PDA

View Full Version : CHAMP MATCH: YDK vs. Nigma - NIGMA TKO 4-0


sral
09-18-2015, 07:16 AM
AOWL Season V, Week 8


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Monday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!

TOPIC:

http://digitalsynopsis.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/thought-provoking-paintings-pawel-kuczynski-14.jpg

Good luck!


Nigma YDK

YDK
09-18-2015, 08:23 AM
Check

Nigma
09-18-2015, 03:48 PM
Check

Nigma
09-20-2015, 08:41 PM
YDK gonna go 40 lines, writing tonight

YDK
09-20-2015, 09:03 PM
YDK gonna go 40 lines, writing tonight

Sounds good man, I'm about halfway through my concept but not sure how many lines I'll need yet

YDK
09-21-2015, 12:23 AM
We're all

Waiting for handouts till the hand that feeds is bitten
Smitten; with the crumbs that we're randomly given
Disconcerting remarks ignored as long as their handsomely written
In the news another murder, mother to a tragedy; victim.
Keying in on a suspect as the facials described,
And consumers all pick a side in the racial divide.
Divide and conquer, "why we fight" just a corporate play,
CNN, fox news, all whores for the pay.
What's more is the charade, divide it again
Republicans Democrats all cry on a whim
Casting blame at each other, hot potato, not it!
Till people are confused about the actual topic
Ignoring factual logic, keep a hand in your pocket
You're paying for their lies (just in case you forgot it)
Childish urges suppressed till they manifest into vessels,
An adult with a stencil,
Retracing all the details of these medieval devils.
Cursing the names of past sinners; its their version of fame
A diversion to shame, igniting social disorder to watch it burst in to flames.
What's worse is the aim,
Taking shots at lower classes just for personal gain
Then explaining that the averages are worth all the strain
Just to keep them content and connected to their ball and a chain
We're all in the same boat, sinking slowly, in debt to a bank note,
The government selling pipe dreams then arresting those who bang dope!
But despite the corruption its never enough and,
I could invite you to listen but you'd ignore the discussion.
Willfully turning your back to the facts of the matter,
Shards of truth piercing through you like glass when it shatters.
But what are they after?
Ask yourself what's the motive behind it
Are we the land of the free or do we cage the enlightened?
It doesn't matter to many if you don't want to see proof
I'll remain a recluse and lead you to the clues
Through the web of deceptions and the lies at the top,
We have to keep making progress less we die on the spot.
Fallacies created to comfort now they've outplayed their part,
Yet we remain where its "safe" because that's how we were raised from the start.
Ignore the propaganda don't search for atonement,
Let the wolf rest with the sheep and enjoy every moment
Because...

'Murica

Nigma
09-21-2015, 02:09 AM
its a walk across the sands of time. i'm feeling the salt as i'm stepping
wisdom plateaus with addiction. it is beginning the halt and descension
it is as it goes. there's no middleman. you're simply a sultan or peasant
chirps in leau of the crickets missing since dawns shown its presence
nights demise and the rising sun gives life to those who invested
but its a gory scene for the majority who all are lost in the crossroads
we hold the cross with no lost hope for holy God's and apostles
at home, we're starved with frozen walls and no rope to pull beyond this
one man. he holds us hostage. his throne is dark but grows no offspring
when we turn the knob, what flows from faucets is known as toxic
one day i'll fold my palms to hold some water
walk it up the road, drop it, and watch the mold demolish

my opposition's a trash deposit. this man established the passing guard
he's relaxed, we're starved, he's fat, to relieve our stress we craft with yarn
break our backs from the peak of light till we bask in darkness. grant us food
forehead lets out some sweat as the sunset started to shadow through
i must be patient, not hasty, brain remains debating what i'll have to do
how can i battle with it's essence? look how massive that it grew!!!
but then an owls brain and senses came to vent the shroud of fumes
each breath repressed confusion till i had the knowledge too
don't need a hatchet to attack a tree, just sabotage the roots
wait as days light starts to dim, come night i hide as cold winds wither
my violent intent has silenced the insects to hold in their rhythm
i stand on my own with ambition knowing no hoping will fix him
foes in the limbs, this distance the closest we've been. he'll fold to submission
the poisons clear and viscous. merely a mistress that molds to the image
four drops near the entrance set to smear some death, turn throne to a prison
my focus zones into the middle of the glowing liquid, i'm soaked within it

the crickets pick up in rhythm as action's conjured. i'm the sacrificial lamb of all this
for love, ill come at you with blood magic, sometimes a sacrifice can enact a slaughter
batch of blackened cracks splits his charred lips, his cigar slips in the blackened water
look into my hands and vomit, gasp and cough, then falling forward. passing onwards
for a nap. while i had no conscience they grabbed my body. but as my awareness grew
i can see that i've been taken from beneath the desert stars into the pharaohs tomb
i hear the voice of the fat man with the glasses who asked me if he scared me too
then he shared the truth, told me this was set up to collect the ones who dared to lose
said, join us in our enlightened mindset, design a trial and share it too
i said alright, and write this from the skyward pine my cares to rule
sitting in the waters waiting for the day a dare dilutes it, since
nothing really matters till you struggle through a scare to lose it

sral
09-21-2015, 07:56 AM
DOPE SHIT BRUHS!!!!

