Round One: 7. MMLP vs. 10. YDK - MMLP 5-3

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Round One


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
WEDNESDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or WEDNESDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848)



Topic:
http://i.imgur.com/DZzWVo0.jpg
YDK topic posted

[YDK]

Check

[MMLP]

Petr cech

[MMLP]

The main cat on this turf after climbing the ranks
an anger preserved for colliding with cats.
A titan of mammals with a signature roar.
A lion who battled till he finished them all
with each swing he would soar and he wouldn’t hold back.
Competition would fall as lunch in his hands,
the woods was a map and each strike was precise.
He stood in a stance just biding his time.
The eye of the tiger with aiming as sharp,
the mind of a fighter who scaled the parks,
making his mark till the mantle was claimed.
Females were charmed and basked in his gaze
but revelations escaped from a mob of cougars
and the families pain meant a rocky future.
The despondent ruler was losing his grip,
he'd forgot manoeuvrers and he usually hissed
but he refuses to quit, a defiance had begun.
Proving his grit by tightening his clutch,
that diamond in the rough was beginning to fade
he might of given up but his disciplines maintained.
Although just chipping away in a bunkers sand.
He isn’t the same but he’s coming back
His love and passion is playing golf
and this hunger’s dragged him to the eighteenth hole
its all he came to know with the pressure still on
the majors slowed down but he never will stop
The momentum will swap to Woods as he grips the putter
Everyone’s watching.... sink this putt........ and he wins Augusta

[YDK]

Enveloped in the precious essence that we reference as time,
Standing still, hold your breath till the next step; divine.
Divided we fall,
Pick and choose your side till they've divided us all
And we're left behind as reminders that you're the blindest of all.
The kindest; appalled!
That you could erase the writings of the signs on the walls
And leave us here with nothing but a line as a pulse.
History repeats, a pantomime that's ignored,
An apparition of sorts when social tradition aborts
The very values that they've valued till they're devalued by force.
What's the price of a life?
What is its actual worth?
When its being judged by birthdays and impractical mirth
Instead of the accomplishments that have helped shape the earth!
Time is precious, time is priceless, but time can corrupt,
Because you take your time for granted till you can't get enough
And you realize life is over and you start looking up
To the heavens for a sign of a higher being to love.
Now this path that I'm on leaves me wanting for more,
Nearly 30 years old with a family in store
But only a few contributions to this world I've adored.
My mark on this path through life and time itself
Is showing compassion and often offering help
So as I embrace the life around me I know my perception could be blurred
I'll leave my memories to my children; in the shape of my words.

[Woke]

Short vote, sorry. Mmlp I to wish tiger would win another, this was very good use of topic in my eyes. You also utilized multi syllable end rhymes rather well. The flow in the verse progressed well, nothing forced really. Not only that, but the use of metaphor was dope and came often early on. I enjoyed this verse a lot actually. This verse was straight forward about the importance of time and the mark one leaves behind after they are dead and gone. Flow was butter, just not too complex honestly. Concept was actually a nice change in pace as usually writers see it fit to incorporate some surprise ending or twisted twist to enhance the ending through shock. Unfortunately, mmlp also dropped a similar concept piece and I came away feeling he executed on a slightly higher level regarding rhymes and concept execution.

V/mmmlp two verses I really liked, one was ever so slightly more enjoyable for me personally.

[Razah]

For the record, I thought this topic sucked.

MMLP, pretty good verse. I wouldn't say the flow was 'butter' because there were times you switched up the rhyme words from a 4 syllable multi to 3 syllable multi, what made it flow better was the rhyme scheme you kept. That made it read really smoothly. I can't really see how the verse relates to the picture though. But, the same goes for YDK. *shrugs* Solid verse though.

YDK

Pick and choose your side till they've divided us all
And we're left behind as reminders that you're the blindest of all.
The kindest; appalled!
That you could erase the writings of the signs on the walls
And leave us here with nothing but a line as a pulse.
History repeats, a pantomime that's ignored,
An apparition of sorts when social tradition aborts
The very values that they've valued till they're devalued by force.


