wk16 CHAMPIONSHIP: (c)Nigma 9-2 vs. The Law 3-0 - NIGMA 5-0

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 16


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)

Topic: A Drink With A Wise Man


G/Luck

[Nigma]

Check
Ing
In

[The Law]

check,
I'll have my verse in late tonight.

[The Law]

Old wise man, speaking is in italics.

"Pour the glasses, Guinness and whiskey
Pour the glasses, Guinness and whiskey
A couple flashes, in minutes we're tipsy
Pour the glasses of Guinness and whiskey"!!

Young king, come have a chat with this old fellow
and leave those other brats with their bold bellows.
King Leon was taking back at first, but he obliged
and the two talked for quite some time.

So tell this old man, have you done anything you regret?
Get it off your chest, there must be something you confess
Well, it was years ago before I was crowned to nobility
A child that died a death down by the willow tree
My brother and I, were engaged in target practice
And to this day, this moment has left my gold heart blackened.
My father, the king at the time, wanted a better challenge
Said he found an enemy and we have to show our talents
In the the quickest, most vicious way and they would take the crown.
So I was the one that took him down.
I shot an arrow, that punctured his heart and he dropped to his knees
I pulled out my blade, took off his head, and he toppled with ease.
But that knight we found out the truth of the young weasel
We realize that his father and him we're really amount our people.
The rest I don't remember to well, but I believe we hid the truth
said that he had gotten attacked by enemy troops.
It has stuck with me for a damn eternity,
and tomorrow is it's anniversary.
'Ahh I see young king, now for what I wanted to discuss
The parched tree, the great treasure that lies under it's trunks'
But that is just a tale, it's far fetched to believe such a thing
'I have seen it and to this kingdom great wealth it would bring.
But you have a choice, tomorrow you can mourn and start repentin'
Your murder of the young child, but I warn you, if it's neglected..
Or you can travel to this tree of treasures, take what it yours
Be the richest king from this desert to the southern shores.

After hearing this drunk wise mans, information
I traveled to the treasures the next day, it was too much temptation
I arrived at this tree, and what I peered at was no treasure
It was the head of the child, my hands started to tremor
Within seconds, I could feel something rip through my skin
I turned around, saw the bow, the arrow, and realized it was him...
The father of this child, the old, wise man had tricked me instead
I warned you young king, that today was the day that mourn for the dead.

[Nigma]

The Praise of Ragnar

This is an omen. God's have a got their pyres waiting.
I've had unbroken emotional strength for my whole life, it's fading
This rye's amazing. Hides the fear in my mind that might disgrace me
Slide away alone with a full rimmed goblet, or so I thought.
This guy would save me
Disguised and gazing with a withdrawn look as his eyes embrace me
It has to be mine. Land that the sky can taste like the highest glaciers
I feel depressed, off. I'm a wreck. Lost, and my mind is aimless, but
Sometimes a pep talk for whats next comes from surprising places
If I just... wait...
He'd finally say what, in time, replaced the spinal segments I'd misplaced
So we sat, enshrined by shade as a line of light aligned our eyelids
Laid my gaze on his brightened face, my eyes engage with this mystery
Resembling my father, not forgotten since his top goal still exists in me
I'm free to see the rifts completed, create sequels to his symphony
Our tied up iris' a prelude, what proceeded was a speech to me
As I inhale, his mouth opened. Breathing ceased, and then he spoke...
"I'm made of oak and pain like the boats which slay in Odin's name
Hemoglobin soaks and sprays from the throats of sheep and goats
Each disposed and devoted to pagan deities in hopes of praise
But we're known to raid, so I
Stepped in the soak with slayers. We stoked the flames, patrolled the waves
It was cold that day but I contain a soul that brags of molten claims
The men I brought with me often say they feel it as it glows and blazes
I remember my own elation raising our token flags in the zone we'd taken
Seen rowing straight from what most would says my ocean grave
I return, roaming the frozen plains that have grown to know my name
Made it home and dragged our boats and the gold we stole up the coastal bank"
The man who spoke this drank. I could almost taste it. I grasp it much clearer
Scratched my chin thinking as I raised my arm to show him thanks but
His hands in his beard. Still I read him like an old and ancient Roman tablet
He captained and steered something immaculate across the planets axis
Fingers point to a man of sheer tactical caliber who could have what he fears
Can't stand it, it's weird.. Trying to shake hands with the man in the mirror

[asylum]

The Law - Started off well. flows good, rhymes match up to my satisfaction. I like how you matched up damn eternity with anniversary. perfect. this feels like an old fashioned story to me, like one told over campfires long ago. it was simple and to the point, i kind of saw it coming, but you told it well enough for me to enjoy it. your wording was a bit off in a couple places, "was the day that mourn for the day" felta little off. was a day too"" would've worked better imho. also "really amount our people" needed revision. this makes me think you maybe keystyled this? if so, well, great job. i liked the piece very much.

