Week 1: Mr. J vs. Adonis (MR. J WINS 5-4)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/5 at 12:59 PST. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Voting ends MONDAY 3/7 at 12:59 PST.

Verses may not exceed 16 lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Darlene

Good luck to both participants. Mr. J Adonis

[Adonis]

~A tale of two – My Darling Darlene~



I gave you my heart and you split it in two
Painting with chalk, a souls outline entombed
At first, our relationship, unicorns and rainbows
You'd show love, posting notes unique with new angles
Consistent like clock work, but everything changed
You became vocally awkward, subsequently trolling away
You had my vote of confidence with a quite demeanor
But minor success raised a complex cocky believer
A youth with bright future fizzled down to an ember
And your consistency switched to not returning to sender
You became ghost like, well, aside from yapping a lip
A dog with no bite juvenilely crafting a crypt
Losing respect, jilted by the writing of text
A once jovial character consumed with light hearted jest
My Darling, you're a son of a gun shooting out blanks
Sipping Pinot instead of trying to run through the ranks


Your's Truly

[Mr. J]

Blood red sundress, cherry blonde hair complimenting the sunset
Her eyes watered, she’s upset… yet remaining calm amidst the unrest
Just as one would suspect the pain afflicted had caused too much stress
Struggling to compress her vital need to break free from what’s next…
Denial, it was all in vain. Taking hold of what remained is the cycle.
Trying to understand, her eyes shut taking her to her happy place…
A deserted isle, she smiled & reminded herself of what she had each day.
“At last” she’d say “carry me away...” her voice grew faint & eyes drooped
The crash of each wave caused her mind to spiral with visions of the past
In the instances she laughed, she cried. Her breaths were limited to gasps…
Pulling her hand away from the wound she heard her husband’s car alarm beep
She heard him scramble to her side & smiled at him as he cried….”Darlene…”










Adonis

[UnbornBuddha]

Wow, I really enjoyed both takes.

Mr J: You set a conscientious pace of diction that was filled with an ominous aura. This Darlene character essentially hurt herself, and her husband came to see his beloved's pain or demise unfold. The actual pacing and literary techniques you knowingly or unknowingly chose to unravel this, ultimately had an intentionality that was almost sadistic in nature. Nevertheless, despite the ghoulish feel it still had this beautiful connotation vis a vis te imagery involved.

Adonis: I am glad you are able to solely compete, the extra time that you have now shows itself in the quality of the material. Anyways, HA HA HA HA, I guess Mr. J did get under your skin. I mean the intention of this piece is clear as day, yet it was done in this way that maintained a separation, so as to be able to be interpreted separately in another light, that is if one chose to. I also liked the subtle bolding of the J with this words that are genial in nature, jovial and the like. Words that fit the archetype of Netcee's jester. I liked this, made me become filled with delight due to the subtlety involved and the passive aggressiveness at present.

In one had, I really enjoyed Mr. J's pacing and direction, his writing was stronger due to the tone and pacing he maintained. Yet, Adonis piece and the direction of attack he chose is too much to ignore. And so I cast my vote for:

V/ Adonis

[Alice White]

Adonis -

Your approach was a very creative one and I really enjoyed the "subtle" references of attack and member names, especially the bolding of the j was quite nicely integrated. This was a very entertaining read. I thought you had a rather original take on this. Flow was also quite smooth, some multis could've been adjusted to enhance the readability of the rhyming pattern, but the focus here lied rather on the originality of the verse. Good work.


Mr J -

You had some terrific imagery with a beautiful depiction of the character and a rather subtle depiction of her husband. I enjoyed this for the vivid description and choice of vocabulary the most. The ending was also very well integrated.

This is a very close battle to vote on, imo. I really enjoyed both approaches.
However, I thought Adonis had a more creative execution of the topic.

Mvgt - Adonis

[timeless]

Adonis, seeing this approach done more and more these days. I had a similar approach against Frank last season but I failed miserably and rushed it. This piece however was gold, IMO, and I can't say I didn't see it coming given how much u and j flirt with each other. The opening needs work but overall this was solid.