That right there, was butter to me. I really enjoyed your verse. Once again, I don't really see how this related to the topic, but whatever. I enjoyed your verse more though. It just read better to me, and although the rhyming was simpler in your verse compared to MMLP's, I feel like the wording you chose came off more 'elegant' for lack of a better word. So, that's why you get my vote.

vYDK

[Mr. J]

MMLP, I thought this verse was amazing once I had reached the end of it all.
the way you picked at the cat references made it seem like a different topic at first
then you started to progress the story very well without filling in too many of the blanks
for a moment I thought you were going to go all Katy Perry on me and in the words of Tupac

I aint mad atcha. . . good work

YDK, I thought this was a smooth piece as well once you made it past that opener
step..divine... what? either way I thought you 2 came very evenly matched against one another
your take on the topic wasnt what I expected after that opening but idk ydk wdk..
you came with a more polished approach to your previous entries,,, nice work/.

v/welllllll I dont know what to think really, one guy came with an awesome twist in the end
the other came with a weird opening. chill on the pills ydk...
I feel like MMLp took this due to that twist as for ydk piece it had a great foundation in the end
but that second line just pisses me off for some reason. I cant stand it.



v/mmlp

[UnbornBuddha]

Yes, I don't really see any direct connection of any of the verses to any of the competitor's verses.

Simply put,

MMLP: The verse itself had more of an impactful ending, as a whole it wasn't as organically fluid as YDK's. The story and the content was more creative than his though. But, the actual composite of words at times felt disjointed and not as strong as phrasing as YDK.

YDK: Had a grandiose feeling to the verse, didn't see the connection to the topic. Became more and more heartfelt, as it read, but while it began as a powerful rendition it became more punitive in scope and ended kind of losing steam at the end.

I have to give this one to MMLP for a more entertaining piece this time around. Sorry YDK.

[Nigma]

marshal mathers limited platinum, you are really good at these type of verses. at your best id say. starting with the disguised image and work your way into the deeper meaning as the verse transgresses. a really natural twist, your rhymes were very balanced, just an overall polished verse. good stuff!

ydk, a verse that contrasted your opponents completely, where his was defined in framework from the onset, yours never really gathered to the point of moving in a direction. you had some cool lines in there, i liked the wording an imagery in the line as a pulse bit. i feel you tried to tie it in with the last few lines but it didn't cater to the topic as much as it could have

+1 MMLP

[e11even]

mmlp- the final idea of this piece was awesome, but some for the end rhymes were off throughout. The descriptions were also not as concrete to me as they could have been to make the imagery more stable and vivid, even if it was meant to mislead. Overall, I thought this piece was cool. Good Job.

ydk- I enjoyed this metaphor angle. The language was natural and rhymed solidly, plus I liked ythe lighht introspection, as it wasn't too dramatic. This was way far into your confort zone, but the changhe of pace for me readiung yuou is that I felt positively affected by the final thought. The bonus was also that this is very relatable for me. Overall, good job bro.

After thinking about what I've read, it came down to enjoyability and, and overall execution for me. I think one piece resonates more with me here. MVGT YDK

[asylum]

I got ydk here, he really went against the odds with the approach but i think he put a little more into it, and although mmlp had a dope take on the topic i really wasnt expect, and came through with a piece i enjoyed.. ydk was able to nail the tone of the photograph so well, with some content i really feel right now. That being said, if i was a golf fan, i woulda voted for mmlp... just didnt tickle my fancy as much and ydk was a bit more poetic.

[timeless]

Mmlp, lol dope flip at the end. Started off slow as fuck, idk bout your accent but those slant rhymes are rough on the eyes, hard to piece it. Overall not your best writing, rhymes and content could've been displayed better. Seems you had a good idea just rushed the writing.

Ydk, I see you mentioned my name alot here, got stagnant tbh lol. Unlike your opponent this started out dope as fuck. However it died off quick. Lemme read this again see if I missed anything exciting... Nah I guess not, although I do appreciate your ending more.

Ydk had a better written verse but mmlp stole my vote with his flip on the topic. Good battle. Hard to decide really I almost do want to vote for ydk.

V. Mmlp