Week 1: MMLP vs. Just Write (JUST WRITE WINS 6-3)

[asylum]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/5 at 12:59 PST. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Voting ends MONDAY 3/7 at 12:59 PST.

Verses may not exceed 16 lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Friends

Good luck to both participants. MMLP Just Write

[Just Write]

Friends


that's a difficult subject for me, I've had so many in the past.
Although they come and they go, no one ever seems to last,
I've seen them literally burn to ashes, courtesy of Molotov gods..
And watched others common senses turn to volatile thoughts.
Been to more funerals than I should have, its become a casual theme
"Things to do today: shop. pay the bills. Help Calvin find peace "
He's The latest to go, heard a stray bullet hit him straight through the throat
Is it fucked up to think that... that's such an easy way to go?
I've seen a lot of friends suffer, limbs departed from bodies
So much pain has been experienced, its really hard to shock me.
Probably why I keep most at a distance to my torturous existence
Got a V.I.P. pass for all these morgue's that I visit.
Of course these horrifying statistics are what I've grown to expect
So read past these lines and learn to show some respect...
It's like their deaths are coming in waves, and iv'e been drowning these days
Instead of being surrounded by friends, I'm now surrounded with graves

[MMLP]

An unexpected affair had sent me towards
the depths of despair and a pending divorce.
It left me distraught and I thought I was doomed
but being next to these four is all I pursued.
Who've supported me through everything that Ive got
Pheebs is adoringly kooky and my sisters my rock.
But these two lifted me from the most desperate of times
though we've bickered a lot, I treasure you guys.
Then Rach re-entered my life. ‘The one I had missed’
Showed up dressed a bride just dropping a hint.
The one that rekindled the passion that left.
I didn’t want to be single, just married again!
So in front of family and friends, I'm gushing with pride.
Also thankful for Emma and you for becoming my wife
You’ve stood by my side, so I'm forever yours
You’re the love of my life. My greatest F.R.I.E.N.D of all…

[UnbornBuddha]

Lol, at the reason for editing.

One wrote on a more lighthearted note (MMLP) and Just write wrote his inspired by the grimness of the world.

Justwrite: You initiated this with a personal connotation, suggesting the narrator's remorseful state which is a technique to provoke the reader into a sympathy of sorts, implying a connection to the character as you unraveling feelings of a universal nature shared by all humans. I think because you immediately displayed your intention in the first two lines that this strategy backfired and there was no connection made. It is almost like the character started weeping early on before any other indication of catharsis, which was a little offputting. But, lateron you did achieve this objective of resonating with the reader into an emotional connection established by universal sentiment among sentient, such as: "So much pain has been experienced, its really hard to shock me. Probably why I keep most at a distance to my torturous existence". The implication of death being your true friend was I found the thematic conclusion. But i found the notion lacking in creativity, not because its not true, I believe it is. But because instead of exploring death in all its attributes you chose the more typical attributes we associate with it.

MMLP: A straight forward story on love, lost, and gain. Your writing is also more poignant than your counterpart. And due to its straight forward nature the lines and rhymes are very quick paced, which makes for an easy and enjoyable read. That said as I analyze this I did not exactly understand why he thanked his former wife (Emma), the cause of his recent misery. Perhaps because of her contribution to him becoming who he is and his fondness for his wife being his best friend, as well as his divorce leading to a newfound love, or rekindling of an old flame. Also I didn't get why friend was put into an acronym at the end. My final thoughts is that though you wrote more poignantly, the concept itself was a bit too amatory without provoking any profound insight into the nature of love, and what's more, the lighthearted nature of the piece didn't justify itself in the end, so as to carry the concept.

Vote: Justwrite

[Pinot Grij]

Just Write - technique was good, but there wasn't much flair. I'd say that for the content as well. It was good, but you didn't really push any boundaries. It was safe.

MMLP was more my kinda tone. It was fun, the lines were brief and the rhyming was crisp. When I found out what your content was, I thought it was the perfect route to take. Very good idea and executed nicely.

Vote -- MMLP

[Mr. J]

Just Write, I am unsure if I have ever seen any of your work but this was nice
this is more of an approach I took recently, I rarely dwell in the darkness when it comes to pieces
but this focused on the rough times of growing up in a world full of tragedy & other ills
you really touch on deep subject matter which is different from most writers around here
upon a second reading I think this may be my choice for verse of the week although I have yet to read your opponents or other verses that havent dropped
this is more like the diamond in the rough, it may be covered in dirt but there is beauty beneath it all...nice work...


