CHAMPION Nigma 5-1 vs Mr. J 6-2 - NIGMA 5-4

[sral]

Week AOWL Season V, Week 11


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)



Topic: http://i0.wp.com/www.fiz-x.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Quotes-35.jpg

G/Luck

Nigma Mr. J

[Mr. J]

I'm coming for your shoes

[Nigma]

Jokes on you, I wear moccosins

[Mr. J]

No matter the footwear you'll experience duh feet

[Nigma]

I blow my nose in your general direction

[Mr. J]

Then you shall receive these blessings no god complex..

[Nigma]

"Steven", they ask. "What was it like?"

It's like the fruit that introduced Sir Isaac Newtons mind to higher truths.
Take bites and chew it, find life entombed inside my food, so I remove them
Tiny blackened beans, and I stashed the seeds inside computers
Seasons see the rise of new environmental signs, I knew it's time to do it
Plants, they rise and grew and my thoughts go back, the pots have vanished
I remember being jobless, can't piece my thoughts till I'd drawn the tactics
And that is... When your idea train is off the tracks, just drop some acid.
I remember the first time that my Earthly mind had an altered axis
I took the longest blink, got lost in blackness, had got them squeezed
Then saw, opened both them wide to ***ophonies of awful scenes
Despite the crawling creatures stalking me, I was calm and peaceful
Seek to lead the colony, yeah my sights are high but resolve is equal.
I eye the sky like a pirate with the higher ground and scout horizons
Tilt my neck back, chin up, break down existence and drown in science
Wet blotch on my head from the dense drops since the clouds are crying
Synthesizing sounds with every glimpse and sight that surrounds my iris
Visions persistently thicken in intri***y, sticking to me like its destiny
Create profound designs, dividing and splitting the seeds exponentially
I feel the completeness, complexity, sentiments deep as distentions be
A separate being, severed the leash and fleeing like I was never free
Technically speaking, LSD left me seeing everything in known existence
I blend the scene, inventing things that better each the thrones we sit in
The bravest seek to show whats hidden, pray to reach some growth within
Patrol the cliff, ascend new heights and make creations.
No limits

[Mr. J]

I hold my life in the very hands grasping onto a tight rope
trying to follow its guidance; trying to understand my role
Survival. my heart is banging through both my eardrums..
each minute becomes an hour, for a split second, I forgot what fear was
in that moment I entered a dimension where time stopped
adjusting my legs while digging my feet into the ground when I dropped..
I wondered why I was here again; Who goes through this much hassle?
the peak became hidden beyond clouds, in this upward battle..
I shook off the exhaustion becoming aware of the descending sun
the deciding hours will define me as I leave my own impressions dug
the senses rush, each thought is filled with hope for blind success
awaiting the end, where I can lay my head & put the mind to rest
its only the beginning & the journey is more than a huge back track
the same obstacles become more aggressive, one wrong move & that's that...
with the cold air coming in, my breath forms a small cloud of heat
the sun sets while a ray of light hits my flame to spark a small fire...
I sit down to eat...
taking a moment to record my progress into a small journal..
the date was..
April 14th 2034, Today I have conquered another tall hurdle
I was afraid that I could not do so due to my mental weaknesses
reflecting upon my achievements, I feel as though Im completed
achieving courage through battling your deepest fears...
the adrenaline alone sends me back to my teenage years...
which reminds me of a quote that I have stumbled upon once
'If you want something you've never had,
then you've gotta do something you've never done'

[Dearg]

Nigma, this was alright. I feel like it's difficult for me to relate to your style sometimes. Your stories aren't really precise. It's like there's a start and an end but the middle is just a bunch of different punchlines and concepts. Technically, it's good, but conceptually I'm not much of a fan. Your wording is smooth which helps the read keep it's fluidity. Your rhyme scheme is solid which also helps the flow of things. I just can't get into the story itself because you're all over the place. Sorry man.

Mr. J, I liked this. Reminded me a lot of a collaboration piece I wrote back in like 2007 about a clown that kills himself on the tight rope because he's sick of entertaining others who just want to see him get hurt or embarrassed. I understand this isn't about a clown, but for some reason that piece came to mind. Technically, this was nice. Your wording was clean and you had a few creatives lines here and there, especially towards the middle and end. Flow was fluent the entire time. I also enjoyed the concept, wasn't incredibly new but it was something that kept interest nonetheless.

