wk16: 11-4 Godcomplex vs. 4-4 Asylum -ASYLUM WINS)

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 16


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic: For What Its Worth


G/Luck
@
@

[asylum]

Indubitably.

[UnbornBuddha]

Third bout now. Ready?

[asylum]

A cybernetic organism created in the image of it’s fallen brethren,
flexes it’s fingers, pupils disappearing after a shot of adrenaline.
He coughed and heaved, still hearing the beast screech as it stomped and cleaved,
took a couple of steps with frozen knees, mind awoken while slowly leaving,
the last instance of his existence created in a web they’re slowly weaving,
through worlds rich in rare Earths and precious metals, their reapers harvest,
when kill rates equal margins stock markets leap, reflecting frequent progress.
After every time awoken, we swear allegiance to the Astral Corporation.
Formal stations picked after forms are filled out about our fatal situations.
I calmly wrote about how I screamed while smashed to pieces,
before my nano-treatment’s defenses engaged their activation sequence.
The last moment I remember’s reaching for my particle beam’s battery,
I wake up from a dead sleep with my hand seeking the same place naturally,
it’s a motion I’ve been practicing. Flipping the latch, slapping the cartridge in.
The repeated catharsis keeps me sane until the carnage begins.
You could feel the tension through the ship like an energy of it’s own,
in the dark corners of weary eyes and the absence of talk about home.
We gather in a deployment chamber, a void devoid of noise or hints of danger.
I wink at a stranger before the flash hits. He’s three feet away as we splash in,
I’m laughin’. You need a distraction if you’re to make it out alive,
he’s cut to a thousand pieces by clashing teeth of the Zergling hive,
while my thrusters guide me to the top of a mound of corpses, I sheath my knife,
forget to breathe as I see the light, bodies evaporate in a disgusting cloud of evil strife.
Seize the night. A demon three stories high shits this bastard scourge to amass his herd,
blood splashed and burned my feet, my last concern. A grenade left my hand undeterred,
cleansed a third of the forces we hadn’t purged before I led the surge..
My feet sank into crimson puddles, boots sizzling as we charged their spawning beacon,
their fickle frontline crumbled under an alien sun and our legions of fawning demons.
I marched over their crawling tentacles and sharpened limbs to test the line,
in the first wave of a dawning spectacle that will seize their mines for the rest of time.

[UnbornBuddha]

For what’s it worth, I don’t regret anything.
But, if that was true,
Why do I want to forget everything?
I neglected her lips, leaving her alone in bed,
Where she pledged to wait for me in her soulless dress.
Yet, instead of her caress I chose the scalpel and knife;
Saving lives, resurrecting the dead after they died.
I began to see myself as a master of time
A mastermind walking the path of travels divine.
When turning back the clock in matters of life
Each second regained is a valuable sign.
It’s ominous, though,
When you can see faint shadowy light.

CLEAR!
The defibrillator shocked her system,
Two paddles vibrating her organism.
Don’t flat line on me please, I’m sorry
I didn’t mean to keep you worried,
Or awake all night in a sleepless torment.
Now your restless heart seeks to forfeit
Its lordship; It’s traumatic seeing
My saw hack deep through your chest.
I’m here now dear, finally showing you love
By cutting into your sternum & opening you up.
Cardiothoracic surgery makes every moment enough,
Contemplating contentedness while soaked in your blood
Trying save your life.
I’ll hate to see a myocardial infarction break our tie,
Since you’re a surgeon’s wife, you’ll be bumped up in the organ list.
You won’t have to wait long for your metamorphosis.
But, just as hope glimmers your heart stops beating, why?
Asystole, a direct expression of our love bleeding dry.
For what it’s worth I tried to make you stay and live.
For god sake, I can literally taste your veins and lymph
Yet, your heart decided instead to fade away...Exist
somewhere ethereal where you can make-believe myths.

Oh sweet Beatrice, ever since your departure
I’ve sunk low, going into brothels…
A martyr exposing himself to diseased carnage.
As another women lies on top of me,
My only thought is of monogamy
What the hell is wrong with me?
Suddenly I’ve become something I’ve hated.
Someone who’s stuck in the phases,
The changes, where life and death’s functions are greatest.
I’ve come to realize doctors are agents of destruction
-Created to give patients their assumptions
But, all value is determined by your inherent worth,
And to someone as cynical as me, earth inert.
Even the most blissful earthly pleasure hurts.
By the way, the whorehouse is a metaphor (wink, wink).

[Adonis]

Longer Version in Mag:

Really good battle here. GC wrote a detailed story about a happy dr. who goes through a traumatic death and spirals downward. Sy wrote a saga about death and war and a fucking G of a warrior. Highly detailed with stronger rhymes and story that oozes bad ass = closer to my style preference

v/Asylum

[timeless]

Asylum, not really into sci-fi anything tbh unless it's mystery science theater 3000 lol. Not a bad read tho, lots of dope detail and good rhyne schemes made for a solid easy read. Only thing I can really make note of was how incomplete it felt but that's just prolly me.

GC, too many mistakes in here make it hard for me to enjoy. Your concept was dope and had way more potential than what you displayed here. Not much else to say really. Not one of your best pieces to date.

V. Asylum

[Nigma]

lmao asylum that topic choice. he wrote about starcraft you non-nerd tryhard fgts. he was a terran badass slaying some master race zerg beta non microing potatoes. i thought the first quarter of the verse was really hard to get into, having some hints towards the true content earlier on would have been very useful.

godcomp, had a couple nice sections, the description of the heard dying was kinda call. intro and last stanza were well written but were hard to get into content wise, and that was the deciding factor this week

both writers had sections that read dry but one had slightly less then the others this go around

+1 Asylum