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View Full Version : Week 13: Vulgar vs. Innovator (Inno wins)


Vulgar
09-22-2015, 10:51 PM
LGPA Season 1: Week 13

Innovator

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Ayahuasca


Good luck.

Inno
09-22-2015, 11:38 PM
Finally

Vulgar
09-23-2015, 09:52 AM
in

Vulgar
09-26-2015, 08:54 PM
An apostle wouldn't touch the malt granite
wafting bits of smoke from an Asiatic fireplace
superstitious as a steward waits
for a sympathetic king to waltz in from the miranda

On his belt waved scrip and baubles
from the cathedrals he'd visited in magenta scorch
Hearts of coal he'd reaped
from bosom-less wells - he wouldn't have gotten far
without so many loyal messengers who'd jumped in
head-first, dispatched like arrows
striking the target of a tar and feathered
fellow human being... in a mist domineered for him

Who warned never to tamper with the half life leaf
which could unlock hidden magistrates
of the lesser known universe and Lovecraftian dreams?

Notice his patient stroll
as he skips along
the Strait of Malacca
and leaves his hissing millstones
amidst the black path
litters them like seeds
that later grow into scarecrows
with bugged out tinseltown irises

Markers in the forest
where aromas have pen pals
they write to their former selves
in slivers of archaic Smokespeak...

The smoke seeps

Inno
09-26-2015, 11:17 PM
Flower pedels

Convoluted veins tripping on the vines
Bullets dripping marking the ground
Concentrated hues spill out of the walls
Pouring colors mixed with concrete pieces
Ceiling fans reaching from heaven to hell
Winds of tide, seas rough from the currents
Shifting floor boards spewing rhetoric of falling
Black holes for windows, night consumes the sun
The moon dissolves against the glare of the stars.
With a Hendrix eye, ozzy vibes and a morrisson soul.
The rhythm melts with the brass
A schism thats an everlast, binged in the prisms purity
Deluded deity praising myself to survive
Faithfully unspoken

Sweat dripping tunnel vision tunneling catacombs
Engulfing walls along with the screws paint and all
Bed springs afloat a sea of confusion
On the look out for white whales
Spearing armoires hoping for shores
Psyched seagulls sing between the celing fans
Deep waters dried from the bed sheets
The longest midnight breaks for the sun
Deserts of pillows swallow my parched eyelids

Journy through a third eye's perspective
To get a second opinion
On one life.

Destroyer
09-29-2015, 09:04 PM
this was a dope battle
I enjoyed both pieces
Vulgar, like the description of the script on his belt, really helps to imagine the scene you are setting. the line "like seeds that later grow into scarecrows" was one of my favorites
you're strongest when you are speaking with similes and painting the scene

inno you crafted an excellent piece that I felt very vividly described what one might go through under the influence of such a drug. I've tripped in the past, and remember the sweaty confusion that accompanies the journey. you did a very excellent job of creating that same feeling with your words. I was feeling it, and took the journey with you.

v/innovator

sral
09-30-2015, 12:31 PM
Vulgar: I thought you did well this week, better than the past 2-3 for sure. This one seemed more planned out and organised, mixing it up well. I have to admire the fact you've stuck to your guns and not rhymed the majority of your verses in the LGPA. It's a credit to you, really, as only really you and Innovator have done that (as far as I remember). Again here, your imagery is the standout for me, you always have a knack for a great description and the right words to use to conjure up a surreal scene right down to the smell and look of it all. I thought the word 'Miranda' was misused and that maybe you were looking for 'veranda' instead? Dispatched like arrows was dope though. I liked the use of Lovecraftian too, nice touch! The Strait of Malacaa being my favourite section as a whole. Top writing!


Inno: Haven't you two faced already?! LOL! I liked the idea of the veins of the leaves early on, you're another writer with a gift for a turn of phrase and imagery that really works in your favour. Maybe not as much here as I felt in your Diamonds verse, perhaps, but your pen game still shows flashes of brilliance. The Hendrix eye, Ozzy vibes and Morrison soul line was FIRE! I loved that shit. Really quoteable. The finale of your verse was a deft touch too with the 3, 2, 1 aspect. Two similar verses in approach and execution, I felt, and not a great deal to choose between them in complete honesty. I guess I felt I was a bit lost on certain parts of Inno's verse while Vulgar had me a little more invested as a reader in his piece and ultimately that's what won out here.

I'm going with Vulgar.

MMLP
09-30-2015, 05:29 PM
i hadnt a clue what 'Ayahuasca' was beforehand.

two good reads, happy to cast a vote on this one. As ever, im late with voting so im never looking at a previous vote again and who cares if i end up repeating. ill keep it brief.

aromas had pen pals was dope, dispatched like arrows dope..
"The moon dissolves against the glare of the stars.
With a Hendrix eye, ozzy vibes and a morrisson soul.

its hoping to see (and pull of myself) stuff like this which why i joined in the first place, real talk!

im voting innov/ based on the the last two thirds of both pieces. The second paragraph was good, third eyes perspective, second opinion, one life, great ending, never seen something like that before

Peace!

Frank
09-30-2015, 05:40 PM
Vulgar
A musky/musty aura. It was a generous rub of the genie lamp. It conjured up an exotic mystique around it. Scary. Because I feel like as though your sense of poetry isn't fully realized yet. A sensational wordsmith. Each line you write is like a mini series, or a long story short - but necessarily particularly poetic? Dispatched like arrows isn't really poetic. It's more straight forward. This poem of yours is comparable to a Wise Mans, well thought out, long winded sentence you have then cropped into sections. I loved the Bosom less wells line. Some of this was superb. Scarecrows simile was dope. Visually compelling poem in a walk through the beads, into the incense kind of way. Got me high off the imagery. Could be my weed though. I always liked your usage of obscure geographical locations. Nonetheless, I would like to see you try to delve deeper into your poetry, b. Don't be superficial, try to write from your heart about something that opens the LPGA up to your true view on life instead of wearing your mask of visage. Do you bro.

Innovator.
I am still baffled by how you have become a premier poet on Netcees. I could still remember appreciating your poetic flow in the AOWL, but now I can fully appreciate it more so cause it's in it's own forum now. Congrats on becoming a moderator, homie. I would say you have a good idea of what poetry is. Phrases like bullets drip and colors pour demonstrated that to me. Ceiling fan line was great. Physched seagulls. Trippy shit.

Both strains of the Ayahuasca were top shelf. I felt Innovator cultivation of the strain was a little trippier

Voting Innovator