LULZ AND TEARS EPISODE 1: PILOT

[veritas]

LULZ & TEARS

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME. This is Lulz and Tears. The web's first textual reality show. As always, we are staying far ahead of the curve, and leading the masses into the future with innovation and originality.

Speaking of innovation and originality, my name is VERITAS THE INVINCIBLE the creator of this show.

The purpose of this show is simple. Our contestants will meet each week and engage in a contest of which will push their psychological boundaries. There actions (or lack of actions) will be judged by our all star panel of judges.

lets meet our judges!


DIODE

a man amongst men if ever there was any. This man not only has a boat, and a higher tax bracket, but also an ego that wines and dines on filet mignon by it's self while listening to smooth jazz in his basement gym. That is not depressing. That is awesome. The point is, Diode knows how the world works....he will measure whether you do.

Cheyeahh!

you don't have to be elenin to know that Cheyeahh has some of the best judgement on this site. Contestants will be pitted against his perceptions of the world and will most likely not survive.

Knucklehead

The ginger judge who wears bathrobes and drinks warm milk. McPoyle swagging all over the contestants who falter. Knucklehead has made a career of telling people how great he is at, and yet.....and yet......You get the idea. He won't be easy to please.


AND NOW LETS MEET THE CONTESTANTS

BAGS

the crowd favorite to lose. Not only does he seldom delve into his psyche, but he actively resists it. He has attempted to bully nearly everyone, Alliances will be slim for him...unless....

HUSH

the same as bags, although a little worse. He is more of a fuckboy and lives with his mom. he also perpetuates phony swagger as a 1990's latino drug dealer. aka mom's place....I mean Scarface. He does possess poignant villiany however, and that may aid him in the episodes to come.

BADWEATHER

this is the dark horse, and not because he is black. We don't care about that. IF the Phil that we know shows up...He is money. If the Phil who parties with Geno while wearing faggit hats shows up..he won't make it.

UH-OH

A savage. He is the favorite to win this, mostly due to being honest about his failings and having no shame.

FRANK

Here is a man who acted like a broad online while talking to dudes. His psyche is busted....yet strong. Keep your eyes on him.

LARS

The president. He has the swagger of a coke head, but thats cool, because he JUST REALLY LIKES TEXT BATTLES!@!! I believe his ability to stomach gross violations of mankind will aid him in this contest. look for big things from him.


AMEN

a newcomer...not much is known.

[veritas]

PILOT

GAME ONE: HONESTY



DIRECTIONS


THE CONTESTANTS WALK INTO A ROOM WITH POLAROID PICTURES HANGING ALL OVER THE WALL. UPON CLOSER INSPECTION, THEY SOON REALIZE THAT THROUGH THE POWER OF IMAGINATION THEY ARE SEEING SNAP SHOTS INTO THE VARIOUS TRAUMAS THAT THEY ALL EXPERIENCED AS CHILDREN.

YOUR DIRECTIONS: EXPLAIN THE SNAP SHOT. WHICH PARTICIPANT IS IT. WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE IT WHICH LED UP TO THE TRAUMA. THEN, MOST IMPORTANLY, HOW DID THAT TRAUMA EFFECT THE REST OF THEIR LIFE....AND USE REASON AND LOGIC AND PSYCH POWERS TO JUSTIFY YOUR CONCLUSIONS.


THE JUDGES WILL JUDGE EACH STORY.....THE WORST ATTEMPT WILL BE ELIMINATED.

IF YOU NO SHOW YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED, AND YOU WILL NOT BE A MAN.

YOU HAVE UNTIL SUNDAY NIGHT. THAT IS PLENTY OF TIME.

START THINKING.

AND WELCOME TO LOLZ AND TEARS.

[Ghost1]

Lol lulz delivered

An uh oh couldn't even win the dirt person olympics....favorite my ass

[Witty]

I'm disappointed to not be in this.

[Greed]

This is interesting.

[sral]

lmao so just to confirm, I write about one of the other guys failings, or my own?

[Diode]

lmao so just to confirm, I write about one of the other guys failings, or my own?

either.

[Hush]

Ok this seems wack
Ima just do a video explaining why bags is bags

[veritas]

As predicted hush's fuckboy nature emerged.



Fear not hush stick with it. We will approve a video.

[~RustyGunZ~]

try harder

[Ghost1]

I'll see ur vid....an match it.

