Week 9: Rakontur vs. Vulgar - (Rak wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 9

Rakontur vs. Vulgar


Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

"I beg your pardon."


Good luck.

[Vulgar]

May the poemce be with you.

[Woke]

And the rak be in you

[Woke]

I wake from my slumber, beer on breathe
I can piece my night together or live what's next
Mid-day alarm, right on time
Can't snooze sun rays peaking through my blinds
Morning piss, as stiff as Cobain
At ease soldier, let your evils fill up the drain
Ooze extra mint on top of each bristle
Wash away a mixture of life and candle light vigil
I strap up, war boots, Jordan, number eleven
Black trunks and white tee compliment a jump man legend
In California, this is just another day
Where our ocean breeze meets decay
And the stench of last nights foray is gently whisked away
The most important meal's now legally okay
Wake and bake the aches and pains astray
A simple doctor prescribed morning Jay
Pipe dreams, forget it, I'm ready to go
Exit stage left and approach a world most unknown
Plug in as I walk. Poke, post, like.
Oblivious to all, including any passerby
Spot Jacks, as I enter just to grab a bite
A lady follows and the door nearly smashes her side
Would have held it open but I'm preoccupied
Gotta order first, stomach smaller then my eyes
Gorge my face and barely breathe
Leave the tray, minimum wage will need to clean
As I leave I spot a man whose elderly
He approaches me, wheeling gingerly
“Why hello son, how are you?”
He awaits response but is left most confused
Conversation is a one way street
And Kendrick is in the middle of a speech
Walk back home, B-line, Jay Walking in the road
Never mind oncoming traffic, that bitch will have to slow
I arrive and grab the keys
Fire up the Civic, break; released
As I leave my residents blaring hip-hop
Alarms set off as I approach a 4-way stop
A soccer mom in mini van was about to press her gas
Instead, she's forced to slam her breaks as I roll on pass
I'm driving to the market for some brew
After all, on this globe, somewhere it's noon
Parking lot is semi-full, but there's a blinker flashing there
A sedan backing in, slowly and with care
I quickly veer in, park and walk on by
No remorse at all, in complete control of my own life
Just a human, being all he can
Nope, I'll never beg your pardon
Never pay to shake a hand

[Vulgar]

"God Save Norman Man"


Expecting too much of yourself in one day
unfolds
like a travelling MI5 agent who lost his ID card
and tries to duplicate one in the bathroom
using clip outs of Spice Girls magazines
sequins from American flags drenched in oligarch blood
I think I've stretched far beyond my means
to counteract and launch the countermeasures
By nicking a janitor's card and altering the color codes
National security quotas will be met
Mega camera complex regurgitation
NSA Snoop Dogg display screens and A-Teams
Scanning a retina data base off instinct alone

Look at all the faces...
Look at the people, countries, social nature
Dialects as intricate as pineapple skin
at the checkout counters, the luggers, the marchers
Barely paying mind to the decaying eurocentricity city

Customs agent asks offensive question about
Manchester United socks...
"Smells like shite, don't they?"
I'd beg your pardon, but I swear by no anthem
carry no certificates nor anarchist cookbooks
i have no national affiliation
I am a registered member of the border state of Norman Man Province
Named after the inventor of self determinism's auto cloak
The true individual man with exquisite taste
A non-partisan, non de plume, nondescript
Norman

This rigged game implies greater political statements
than the World Cup - runneth over
Norman knew it, he had iron eyes
He had a will which dissipated nationalism
long enough for the shrugged shoulders
to fill with crows

[Clutbuck]

LOL pretty dope battle here guys!

Vulgar: I might have missed something at the start here but you had me completely thrown at the beginning with talk of MI5 Agents and Spice Girls in rapid fire succession haha! It was like a machine gun of different images bombarding me as a reader, but cool though. The American Flag in oligarchs blood was dope. Reminded me of Litvinyenko from a few years back actually as you got into that section and I pieces those details together.

I thought you linking certain associative words with pop culture and the like was done well also, the NSA Snoop Dog and later on the World Cup runners over we're really deft touches but both stood out and probably deserved quoting!

I think I'm at fault almost here for not "getting" exactly what this poem was about. As I said, there's maybe things I could allude to it like the whole Palonium/Litvenyenko thing but aside from that I don't know if that's what you were going for. I apologise in advance if I'm way off!

Rakontur: You've been really impressive the past few weeks, this time out its more of a "day in the life of" almost but your descriptions throughout allow you to inject some of your own personality and that shines through in lines like:

Ooze extra mint on top of each bristle

I think the word Ooze here is used really well, and by mentioning the mint it instantly gives the reader an idea of smell and taste. Such a MINUTE detail, but I liked that for that reason. Brilliant I thought.

"Where ocean breeze meets decay"

This was another example I loved. It could be anywhere in the world, making it relatable to us all, connecting with the reader. But it's more than that, the beauty and the beast, heaven and hell, light and darkness, night and day etc its that contrasting parallel drawn between two things and I think that's really poetic. Again, it's a minor thing on the surface, but as I was reading through it struck me and I always like to analyse WHY things stand out to me like that.

The idea of you being on Facebook and could have held the door open, but didnt, as you were doing something else is pretty poignant and sadly all too real to today's generation. Again, I think it's a great point and you've been eagle eyed to pick up on that and put it in your writing. Great observation on society. The end almost alluded to this same thread that ran through the piece. It might not have been as creative as Vulgars attempt, but I admired it's almost droll straight edged mundanity as life often is that way and it had enough hidden gems scattered throughout to really gauge my interest and keep me intrigued.

I'm giving this to Rakontur, amazing battle guys!

[Inno]

Awesome battle.

Vote vulgar

I feel like both dropped similar ideas in there own way of course. Rak was
Vivid while vilgar came with precise wording and tone. I liked how v worked in
Dialogue dame near seamlessly while rak kept amore safe pace with his story. I mean
Dam i read both a couple of times and i just keep going back to vulgars execution
Story wise imagery all of that i feel is a tie but i think v edged this with something
That i feel has more playback. It resonates just a little bit more with each i enjoyed
That much more. Really impressive stuff tbh and dope battle rak dod his thing but
Ama go with vulgar this week. Thank you for the read gentlemen

[MMLP]

reserve a vote from me!

[MMLP]

After deliberation, I'm giving this rakontaur. Purely from a poetic stand point.
His idea was kinda dragged out but stuck to poetry theme a bit better than vulgar.
Numerous quotes, hmmm 'I can piece together last night or move on' 'somewhere else there's a noon' etc.
Really liked the thought process although probably not executed perfectly.

Vulgar deffo had more precise wording n the story ran smoother. The 'british' references filled me with a little pride lol, with a more poetic/ challenging finish, u probs take the win and maybe in another league format u would have aswell.

Enjoyed reading, quality match up, I genuinely scrambled my brain on this one lads, close match.