Nigma - well as this starts off i'm wondering what "has to be mine" .. rhymes are fucking excellent tho. a lot of inner monologue, done well. nice. i really like how these bars flowed.
This rye's amazing. Hides the fear in my mind that might disgrace me
Slide away alone with a full rimmed goblet, or so I thought.
This guy would save me
Disguised and gazing with a withdrawn look as his eyes embrace me

slippery slick. also following that, that bit on "like the boats which slay in Odin's name" that was fucking epic. really great word choices, kept to your tone and theme extremely well and just sounded poetic as fuck. the mirror image theme was very well woven into the entire piece.. this feels like it took a lot of energy and time. i like how the rhyme scheme was a little off, just enough for you to be waiting for it when it came. then you come through with the multiples and hammer em home. altogether, this is a very creative piece and I enjoyed it very much. although not much actually happened, I really enjoyed the reminiscing tone and your well woven twist.

/v Nigma - his mechanics were far superior to his opponents, and his story's twist gave him the win. i was kinda leaning towards law until nigmas ending hit in and i realized exactly what was going on. if law had gone over his verse more and worked in some multiples, perhaps carried some rhymes a little further with some complex inners, this would have been a more difficult decision for me to make. nice showing from both, thanks for the reads.

[Adonis]

Longer version in Mag

I liked this battle, each writer had errors but one had far more. You both utilized the topic extremely well but Nigma's execution was on a different level. I won't beat around the bush, Nigma had the better overall verse in general. He had the more fleshed out read with a stronger use of mechanics while executing something between difficult rhyme scheme to mediocre, but nothing came easy.

v/Nigma

[timeless]

Law, you had a lot of spelling errors. Words and commas that didn't belong all over the place. Almost didn't finish reading tbh. The ending would've been good if not written poorly. Did u key this? Gotta edit your work, especially for a champ match bruh. Your multis were basic. Flow was decent etc. Keep the pen moving.

Nigma, I feel like you could've wrote about anyone or anything and just throw the ending bar or two on there. I feel you copped out at the end. Not a bad read. You remind me of a less refined Frank. I feel as though quite a few bars have forced rhymes, which made for a bit of confusion throughout. Not one of your better pieces tbh but you still did enough for the win.

V. Nigma

[MMLP]

Law – I tried the italics, speech thing in my champ match so I cant judge but I will lol. It’s hard to pull off, to make it coherent and make it tie together smoothly. I usually don’t prefer ‘speech’ or lengthy quoting in ‘storytelling’ pieces. It didn’t live up to a champ match verse imo. Going lazy with the muftis was my main beef with the whole thing tbh, very evident it was rushed. Shame really becuz every1 gets into this position on merit and it gets thrown away almost if slip up once.
Take it from MMLP, the RECOVERY starts here. I mean look at me Im NOT AFRAID to…. ahahahahaha I could do this all day!
Keep the pen moving

Nigma – this was a good read, mechanically almost flawless, lots of internal rhyming which I love and makes me wanna go back to re-read and make sure I pick up everything. I was wondering where it was going, but it ties up nicely. I was satisfied by the ending. All in all, a championship match verse. Kudos!

v/Nigma

[2tripple0]

I don't know was this even worth it I hate to be that guy but everything in this wasn't appealing to me finally thought let me finish which was cool but it didn't seem as fresh I saw the multi in your verse and thinking the law had reason to explain.. Your verse was weak but the story entailed more circumstances wait this isn't finished just thought it would be worse or more engaging even though he caught many instances where the verse resonated....

Otoh it was say to make an example for us to observe but I seen y'all multis and some structure but not very intriguing sorry I mentioned already how you tried to twist me with ironic speech which worked well in your piece thought you wrote a story a while ago that's all about that information and a library full of its books...one voter I will not say who already has made an example of this in its text don't need to wonder education overhauls any itinerary

So in final I found more pieces that a did the same thing but his morale is weak inhe street so for that reason I'm giving my vote to nigma...they all look to see...yes nigma won the battle.....vote.....nigma