Week 13: YDK vs. MMLP - (YDK wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 13

MMLP YDK

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Abra Kadabra

Good luck.

[MMLP]

petr cech

[YDK]

Check

[YDK]

Abra kadabra
It's all on her eyes
Fireworks and doves, love's in the sky
Blood is disguised with mirrors and smoke
Childish revelries, wishfulness; hope
At the end of a rope, now cut it in half
Throw away one and savor the Graff
I made her laugh; once upon a time
Nickle and dime spending
I once called her mine.
Now I'm hers, forever blessed
For the rest of my life
I asked her for a show; she showed me the light
And I showed her the darkness
In my heart; my eyes.
She accepted the effort
I expected the lesser
But put us together, we lived;
Except better.
Abra kadabra
It's all in the years
We've sacrificed everything
That we ever held dear
To give life to our lives
That we strived to form
Abra kadabra
Our daughter was born

[MMLP]

Id descend from my sleep off the wrinkly paper
Sent from my feet and into the chamber
a figit by nature needing a bigger belt
strapped in a container of sorts with the assistants help

id begin to welter as my cries were ignored
it didnt help that there were lightening storms
but her striking allure was a calming influence
i eyed her in awe. I was charmed and she knew it

in my heart it seemed stupid, my thoughts were confused
a part of me loosened as she kept calling me cute
my assurances grew and i was flattered at instant
exploring the view of her glamourous image

sitting back for a minute as we topped up on oil
her laughs what persitantly made me so fun and joyful
a known bunny boiler but i wasnt deterred
but hopes would be foiled as master opened his shirt

and my moment was spurred and disapointment begun
in that hole i would learn my choices were snubbed
when he hoisted me up and away from my girl
left voicing a grunt in rage at the world

playing in circles and forever the joke
with days of rehearsals and setting the show
then enter a coat as music would sound
and next thing i know im introduced to a crowd

[Vulgar]

YDK - This was an effective piece, I liked how you used concise wording and personal touch to get your point across. It was a good feels type of poem that left me with a satisfied sensation when it was concluded. Good work and angle.

MMLP - The last two stanzas were butter smooth - good stuff. I wish the previous sections had been as polished. Some pockmarked wording in a couple of lines throughout, and you adhere religiously (almost) to the intricate rhyme scheme style. When you and Lars collaborate in the open mic section, it has its purpose. In this league, I stand by my words that it hinders you. A freeflowing, non-rhyming transfer of energy would be much preferred...just to see what transpires, tbh.

Vote - YDK

[e11even]

Ydk- personal, efficient, and it had a point. You didn't waste time getting the idea out and it was a cool way to not have a personal tale come off as super sappy or sentimental. You elevated an elementary element and made it fit as if it belonged there(Abra kadabra). All in all, kinda cool.

Mmlp- almost the opposite of what ydk accomplished here. I think a little more needed to be said with less. The protagonist is the butt of the magician's tricks over and over, but there was no finalizing aspect to the piece. He's hoisted up then end credits... kinda left it feeling flat. This could have been spun as more of a metaphor to have a greater effect but I think something was still waiting to happen. This was still ok.

VOTING YDK for an overall better read. IMO they were kinda close. Good job guys.

[Inno]

This a a cool battle.

I got mmlp tho.

Ydk this was you at your best. Loved how precise the piece as a whole.
Though i feel like it felt a bit short. Like i wanted more from each line.
This was dope though but i just felt like you had the chance to take this
To another level.

Mmmlp

Man this waz dope as fuck. You painted with unique. Rush strokes leading to
A perfect picture in the end. Though you entire piece was outstanding i feel like
You hit your stride in the last 2 stanzas. Before that it was ok but once it wax brought
Together the outcome was just great lol.

Mmlp

[Destroyer]

interesting how both of you took a love theme out of abra kadabra.
ydk's was written well, if a tad predictable, I enjoyed it, including the rhyme throughout, and I would have liked to see it go on more.
MMLP, I enjoyed yours, but was left confused as to where exactly you were going with it. were you a rabbit? that's pretty clever. I think you sacrificed clarity for rhyme at times.
the muddled composition forces me to vote

YDK

[Frank]

NBL STYLE VOTE

cool battle

ydk


Abra kadabra
It's all on her eyes
Fireworks and doves, love's in the sky
^
Fireworks and doves: a true middle America visual. I have this idea of YDK being from Middle America for some reason. Blue collar, but with a red neck lol
Blood is disguised with mirrors and smoke
Childish revelries, wishfulness; hope
Good usage of the semi colons; this tool is new in his repertoire.
At the end of a rope, now cut it in half
Throw away one and savor the Graff
I didn't like savor the graff? Graph?? Giraffe?? Graffiti? wtf you talking about here lol
I made her laugh; once upon a time
Nickle and dime spending
I once called her mine.
Now I'm hers, forever blessed
For the rest of my life
I asked her for a show; she showed me the light
And I showed her the darkness
those two lines were like a balance beam tipping those two worlds
In my heart; my eyes.
She accepted the effort
I expected the lesser
But put us together, we lived;
Except better.
Abra kadabra
It's all in the years
We've sacrificed everything
That we ever held dear
To give life to our lives
That we strived to form
Abra kadabra
Our daughter was born
Dope way of using the topic Abra Kadabra. Your build up (body of verse) didn't live up to the excellent concept though. When you have a dope angle you should always try the idea your all, for the sake of the idea

Very short, sweet poem. It is still a new born body of work; A poem in it's infantile stages. A few baby steps away from being a more mature poem.

mmlp:

Id descend from my sleep off the wrinkly paper
very colonial way to begin there
Sent from my feet and into the chamber
a figit by nature needing a bigger belt
strapped in a container of sorts with the assistants help

id begin to welter as my cries were ignored
it didnt help that there were lightening storms
but her striking allure was a calming influence
i eyed her in awe. I was charmed and she knew it
last two lines had some substance

in my heart it seemed stupid, my thoughts were confused
a part of me loosened as she kept calling me cute
I thought this was a good way of giving insight into this characters thoughts
my assurances grew and i was flattered at instant
exploring the view of her glamourous image

+sitting back for a minute as we topped up on oil
starting the stanza with a +? story behind the +?
her laughs what persitantly made me so fun and joyful
a known bunny boiler but i wasnt deterred
but hopes would be foiled as master opened his shirt

and my moment was spurred and disapointment begun
in that hole i would learn my choices were snubbed
when he hoisted me up and away from my girl
left voicing a grunt in rage at the world
rabbit like in alice in wonder land?

playing in circles and forever the joke
with days of rehearsals and setting the show
then enter a coat as music would sound
and next thing i know im introduced to a crowd
this line was like Ta-dah! VIOLA


I'm left a bit perplexed in the maze of it all. What really happened?

While I think MMLP wrote about pulling the rabbit out of the hat? Overall, I didn't find it cohesive. When you used stanzas it only added to the disarray. YDK - greeting card-like writing, while writing less than your opponent, I ultimately felt you got your point across more effectively.

Therefore MVGT ydk