EtH
09-21-2015, 02:00 PM
YDK - I think I said it last time, but since I've came back reading it feels like everyone has sort of forgotten the fundamentals of multiple syllable rhyming and flows are fractured often and everything. There isn't a single technical flaw with what you do. It can be rapped at any tempo the entire way through, rhyming is spot on (specifically with the ball and chain scheme in the middle), cracking job in all fronts. But....I have NO idea why you wrote this piece. I've said it a few times recently in different leagues, we've all been there and written the token political complaint piece. You of course blew the others I read out of the water, but when do you feel is different about this verse? This was a more on topic and much better technical piece than the other ones...but it's still the same piece with a different writer. A political commentary piece removes any chance of storytelling, imagery and personal connection. The only emotion you can convey is about the same level of anger as a 9/11 conspiracy theorist on Facebook. Also for this topic, it couldn't have been any less of a twist. Rich white guy gets more than a poor black guy, so you wrote about how the fatcats in the media do things like blaming the black guy for stuff. I dunno, I feel like after an insanely personal, gripping and emotional piece last week, you kept this extremely safe. Your writing skills was absolutely on show but it's not something I'll say "Remember how good that YDK drop was?" in the future.

Nigma - I think I've seen it a few times from you, but don't do one rhyme scheme for 5 lines or something. Schemes kind of always have to end on an even line. Because of like the inherent idea of patterns in poetry and rap, you think "Right, that's a line down, now to complete the bar" but when the second line has a different rhyme at the end, my mind's like "Wait did I miss something?" and I need to stop and reread. I thought the idea of using the water to take down the tree was genius. A really really resourceful idea which I felt was drenched in metaphors. The ending was fairly good. I wasn't sure what way it was going to go but it had a message at the end so it was a solid enough set up. I felt you might have been a little bit too obvious my making paragraphs for the beginning, middle and end. I like to try and break that down in my own head usually. The rhyming wasn't as technical as YDK's, but as the piece went on your had internal rhyme schemes, or maybe it was just choice of wording, that really gelled the piece together.

Overall, you're both absolutely worthy of a championship match. I feel that YDK might be the slightly better writer, but I felt this all came down to the topic choice. YDK picked something unoriginal that we've seen a million times. If you compare an anti-political piece to one where a slave uses the toxic water in his tap to take down a tree of his master's residence, only for it to all be a test of will, you'll see that no one is going to write Nigma's verse again where as I think there's plenty of people with the ability to recreate a mirror image of YDK's. As a result, I vote new champ.

MVGT - Nigma.

Flow
09-21-2015, 02:41 PM
Ydk had a solid piece with excellent rhyme schemes and excellent wording. There really is nothing i can say about this thats bad although ive seen you pull better and more complex and most importantly more creative schemes concepts and internals in the past. So judging you by you there is room for improvement. Unfortuantly you took the overplayed route and that left me feeling slightly chored by the read once i got so far in. Hmmm i feel like im maybe being harsh but its really nothing to do with your writing because i have nothing i can add as far as improvements go. Its just the content that hampered it.

Nigma you have some of my favourite drops week in week out. I love the subtle metaphors and your internal rhymes multis wording etc usually make your flow mouth watering. I didnt really feel that in this drop... the subtle metaphors were rammed in and the general concept of your drop was nice. I enjoyed the structure of it as well. But the flow was just... a bit bland to be honest. Granted your vocab was excellent as usually but i really wished you had brought your usual smoking flow.

I feel i may have come across harsh in this but thats because i think you both are excellent writers and i think you both had a great piece each. My only issue is that comparred to your usual standards one brought bland content and one brought bland rhymes...

On the more enjoyable read ill go...

Nigma

(Could go either way)

2tripple0
09-21-2015, 11:44 PM
well after reading all of that im very concerned with who i should vote for. i agree that ydks verse was a bit repetitive and sounded like something people have heard a lot of the time...i also felt some of the concepts were forced at times whereas nigma came with a more original idea in his verse and his lines were stronger wording wise i thought pretty much that ydk kind of put things in his verse just so that they sounded familiar but it took away from the piece...if that makes sense...whereas nigmas verse was an easier read even though he put more words in his verse and there were a lot of different ideas being thrown around... anyways im going to have to give me vote to nigma for having a more polished verse even though ydk did very well and it feels like im just trying to give his crown away but yeah nigma i think deserves the chance at the top next week....aye so...vote.....NIGMA

UnbornBuddha
09-22-2015, 08:52 PM
YDK: A social commentary on conceptual platitudes that while valid in some respect are not the most intriguing. Mostly because to make them interesting one has to sprinkle in a more encompassing viewpoint, concepts such as "land of the free" poor vs rich, corporate dominion are tasteless. In fact, I can go to youtube and within a few minutes I'm sure some elitist conspiracy video will pop up, not that it might not have value, but in terms of your topic you really did not take any chances. Now, there were glimpses of something more special here and there, but they were not the norm. "Murica, lol, you should of taken a comedic angle here, and it would have served you well. It was written solidly, but somewhat bland in terms of presentation.

Nigma: I really liked the prophetic and otherworldly aspect of this. Sometimes the wording is a bit strange as I'm processing it, particularly the second stanza. Nevertheless, the actual material was engaging and carried the reader well throughout the journey. which it was. This was also technically sound, aside from strange algorithms in your diction here and there, I have no gripes really. You have a knack for developing quirky concepts and narratives and while they do backfire at times, due to losing the reader, this was not the case here. And so,

Vote: Nigma

Adonis
09-23-2015, 09:35 PM
Congratulations Nigma for champing AOWL

sraL @knuck Sharp

who can give him accomp?