Frank vs Ullr - FRANK 5-0

[sral]

AOWL Season V, Week 12


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!




Topic: It's bad enough to fail when we let go of what we believe, but it's worse when the ideas we've been living by turn out to be wrong.
Richard Bach

[Frank]

Check

[Ullr]

To live in a lie and in it totally wrapped
believing deceit, just a drone, as an ant
a soldier that can't even control where he stands
convinced of his freedom but what he holds in his hands
was never his to own, all was grown of the land
led by the reigns of the throne and its brand
and with it fed they the flames and its smoldering fanned

Twisting the truth within the vision of youth
a mission uncouth toward division and feuds
feeding a system upheld by prisons and fuel
its ligaments spool and trap within them the fool
that knows not his place but lives willing their tool.

Words could not match his wrath nor his rage
if he learned that he's been trapped as a rat in a cage
his captors: The State, while his stature deflates
from fabricated debates he's left exasperated, debased
serving swill and cancer with words so blatantly fake
as he watches Demagogues fight just as Gladiators in plate.
His pain is expressed like a chain in a vest
bleeding from the wound as though a blade through his chest
he stares at the stars as he paces, so stressed
overwhelmed by the reality, he lays at the edge
enraged and possessed mind in frays and distressed
he leaps from on high to the sidewalk below
falling faster and faster to his paved grave and his death.

[Frank]

Topic: "It's bad enough to fail when we let go of what we believe, but it's worse when the ideas we've been living by
turn out to be wrong." - Richard Bach



"Switching Lanes"

The EMT rushed to the frantic scene with their sirens bleeding into their ears: driving nearly deaf
The rush hour traffic cleared - with vehicles veering to the left, and right of them, out of revering respect
The vehicle sped through the intersection jeering: unjarring to the driver whose is a 14 year Vet.
The Star of Life embroidery on his chest
A blue, six-pointed star, which features the rod of Asclepius with a spear on his vest
The smell of burning rubber fills the atmosphere,
as the EMT roll the window up on the searing stench
A Corvette in flames - the bright red color of paint scorches- appearing intense
Severely wrecked: the crowd is held back like a tear from the flesh
The EMS rush out of the Ambulance, all their gear is in check
Oxygen, Valve mask, Medical gloves, Sheers and a Stretcher
- they put the driver on, loading him into the rear -
The Corvette had pulled up to a red light next to a 911 Carerra,
he sneered and he revved
His engine, which roared with twin turbo Methanol fuel - domineering finesse
The wind pierced through the vents, and the hemi-powered engine engineered to flex,
Steered through the cheering of bets
The Veteran Medic tries to calm down the Medic who is a Volunteer on the set
The 911 Carerra handles the wheel debonairingly vexed
The Volunteer performs CPR on the Corvette driver who somehow persevered through this mess
The two race, in high gear - sirens blare as the ambulance interferes -
The Good wheel tire jets until the tread disappears on the cement...
The driver of the 911 Carerra leers over his shoulder -
and his eyes blear from the thresh of metal smearing his flesh
in the 10th of a second
The EMS checks for the Corvette drivers heart rate;
lodging a brace over his weary neck
His charred face
The Veteran Medic leans towards the injured man
who has beer on his breath
The driver murmurs merely' it isn't quite clear what he's said
He hands the EMS his cell phone
with a message
he was sincerely sent
"We're pregnant :)"
The careera is shredded
The Corvette escapes with a veering dent
The driver escapes with his life all because he slows down to type his dearest a text...
Faster
Faster
Faster
Until the thrill for speed overcomes your fear of your death

[Mr. J]

Twisting the truth within the vision of youth
a mission uncouth toward division and feuds
feeding a system upheld by prisons and fuel
its ligaments spool and trap within them the fool
that knows not his place but lives willing their tool.
^^^^
I really wished that you would have kept this scheme going, i thought that was nice
from the moment you first stepped on the scene I figured you'd bring something new
and you didnt disappoint, I thought the concept of your piece was pretty impressive
your flow was nice, and some of the word choices and placement messed with me a bit
but other then that I felt you brought a cohesive piece that worked to your abilities
i kind of wished this was longer but I feel like you pieced it together to fulfill its need
nice work here brah...