[sral]

Frank crawled into the dark room, too young to really distinguish what it was he was seeing. As the sepia toned Polaroid photograph came into focus, he could see his Father for the first time in years. I use the term father in the loosest sense. Sure, he had sired the reclusive textcee we now know, but he was far from the role model Frank needed. His memory failed him where his dad was concerned. There was a vast black space where his love should have been. It made Frank inconsolable with rage to know his love was unreciprocated. That he was ignored. Unloved. Unwanted. Franks father had left the family in New York many years before, leaving behind only shaven ginger pubic hairs on the sink basin and his torn army camouflaged jacket. The same jacket Frank had worn in his NC pic. The flame haired beard Frank rocked a constant reminder of his firecrotch he was spawned from. Franks only memoirs of days gone by before his father left. Why did he leave? The same reason anyone ever leaves. For more. For better. For opportunity. Franks father wanted to find himself, or herself as it turned out intact... Franks father was a transvestite calling himself Francine down at the Tuck and Sing gay karaoke bar downtown. It was here under the technicolor lights of the discotheque he found himself, or her herself, to be precise. With his testicles tucked safely between his legs, Francine sang to his hearts content at a pitch even Pavarotti would struggle with. Even more so now he's buried six feet deep. But alas, in realising his/her dream Francine had a new lease on life. A reason to sing. A reason to be. A reason to believe. "I'll be leaving now," Francine told his wife, dressed like a human glitterball caught in the strobe lights, dazzling head to toe with his suitcase at his feet - trapped between his legs much like his tiny cock and balls. It was the right thing to do. For Frank, for his mother Frances, and for his father Francine. What use is the man of the house if that same man is a woman at heart (one with hairy breasts, at that) This was his moment. Francines departure clearly affected Frank as he grew older and longer, much like the Oompa Loompa coloured armpit hair he had inherited. It wasn't until he found The Lime that young Frank's afflictions really began to show, though, bubbling beneath the surface like his spreading acne majorca. Frank assumed a feminine persona, following in the crossdressing high-heeled footsteps his dad had carefully taken years before. Frank was now "Cherry" - the colour of the chapstick sang about in his fathers favourite Katy Perry song. The same song his father had entertained the regular incumbents of the Tuck and Sing karaoke bar with. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you... FRANK!

[Rawn MD]

...and the new favorite...

[Meth]

Look who just flew in on a helicopter piloted by missle weilding dolphins

[Diode]

...and the new favorite...

walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release

[Hush]

...and the new favorite...

Take my spot yo

[Ghost1]

walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release

Gone

[Diode]

Gone

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--88BezYje--/1485598659284007341.gif

[veritas]

Take my spot yo

NO.

YOU ARE IN.

YOU WILL SEE THIS THROUGH TO IT'S FRUITION.

[veritas]

walks out of county right to the nearest library, pulls pants down, takes irrelevant shit in thread, leaves, gets arrested again, slips human sized handcuffs, wakes up hogtied on beach with a leafblower in his mouth and a gardening shovel in his ass, sentenced to five years for indecent exposure and crimes against humanity incl. sexual assault of baby hands

ncs continues on til next release



WHAT ACTION! DIODE COMES OUT SWINGING. JUDGEMENT!

[~RustyGunZ~]

Your description of me was dissapointing

I don't drink milk cold let alone warm. I'm of higher class than you. Please don't project your dirt theories on me.

[Diode]

Your description of me was dissapointing

I don't drink milk cold let alone warm. I'm of higher class than you. Please don't project your dirt theories on me.

playing right into the trap tbh

[~RustyGunZ~]

playing right into the trap tbh

Veritas has never defeated me with his online phd

I'll be okay friend

[veritas]

Veritas has never defeated me with his online phd

I'll be okay friend

Yes yes ladies and gentlemen! Here we see the second judge coming on the scene!

With one contestant already entered, and another already too much of a fuck boy to hang, day one is sure heating up!

Stay tuned!

[Nameflip]

This was cool, real cool

[uh-oh]

i guess i am supposed to know about your guys lives huh? i'll get to this later tonight

as i see it i'm supposed to walk into a room and see polaroids depicting a traumatic moment in each contestents lives that have shaped them and describe it?

[veritas]

i guess i am supposed to know about your guys lives huh? i'll get to this later tonight

as i see it i'm supposed to walk into a room and see polaroids depicting a traumatic moment in each contestents lives that have shaped them and describe it?

