Week 15 Contenders: Ullr vs. Rakontur - OPEN FOR VOTES

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 15

Ullr Rakontur

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Topic thread.


Good luck.

[Woke]

Check

[Woke]

http://img06.deviantart.net/260b/i/2015/276/5/9/inside_a_violin_by_borda-d9brbln.jpg






I've been sitting on this stool for as long as I can bare
Passing time by watching dust dance within the glare
The melody is soothing, its reflection ever changes
Every movements subtle placement is precision adjacent
The reflection swings with waning seconds
Devours every hour as it slowly peaks to crescent
The dying of light is objective and I do
Although I love to sleep, shadows cast are stories told
These friends of mine are all I have, so I weep as they leave
Lose sleep ironically, awake to a riling symphony
A pity pat non rhythmic; A storm a brewing kismet
Puddles drain through the cracks
Dancing light's relapsed
I'm awake in the day without a sun to bask
My life within these walls
Forever trapped with stupid loves that I grasp


~ speckled light ~

[Ullr]

I'll be posting once I am able to hop on the PC, I saw in your post you said something to the effect of "Ext granted" and mention tagged me which you have since edited out. I saw that message so I went to sleep and I've got a busy morning but once I'm back home I'll be posting.

Best of luck Rakontur!

[Ullr]

http://img03.deviantart.net/2843/i/2015/260/2/4/escape_by_milanvopalensky-d99voye.jpg

There in the marsh where all was living
he once bathed in the dark and he called it giving
when he paraded with sparks in his heart of wishing
that they'd raise it through art and thus departed on a mission
to share with the world a marsh so sprawling and hidden
So they came from their markets with their wallets all brimming
and paid for their parking but they sought not for swimming.
Instead fences they erected, surrounding it all,
and pumped it with their poison and the hideous sound of the fall;
trees cleared away as a mall was constructed,
the cause: capitalistic commerce and appalling consumption.

Away went the critters as they scattered in fear
Away went the plants that had run rampant for years
and away went the marsh as they swiftly shattered the sphere.
Filled with dirt and liquids cancerous and clear
that permeated the plantlife that'd inhabited here.
Rotting decay, slowly spreads death, all is falling away...
now nothing is left but mud and the cess,
a marsh once living now crushed by abundant excess.

[Vulgar]

Rakontur - My least favorite parts of this were the grammar and the rhyming. I don't see how a short poem that rhymes is a working strategy. If it was longer and the flow had more time to develop, I could see that. Grammar-wise, I'm not really a stickler, but the first line right out of the gate mistakes bare for bear. It threw me off a bit. When the reader is trying to gain insight/establish the narrator's voice and mood, it's difficult when there are minor distractions like that which he has no choice but to acknowledge. Rhyming wise they were just a little simple. I understand you aren't trying to "show off" your rhyming in this medium because it's a poem - however, that was the downside, that you weren't coming with your full skillset due to the different niche. In the topical league, something like this would be four times longer and have heavier strokes. Overall, some good descriptions and individual lines though. I liked the use of 'kismet' which I've never seen before. Not a strong submission - it had supple moments.

Ullr - A clear cut story. Don't know why he'd call bathing in the dark "giving" except for the fact that giving rhymes with living. :) I did enjoy how this one panned out - it didn't leave much food for thought but the meal was well cooked. Were there any available seconds to engorge on? I don't know if I can say yes, since the ending is self explanatory. You did write a proficient piece with stellar rhyme schemes. I'd like to see you delve a bit further into poetic form, just to see you scrape areas you didn't get to while you were in the topical ranks.

Just my opinions, guys. This was a nice battle.

Vote - Ullr

[YDK]

Short vote but I feel ullr won this one with a more fleshed out story.
Negatives-you both rhymed through out and while not necessarily a bad thing I think this entire league needs to get away from the concept of poetry needing to rhyme. Some of the best poems ever written had zero rhymes because that constricts you to use certain words when other words that don't rhyme could paint a much more beautiful picture.
So going more by topical standards this one belongs to ullr for more detail and story

Still a solid battle guys just think about it a bit.

[Frank]

Rakontur wrote a rad poem. I was grooving with the psychedelicness of it all. Some soothing strokes of the pain brush were performed here. I am under the impression you are in fact Adonis? Adonis was infatuated with Red glare. Hence dancing within the glare. I thought the wording was whimsical. It made my brain feel nice and fuzzy when I read it. The last bit "speckled" didn't feel at all tacked on actually, but rather placed perfectly for a mirage like effect. Floating feeling I got from this definitely accentuated my marijuana high. Nice touch.

Ullr.
Really solid writer. Poignant, to the point, precise, well rounded. Embodies each idea and presents it originally. Diverse writer. I liked this, and some of the phrasing like starting 3 sentences with away. Well equipped for 16-24 lines, yet to see anything remotely close to full length. Hopefully he shows, if he hasn't by the time you read this vote.

MVGT Rakontur

The satisfying vibe lingered with me more so to this very point where I had to decide the vote

[Spoken]

Short vote here....

Ullr I liked the simplicity yet the empowermentn u left to feed off the inage along with the lines scribbled to tell a tale. U were precise with the inage and u kept it well rounded.

Rak- idk... I see what these guys are saying about this poem above.. but thats what makes your style you... and the story was clear and straight idk what YDk talking about tbr.

Both had the so called downsides of rhyming but im not one to tear apart what is given. For what it is I like this battle. U guys were short versed yet powerful images used and told but for me the nor polished creativeness standand tthat's rakontur

[UnbornBuddha]

I liked this battle a lot.

Rakontur I felt was more elegant in his prose, but ULLR painted a more encapsulating picture. Rak did have some grammatical impairments, but it didn't interfere with the reading of it, so it's not necessarily too negative of an outcome. ULLR didn't have any apparent flaw, although his wasn't as gripping as Rak with the manipulating of his language, I felt his verbiage was not as enticing, but the implications of what ULLR wrote was.

So this is a tough vote, I liked ULLR's ending more, but I enjoyed Rak's a bit more.

Vote: Rak

(@Vulgar can you add this vote to that battle, you closed it while I was in the midst of voting, thanks)