Final Four: #2 GodComplex vs. #6 Asylum [GC advances]

[Adonis]

Verse due Monday December 7th 11:59 Pacific or 2:59 AM (Tuesday) Eastern


Voting ends when there is a winner.

I expect you each to drop a vote quickly and hopefully get some momentum on that subject



http://i.imgur.com/MCszh0e.jpg

[asylum]

Check.

[UnbornBuddha]

Patrown, I remember you.

[UnbornBuddha]

Celestial slave

Two explorers plunging an underground complex,
Descending its depths becomes a profound process
As we absorb the spellbinding background contents.
Traversing deeper, our consciousness begins to shift;
We see a secret so big and majestic –
For a moment, our being ceased to exist.
The voyage has taken us to thy father’s head;
It seems he was captured, kept in bondage by other men
Where he spend millennia’s suffering in satanic zen
Unable to grow seraphic wings and transcend matter’s flesh.

As we come closer, and glimpse into his shadow's depth
Systemic bliss ripples into our hearts, sadly the feeling eclipses.
A glyph reveals the distant past, by giving us a spiritual vision.
Here we thought we the heavenly children were victims,
That he abandoned us. But, how could he safeguard us?
When our ancestors seeing heaven craved carnage,
Upon the Towers of Babel collapsing, they disparaged you.
Your image became that of an inherent fool;
Your enemy’s views were declared the truth
Depicted as an enlightened pluralist ready to parry you.
Here we are now, staring you face to face… I only ask for your love.
Father responds wailing,
It must be because his been trapped for so long.
But on closer examination, they’ve yanked off his tongue!
Silence. It’s only grand when you can stand being shunned,
Taken for granted like this planet’s sun. It too will vanish once.

Father o’ father,
These catacombs were designed to extract your soul.
For the hope of discovering your serum plasma’s code
So as to clone ourselves in the image of eternity
--Reborn like the sinful phoenix in purgatory
Burning away the perversity despite the setting.
Father, we looked to you to provide the light of heaven
But, our prayers went unanswered, making us lose faith.
Lethargic energy eventually had us forsaking you as fake;
Cathartic liturgy only created further stasis of your veins.
Please say something to us, or we’ll leave you here!
In tears, he then spoke, though tongueless: “Evil near”.
Then HE appeared, a man of a gentlemanly figure.
He said: “we aren’t anything like he mentally pictured’.
Nevertheless, he welcomed us, grinning abysmally.
He longingly awaited us, he said. We listened amicably.
He explained: We were here to execute god.
It was our destiny. But, a destiny few sought.
We didn’t discover him by accident. It was planned.
He further stated: “the captive is the antagonist of all man
Since, conception you’ve had his contaminants in your hands,
Original sin is a catalyst of his past, an aggregate he taxed”.

We were being manipulated like pawns in chess.
I knew this. So I remained calmed, unstressed.
Yet, suddenly I felt this urge to give alms to death.
Oh, Lord, I love you. But, destiny waits.
No more descending,
We’re ascending now to take your heavenly place.
Embracing Nietzche’s virtue,
God is dead. When he no longer serves you.

[asylum]

They waited a whole day before a plan existed after the mass extinction,
waiting for excerpts of news in an orbital position while they listened,
to radio signals travelling long after they had seen the light,
when abysmal torrents of nuclear strikes bleached the sky.
The darkest reaches of our minds opened and connected at once,
connecting to us, our projections reflection; inspecting an infectious expansion,
while the secret keepers; creatures of action who lived as energy, ghosts,
weren’t quite alive; yet ones who thrived, disguised as the will of their hosts.
Our ancestors called ones they spoke through possessed,
now we’re aware and we know,
there’s a different form of life inside us that grows.
It progresses in different stages based on telekinetic advances,
when a lifeform’s progressive advantage reaches a rite of passage, it’s doomed.
They unleashed massive damage spanning deep to the furthest reaches of space when soon,
before consuming and burning away all but the earliest form of the expansions they’d made,
they confined the walls of reality, adorned to suit the eye of our beholder’s taste.
As we’re once again sent out in to the fields of space, under a microscope,
on a mission to give us hope a single station might become self-sustainable,
we thought our plan to reach the stars might be obtainable.
In a state of suspended animation between dimensions, we waited.
Placed by an ancient race that knew our sacred faith would try and save the day,
they were once sprang from the same greyish clay. So, they simply paved the way,
gave us a mana machine, to keep the hope alive. Didn’t need to eat to survive,
we simply repeated the routine, smoothly. After a millennia, who needs algae smoothies?
We coolly wrote the history we knew, on the different surfaces strewn about the chamber.
At first, the huge head felt like a dangerous presence,
now it’s the most plagiarized present we leave to the next entangled essence,
that frequents this abyss to see most of our history’s gift in their imprisonment.
My deliverance came on a day when his eyelid’s showed their true colors, yellow.
Shining bright as hell to the home now etched with inscriptions of our existence,
It was the new sun lights shining in the orb we travelled in,
we spent a few moments cohabitating with toxins and forming antibodies,
before our entrance as godly figures on the top of a large triangular shape.
This green dude in a mean mood made me strap on a wolf head as I lay,
exposed to a mass of a million screaming members of their adoring hoarde,
laid into a nest by figures in reptilian dress, carrying several warring swords,
I morphed to form a figure that transcended my life, extending my line,
Known to the world as Egyptian this time.

