Week 15: (3-10) 2tripple0 vs. (1-1) Exis - EXIS 4-0

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 15


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic:"I know this sounds insane, but this is an insane world"


G/Luck

Exis 2tripple0

[2tripple0]

here I am

[Exis]

Czech.

[Exis]

Ayo

I'll take on Isil myself,
a one man army against a whole organised nation that isn't fightin' for wealth
dominatin' thru power's the priority over lives needin' help
I'll snatch that pistol your graspin'
and use it to whip you
you bastard
until your disfigured
all bashed in
until that lisp on your accent
turns into a different language
I feel it's insane that your battlin' me
I'll bitch swipe you to hell at an immaculate speed
via the finest hands in this bizness dealt on the wackest emcee
I believe it's not sane when I is happy to speak
straight up chat with my queen
when I'm as sad as can be
bitch is chillin' with another man while this nigga's waitin' for thee
insane is me prayin' for change,
when my boo is gettin' sprayed in the face
while she is placed on her knees
in a non graceful like way as she done takes it with ease
I'll blitz the administration
distantly piss on whoever's hatin'
weather you in spic land or India
I'll shit on you from Australasia
spit in the face of every politician that continually promises changes
gets elected
then never rectifies mistakes when it's only problems we're facin'
shit be more than deranged
goin' 'round in a circle is this,
I'm morbid
I'm strange
insane is the world that exists,
the times we live in are brutal until this earth doesn't spin.

[2tripple0]

"I know this sounds insane. But this is an insane world."

Thoughtless nonsense keeps me awake at night
like the way black slaves used to run north from the whites
Im trying to find out the meaning of this rhyme
and if this was a newspaper it would be the New York Times
Im like global warming way I got the world melting like ice
and this a gameshow way I got all the answers like the price is right
and if you look at the sun directly too long you will go blind
but just like jesus Christ im performing miracles
and this is a perfect circle so im spittin like I was at the round table
ive got to figure out what im looking for inside this verse
and everyone welcome around here like it was a church
im not religious or nothing but most of life speaks for itself
like I was jon the baptist consider yourself blessed
yeah you go to the corner but only to get the bus
and just like an active volcanoe im about to erupt
im spitting so many facts theres nothing like my knowledge
ill rip out the roots and like the operator im calling collect
and its funny cell phones only been around since the nineties
companies taking advantage of their power lately in societies
a million dollars isn't what it used to be on this planet
im like a special guest on a talk show you can call me candid

[sral]

BUMP!

[Nigma]

Exis, plenty of cool one liners and images, the verse as a whole had a slightly disconnected feel to it, lacked progression as a whole. Mechanically sound, a few awkwardly worded bits in there, 'I is' stands out to me :P. Even though portions read like a hype piece it was still enjoyable, just not as tangibly relatable or engrossing as something with a story driven progression.

2trip, your tone and vibe had a more storylike atmosphere but still lacked a piece of action, a scene in progress, something captivatingly interesting for me to grasp onto and enjoy. i feel like a method you could try is the write the last line of your verse first. make it something thought provoking, a good play on words with a deep bit of thought invested, and then write the rest of your verse building up to it, cause then you'd have something to work towards typa thing.

more consistently on topic by 2trip this time but he matched his opponents disconnectedness, and did so, in my opinion, with less consistent quality lines.

+1 Exis

[The Law]

Exis - Started off slow, and then it began to pick up a nice rhythm while reading it. It was pretty smooth throughout. I thought it could have been a bit more story entailed with the approach that you took. Also felt on some of the lines that you were going for imagery they could have been displayed a bit more vividly to paint the pictures. Overall it was a decent drop and related to the quote. Just felt like something else was missing to really push the verse over the edge.

Triple - Pretty much the same critiques as Exis in a sense. I thought something was missing from the story aspect. This didn't feel to me as it really had a beginning or an end. You just started it in the middle, and it felt like it ended abruptly. It wasn't the smoothest of reads either. I think the one word rhymes have a large factor in the flow of your verse. It's one thing I noticed while reading your other verses as well. The lines aren't overly stretched but you don't seem to find a good rhythm in your writing for the readers to go over smoothly. Bars are supposed to roll of your tongue.

MVGT: Exis - I didn't think either verse was completely sound. Triple's flaws brought down his verse a bit more than exis. I also thought exis had a real nice flow once his verse picked up.

[asylum]

Exis – straight battle verse, directed at your opponent? Okay.

when my boo is gettin' sprayed in the face
while she is placed on her knees
in a non graceful like way as she done takes it with ease
I'll blitz the administration

That’s an interesting picture you’ve portrayed, indeed. Where exactly is Australasia? Bro, your syllable counts are all over the place. But the topic allowed for this kind of drop. Probably might want to refrain from directly addressing your opponent as “the wackest emcee,” directly, in the future here.. but in all reality this was a decent drop that rhymed ok and hit the mark you were going for. I felt that bit on spitting in the face of politicians. I’m not sure what a bitch swipe is but I did like the phrase immaculate speed. You are indeed morbid and strange. Indeed, the world will probably be brutal until it stops spinning. I agree with you there.

2k – Here you are again, acknowledging the fact you are writing a piece with direct language. Idk. Not really a fan of that approach bud. I relate to this line immensely,

ive got to figure out what im looking for inside this verse
and everyone welcome around here like it was gods church

indeed, everyone is welcome here. And this piece was pretty chill for what you were going for. Perhaps you should not call collect in the future? That is a very selfish approach to communication. You are “candid” indeed, sir. And yes, companies do take advantage of cell phone addiction. I felt that part. Also liked the line about , “I got all the answers like price is right.” I like that show. It’s very enjoyable, but I miss Bob Barker. Did you know he makes prison toothbrushes and bed mats? Who knew. Anyways, I’m not sure if you know how to rhyme 100%. You should look up the term “assonance” and “rhyme,” and perhaps watch some English television programming with subtitles on in your own language, so you can get a feel for what each word actually sounds like compared to how it is written. I like reading your stuff because you’re always progressing. never give up.

/v exis had the more solid piece, it rhymed a lot better. both pieces took a similar approach but Exis was the more refined of the two. Good battle tho, 2k could have taken this if he had rhymed a little more and continued off the themes he brought forth in the beginning. Thanks to you both!

[e11even]

Exis- I think you accomplished some sort of crazy here. I almost harshly criticized your writing until I went back to the topic and realized you were spot on. In this case you were great, crafting a realm of unstable humor, chaos and reasoning with your structure and jumpy rhyme schemes. It felt like something Joker would write if he were to write in this league. Cool piece.

Tripple- i can't really say I like this piece, but I can see a certain growth since the last time I read you. There was an organization and structure to most of your rhyming set up. The content wasn't very enthralling or radical enough to be parallel to the topic, but there was a solid thought process here that I liked. I think focusing on a steady train of thought is a fundamental first step in building a memorable piece, and that is exactly what I struggled with for the longest. The rest comes with more practice and focus and confidence in not relying on thoroughly dated and corny metaphors. That was wordy of me. Anyway, I dug the effort bro. Good job.

Both guys clearly had a distinctly different take on this topic. One chose the frantic train of thought versus the more common man approach to the world surrounding him. Of these stood out far more than the other. MVGT Exis for the overall better read.

[Adonis]

Exis 4-0