The fan favorite arrives! the crowd cheers! the cameras smile!

Good question Jim, You are required to choose one picture. you will tell us which participant it is and what is happening in the picture. you will also tell us what led up to that moment, and most importantly, how that moment has effected their lives even up to the present.

[Greed]

I profile people like this daily.

This should continue.

[~RustyGunZ~]

I profile people like this daily.

This should continue.

Calm down rawn Jr

No one here is believing you're a real life criminal minds expert or any type of shit

[Greed]

Dont be an idiot.

Its not hard to get a read on someone knowing their personality and their background.

To not be able to do this you dont know yourself.

Boarding habits alone can give you a good idea of how people are irl.

[~RustyGunZ~]

Frank crawled into the dark room, too young to really distinguish what it was he was seeing. As the sepia toned Polaroid photograph came into focus, he could see his Father for the first time in years. I use the term father in the loosest sense. Sure, he had sired the reclusive textcee we now know, but he was far from the role model Frank needed. His memory failed him where his dad was concerned. There was a vast black space where his love should have been. It made Frank inconsolable with rage to know his love was unreciprocated. That he was ignored. Unloved. Unwanted. Franks father had left the family in New York many years before, leaving behind only shaven ginger pubic hairs on the sink basin and his torn army camouflaged jacket. The same jacket Frank had worn in his NC pic. The flame haired beard Frank rocked a constant reminder of his firecrotch he was spawned from. Franks only memoirs of days gone by before his father left. Why did he leave? The same reason anyone ever leaves. For more. For better. For opportunity. Franks father wanted to find himself, or herself as it turned out intact... Franks father was a transvestite calling himself Francine down at the Tuck and Sing gay karaoke bar downtown. It was here under the technicolor lights of the discotheque he found himself, or her herself, to be precise. With his testicles tucked safely between his legs, Francine sang to his hearts content at a pitch even Pavarotti would struggle with. Even more so now he's buried six feet deep. But alas, in realising his/her dream Francine had a new lease on life. A reason to sing. A reason to be. A reason to believe. "I'll be leaving now," Francine told his wife, dressed like a human glitterball caught in the strobe lights, dazzling head to toe with his suitcase at his feet - trapped between his legs much like his tiny cock and balls. It was the right thing to do. For Frank, for his mother Frances, and for his father Francine. What use is the man of the house if that same man is a woman at heart (one with hairy breasts, at that) This was his moment. Francines departure clearly affected Frank as he grew older and longer, much like the Oompa Loompa coloured armpit hair he had inherited. It wasn't until he found The Lime that young Frank's afflictions really began to show, though, bubbling beneath the surface like his spreading acne majorca. Frank assumed a feminine persona, following in the crossdressing high-heeled footsteps his dad had carefully taken years before. Frank was now "Cherry" - the colour of the chapstick sang about in his fathers favourite Katy Perry song. The same song his father had entertained the regular incumbents of the Tuck and Sing karaoke bar with. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you... FRANK!

This was fantastic

9/10

It was a perfect piece, but I have to dock you a point for staying in your comfort zone of attacking weak peers. I'd like to see you focus on yourself and show some vulnerability next challenge.

[veritas]

This was fantastic

9/10

It was a perfect piece, but I have to dock you a point for staying in your comfort zone of attacking weak peers. I'd like to see you focus on yourself and show some vulnerability next challenge.

WOW! AND THERE WE HAVE IT VIEWERS! JUDGE KNUCKLEHEAD COMES FORTH WITH THE EDICT! LARS THE BRITISH PERV HAS GARNERED AN EXCELLENT SCORE FROM THE FIRST JUDGE! WILL THE OTHER TWO JUDGES RECIPROCATE!?

STAY TUNED FAM

[Chill Phil]

this is gonna be super fun...as soon as i get home and get good and drunk, i will print a 3-d image on your minds

[Rawn MD]

Diode still mad about my old namix comments

[Diode]

Diode still mad about my old namix comments
oh you're still here

lemee update the counter

NCS DAYS WITHOUT ARREST: 2

[Ghost1]

Lol rawn updates his nc pic w mugshots

[anime_boners]

briefly skimmed OP

not interested BUT

I read "lulz and tears" to the tune of "boats n hoes" from Step Brothers, and I want someone to make that theme song to this lil event

[Chyeahhh!!!]

the fluck is happening in here?

my name is Daniel meaning god is my judge.