J, your opening was dope. Didn't feel the way you ended it too much. Your approach and concept was pretty dull boy, but your mechanics were on point for the most part. However I don't think u had quite enough to secure the win.

V. Adonis

[Razah]

Two uh, very different takes in this battle. Mr J, the starting line was dope. I'm a huge fan of writing that allows me to visualize what I just read/said. The story was okay, it was cool. The pacing on it was on point, I never felt like you had some filler in there. Very solid piece.


Adonis, I don't think I've ever read something from you. Anyways, I guess this verse gives me a glimpse on your style of writing. It's cool, I can fucks' with it. The whole Mr. J / Pinot shit is really working in your favor right now. The verse was decent, the whole little j thing at the end was pretty cool. I found some of the lines funny, and that made the piece more enjoyable to me than Mr. J's, so that's that.

vAdonis

[MMLP]

THE GRUDGE MATCH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR LOL.. LETS GO!

Adonis- on third read LOL, I think I’ve gathered it, your talking about a writer in a relationship, who turned to the bottle and ultimately has messed up his career n relationship?? few multies in there ;)
not bad, ive seen better story telling from you tbf!

Mr J- first line is sick! Had to type that before I continued reading.. will only get worse from here surely haha! I was wrong, this verse is crazy, described brilliantly throughout, great twist! I think this some of your best work. second best verse of the week ;)

v/ J


haha just seen Adonis getting all the votes... wtf!

[2tripple0]

This battle was better still your lines both felt generic and played but imo I thought mr j came with a more readable verse and one that is true to his style whereas Adonis to me felt like he went the sympathetic route and imo I feel mr j had the better effort....and that's why even though it wasn't his best verse or anything it still was better then the cry for me Argentina piece that Adonis wrote.....


Vote: mr j

[Just Write]

Lol, this was definitely the hardest verse i'very voted on.
Adonis,
I suspect you had 2 verses written because of the way you edited in your verse after mr. J did his, while I thought the rode you took was clever (and daring) I don't think it quite pinned the topic, (even being as good as it was from a technical viewpoint) I mean this was more of a battle verse to me and while I enjoyed it I don't think it was on topic enough for me. (Plus I haven't been around for all this beef that's going on) very well written though, I chuckled a couple of times.


Mr J,

While I've read better from you there were sparks of beauty that was written very well, plus I enjoyed your take on the topic, nice twist at the end as well.

Sorry for the short vote guys, I'm at work and only have a few minutes in my phone. I think this was a very good battle but I think the person's verse who stood out the most to me was mr. J's.. I enjoyed it a bit more (as far as topic relation goes) mvgt = mr.j

[Adonis]

4-3 I'm up

No beef though, me and jay kool

[Frank]

MVGT Mr J.

Poignancy. Respectable fucking showing admist the propaganda and controversy Mr. J. Probably the best I have seen you drop, like ever. I felt like Adonis came into this battle vulnerable with an exposed chin and his guard down. Mr J ended up tagging Adonis with a few clean shots as Adonis was going for a fist dap. Mr. J chose not to shake Adonis's hand at the bell and ultimately went to work on Adonis. Adonis showed good sportsmanship, but this score card decision is in his opponents favor.

MVGT Mr. J

[asylum]

Adonis -
Well. I think this was directed at one of us? … J, perhaps? The diction itself is enjoyable, and you used some cool phrases. All in all, you were a little brief and would have benefited from more multiples. If I had truly understood what was going on or got the references, I would have enjoyed it more. This was a cool little piece. Nice read, thanks.

Mr. J - wow man. This was really good. I’m thinking, a husband arrived to the scene of a car accident his wife was involved in? either way it was truly emotional and a great piece. Mechanics were great throughout and I have zero complaints.

Mvgt Mr. J this week, I understood his take on the topic. His mechanics definitely gave him the push on my teetering decision.