Week 15 Contenders: (4-3) Asylum vs. (2-0) The Law - LAW 4-1

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 15


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic:"I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens"


G/Luck


asylum The Law

[asylum]

check

[The Law]

check.

[asylum]

It gets lonely for a traveler of my kind,
walking the lines of time and space like a tightrope,
with my scope on each corner and throat that’s opened after warp,
there’s the less desired moments of course. Dry runs and scattered corpses,
another paycheck taken by illegal aliens from Galaxy Six,
their challenging grip a malice that sits on my mind like an imbalance’s gift.
Our talons can slit holes in enemy spaceships, exposing where our prey sits,
cute little juicy meatballs badly in need of DNA facelifts..
our patience dwindled after six uneventful attempts at intervention,
when the humanoids ascension to our heights was never thought possible.
My body feeds off star light and sees black holes as mere obstacles,
yet here we are. Embroiled in a battle over the Andromeda formation.
Their plan to form a force capable of deployment against our supposed home base in,
a preserved state of our natural homeostasis,
discovered in deep space on a day in 2015.. if I remembered the history right,
the rest of my life started as the Chief Imperial Guard on my matrimonial night..
Their satellite impacted right next to the sacrificial pit, where the Goddesses weep,
awakening knowledge from the deepest confines of astrology’s reach,
it blessed our union with an homage to creed,
a sarcastic way of saying what the blind eye can’t see is always discreet,
we tracked the trajectory astonished to see, the lost race we’d abolished could leap,
across wormholes to our promise land, where I took my stand.
I spread my wings wide and dove into the dark night,
hoping my bride would survive this larp fight..

[The Law]

For years your sick body has just been a passerby
But my child... it's time to enter the void and go into the afterlife

"Why did you kill me, the doctor said my time hasn't concluded,
Yet, you showed up and skipped me to the conclusion"

For centuries these humans believed I was creating the havoc and
when a heart stops beating that I was the catalyst
but a life that hasn't expired results in me being abstinent
They don't realize I only sever the souls after their accidents.
Because I've seen it before, i've seen murders so brutal and vicious
So gruesome and wicked, you'll be tossing your salad and noodles in minutes
and the cancer patients like you, the hope in their families eyes
The streaming tears of grief and sorrow when they've reached their demise
The car accidents, The decapitations, The bleeding out from abortions
I've seen a child fall off the swing and crack a rib that punctured his organs.
I've seen so much destruction, so much hate above the wars
It sickens my spirits to see such blood and gore.
Think of me as the peace bringer cause there is no heaven or hell
I swing my psychopomp, detach the silver cord, and you enter my realm.
You see, I'm not afraid of death, in the land of the living it's balance
Hell I am death, I just don't want to be there when it happens!!

[sral]

BUMP!

[Nigma]

sy, cool little passage of thought. i cant recall any sections i dislike but fondly remember this bar

"Their satellite impacted right next to the sacrificial pit, where the Goddesses weep,
awakening knowledge from the deepest confines of astrology’s reach"

that was sick. last quarter of the verse was my favorite and i really enjoyed the intelligence of your closing line.


Law, interesting opener. it had me thinking the whole thing was about abortion in particular until a quarter the way through the verse. nicely written throughout, lots of slick enjoyable one liners. the salad and noodles line was worded nicely. 'detach the silver cord' was turbo, a very nice concept in general.



both were very consistent, two awesome verses. i feel law had more high points and a better angle at the topic.

+1 Law

[e11even]

asylum- LOL. Larping. Really? I had no idea though, which is the best part. Your rhyming was unorthodox and inconsistent. I think if you made it more of a constant style, it would come off easier on the reader's eye. The story was cool. I was hungry for more fantastic details. This was cool to see inside a colorful imagination like yours. I hope you tap into weird shit like this more often. Good Job.

law- I'm not sure who the voice is, but I like how you went about this piece. The rhyming wording and structure was solid if not better than that, and your finish didn't seem forced for the sake of the topic (as it would usually come off). I must say, you pulled this off pretty with some lines kept me engaged. Dope.

I like both of these pieces. I think content was abundant in both drops and effort in angle was apparent. The difference came down to smaller aspects such as schemes and flow, in which one writer shined more here IMO. MVGT Law for the overall better verse.

[UnbornBuddha]

Asylum: The rhyming threw me off in the beginning, but I'm not a stickler for keeping a traditional approach, so I can look pass it, if the approach pays off. I wasn't a fan of 1/4 of the verse, particularly the beginning, felt like you were a lost traveler trying find his way. Midway through the verse, it became much more powerful in the images and the way you manipulated your language. The content itself was very Star treky, and I've never watched any of that Star Wars or Star Trek sagas, a bore-fest for me, even though I love space! But, yours wasn't boring, just wanted to go on a personal tangent. The story itself was cool and like I said it unraveled itself better as your mind untangled from its conceptual coitus into physical neuronal action. I think the organization of the material and your thoughts in the beginning would have made a much more cohesive piece. On a another note, I did think you were more creative than your opponent's.

Law: You had to take that angle, didn't you? it's not a bad angle, I mean you did it exceptionally well, even if that concept itself isn't very innovative. It lacks the juice that really delves you into pondering mode, which I like to go on when I read. The flow here was more stronger than your opponent and thus led for a smoother read. You finished with another predictable method, one where humor or metaphorical satire tries to contrast all the morbidity that happened before it. Nevertheless, the writing itself was very poignant and carved into the reader's mind what you intended. And because of that I felt that your intention got you this battle.

Vote: The Law

[timeless]

Asylum threw me off here. Such a weird verse. Idk if you were trying to be comedic but it just came off weird to me lol. Felt it ended too suddenly, like u lost the drive and just settled with what you had. Law also with a strange read. I felt yours came more complete than your opponents however you were outmatched when it came to mechanics.

For a more enjoyable read and the better written...

V. Asylum

[MMLP]

Asy - this was alright, flow was choppy, rhymes were good. U stuck with the story throughout, i like your interpretation of the quote(topic). the idea of a man/ alien potentially overseeing his true love's death was cool and in an intergalactic... universe as well LOL. Good job!

Law - this is good as well. "brutal and vicious. So gruesome and wicked" was dope then noodles in minutes hahahaha, same level as Asy from a technical standpoint. The piece come together nicely at the end. Im STILL relatively new and i know that concept wasnt innovative but it was twist that i just didnt click onto til i read the end so u got me there.

Your both contenders for a reason, Quality match up. This was a close call in truth and my vote is based on only one reason. How satisfied the ending left me.

Law wins based solely on that

[Adonis]

4-1 LA

Congrats on the final in-season title bout