Frank,
Its always hard to quote something coming from one of your pieces usually
what it is, is that you choose to use the fully formed story writing aspect of topics
you bring ideas to life that fit the whole concept of what it is that you tend to do
which is, write your ass off. Ive got to say this is one of your more impressive pieces
where a majority of the time you seem to be off the wall or just plain not here
you shake it off and drop a great piece, although I dont like how the beginning of the line got repetitive because I do that a lot and try to steer away from that, you really bring it with a smooth touch...nice work

v/This battle seems unfair on Ullrs behalf due to the amount of work Frank provides
although I feel if Ullr brought more of a bulkier piece this may have been a great battle
Ullr brought some dope ideas and had some interesting aspects going for his use of the topic
the best part being the part I quoted, I feel that had he brought more of a showing it would have been great
but i have to give this to Frank for the all around enjoyment form his verse
nice battle fellas

[Nigma]

Ullr, I've really connected and enjoyed some of your previous verses but I can't say that about this one. I can you the topics influence on your verse however the writing lacked the complete package for me. Imagery was scarce and the plot development felt a bit disjointed. There are times when limited size benefit the overall outcome however I feel you needed to take advantage of the line count to put out an impacting verse (especially against Frank who will shamelessly double the lines of any opponent). This came off as a quick write to me.

Frank, solid quality. Visual and descriptive as usual. I particularly enjoyed how you bounced it back in forth through the timeline. Ending was kinda meh for me, plausibility seems stretched. A few forced rhymes I could complain about, and I will. Steered through a cheering of bets was ugly in an otherwise beautiful section. I think that was it tho tbh. Only other negative was a cohesive connection with the topic. It really didn't have anything to with that quote at all.

Wouldn't be surprised if this was an old verse of Franks or some shit since the topic relation was a gigantic stretch however with a lackluster showing by Ullr I can't vote against it.

+1 Frank

[timeless]

Ullr, OK so I'll be straight up with you like I always am with voting, anywho you basically had everything I hate in one verse. It started off slow and hard on the eyes, then when I thought it was picking up it slowed back down and fell back into a typical topical kill myself from so much struggles in life type of read. Feel me? Your mechanics are good, and I know u can do better than this just not my cup of tea this week my dude. Too bland you need more ideas.

Frank, your mechanics always have bewildered me. Not always a bad thing, depends on how dope the imagery and/or storyline is that you present. This one was gold on both ends. Still waiting to see an epic frank verse this season though. Also not sure about your ending, seemed out of place tbh should've went a different route.

V. Frank for the better material

[e11even]

Ullr- cool piece. Your angle was good, but the ending left a lot to be desired. Your schemes and wording were a cool garnish to aid the overall piece and it was all a cohesive work. My only gripe was that it came off kinda flat, but in an autobiographical sense it was appropriate in every way, as I related deeply to this topic. Good job.

Frank- fuck. You manage to do the incredible whenever you please. The way you write compels the reader. You demand attention and commandeer emotions with the way you stage scenes and enact events. I'm jealous. Your end Rhymes were above average, but not try-hard and the pacing was done pretty well. I liked this one more than your last actual attempt. Good job.

This match was kinda lopsided. I'm not sure if I should feel bad about saying that. I dig Ullr's piece but it didn't have a soul to it the way Frank's did. Both wrote pretty well in their vein so to speak and both had almost spotless displays, but there was a clear winner in the end. MVGT Frank for the overall better piece. Good job to both of you.

[asylum]

ullr - your piece was pretty dope but your hero needed a bit of a background, or perhaps.. more clarity. what he was about, his ideals, some kind of controversy or action. i felt like you were talking about a chill ass dude.. but your assertions weren't inflammatory enough for me to truly get upset about his trials and tribulations. truth be told, you're playing more off emotion than some kind of story line and where i did feel the tone you were trying to set, which you pulled off well... i didn't really pick up on any solid story/theme I can give you the nod for.


frank - well. i think these were my favorite lines..
he sneered and he revved
His engine, which roared with twin turbo Methanol fuel - domineering finesse
i enjoyed the delayed assonance and this point was pivotal in transition, cleanly executed. you jumped around with syllable count afterward, and it had an excellent effect on your flow. sick ass piece, bro. truth be told, i think your body was a little bit stronger than your conclusion. take it how you will, i'm probably right. but i am not one to doubt artistic allowance, and in the end..

/mvgt frank. i enjoyed his presentation more. his piece, overall, was stronger in my opinion.