Week 15: (9-4) Godcomplex vs. (8-4) Mr. J - GC 5-0

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 15


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic:"One day, your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching"


G/Luck

Mr. J Godcomplex

[UnbornBuddha]

Death is certain for one of us.

[Mr. J]

Godcomplex pm'd me and said he isn't going to show...










but he wants a 72 hr ext due to IBS

[UnbornBuddha]

Al Hallaj’s eyes flashed open, revealing omnipotence
His body dangled making him seem ill and impotent.
The Muslim orthodoxy branded him a heretic,
The same way we brand them as terrorists.
Al Hallaj was being sentenced for heretical remarks,
Seemingly angelical in thought;
Proclaiming to measure with the mythical God.
Most religious powers view the creator as an ethical farce,
An epical force, spectacle horse, used to steer the vox populi.
After all, what is faith but luck randomized?

The martyrdom of this man was a sight to behold!
It was like he held absolutely no fright in his bones
Particularly, when his limbs began to be mutilated;
He smiled, recognizing the formless human cages
Bonding his executioners in a wormhole bloomed from hatred
Consuming them, until their periphery essence oozes stasis.
The hue of Hades comes next & it's acutely fatal like a nuclear agent.

The cloak of oneness achieved by giving up soul and conscious
Eclipsing into oblivion every concept, thus knowing nothing.
The shadow that follows us is our God complex, a holy process
That inspires and guides a poet's knowledge.
Consider how much Rumi is quoted often.
As his torturers hacked and cut, the Sufi fell in a trance of drunks
He began to laugh amongst those who nailed him to that cross;
They assumed he was demented from the septic blood loss.
A manifest divine incarnate, who rejected their laws,
Rotten branches made to venerate Allah.
Accepting he was realized and completely unified with the Truth of Life
Meant an end to the empire’s spew of lies.
For even though, he was hanging... you were the one being crucified!

Yet, in such a pathetic state, only meant for pain;
He was still able to summon the realm of faith,
The abandonment ascetics crave is still feeding their selfish ways.
The mystic knew this & didn’t conceptualize between him and thy
To him, the only I that existed was thine.
He completely forgot himself in an ecstatic Shath
The bliss struck his nervous system like a static shock.
Right before he died, he muttered “I am the eternal truth
The universe before you… bond God into servitude
So, when a demon turns to you for help,
Offer him the opportunity to worship you
Relinquishing the structural distance between the Earth and moon”
Celestial clusters returned back to the primordial soup
Their bodies’ separation was the first cursed wound.
I, Al Hallaj, proclaim the end of my search for you, the divine corpus rebuked.
Let me perish,
And finally purge this disorderly mood; I’ve dumped my corpse, see you soon.

[Mr. J]

There is an emptiness inside that can only be filled by action
as the moments passing.. chances are.. even YOU will get trapped in
our setting is an attraction.. something to be welcomed with passion
Silence falls over the building. A voice echoes.. What happened?

Thoughts overwhelm the mind..
the lengths in breath begin to shorten
we all have this feeling sometimes
for a moment THIS is whats important

We stared in silence, forcing a smile & a wave goodbye
from this point on there is nothing else to say tonight..
The door creaks open & a smile shines among the darkness
a sudden paralysis overpowers the body...The artist
is most known for their ability to form something from nothing

words that fall on deaf ears of what we are becoming...







well since the other battles are closing......here

[Nigma]

godcomp, enjoyed the spiritual aspect of the verse. you are one to weave in very interested terminology and references naturally into your work. especially taking the topic into consideration i really enjoyed your 'strong minded is completeness' angle. solid verse

J, at the very most this was interesting insight to your writing process. what you had definitely required more comparisons and direction to be properly cohesive with the topic but it was a valiant attempt to get something down

+1 godcomp

[e11even]

Godcomplex- Very interesting piece here. I fell deep into this story and your numerous descriptions throughout. Your vocabulary seems pretty damn decent, but the flow was a lil unorthodox for me in parts. The rhyming was a little jumpy and seemed unorganized. My guess is it wasn't the focus, or maybe you substituted words that sounded better aesthetically, but not vocally. Overall good job bro.

mr.j- you should have finished this. with your concrete rhyme schemes and solid approach, this could have contended nicely, but fell short due to lack of effort. I think i would've like where this was going, but I guess I'll never know. Thanks for at least showing though.

Here we have complete and good versus incomplete with potential. I believe if J's heart was in it he could have put numbers on the board, but in this case MVGT Godcomplex. Thank you both for showing.

[asylum]

Godcomplex – this is an epic piece bro. really, truly sick. Definitely enjoyed it, you’re a great storyteller. Second stanza was a little flowery for me, not enough action, I think describing the emotion of it was an interesting approach tho, so.. well, kudos anyways. I guess I’m a sicko and wanted something more gruesome from death scene. Your third stanza flowed very well. You have a knack for utilizing line breaks in your pieces, recently many have tried and failed. You nailed it here. This bar was strong.
Yet, in such a pathetic state, only meant for pain;
He was still able to summon the realm of faith,
Great intro to your final stanza. Really great mood setter. Flow worked well and your mechanics signaled the piece coming to a close. Another mark of a skilled author. Thanks for the read this week bro. I really enjoyed this piece. I think you use simile as a crutch and it takes away from your content sometimes, but other than that I have no constructive criticism. I really did enjoy this piece. Thank you.

Mr. J – I called this with my prediction! Haha. I am fucking madame cleo in this bitch. Hope you pull yourself up and dust your shoulders off for the playoffs bruv. Looking forward to you in your true form. Favorite lines..
The door creaks open & a smile shines among the darkness
a sudden paralysis overpowers the body...The artist
is most known for their ability to form something from nothing

I really enjoyed that little morsel of insight. Thanks for allowing me to give Buddha some feedback. Even with a noshow verse you still flossed with some great mechanics and a bone thrown to your fellow authors. Kudos.

+1 GC

[The Law]

Godcomplex - Really amazing piece man. Really great approach and story. The progression and transitions were written very well. Flowed well except for a bar or two that put a hiccup in it, nice word placement and a perfect complexity to the writing. High above simplistic but at a point where it isn't overwhelming either. I really have to say this had accurate and great references towards the muslim religion. Found myself learning a thing or two as well by looking up some stuff after I read your verse. Real great work this week. One of the better, if not best (most complete) verse i have read this week so far.

Mr. J - Cool little verse. Had great flow and rhyme scheme. It was short and compact but did well with the topic at hand. However, I couldn't help to feel that it ended so quickly and I felt like there was just something missing there. Gotta say I really liked this bar though,
"The door creaks open & a smile shines among the darkness
a sudden paralysis overpowers the body...The artist"
^ Example of using some simplicity to really paint the perfect picture. Outstanding use of imagery right there.

MVGT: Godcomplex - As I already said I felt this was one of if not the best verse I have read this week so far regarding the battles. So going into it after I read his verse it was going to be hard to beat from the get go. From what Mr. J had written I thought he did a damn good job, however, it just fell short and left myself as a reader feeling like something else needed to be in there to make it go.

[Exis]

Ahh...

Vote - Godcomplex....for better everythin', I'll be happy to break things down but the end result ain't gonna change.

Stay upwards.

[Adonis]

GC 5-0