating more scars
let's praise the stars!
We're living and breathing - please take it to heart,
we're more than just our cells, we're the masons of art
we build each day things so amazing it's hard
to fathom for kids as they play in a yard
that the whole of the universe from Earth's face while racing to Mars
It's merely the Milky Way, never strayed we too far
But beyond us in Andromeda and Alpha Centaurus
None of us know what wonders they hold!
We lie as infants in orbit with our Sun as our home.

“There is perhaps no better a demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world.”
-Carl Sagan

[Woke]

Mr. Complex - First of all, that opening stanza was mad captivating. This is my first read but I felt that needed to be said. Not only did you give me a peer into the man behind the lens, but a look into his life and a general direction. You even found a way to filter in emotion given the title and starting with "I found my parent" (in hell) I am extremely intrigued with peeked interest to say the least. We went very scientific toward the end I loved it. The hypothesis' you brought forth is interesting alone, I'm talking about Heaven and Hell being in unison and continually expanding, contracting and shifting. The fact that this character can see it is intriguing as well because this means it is out there floating and moving about in the infinite expanse that we will never be able to see entirely. I enjoyed this verse although I realize my full enjoyment is skewed because the concept it self is something I would read on my free time, which I suppose this is, but you know what I mean. Dope verse in every sense in my humble opinion. Zero quips aside from I'm not certain 'essenceless' is a word, I got its jest.

U - Didn't think many people would select the same topic as I, it's fun reading these various interpretations. When I read your verses I almost always have to go to dictionary for something and I enjoy this. In this case I had search what sinter meant . That bar is a very powerful and intelligent way of explaining extreme heat, melting all in a spectacle, so much so every siren blares and every eyeball peers. You had some intriguing thoughts in the end, deep concepts of an ant in the milky way. Much like your opponent, this verse is an article I would read on the net while killing time if I came across it. You had a stronger grasp on flow then your opponent and equaled him conceptually I think. It's very rare that I come across two verses in the same week, let alone same battle, that thoroughly grab and hold my attention and left me wanting more in a good way. Very dope battle.


Tough vote, thinking out loud here...


Ullr had a dope vortex imagery in his opening stanza along with quoted sight seeing bar from above.
God Just a dope concept


Too close to call. I have never in my life voted a tie in probably 100+ votes cast


V/Both


Two amazing concepts that were executed exquisitely. One had the better flow but both made me think and ponder, opening my mind. So flow is just the after thought when I took all into consideration. Thank you each for the read.

[Split Eight]

this was a cool battle. making an effort to be brief to cast as many votes as i can, and then to return and expand on each vote after i do administrative work elsewhere.

GC- I enjoyed thoroughly your multistep journey. Poetry often entices us to write static, momentary verses that illustrate only a few impactful changes on the smallest of scales. Here you had a grand and sweeping narrative that seemed to shift in tone intelligently at each step. I think the on/ off adherence to rhyming was slightly jarring, it felt incosistent rather than loose or free. Sometimes your lines were too full of connecting words for my tastes.

"In the hopes, that there really is something materially divine;
The organizing principle behind all things is essenceless,"

^^^Just an example of what I mean- while prepositions like "in" and "behind" are common and unavoidable by rephrasing, groupings like "that there really is something" and "behind all things" sound like stand-ins for better words that you'd find in a rough draft.

I feel like proper word choice, reducing stanzas with brevity in mind, and thoughtful transitions eliminate the need for heavy-handed language like that.

It's one of the few places where it's noticeable in your writing, you're generally well-spoken. But I think one aspect where you could improve is to use your vocab and ability to generate consistent, cohesive, powerful couplets to say as much as possible in as little as necessary. I never get bored reading your material because you practically encompass this attitude without applying it in full, but I think 'trimming' forces us out of our comfort zone and helps us improve

I liked the web of wonderment connecting spirituality, science, and human life. We often try to emphasize one relationship at the exclusion of the others, almost like a challenge to our readers, but here you did the opposite and accepted them all.

The ending was haunting, and I'm still thinking about it in a good way, but I wish there was a stronger or more lucid resolution. I wish everything clicked into place for me like it did your narrator.

Ullr- this was cool. Very tightly wound descriptions. I've complained about the loftiness of your tone before, and I would here except I really don't mind since you're the only one on the site with this tendency. I think the rhyme schemes stood out most to me, and they were technically sound without being particularly aesthetically pleasing. It's probably a preference thing as opposed to a problem you need to address. Something about the rhythm feeling out of step with the content, like the ebb and flow of your story is noticeably paced differently than how you're timing your syllables. Feel like you write in 7/8 time.

I guess I'd like to see you cut a little loose.

I really, really like your final stanza. Probably my favorite excerpt from anything you've written.

Great battle. Funny, I want GC to edit harder and Ullr to edit less. Either way, GREAT connections to the topics by each, very commendable, and I enjoyed processing each verse and comparing them.


I think GodComplex gets my vote with a highly appealing tone despite a less consistent quality to his writing. More peaky.

[Vulgar]

Godcomplex - It's prototypical of you to take on a theme, and paint the five points it represents, giving the reader a supple overview of an entire arena of the panopticon. I thought this was good but not your most stirring work. The thorough exposition approach can border on, if you don't mind me saying so, a certain degree of blandness. It's like if you're reading a book on astronomy, and you reach a chapter where the writing is dense but less enchanting than the more imaginative sections of the book. This is one of those serious demonstrations told in crisp detail - yet it loses some of its own lustre and magnetism in its attempt to be scientifically correct, gradually paced, and in general, pleasing to read. Something more challenging, jarring, encompassing - without the breadth it covers, could be an alternative option to think about for future writes.

Ullr - The first stanza was for the most part fire, the second was alright, and the third was decent. I think you shine best when you can highlight your own luminosity as a science buff, as it shows through your writing how accurate your understanding is of nature, physics, and matter. It's convincing in that respect. Some of the language wasn't as sharp as I'm used to from you in the second stanza, and the points you were trying to convey have been tread on before, i.e. the mention of tyrants and greed. If it stuck to the universe and didn't turn into a war direction, I think it might have been a fresher verse as a whole; just my thoughts.

I think this was a close battle, but I'm going to go with what I felt was the more crystal poem this week, and that was Godcomplex.

[Inno]

Tbh i feel like both took a very similar route to the topic
Which madr this vote alot harder for me. While buddha had that
Subtle poetic tone mixed in with a bit of spoken word. Ullr had
Beautiful diction with outstanding imagery. Both dropped some fire
And tbh both matched each other in nearly every aspect of the battle

Bit i feel like url edge this one out with a better overall showing aside
From matching what his opponent dropped, which was nothing to slouch
On. Both came top notch but i like ullrs piece just a nit more. Dope battle foreal