[e11even]

Gc- goddam! Pardon my... apparently foul english. This verse was fire. I love the way you pen a verse with all the anti-religious themes and the thought-provoking idea you leave the reader with in the end. Your rhymes bounced around halfway through, the first half was very consistent with inners and end rhymes. Overall a powerful and very solid read. Good job.

Patlum- this story was pretty deep but jumped to ideas and concepts that didn't seem related. You went from apocalypse to apocalypto with interstellar in between. Sorta trippy. I think if you used any of these concepts and dove in, your developing writing language and, at times, great flow could have you contending at a higher level. You had the workings here, but it came off as a jumble of small excerpts rather than one solid work. My fave part, the opening:

They waited a whole day before a plan existed after the mass extinction,
waiting for excerpts of news in an orbital position while they listened,
to radio signals travelling long after they had seen the light,
when abysmal torrents of nuclear strikes bleached the sky.

For me that opening was crazy strong. I liked how you worded that passage and how you introduced your first concept. If you had maintained this tbroughout, you would've had a monster imo.

Both contenders wrote complete, imaginatively written pieces, but one stood out a bit more. MVGT GC for the better written, impactful and overall more interesting verse.

[Vulgar]

Godcomplex - You are getting good at implementing coded language in your stuff. I was noticing some faint hints at parallels between the father and God, as if the two were interchangeable in this context. The family or the children must have been brought up in a society where this "God amongst men" was akin to a deity. This is confirmed when there was an illusion to God creating us in his image, or perhaps God being a figment of man's imagination, collectively or intuitively. The rhyming had its high moments, and some regular moments. I would say I was a little bored for 40% of the verse, simply because I've read a gamut of your work before, and it is usually uniform in tone, and set side by side, most of your verses could be integrated without much of a fuss. I think it'd be cool to see you vary in tone, emotion, and purpose. The omniscient narrator reading a Greg Braden book is cool - but you can also explore some additional dimensions to find your own depth as well beyond the comfort zone you've constructed for yourself in this quaint niche we call Scrypt. Thank you for the read.

asylum - Interesting twists in your storyline, you were able to come at a few different angles; that of a scientist, a sort of historian, and someone describing a significant event. The writing left something to be desired for me, you had moments like:

"Our ancestors called ones they spoke through possessed,
now we’re aware and we know,
there’s a different form of life inside us that grows.
It progresses in different stages based on telekinetic advances,"

The first line is worded weird. The second and third are sick, I liked those the best of the verse. The third repeats the use of the word 'different' and 'telekinetic advances' is too blatant of a term, it feels jarring. It's a couplet that I'd imagine Godcomplex might use on a frequent basis, which might've been your strategy here - the mirror effect?

Some other examples that I won't go into as well. The wording just wasn't as sharp as that of your opponent's. The storyline was okay.

My vote goes to Godcomplex.

It was comprehensively better.

[JESODIST]

After reading both verses mvgt G Complex for the more deeper and consistent verse. I must say when it comes to flow asylum's was better. This is a close one to call. Great job both of you.

[Razah]

dope topic picture.

GC:

Well written verse. Actually, pretty dope shit. While reading this, I felt like you kept a story line going very smoothly with some thought provoking ideas. This line stood out to me. It's a very simple line, but the idea is what goes real deep for me, and I enjoy stuff like that.

Taken for granted like this planet’s sun. It too will vanish once.

I really liked this verse, it didn't come off like you were trying too hard, it was exactly what it needed to be, nice job.


asylum:

I liked your verse overall. I felt like the first half was stronger mechanically, the internals and rhyme schemes made for a solid read. Something about the second half that kind of made me feel like it 'fell off'. It's difficult to have a great start and just average out for the rest of the verse. You had a couple of ideas going on in the verse an at times it was hard for me to connect them all.

Both had solid verses, with Asylum having a better flow for the most part, but Buddha had a good flow through out but managed to keep the ideas/story together better. Not a fan of long verses (I think these are long verses, Lol) but they managed to keep my interest.

vGodcomplex

[MMLP]

GC – cool read, it was well written in the sense of storytelling. It all comes together nicely, a very mysterious aura surrounds it and made it more compelling aswell. The ending line was good, very profound. Im still abit lost on the “Embracing Nietzche’s virtue” meaning? Your trying to say that his version of the ‘perfect human’ is religious based, hence if your not a perfect human, god will ‘no longer serve you/ need you’ even though he ‘created’ you. Lol im just abit lost on that line. Maybe God is a metaphor for this stories version of a ‘god’ harnessing this will. Other than that. Very good!

Asy – nice flow and rhyming throughout, as good as ive seen from you. Can tell u bust a gut on this one.
Algae smoothies????? hahahaha made me chuckle! and green dude in a mean mood lol
the story kinda lost momentum in places as I think it was sacrificed for flow which I appreciate is hard to pull off. It was well worded throughout just like GC’s. But the ending didn’t really grab me and live up to the hype of the verse.

v/GC

[sral]

He got the name wrong. Look up "The Gay Science" collection from 1882 or "Thus Spoke Zarathustra".

The phrase "God is dead" doesn't mean that Nietzsche believed in an actual "God" who first existed, then died, in the literal sense.

Rather, it conveys his view that the Christian God is no longer a credible source of absolute moral principles.

MMLP

Read up on Nietzsche, the german philosopher. Maybe look up "God is Dead" if you're unaware of it.