This is a close battle but I feel like I enjoyed Mr. J's story tell more. So. Vote Mr. J.

[UnbornBuddha]

Nigma: There was some nice lines here but did feel disconnected. You tied it up at the end, but the asynchronicity of it still stood out. With the approach you took, I feel it is somewhat easy to tie up loose ends, the actual content was very somatic. even if it was tinged with transcendentalist aspirations. Although, quite honestly it felt like you rooted yourself in woo.

Mr J: In this case, I didn't like you ending it with the topic, it felt kind of cheap particularly because of the switch up to the journal already had disconnected the narrative from a conscious telling into a written, and the addition of the quote makes it impersonal for me, without adding substantial meaning to it. But, besides that gripe I enjoyed this, I thought it was solid. The topic itself wasn't anything mind-boggling, so I did think you took an easy route here. Nevertheless, I felt there was more connection and direction with your writing than the champ.

Vote: Mr. J

[e11even]

Nigma- hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Acid. This was trippy as fuck. I'm not an acid dropper so this was sick. Rhymes and imagery galore. I was there. I swear it. This was an acid Laden mothership with dubs on it:
Tilt my neck back, chin up, break down existence and drown in science
Wet blotch on my head from the dense drops since the clouds are crying
Synthesizing sounds with every glimpse and sight that surrounds my iris
Visions persistently thicken in intri***y, sticking to me like its destiny
Create profound designs, dividing and splitting the seeds exponentially
I feel the completeness, complexity, sentiments deep as distentions be
A separate being, severed the leash and fleeing like I was never free
and though it wasn't deeply cerebral, it was pretty fucking cool to me. I wish you had focused on this type of thing the entire battle. Good job, and thank you.

Mr.J- this started well. A better avenue to the journal would have been to continue the story and increase the adrenaline or just make it more interesting. I was not really a fan of stopping the action. Never stop the action. I also was not a fan of the slap-on topic. It's comes of as a tired practice. Aside from that you had solid work. I'm only being hard on you because I saw potential in this piece and I felt like you hit a wall and switched gears. The reader is never supposed to notice. Good job though.

I liked both pieces for different reasons, but both needed improvement. MVGT Nigma for the more exciting read and IMO better rhyming. Thanks for showing guys.

[EtH]

Nigma - Like the guys above said, lyrically and the way you connected up words was really solid, but it seemed a little bit disconnected and directionless. "Cerebral" is actually the perfect word. I wasn't really sure about anything that was happening. I believe the protagonist is an acid dropping genius but I can't even be sure about that. I found it a bit hard to relate to and as a result I didn't enjoy the finer aspects you managed to perfect.

Mr J - Although the rhyming was a little basic, specifically in relation to Nigma's verse, it started off with a really effortless flow to it. Around the time you started pressing enter and put the rhyme on the second line for some reason, I felt the flow got a little bit fractured. The story was much clearer than Nigma's, but I'm not really sure why you thought this would be enough for a championship match. "Man is tackling some difficult stuff in his old age after once reading this quote". That's my entire take away, and it seems very simplistic for a topical this late in the day. I also felt that it wan't entirely thought out. The switch to the journal didn't really seem to have any pattern to it. Usually I'd like to see someone weave in and out of narration and the protagonist's thoughts or something.

Overall, I'm surprised that this wasn't a better competition. Nigma easily had the better lyricism, but I'm not sure any of us really pick up on the full etenent of what he's talking about. Mr J was a lot clearer, but I also felt that it was a little bit like making a fried egg in the Masterchef final. I could see people going either way, but since I wasn't a big fan of either's storytelling, I'll go with the verse that had a few more elements.

MVGT - Nigma.

[Sovereign]

SOVEREIGN'S VOTE ON BATTLE: Nigma vs Mr. J

Nigma: The rhyming here was good. I had trouble understanding all of your metaphors, but I'm guessing that they weren't meant to be understood. The absurdity of the imagery - how it all felt connected without any clear meaning - gave me a strong "genius on LSD" vibe. Final Score: 14/20

Mr. J: I wasn't a fan of your rhyming, which was fairly short, although the flow was decent. The story here was pretty simplistic/obvious, and while well-written, it wasn't creative or interesting enough to match with your opponent's verse. Final Score: 12/20

Final Thoughts: This was a clash of the styles, but one won this with a more creative story with better execution.