MMLP, The flow on your piece is crazy! You remind me of a young Lars...Haha
nah you remind me of Lars at anytime, you two bring such a quick wit its bananas
the fact that this wasn't what I thought it was going to be as I neared the end is great
you really threw me in a twist as I kept reading, I feel like you throw an old school hip hop beat and just write................?


.......? What?
either way I thought this verse was dope & I can relate...




v/this is one of the more tougher battles I have had the opportunity of voting on in recent battles
whether it be the tourny or what have you, I can relate to both writers here due to their take on the subject
the fact that you both let your styles speak & just wrote from a deeper area makes the read more fun
I loved both approaches & where one lacked the other seemed to pick up the slack.
Just Write had a more hard hitting verse with the ills of growing up in a world where most rarely see...
they hear about it but they never had been involved in such things, and MMLP brought a more idk the word right now....shit


I think I will take a short break & come back read one more time & edit in my vote...nice work fellas


after further analysis I am going have to vote Just Write

[Adonis]

Just write, I never fully enjoy these types of verses because of the content. That thug angle obviously has been done before, but though this is your first verse back in years, I shall continue. You still have that natural flow, though you are clearly rusty because you have dropped consistently much better then this in the past. You had flashes though, so you're on the right path I guess. I look forward to reading that natural cadence of a flow of yours. Elevate.

Em - oh shit man, it's rare feeling I get after reading your verse, but every once in a while you miss the mark and I just don't like it. The flow was off putting because it took me a couple reads to catch, that's nothing though. The story is something I simply don't connect with in all honesty. I haven't had cable in a decade at least. I do appreciate however, the attempt at executing a difficult concept, and in a way I guess you did, because I know exactly what you were going for, unfortunately the topic was basically self explained, so your concept didn't have to much thought into it. But it was a difficult route in my eyes to centralize all your thoughts on characters you did not create.


V. / Just write.

The downsides of his verse were less glaring IMHO

[Razah]

Just Write, the verse was cool. I liked how you ended the verse, the closer was probably my favorite couplet in your verse. There wasn't anything too mind blowing or something that stood out to me a lot, but it was solid & there also wasn't anything bad for me to point out.

MMLP, off the jump, the first couplet didn't really rhyme to me. Besides that, I liked your take more on the topic, and felt like your rhyming was your typical style, which I actually enjoy. Off the strength of your 'flow', you're getting my vote.

Both verses were decent, I feel like Just Write could've done more with the topic, considering the direction he went in with death & whatnot, but I just enjoyed rapping MMLP's verse. Keyword, rapping.

vMMLP

[timeless]

Jw, pretty solid. Straightforward read for the most part. Can definitely see a little rust that needs some shaking as far as mechanics go but not bad. The ending was cool, felt the last half or so could've leaded up to it better but that's just me.

Marshall, I always hated friends. Seinfeld was my shit and IMO friends tried so hard to be them and it just never worked so they basically just based the show around Ross and Rachel it seemed like. Weird fucking show. Weird verse. Seen better from you for sure, but I feel your wit and overall complete feel gave u the edge here.

V. Mmlp

[2tripple0]

I thought this was best battle this week so far and obviously the votes are expressing that since it keeps going back and forth but for me the verse that deserved the w was just write he definitely stayed closer to topic and kept his verse more meaningful than what mmlp came with so yeah for that reason vote: just write

[Frank]

MVGT Just Write

Just Write connected harder here. Bravo! Bombastic drop: MMLPs soft touch almost countered Just Write. MMLP sappy sitcom spin was just no match for Just Writes realism at the end of the day, IMO.

MVGT Just Write

Pardon my brevity, please.

Excellent battle.

[asylum]

Mmlp – well that was touching bro, great piece. I really enjoyed how this is obviously some real like shit. It vibed well, flow was top notch. Rhymes effortless. Classic mmlp. You took the opportunity this week to do what you wanted, and you did it well. Thanks. Congratulations on your new squeeze mate!
Just Write - woooooow bro this was fucking deep. You should submit this piece to be published. I really really like it. I particularly enjoyed how you rhymed Molotov gods with volatile thoughts. That was so sick. Didn’t really understand “help calvin find peace” but I’m not going to get everything. Torturous existence, all these morgue’s that I visit. Man. Really started this season off with some great rhymes. Great assonance. Very solid writing.

Mgvt just write because he dropped a fucking bombshell. Mmlp wrote something fun and nice to read, and it was enjoyable. But it didn’t appeal to me as much as Just Write. For that, I’m giving him the nod this week.