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View Full Version : GRUDGE MATCH: Witty vs Dearg - WITTY 3-0


sral
10-11-2015, 03:45 AM
AOWL Season V, Week 12


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!


Topic: The taste of freedom renews my search of escape.
Catherine Jenkins
Witty

Dearg
10-11-2015, 03:49 AM
Good luck, three lines sound good?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gajVN8bbEA

Dearg
10-12-2015, 03:34 AM
http://images.art.com/images/products/regular/12209000/12209960.jpg

There once was a witch, protected yet enslaved by a Dragon King,
and since birth she has lived expected to array his rabid dreams.
Turning them into reality, she helped him rule kingdoms and kill sons,
burning millions of casualties; spells so cruel, no freedom just spilled blood.
She wasn't his queen by any means, she was just his weapon of war,
a loveless being like the Dragon King bared too much aggression for warmth.
He lit her family on fire when she was a child and forced her to watch,
this calamity like a choir in her mind, while her scorn burns and plots.
When there's no bodies to torch or gold to steal, what will be her fate?
The ideas are alarming of course, though she kneels as she teeters escape.

Her features are framed across the land, her beauty known far and wide,
some dreamers pray to God for a chance, producing gold by the starlight.
She lingers in a dungeon beyond the clouds, only birds can cater to her heart,
a seeker of love and freedom, denounced; her words are prayers in the dark.
There's layers to her scars, each showing a sign of good in an evil demeanor,
sharp like alligators and sharks with glowing eyes that make people believe her.
If she could escape then she could find a way to finally save this precious planet,
in ball and chain, she can't ever change it's spiraling fate from restless damage.
One day a dove appears, a letter tied to it's leg, though she's cautious to read it,
she overcomes her fear, her mind then stressed to withhold thoughts of freedom.

A prince from the mountains has prepared an army to save the witch,
spirits from eternal fountains, black bears and silver back apes unhinged.
Soldiers with swords made by elves and dwarves swinging war axes,
boulders to storm with arrows and spells, swarms of fairies born placid.
Eagles the size of houses, kings who've lost their people to the Dragon,
beetles, mice and falcons, freed by God just to fair with regal passion.
Their stories so tragic, she cried before she reached the end of the letter,
and maybe glory and magic can find a way to defeat this demon forever!
On a piece of paper, with blood and tears she'd only written two words,
"THANK YOU", as she cuffed it and steered the pigeon through the curse.

Days bleed through as she weeps awaiting a sign of hope,
praying for her dreams to reach that fading light and stroke.
She holds onto the window ready to leap if it doesn't come,
the stones and meadow below, a melody the buzzards sung.
A fairy flails around and announces the war has scattered,
sharing the details, astounded, the witch forms a ladder.
Though as she takes that first step, she begins to think...
"what'll really change with his death, why pretend I'm free?
If he falls, there'll just be another king, and is he any better?
He's wronged me but in a lover's dream, he's my protector!

The witch casts a spell that poisons the prince and his thieves,
the dragon cracks his tail and destroys this resistance with ease.
The dragon asks her for forgiveness and offers her peace,
but after she can answers, he'd swallowed her in one piece.

Her last words were...

"If the taste of freedom renews my search of escape,
then why waste my kingdom, my jewels or desert my fate?"

Witty
10-13-2015, 08:56 PM
Maybe I'm a fantasist, or just a crazy kind of masochist
A lazy mind, always looking for a way to erase the time
A pacifist, war is hard work, love is a walk in the park
I like to light my imagination and get lost in the spark
So I journey to and fro, meeting an abundance of life
One day I'm gay, the next I make love to my wife
Every so often I'm romantic, or poetic to a fault
And one particular journey even led me to assault
I've seen witches and wizards, been kissed in a blizzard
Trained dragons to fly, lived in a land where bliss never withered
I am centuries old, yet young as a bird in a new day
Sometimes my hair is a blue/gray, or I'm wearing a toupe
Or maybe a slicked back look, biker leather from head to toe
At times I'm afraid to be afraid, and at others I let it show
In my world, light and darkness go hand in hand as a duo
I've built my own spaceship and landed on Pluto
Went behind Jupiter's back to take advantage of Juno
Fought, both with weapons, and hand to hand in some judo
I've journeyed the seas, never fleeing from the worst waves
Climbed mountains and searched caves
Freeing overworked slaves
I've sold my soul to satan, at an infernal cost
Lived in never ending summer, and eternal frost
I've seen the sickest of thugs, the most corrupt of police
Visited torn homes in war zones, hearing the thunderous beat
Of forlorn souls, and their bodiless hearts under the streets
I've had a dinner date with God, and I've summoned the beast
Learnt to hold my head up high, and succumbed to the grief
My life is a contrast, the greenest grass and the coldest of ice
I've saved a man from the blade, I've been holding the knife
Learnt to live without money, insisted only gold would suffice
Given willfully to charity, and distorted the price
Once I was an animal, a wolf, just a part of the pack
Then I lost my 9-5, I was discarded and sacked
Never disheartened, in fact, sorrow was never a factor
I've been the soul of a field, stripped bare by a tractor
Often I fall in love, but there's rarely a happy ending
Indulge in reality, then I'm immediately back pretending
I soared in the air like an eagle, and fell to the dirt
Had a sordid affair, lost my love, by hell did it hurt
I've created works of art, admired the world over
Carried the weight of the sun, atop my burned shoulders
Escaping is addiction, stay on it too long and you get hooked
Cuz when this fantasy ends...I'll just move on the next book.