Nigma gets my vote over Mr. J (14 - 12)

[asylum]

Nigma – I enjoyed your first few lines. Most of all, I enjoyed the mechanical progression. Very planned. Perhaps it comes naturally, but either way.. the gradual way you eased into your voice/flow worked well for you with this piece, particularly. I’m not sure why, but this was my favorite bar.
I eye the sky like a pirate with the higher ground and scout horizons
Tilt my neck back, chin up, break down existence and drown in science
Even if it was based on aa slanted assonance, I think that was dope. The next few lines were a little disjointed but hey, what acid trip isn’t. that worked for this verse a lot. I didn’t really feel your conclusion. Perhaps, no limits didn’t rhyme at all. Or maybe.. you thought it was good enough and called it a day. Shit I’ve done it once or twice. Follow through next time.
Mr. j – well. You pretty much just jumped head first into this battle. The effect in this case is gratifying.
Strength via transition is hard to acquire. Well, you have it here, sir.
the senses rush, each thought is filled with hope for blind success
awaiting the end, where I can lay my head & put the mind to rest
rhymes are fucking on point. I like how your scheme switched around.
But your last lines .. that quote was on point.

/v Mr. J – this battle was hard to vote on. I can tell both tried their asses off. you both did very well. Yet, I can’t really put one piece against eachother in their entirety. But the ending.. the oh so important ending, well. J nailed his. Coherence, cohesiveness, follow through if you will.. gave him the /v this day, in my honest and oh so humble opinion.

[YDK]

Vote nigma

I felt his piece had a much cleaner execution and rhyme schemes where as I had trouble reading Mr J's at time because of the slant rhymes not quite working for me personally. Both had dope content and sound mechanics so it really all boiled down to that bit of rhyming and whose read easier for me and that person this week is nigma.
Dope battle guys could still go either way

[sral]

First to go two clear votes up wins it!

[Razah]

Nigma
Enjoyable verse. The rhyme scheme in the beginning was pretty slick. Butt, I kind of lost interest half way through the verse. I like the angle you used for this verse.

Mr. J
the peak became hidden beyond clouds, in this upward battle..

I like lines like that. Simple, but they paint a picture in my mind. Dope. Not a fan of how you ended it though. Really solid start, but towards the end it just wasn't as good.


So, I feel like Nigma had a better verse technically, as far as writing mechanics go, considering Mr. J had the more simply verse. I just had a hard time piecing all of Nigma's verse together, while Mr. J's was much more 'complete' in that regards.

Good battle though. Can go either way, but Im'a vote for:


vMr. J

[sral]

FUCK YOU GUYS FOR MAKING ME BE THE DECIDING VOTE!

Nigma: I loved the rhyme scheme and technical merit this had, the flow towards the latter third of this verse was first and tripped off the tongue (Pun ALWAYS intended) around the the LSD section of the verse. To keep it real, I'm not sure I followed the verse exactly in terms of what you were going for. If there was a plot to this, it was lost on me, though while someone above mentioned how well planned out the verse seemed - I'd say quite the opposite feel was what I got from it, that writing verses of this nature comes very natural to you even with the rhyme scheme and all and just flows from your pen. The technical merit is brilliant, I just feel The substance (sorry, pun again) was lost on me this week.


Mr. J: Great interpretation of the topic to tie it in at the end, I've seen you use that execution before but it works so well done for that. Mechanics wise, this was far below what we're used to seeing from you. The flow was off and on, particularly around that journal section where one part barely even rhymes for me personally and even then you had this whole 3-bar thing going in where the line lengths were entirely too long. It made the flow sloppy, especially after reading Nigmas where it was one of his key points in his favour. Jay had the better storytelling and more tangible concept, Nigma this week has the better flow and mechanics. That's why the votes are split. Neither of you were at full force here, but if I have to vote then it's got to be Nigma solely for him having he more enjoyable read of the two this week. Jay was wayyy off his usual game here for me, Nigma didn't drop his usual ish either but he had just enough to edge it from a technical standpoint considering how belligerent I am on rhyme schemes and whatnot. He's lucky it's me casting a vote though because I could easily have seen Jay snatching this had someone else voted beforehand.

Nigma wins.