I shall now be yours:

Lars you picked on Frank. That shit was comedy. But you still picked on Frank. If you wrote that verse in a house of mirrors all the reflections would indicate a thumbs down. I would have liked to have seen what you said about one of the other contestants..Hush in particular. Next time do him.

When I read it I pictured the Care Bears opening segment for some reason. Shit was wordy but poignant....dammit now you got me wordy. Fluck outta here b. I really didn't like your shit but I liked your shit though. Entertaining whilte creative and poetic yet expletive mannerisms into his character and family........you picked on Frank. It was expected almost. The safe attack.

6/10

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

Will get at this later

should be interesting

[~RustyGunZ~]

Even banned he still crawls back

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

yup

forgot I had this account

figured I pop in an ruin bags day

[anime_boners]

did this person actually type that name in and intentionally log into that account?

I'm saying this as a dude named anime boners

[Glossy Finish Dick Lips]

DIODE changed the name to this lol

[Diode]

DIODE changed the name to this lol

this is your true form

own it, gloss

[anime_boners]

I get that. You had your name changed to an insulting one, and continue to type said insult in to the site to log in and receive abuse like some sort of nerd rapping cuckold. not a good look. why not make a new account?

[Ghost1]

I forgot I had this 47 letter username about sucking cocks

Oops I logged in accidentally

What a life

[veritas]

THE DRAMA! THE MYSTIQUE! WHAT OTHER SORT OF FIREWORKS CAN WE EXPECT?

THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST NIGHT AND ALREADY THE FIREWORKS !!


STAY TUNED FAM!

THE OTHER PARTICIPANTS WILL BE POSTING!

[Diode]

I forgot I had this 47 letter username about sucking cocks


http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--zK-SmYnO--/1487039389172381220.gif

[Chill Phil]

MY DRUNKEN ENTRY:

i'll preface this by saying...veritas is tactical in conjuring this plan. even down to the title.

to recruit willing participants to obligate themselves into unknowingly belittle themselves or each other, which could possibly create more drama down the road, and then title it lulz and tears is....genius

Amen…a tiger of a man. However…in the beginning, none of us are good at anything we've never done before. Tying our shoes for the first time. Having the lung strength to blow a balloon to it's full potential, for the first time. Even properly expressing how we feel…gets lost in the translation of trying to communicate in a language we've only JUST learned to speak

A worn polaroid hangs just above the bottom of the window sill. The walls of the room are a soft pale yellow, a neutral color. However, the moisture from the air outside exposes how shy this particular photograph is. The corners curl towards the center, as if secluding itself from all outside influence….

Regardless, in the center of this polaroid is a very young, and very new child. Amen. It's his second birthday, and as the aforementioned weakness of lung capacity, is a still photograph of a smooth faced two year old with a birthday hat, two lit candles, and what appears to be a moment of tantrum immortalized….for what may only last 30 more years.


The moment itself wasn't traumatic. Ever since he could remember, Amen was "too little," to do just about…everything. It was a moment, visceral in nature, to attempt to do something he wasn't sure he could do….for the first time.


Blowing out Birthday candles.

Smirking older cousins, smiling aunts, and even a father that was more sober than usual was there to witness meltdown shrouded in anger. HONESTY. Honesty. honesty. Honestly, adversity…hardships, and even trolls he'd heard about in story books proved to be a new challenge he could NEVER best.

A fire that feeds itself. To KNOW you can't triumph over something NEW. The person, that has grown to lash out at everything unfamiliar…everything that poses a new, and unforeseen threat immediately rewinds him back to that fateful birthday.


His mother will tell the story with tears of laughter in her eyes. He spit on the cake, and ruined it for everyone. But much like today…everyone present circumvents every portion of the cake he's tainted, and we enjoy what we can, in spite of how unsatisfying the cake as a whole has become


Gentlemen…Amen is ruining the internet. The cake in which all of us surround for just a slice of mouthwatering satisfaction. This is no fault of his own…even though, it really is. But hey...he's doing it for the first time.

A natural reaction he has yet to realize...ruins it for everyone

[veritas]

i'll preface this by saying...veritas is tactical in conjuring this plan. even down to the title.

to recruit willing participants to obligate themselves into unknowingly belittle themselves or each other, which could possibly create more drama down the road, and then title it lulz and tears is....genius



http://tng.trekcore.com/hd/albums/1x05/thelastoutpost_hd_181.jpg