“Each book was a world unto itself, and in it I took refuge.”
― Alberto Manguel, A History of Reading

Mr. J
10-14-2015, 02:08 AM
Dearg, I've come across your work a few times and enjoyed what I've seen
this time around you remind me of the more older style of writing I've come across.
you have a real bulky set up but your flow shines through each line and works
I like your verse because you push it to the limits while executing all these mechanics
towards the 3rd section you shorten your lines down and switch up nicely.
sometimes the transition is the biggest drawback to most writers as the piece progresses
regardless I felt like you grasped onto your topic and put together a dope piece
my only issue is that you may have added a lot of unnecessary filler as well
but the good tends to outweigh the bad for the most part, some nice work

I've seen witches and wizards, been kissed in a blizzard
Trained dragons to fly, lived in a land where bliss never withered
I am centuries old, yet young as a bird in a new day
Sometimes my hair is a blue/gray, or I'm wearing a toupe
Or maybe a slicked back look, biker leather from head to toe
At times I'm afraid to be afraid, and at others I let it show
In my world, light and darkness go hand in hand as a duo
I've built my own spaceship and landed on Pluto
Went behind Jupiter's back to take advantage of Juno
^^^^
You really shine through these lines and you add some dopeness all through
I remember when I first saw you around these parts you were just a itty bitty fox
now here you are all grown up and putting words together and shit, its ridiculous
regardless you have come into your own witness and I really enjoy your verse
I read it again because of the smoothness and the control of your idea choices
when you show you really do...and when you write you impress...nice work brah...

v/this is another difficult battle to vote on, I praise both writers for the amount of work they put in
Dearg brought a different style to this battle and held his own while crafted a dope topic
the overall feel of his verse felt like it was decently thought out before gracing the thread
I admit there were a few lines I could have done without but it doesnt damage his chances here
going to his opponent, the witness, I found myself enjoying everything about this verse
it gives so many perspectives that your verse could have went on forever, I like it...
this is a really close battle even with the difference in styles
ultimately I feel like Im going to have to give this to Witty...
I enjoyed Deargs verse because he went the distance, but Witty brought a more memorable verse
dope battle fellas,




v/Witty

JESODIST
10-14-2015, 03:59 AM
Whats this? One rapping about a picture and the other rapping about his life?
Hard to vote or pick a winner...but Great job both of you

MMLP
10-16-2015, 06:13 AM
Clash of styles imo, upon reading dearg's a second time this was a dope match up! I like the challenge of reading dearg's verse I have to say. I don’t mind flow being sacrificed for storytelling. Although It was dragged out abit in my opinion but was still technically proficient in a rhyming sense.
This part stood out for some reason, I think it just contained everything I like, metaphors, imagery, poetic wording etc.

“There's layers to her scars, each showing a sign of good in an evil demeanor,
sharp like alligators and sharks with glowing eyes that make people believe her.
If she could escape then she could find a way to finally save this precious planet,
in ball and chain, she can't ever change it's spiraling fate from restless damage”

The ending.. It lacked depth and was a bit crazy imo, but it is a fantasy realm you’ve created, so I accepted it for what it was. I like how the quote was fitted in though. A very sweet phrase expressed before the horror of being swallowed lol. A very good verse here.

Witty brought what I expected to the table, I think we had the same objective in mind in our approaches this week, switching the attention of the reader so the outcome is a surprise. It worked on me anyway, I loved the ending, wasn’t sure where it was going up until that point. But it carried me throughout and I stuck by it. The writing was smooth in the first third of the verse but it went off abit after that and felt like you rushed through it, sacrificing scheming for content. Its almost as if you knew how you was gonna portray the ending and was too excited to get to there. With more dedication, this could have been an excellent piece. With that being said, it was more direct, condensed, showed more artistry imo in its approach overall. Im voting Witty for this reason

e11even
10-16-2015, 06:01 PM
Dearg- very cool setup you have here. I liked the idea and execution for the most part. However, I pay attention to diction and word usage and some of this seemed a little clunky or improper in parts, and this seemed accidental. Maybe American English is a second dialect? I'll try not to fault you for it. But one line stuck out for the wrong reasons:
burning millions of casualties; spells so cruel, no freedom just spilled blood.
I just didn't like that line. Burning casualties seemed put the wrong way. I did like the overall premise though. This could have been more concise given the fact that the description that matters in pulling the reader in were not as in depth as I'd have liked. I thought the dragon king was a compelling character, but he was barely developed and I kinda wanted to hear more about his appearance, personality. Overall, like I said, this was a solid read and had some room for improvement. Good job bro.

Witty- wow. You haven't missed the beat since I read your stuff last year. This was a simpler approach to rhyming, but a very thorough approach to subject matter. A lesser writer would come off as painfully redundant, but you managed to keep it interesting and new almost every line. My favorite:
I've been the soul of a field, stripped bare by a tractor
I believe this has been done before, but your version will stick with me for some time. Very consistent and accessible work here. Good job.

You guys both put out good products here. I like both pieces and enjoyed the time I spent reading. In an instance like this, it comes down to execution and one shined brighter in this area. MVGT Witty for a more solidly executed and enjoyable piece. Thank you both for your efforts.