Round One: GodComplex vs. Slecht [OPEN FOR VOTES]

[Adonis]

Winter Topical II: Round One


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due JAN. 11th
MONDAY at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or MONDAY 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM TUESDAY JAN. 12th Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Thursday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Friday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in NEGATIVE VOTES if you advance to the next round.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You can technically start a match down three votes by failing to log a single vote the previous week.

so....

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here! (http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=122320)

Topic:

http://i.imgur.com/KIeRnbN.jpg

G/luck Godcomplex slecht

[UnbornBuddha]

Dope

[Adonis]

slecht you showing

[slech]

Whattup Adonis

[Adonis]

Whattup Adonis

Verse due tonight, since you didn't check in. Which you're not required to I just wanted to remind you

[slech]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v44IHTogoUg/UnuJ-PL3HaI/AAAAAAAAASc/fHG5RfagrRY/s1600/images.jpg


The camera's flash...
Lights up the whole room.
Silver clouds that serve me as a ladder
Her smile attracts me like,
the first spring flower to bloom.
Nothing else matters.
it bloomed in a forbidden garden.
Full of living waters and devilish gardeners
Photography...
You're my first love.
One shot and I have been captured.



Not sure if GC posting. I ran with a different approach to this. It's all gravy.

[UnbornBuddha]

I feel giddy, for I now possess the soul of the universe,
A synapse of stars and oceans of human nerves.
Cosmic contraction molding our future earth, ergo
The numerological code of Lucifer sown to the crucifix.
Searching for a way out, our explosions became nuclear--
Splicing the 4 elements as they showed us their nucleus.
Gaia was pure before the dope went and ruined her,
Roaches in her uterus. Our home became sewer, dirt.
So, instead of making amends, I aimed my lens
Up above. With a click of a button, I was amongst the gods,
Eternity’s keepers playing dead, instead of the song of love…
The panopticon with its prisoners touch turned numb.

I’m part of a notion, of a species that doesn’t harbor emotion,
A spectator seeing the martyr tortured with a tarnished devotion
To misery. It’s not esoteric; it’s simply darkness in motion
Matter turns frozen only when a reel captures the moment--
Timeless portrait conveying the birth of a supernova right after an omen.
It’s the tale of the dying hero resuscitating after a mana filled potion.
There’s nothing grander than flipping through an old photo album
And realizing your family has grown apart, into an abode of phantoms.
It’s like the old maxim says “blood only runs so far”.
A surrealist photographer, who feels love only numbed his heart.
Everything grew apart. Childhood promises were a farce.
I’m peeling away the consciousness of my scars,
Revealing an ominous force in the stars,
The image of it all is carved from my thoughts.

[Pinot Grij]

Yo Slecht, I feel like you mistook this league for the Lime Green Poetry Association. Your piece wasn't bad, but didn't pack nearly enough heft to hang with an actual topical verse. Damn shame you were against one of the best too.

GC - I felt like rhyming nuclear/nucleus is taking the easy road too much. I don't know - this was cool and enough to beat your opponent. I just feel like I've read way too many of these conceptual pieces in the process of voting. Without a story, they all seem the same to me.

Vote -- God Complex

[Razah]

slecht- Kinda gangsta' of you just to pick your own topic. Lol, I might consider that next round. Anyways, cool little poem. I don't feel like this was a 'topical' verse at all though. That ending was actually pretty slick.


Godcomplex, solid verse. Keep up the Canibus' rap. Although, I disagree with Pinot about the nuclear/nucleus rhyme. While reading, crucifix/nucleus & nuclear/ruined her are what rhymed to me. I'm a little bit iffy about the rhyme scheme though, it felt oddly placed.


yeahh, vGodComplex

[PiE]

Slect, this kind of seems like a no show verse.. I think you should have expanded on your idea and brought it to live with more color and imagery that you were doing. The flow structure wasn't as easy to follow, but that didn't seem to be a focal point on this.. Your wording and imagery seems to be the main points and this needed some expansion to get into more.

GC.. The emotion in your beginning set a good tone and as your emotions changed, it made everything more personal and that drew me closer to the content, which was filled nice flow, good structure and great use of the topic through out. This was a nice read. I liked to close connection made with the camera and the descriptions of taking pictures to make it more than just taking pictures.

Vote GC

[Argh]

slecht
I like that you brought something different to the table. Your verse suffered from brevity though, and I wish you had spent more time fleshing out the concept. The sentiment was there (especially at the end), but the rhyme scheme was weak and more appropriate for a poetry verse.

Godcomplex
Have you written under another moniker? Your style seems familiar. While your content was a bit esoteric for my personal taste, it was well executed. The opening couplet was pure butter and there were some great descriptive passages throughout. The "sewer, dirt" and "nuclear/nucleus" rhymes were my only pain points.

Vote
Godcomplex took this one pretty handedly with the more developed and innovative verse. His piece made me pause and imagine, which is always a good thing.

VOTE = Godcomplex

- B.

[Mr. J]

slecht, welcome...this is the first piece of work I am reading from you
it was more poetic than I hoped for, the topical was something you needed to do
but with the little you gave, it made me approve of your poetic skills
not enough to overthrow Buddha but impressive, respect....for real

GC, your a douche for not matching your opponent...
but I thought your piece was enough to get you pass the Winter Opening
an impressive show to say the least but dont intend on burning out
I want to whip you one more time for the lulz...now turn around...
wipe your feet and enjoy the fact you made it through the entrance..


v/It was a tough choice here because both writers produced fire...
ok maybe not GC came correct with a well rounded topic...Im a liar
slecht came with a poem that may have won if GC experienced explosive diarrhea
couldnt click send by the deadline and well you know the rest///Vote GC yea...

[MMLP]

Slecht – not a lot wrong with the content but the piece is too short, although the ending line is dope. It does read more like a poem than a topical im afraid.


GC – solid writing here, except for little bits of rhyming that could have been ironed out. ‘torch turned numb’ ‘abode of phantoms’ etc for example seem forced, but maybe its my accent.
The piece was descriptively great (as usual with you). I did wonder how on earth this correlates to the picture at one point but it comes together well at the end.
Felt really sad reading “flipping through an old photo album . And realizing your family has grown apart,” so well done for that. Good piece

v/ GC

[Adonis]

GC flawless 6-0